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PAGE 12
Panel 1
Dexter: Of course, the Realm of Returning to the Place You Were Before Evillo Banished You is apparently just a myth. I have yet to meet anyone whose been to that realm!
Panel 2
Taryn: But couldn't that be because the people who make it there go back where they came from, so you wouldn't meet them...
Panel 3
Dexter: Presposterous! I know every inch of the former Realm of Darkness, now converted into the various other realms, and I've never seen such a place!
Panel 4
Tenzil: *Gasp* Could it be there's no way out?
Lester: It's not so bad... at least we have each other...
Panel 5
Taryn: Oh, brother. So let's check out some of the other realms, already!
Panel 6
Dexter: Follow me. There's someone who live up ahead that I'm sure you'll want to meet...
Taryn: *sigh* I better not end up naked again...
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PAGE 13
Panel 1
caption: And in a hut tub on Tartarus, Ma Kem and Infectious Lass get to know one another better...
Drura: So, I'm surprised you don't mind these spy-eye cameras buzzing around you all the time.
Ma: Oh, my stars, no, not a bit.
Panel 2
Drura: (looking concerned) You mean they haven't caused you any Loss of Privacy Brain Fever?
Panel 3
Ma: *gasp!* There's such a thing as Loss of Privacy Brain Fever?
Panel 4
Drura: Oh heavens, yes. It's very prevalent on Overpoppula. Y'know, the tiny, over-populated planetoid.
Ma: Oh my!
Panel 5
Drura: And sadly, LoP-BF is... fatal.
Panel 6
Ma: *GASP!!*
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PAGE 14
Panel 1
(Evillo and Thora are on a balcony...)
Evillo: I have to admit... I have missed you... your smile... your beautiful blue eyes...
Thora: So... what's your decision? Cooperation, or total enslavement?
Panel 2
Evillo: Thora, dear. There is no reason we have to be enemies... I'd love for us to work together...
Panel 3
Thora: Then, cretinous male, I will spare your life! You've taken care of the current Senator from Littleburg, I take it?
Evillo: He has been banished to the Realm of Darkness, my dear!
Panel 4
Thora: You said you didn't do that anymore.
Evillo: Er... only in the most extreme cases, my dear!
Panel 5
Thora: So, when will you be recovering the artifact?
Evillo: Just as soon as I have my full Devil's Dozen assembled! We're holding a tryout for new members tomorrow!
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PAGE 15
Panel 1
caption: Man, that was some fine zombie tail!
(scene shows Renkil looking shell-shocked, sitting on side of bed)
Panel 2
caption: C'mere, baby... gimme a li'l kissy before we have to cut out.
(scene shows Renkil stumbling to bathroom)
Panel 3
caption: Yeah... you like that don't you? What's your name anyway?
(scene shows Renkil tossing his cookies in hover-toilet)
Panel 4
caption: Myyyy nammmme issss Velvetttt.
(Renkil continues to hurl)
Panel 5
caption: They named you right, baby. I'll bet you were soft as velvet back when you were alive. C'MON RENKIL! Time to blow this joint, boy!
(Renkil stumbling from bathroom)
Panel 6
Pa: What's yer damage, boy? Let's go.
Renkil: I'm not going with you, Dad.
Panel 7
Pa: Oh! You wanna 'nother round with Miss velvet, huh?
Renkil: Dad-- get the HELL away from me.
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PAGE 16
Panel 1
Tenzil: So this is the Realm of Scantily Clad Overendowed Vixens, eh?
Dexter: Yep. I'm taking you to meet our king... he's the prisoner whose been here the longest.
Panel 2
Lester: Uh... are we going to drop by that mile long salad bar anytime soon? I'm kind of hungry.
Panel 3
Tenzil: Here, have some pebbles...
Lester: Uh, Tenzie-pooh...
Panel 4
Tenzil: Oh, yeah, I forgot... Well, maybe this King guy'll have some food you can eat... Hmm... I wonder how they keep that mile long salad fresh anyway?
Panel 5
(Dexter kneels in front of the king, who is seated on a throne surrounded by scantily clad over endowed vixens)
King: Greetings. I am King Malefico, ruler of Tartarus!
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PAGE 17
Panel 1
Lester: Ruler of Tartarus? Pish-posh! Everyone knows Evillo rules Tartarus.
Panel 2
Taryn: Maybe they've changed the name of The Realm of Darkness to New Tartarus?
Panel 3
Tenzil: If it was up to me, I'd call it The Realm of Many Realms. Catchy, no?
Taryn & Lester: No.
Panel 4
Malefico: If I could get a word in edgewise...?
Panel 5
Lester: This bites. I'm hungry. And I wouldn't refuse a stiff drink either. I'm bored. This place is boring!
Taryn: Quit whining, Lester. None of us are happy about this...
Tenzil: Well, it beats rubbing my Mom's feet...
Panel 6
Malefico: SILENCE, fools!!!
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Wow! I can't believe we have only five pages left for this issue!
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Jillikers! And I wanted 1 more page for Ma/Drura. It'll keep 'til next issue, though!
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Unseen, not unheard
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Unseen, not unheard
Joined: Oct 2003
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Dear writers,
More! More! More!
yours,
IB
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PAGE 18
Panel 1
Malefico: Perhaps my story is best told to those with such short attention spans with the help of a visual aid!
Panel 2
Malefico: See as my servant Camera-Eye Kid projects the image of me as rightful ruler of Tartarus!
Panel 3
Malefico: Here I am with my wife, Queen Obnoxia, as we celebrate the birth of our eldest son, Evillo!
Panel 4
(shows Malefico dangling young Evillo over a large pit, Michael Jackson-style)
Malefico: Here we are on a family vacation, when Evillo was just two years old!
Panel 5
Malefico: Here's young Evillo's seventh birthday party! He and his friend are playing cut the tail off a donkey!
Panel 6
(The donkey kicks little Evillo, and he flies through the air)
Malefico: Ha! Evillo was never very good at that game!
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PAGE 19
Panel 1
Malefico: Here we are at Evillo's High-School graduation-- he finished in the upper 80% of his class! I was so proud!
Panel 2
Lester: (whispering to Tenzil) This movie sucks!
Tenzil: Chill, Les... let's see where it's going...
Panel 3
Malefico: Ah! And here is where Evillo first sprouted his Horns of Power-- I was so proud of him!
(scene shows Evillo in back-seat of Hover-Car with a date)
Panel 4
Lester: Yuck!
Tenzil: Tartaran rites of passage are so twisted!
Taryn: Shhhhh!
Panel 5
Malefico: Hmmmph. And here is my greatest disappointment-- My own son uses his Horns of Power to banish me to the Realm of Darkness! Thank Beelzebub his Mother wasn't alive to see this!
Lester: Did you kill her?
Panel 6
Malefico: Of course, when Evillo was still in High School.
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PAGE 20
Panel 1
Malefico: So... that's it! I'm the rightful ruler of Tartarus, unjustly deposed by my treachorous son, and you folks have come here to rescue me from my imprisonment and restore me to the throne!
Panel 2
Lester: Rescue you?
Taryn: Uh... actually we were kind of hoping you could help us find our way out of here...
Panel 3
Malefico: Oh... you just need to go to the Realm of Returning to the Place You Were Before Evillo Banished You!
Tenzil: But we heard that place was just a myth!
Panel 4
Malefico: Oh, I just tell people that, on account of the fact that our entire civilization would collapse if anyone actually left the Realm of Darkness!
Panel 5
Taryn: So, if you know where it is, why do you need us to rescue you?
Panel 6
Malefico: Well, there's a simple explanation for that...
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PAGE 21
Panel 1
Tenzil: And that simple explanation is...?
Malefico: I'm an absolute monarch, moron. I don't get dirt under my nails... ever. I've got peons like yourselves to sully your hands with the nasty business.
Panel 2
Taryn: And the "nasty business" is overthrowing your son?
Malefico: The nasty business will be the complete and total annihilation of my son! And you 3 will be my regents!
Panel 3
Lester: And if we refuse?
Malefico: Then I have you seized, chained, and beheaded. I will allow the space-chickens to peck at your severed heads and will peel the flesh from your bodies and sell it in The Realm of Thrifty Shopping. Your torsos will be diced and placed in the Mile-Long Salad Bar. And then, things will get REALLY ugly. Trust me, it's in everyone's best interest that you do my bidding.
Panel 4
(the gang converses in a huddle)
Panel 5
Tenzil: We'll do it!
Malefico: I thought you might.
Panel 6
Malefico: (to random vixen) Assemble the League of Scantily-Clad Overendowed Assassins! We leave shortly!
Panel 7
Taryn: (whispers to Lester) And this time, Lester-- STICK to the PLAN-- or ELSE. NO heavy-sack beatings until WE give the word.
Lester: Gotya.
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PAGE 22
Panel 1
Caption: Soon our heroes, the tyrant Malefico, and the League of Scantily-Clad Overendowed Assassins are assembled in the Realm of Returning to the Place you were Before Evillo Banished You!
Panel 2
Tenzil: So, what happens now?
Malefico: We pull this switch... which drains all power from all over the former Realm of Darkness and converts it to energy that will transport all of us back to Tartarus!
Panel 3
Taryn: Hmm... so that's what you meant by causing the entire civilation to collapse... no power, no bright lights and good times!
Tenzil: And I bet the mile-long salad will spoil as well!
Panel 4
(flilps the switch)
Malefico: This is of no concern to us!
Panel 5
(there's a bright light as they are all teleported away!)
Panel 6
(focuses on Dexter as everything starts to go dark in the Realm of Bright Lights and Good Times...)
Panel 7
Darkness.
Panel 8
Caption: Next Issue... Tartar us, will you?
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And that's another one under the belt!
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We rock! Gotta reread the entire issue, then hit the SPOILER thread!
(and you start the next issue whenever! I'm ready to roll out another blockbuster issue!)
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MATTER-EATER LAD: THE SERIES ISSUE #5
PAGE 1
Panel 1
(a corporate office on Bismol)
Exec #1: Sir, the ratings for the past few episodes of Kem Family and Friends have been dismal...
Exec #2: Oh?
Panel 2
(shows Tenz being banished to the Realm of Darkness)
Caption: Our star keeps disappearing for days at a time on so-called "offical senate business".
Panel 3
(shows Taryn and Lester)
Caption: Furthermore, he keeps taking Taryn, the most popular member of the cast, and Lester, who has his own devoted minority of fans, with him.
Panel 4
(shows Pa and Renkil with zombie prostitute)
Caption: Recent episodes have focused almost entirely on Pa and Renkil, and, quite frankly, viewers are more disgusted by their antics than anything else...
Panel 5
(Shows Ma and Drura in hot tub)
Caption: I think our best bet is to focus this week's episode on Ma and her new friend, but we really need our star back, or this show may be in danger of cancellation!
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PAGE 2
Panel 1 (a small top-corner panel)
Exec # 2: Cancellation? NoooOOOooo! Do a close-up on that hot-tub-- NOW!!!
Panel 2 (rest-of-page splash featuring Drura's bosom prominently)
Drura: ...And so, since my people have absolute control over every known form of disease, bacteria and viruses in the galaxy, we tend to be feared and loathed. Anyhoo, I started to feel a little enclosed on Somahtur, so I ditched the planet and came to this groovy health spa.
Ma: And befriended me! And I'm so glad you did! Honestly, I can't imagine anyone fearing and loathing you.
Dura: Gosh! I didn't tell you about that time I tried out for the Legion! They REALLY loathe me over there!
Ma: LEGION??!?! My son is a former Legionnaire.... employee!
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PAGE 3
Panel 1
(Pulls back to the shadowy femizon lair!)
Azura: Hmm... this Somahturian is an interesting female. Perhaps we should enlist her in our cause!
Woman #3: I am worried about our chosen champion.
Panel 2
Azura: Worried about Loy? She should be fine. Or are you really worried about her male friend?
Woman #3: Well, I'll admit. I do find him strangely interesting. For a male, that is!
Panel 3
Azura: I suspected as much. You'll be happy to know that our agents in the Realm of Darkness have reported that Loy and Kem are both safe, and should be returning to Tartarus very soon.
Woman #3: *Whew*!
Panel 4
Azura: The plans of the Sisterhood are in full swing! Already, we have control of Taltar and Femnaz, and your homeworld of Titan is nearly in our grasp. Seizing Tartarus should be as easy as pluberry pie!
Panel 5
Woman #3: Only if Thora can convince Taryn Loy to cooperate, though...
Azura: Of course she'll help us, Eve! She's a female!
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PAGE 4
Panel 1
POP!
Tenzil: (speaks the title): Tartar US, will you?
Panel 2
Taryn: We're back-- in Evillo's dungeon!
Lester: Where's Evillo's Pops and those big-boobs girls?
Panel 3
Taryn: We all must have reappeared in the exact spot we were when Evillo banished us-- Suffering Sasquatch!! Who knows WHERE Malefico and his Assassin Harem ended up!
Panel 4
Tenzil: Well. THIS complicates things.
Panel 5
Shirley the zombie maid: I THOUGHT I heard noises! HELP!! HELP!!! There's fleshy pink malcontents loose down here!
Tenzil: Crap. Now things are REALLY complicated!
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Mmm Hm. I'll bet that if we were getting PAID for this, you'd have your page turned in already.
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Jeebus, Eryk!!!! Our salivating fans await!
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