Legion World Forums LEGION OUTPOST Bits o' Legionnaire Business MATTER-EATER LAD: The Series!!!

PAGE 14


Panel 1

Nudelad: I, Nudelad, possess the uncanny power to disentegrate fabric!

(zaps Evillo, who is now on his throne nude-- covered by a strategically placed something-or-other)

Panel 2

Evillo: **GRRRRRRR!**

random applicant: Oh NO! The HORNS! The HORNS!!

Panel 3

(Evillo zaps Nudelad into the Realm of Darkness)

Panel 4

Evillo: MORONS! CRETINS! JACKANINNYS! I certainly hope you waste no MORE of my time!! NEXT! (Shirley gives him new royal robe)

Panel 5

applicant: Uh.... I'm Kid Powerless...

Panel 6

Evillo: **GRRRRRR!** (horns begin to glow again)

PAGE 15

Panel 1

Tenzil, Lester, and Taryn sit in a coffee shop. It's raining outside.

Tenzil: Okay. So we used your dad's stasis device thingie to stop the escaped animal this afternoon. But now we've got nothing to catch the creepy assassin guy when he strikes again!

Taryn: We'll think of something.

Lester: I... I couldn't stand it if something happened to you, Tenzil!

Panel 2

(A shadowy figure can be seen in the background pulling his gun out of his cloak)

Tenzil: Thanks, Lester! But I'm sure everything will be okay!

Panel 3

Taryn: Tenz!

(Taryn leaps as shadowy figure fire his gun)

Panel 4

(Taryn pushes Tenz out of the way as the shot hits her)

Panel 5

(shadowy figure starts to flee)

Lester: Oh, no you don't!

Panel 6

(Lester pulls out bag of coins, and throws them on the floor)

Panel 7

(Patrons of the coffee shop, including the "shadowy figure", scramble for the coins on the floor)

PAGE 17

Panel 1

(Shows the assassin dude being tripped up in the mad melee to grab up the gold coins)

Panel 2

Tenzil: GOTCHA!! Now to see who you are-- NO! Not-- YOU!! *gasp!*

Panel 3

Lester: *gasp!*

Panel 4

Coffee shop patrons: *gasp!!*

Panel 5

Taryn: (lying on floor bleeding) *gasp!*

PAGE 18

Panel 1

Tenzil: Shirley!!

Panel 2

Shirley: Now that you've caught me... I must surely die...

Panel 3

Tenzil: You won't die, Shirley!

Shirley: But surely I will... for I have already activated the poisoned capsule hidden in my dental cavity. Better to die now than be banished to the Realm of Darkness!

Panel 4

Tenzil: "Realm of Darkness!" Whatchu talkin' about Shirley?

Panel 5

Shirley: Now that I am dying, I might as well reveal all... you have been targeted by Prince Evillo!

PAGE 19

Panel 1

Tenzil: Prince Evillo? Who's that?

Shirley: *death rattle*

Panel 2

Lester: Well, I guess now we'll never know...!

Panel 3

Taryn: EXCUSE me! Injured woman over here! If you goofballs will help me to the Med-Center, I'll fill you in on Evillo... Dad's done some experiments for him in the past!

Panel 4

caption: Shortly, at the Med-Center...

Orderly: Injured Bismollian female! Remove her clothing and stick her in the Med-Probulatrix!

Taryn: Really, I'd rather stay clothed...

Panel 5

Orderly: Nudify her at once!

Tenzil: Kewl!!

Lester: Gross!

Taryn: *sigh!!*

PAGE 20

Panel 1

(Tenzil and Lester sit in the waiting room...)

Panel 2

(Doctor walks in, looking very grim)

Doctor: Hi, I'm Doctor Landro. I take it you're Taryn Loy's friends?

Tenz: Yes, doc. How the examination go?

Panel 3

Doctor: *Sigh* I hate to tell you this, but everything went horribly. I had determined that we would have to operate using some highly advanced techniques of 4D-surgery, but by the time I had prepped my instruments, I'm afraid it was just too late.

Panel 4

Tenz: *Gasp*! You mean she's... she's...

Doctor: Yes. She's perfectly okay. Darn super-charged body healed before I could operate!

Panel 5

Doctor: All those years spent inventing techniques of 4D-surgery, and now people start healing themselves! *Sigh*. What's the point?

(hey Eryk, if it's okay I'll do the last 2 pages, if you find the splash page superflous, we can edit it)


PAGE 21

Panel 1

Tenzil: I'm glad she's okay, but what I REALLY wanna know is...

Doctor: Yes...?

Panel 2

Tenzil: Is she still naked?

Panel 3

(the Orderly from before is passing by)

Lester: Y'know, Tenzil, you got pretty roughed up yourself at the coffee shop...

Panel 4

Orderly: Injured Bismollian male! Nudify him at once!!

Panel 5

Lester: Yes, at once! Be quick about it, he's practically dying over here...!

Panel 6

(Orderlies grab Tenz and are ripping at his shirt)

Tenzil: *Awwwp!!*


PAGE 22

(full-page splash)

caption: Back on scenic Tartarus...


(Evillo is on his throne; before him are 5 super-villains)

Evillo: AT LAST! My Devil's Dozen is complete! Let the worlds tremble before me! NYAhahaHAhaha!!


Lotus Fruit Lass: (whispering to villain next to her) Dozen...? But there's only FIVE of us...!


NEXT ISSUE: Our next issue!

I reread issue 2... it has me giggling even more than issue 1...

I really like Lester's recurring "solve the problem by throwing money" deal... I think that should qualify as a super-power!

Whaddya think, EDE?

Just one thing missing...

EPILOG, or WHATEVER HAPPENED TO PAGE 16?

(Editor's Note: Sorry guys, but this page seemed superfluous to the story, so I moved it to the end)

Panel 1

Caption: We momentarily interrupt the capture of the assassin to take you back to Tartarus...

Scene shows piles of refuse in a circular room...

Panel 2

The pieces of Brittle Boy are lying there, and begin to come together...

Panel 3

Brittle Boy: Ta Da!!! Such is the power of... Hey! Where am I?

Panel 4

(Scene pulls to reveal a circular facility labeled "Refuse Disintegration Chamber")

Panel 5

(Lights are flashing inside the disintegration chamber)

By the way, you get to begin the next issue, Lash!

D'oh!! I never realized I skipped a page!

So, Eryk... any plans for this issue or are we going by the seat of our pants...?

Here's an idea: Tenz & the gang use the excuse of a special "vacation" episode of Kem Family & Friends to travel to Tartarus to investigate the assasination attempt.

Sounds great! Shall we begin...?


MATTER-EATER LAD issue # 3 script


PAGE 1

(TV jingle plays along panel borders; panels are shaped like holovision set)

jingle:

Frying up lampshades
Munching on bookends
Look out, it's time for the
KEM FAMILY & FRIENDS

Panel 1

TV: Previously on KEM FAMILY & FRIENDS

Panel 2

TV: Tenzil & Taryn barely escaped with their clothes from the Nudie Med-Center of Doom!

Panel 3

TV: Ma had her feet rubbed by a Ninja Assassin Maid!

Panel 4

TV: Pa & Renkil were arrested for disrupting the kangabronc races!

Panel 5

TV: Lester demanded a return to the hovercraft-set lifestyle he is accustomed to!

Panel 6

TV: What wacky hijinks will the gang get into tonight? STAY TUNED!

PAGE 2

(Splash Page showing Kem Family & Friends arriving at spaceport.)

TITLE (in the form of a sign): Welcome to Tartarus!

Ma Kem: Are you sure this fancy health spa you've booked us into will be good for my Rigellian fever?

Tenzil: Of course, Mom! It says here you'll have the vacation of a lifetime... and maybe beyond! I wonder what that means...

Taryn: Why am I carrying all the luggage?

Lester: Well, you are the one with super-strength!

Taryn: Hmmph...

Renkil: It says here they've got the third largest casino off Ventura!

Pa Kem: I hope they got bathrooms on this planet, because I need to go...

PAGE 3

Prince Evillo's castle

Panel 1

Evillo is watching the Kem Family arrive on a monitor screen.

Evillo: Interesting. Very, VERY interesting. VOORHEES!!

Panel 2

(a zombie manservant runs up)

Evillo: YOU aren't Voorhees!

manservant: Nope, I'm Krueger. Voorhees took a personal day today.

Evillo: WHAT in the name of ME does a zombie need with a personal day?

Krueger: Limb tightening, skin conditioning, the usual...

Panel 3

Evillo: ENOUGH of this nonsense! Assemble the Devil's Dozen at ONCE, fool!

Panel 4

Krueger: (running & yelling down hallway) Hey, Meyers! Get with the program! The Prince wants his Guards!

Panel 5

Evillo: Idiots. They were MUCH better off dead... and were certainly less irritating.

Panel 6

(Evillo glances back at monitor, gets horrified expression)

Evillo: WHAT the...!!?!!

PAGE 4

Panel 1

(Scene rotates so that we see what is alarming Evillo. Thora has arrived at the spaceport behind the Kems).

Evillo: WHAT is SHE doing here...!?!

Panel 2

(Thora is speaking to a zombie attendant at spaceport)

Thora: YOU... male dog! Carry my bags!

Zombie: (makes grunting noise)

Panel 3

(As Thora walks along, she speaks on her communicator)

Thora: I have arrived, my sisters. If I know my ex-husband, he is probably already aware of my presence...

Panel 4

(Cut to the other two shadowy women from Issue #1)

Woman #3: Just remember... the alliance of our three worlds depends on the success of your mission!

Woman #2: And try to make sure that cute Tenzil comes out of this okay...

Panel 5

Thora: I will do my best, sisters! Thora out!

Panel 6

(Thora looks at Zombie attendant who is following her. His arms are missing, and he doesn't have her luggage...)

Thora: WHAT have you done with my bags!

Zombie: (makes grunting noise)

Panel 7

(shows Thora's luggage, back where they started, with the Zombie's arms still attached to them, having fallen off)

PAGE 5

Panel 1

(T, T & L are gathered together)

caption: Tenzil's suite...

Tenzil: Great. So Ma, Pa and Renkil are all occupied and I convinced the camera-eyes that I'm here on Senator-type business, so we'll have a little privacy. Now we can get down to the REAL reason we're here...

Panel 2

Lester: OH, Tenzil!! There's a GREAT anti-grav hot-tub here! PLEASE go hot-tubbing with me, PLEASE, please, please!

Panel 3

Taryn: Don't be ridiculous! You know we're here to find out what this whole assassination-plot against Tenzil is all about!

Panel 4

Lester (has hands together as if in prayer, has nuzzled against Tenzil's arm): Pleeeeeeeeeeeeease?

Panel 5

Tenzil: *heh heh!* Awww, shucks, Taryn... there's no reason we can't discuss our plans in the anti-grav hot-tub! The li'l guy wants to go, so why not?

Panel 6

Lester: (running off to fetch bathing suit) HOOOOORAY!!!!!

Panel 7

Taryn: Have you flipped your spatula? WHY are you encouraging him?!?

Tenzil: What are you talking about?

Panel 8

Taryn: He's ATTRACTED to you! And NOT like a little brother!!

Tenzil: Well, that's certainly understandable... what with my hotness and all...

Panel 9

Taryn: DO something about this, and I mean it! And try to let him down easy, he's been very good to you.

Tenzil: Okay, okay...!!

PAGE 6

Panel 1

(Lester comes out in bathing suit...)

Lester: I'm all ready!

Panel 2

Tenz: Lester, can I have a word with you... in private...

(Taryn looks on approvingly)

Panel 3

Tenz: You see, Les, sometimes a person has certain feelings for another person, but that person doesn't feel that way in return...

Lester (puzzled look on his face): Yeah...?

Panel 4

Tenz: And it can be quite shocking and disappointing to find out that someone you really like doesn't reciprocate your affection in the same way. Do you understand?

Les: Yeah... I think so...

Panel 5

Tenz: So, what I'm saying is, maybe the anti-grav hot tub would just be a bad idea. I hope that's okay with you...

Les (disappointed): Well, yeah. I mean... if Taryn feels that way about you I guess it's better if we don't make her jealous. After all, I'm sure we'll have plenty of time for hot tubs later!

Panel 6

(Lester scurries off to change back into normal clothes)

Tenz: *sigh*

[NOTE: At the end of the Evillo arc, we'll have Tenzil successfully explain to Lester that he's not interested, which can set the stage for the special spotlight on Lester, entitled "Sissy Hissy", to follow! I've already got a cool idea involving a scene with an obscure minor character we can incorporate into that issue!]

[reply to NOTE: Sounds good! I'm looking forward to Lester's futile attempts to make Tenzil jealous-- until he meets Dev-Em, of course...

Hey, have you noticed this is getting easier & easier...?

OH! And I need to know how many members of the Devil's Dozen you wanted to add yourself. As the script currently stands, there's 4 slots as Lotus fruit Lass is one of the 5]

PAGE 7

Panel 1

(Tenzil approaches Taryn)

Taryn: Well, I saw him dash off. He wasn't crying or anything, he actually even flashed me this little cocky grin.

Panel 2

Tenzil: Oh, ummmm... good?

Taryn: Tenzil! Don't tell me you didn't tell him?

Panel 3

Tenzil: I did, but somehow it got kind-of... mutated.

Panel 4

Taryn: In interlac, please...

Panel 5

Tenzil: He thinks you've got the hots for me and that he and I are an item.

Panel 6

Taryn: WHAT...!!?!?

Tenzil: Just-- play along for now-- we've got more pressing business at the moment.

Panel 7

Taryn: Fine, whatever. For NOW. But I'm NOT acting like I have the hots for you.

Panel 8

(Lester, back in regular clothes, walks up)

Lester: Okay, so what's the plan?

Panel 9

Tenzil: I'm going to engage Evillo in a political debate!

Jeepers! Where oh where has Eryk gone?!?


PAGE 8

Panel 1

Taryn: Debate? He's the Prince of Tartarus, you're a Senator on Bismoll. I don't think a debate is going to work here.

Panel 2

Lester: Well, I think it's a good idea.

Taryn: Of COURSE you do.

Panel 3

Tenzil: But I was gonna debate the pros and cons of his "Banishment to the Realm of Darkness" policy! Not to mention "Head Horns: Hot or Not"!

Panel 4

Lester: ICK! From the holos I've seen of him, DEFinitely NOT.

Taryn: *sigh!*

Panel 5

Tenzil: And you should hear my "Zombies: Live Free or Die Again" manifesto!

Lester: Yeah!

Taryn: NO!

Panel 6

Tenzil: FINE then. Let's hear YOUR ideas!

Panel 7

(scene cut)

Evillo: (lusty grin) Yes, m'dear... Let's hear YOUR ideas....

Willikers, Eryk-- I need your help!


PAGE 9

Panel 1

(still talking to vid-screen, grinning evilly & horny-ishly)

Evillo: And do any of your ideas involve erotically-placed brimstone...?

voice from behind: Sire?

Panel 2

Evillo: (shocked, whirls around) WHAT in the name of...!! Lotus Fruit Lass! You dare disrupt my meditations...?!?!!

Panel 3

L F L: But sire, you ordered me to inform you when the Dozen had gathered. The 5 of us await you in the throne-room... once your meditations are done, of course.

Evillo: Of course. Now beggone, I shall join you all forthwith!

Panel 4

caption: Later, after Evillo's meditations are spent...

(Evillo entering throne room as the Dozen look on)

Evillo: BEWARE, my Loyal Royal Guard! Mine enemies have converged and do plot to squash me like some sort of overripe squash! Are you prepared to lay down your lives for me? ARE you...

Panel 5

Evillo: ....Lotus Fruit Lass?

L F L: YES, Sire!

Panel 6

Evillo: And you, Stick With A Nail In It-Kid?

SWANIIK: Oh YES YES YES!!

Panel 7

Evillo: And you, Sugyn? Sugyn?

Sugyn: (snoring) ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ*****

WHERE in the CRAP is Eryk Davis Ester?!?!

I refuse to write any more of this without my co-writer!

And WHEN he DOES decide to pop up again, I demand he give in-depth details about his whereabouts during this absence!

THAT'S right, Eryk-- I'm FAR WORSE than your wife or girlfriend-- I'm your gay co-writer!!!!!! Fear me!!!

*tee hee!*

Sorry about the absence! I promise I'll write some more tonight!