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Joined: Jul 2003
Posts: 40,768
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PAGE 10
Panel 1
Evillo is obviously getting angry, as his horns begin to sprout...
Evillo: SUGYN!!!!
Panel 2
Sugyn suddenly wakes up...
Sugyn: Wha...? Uh... Ready to go, boss!
Panel 3
Evillo (calms down somewhat): *Sigh* Wild Huntsman, how about you?
Wild Huntsman: Yee-haw!
Panel 4
Evillo: And Apollo! You've been with my elite guard for quite awhile!
Apollo: Always ready to serve, my lord!
Panel 5
Evillo: Hmmm... wait. 1... 2... 3.... 4... 5... hey! Where are the rest of my Elite Guard!
Lotus Fruit Lass: Uhh... we're all there are.
Panel 6
Evillo: No, that's not right. I should have a Devil's Dozen. Where's that one fellow... uh, Armageddon Artie?
Apollo: My lord, I'm afraid you banished him to Realm of Darkness last week...
Panel 7
Evillo: Really? What about The Poisoner?
Apollo: Two months ago.
Evillo: And Hellracer?
Apollo: Yep.
Evillo: Kid Crane?
Apollo: Sorry.
Evillo: Not Spandex Dexter?
Apollo: 'Fraid so.
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Joined: Jul 2003
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Time Trapper
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Willikers! I'm just glad you're okay, my lad!
Feel free to write as many pages as you like, can't wait to see them!
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Joined: Jul 2003
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WOW that was quick! You posted your page before I posted my reply!
Do more, do more! Holler out when you're ready for me to do a page!
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Joined: Jul 2003
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PAGE 11
Panel 1
Evillo: *sigh* Well, I guess we'll need to hold another tryout tomorrow!
Panel 2
Zombie Servant: Uh... sire? Remember that your ex-wife is going to be visiting the castle tomorrow?
Evillo: *sigh* I think I need to lay down...
Panel 3
As Evillo leaves he turns to the Devil's "Dozen"...
Evillo: Dismissed!
Panel 4
Lotus Fruit Lass: So... uh... that's it?
Apollo: Basically. Evillo's been trying to get a full dozen members for his "Royal Guard" for over a year now, but he never quite gets there. We're supposed to perform some big mission once he gets us all together, but no one really knows the details...
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Joined: Jul 2003
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Hmmm... I'm thinking this would be a good time for some Kem family hijinks, before we get to the scene where Taryn and Tenzil infiltrate the Devil's Dozen tryouts!
So Lash... you want to write something on what Renkil and Pa are doing during their "vacation" to Tartarus?
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Hmmm. I'll try, though I dislike them!
I won't kill them off... yet. *diabolical chuckle*
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Joined: Jul 2003
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PAGE 12
Panel 1
(closeup on a strip club; neon sign reads Flesh Eaters )
Caption: I dunno, Dad... there's just something weird about this strip joint...
Panel 2
(inside club; omstage are chesty zombie chicks in various states of undress)
Caption: Hey, a strip club's a strip club, son!
Panel 3
(closeup on one of zombie strippers dancing; shows a part of her jaw breaking off)
Caption: Yeah, Dad but... something about the CHICKS here... I can't quite put my finger on it. And to be honest, I kinda don't WANT to put my finger on it...
Panel 4
(shot of the crowded bar itself; lots of zombie and a few non-zombie patrons and workers milling about)
Caption: "Don't want...!" GRIFE, kid, you're turning as bad as Tenzil's friend Nancy! Chill out, watch yer ol' Pop pay this hottie for a lap dance!
Panel 5
(close-up of Renkil's face-- horrified expression)
Renkil: Oh GODS no!! Dad, her butt is cracking!! DAD!! DAD!!!!!
Panel 6
(shot of Pa sitting in his chair holding the upper half of his zombie stripper; her bottom half has crumbled to dust in his lap)
Pa: By damn! Now THAT is what I call a LAP dance..!!!
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WOW! I've got to say that while I was thinking "Zombie Sex Club" for the Pa-Renkil scene, you wrote it better than I could ever have imagined, Lash!
You rock!
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Great minds think alike!
And flattery will get you everywhere, sir! Thanks!
I was thinking we could throw in a page of Ma Kem too... you wanna field it or you want me to?
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Let me do it if I may be so bold... I have this idea and I can't get it out of my head... we can change it if need be...
PAGE 13
Panel 1
caption: Meanwhile...
(scene shows Ma Kem in a large hot-tub type thingie; lots of other vacationers are in there with her)
Ma: And that's how I got over the Oomarrian Plague. I'll tell you what, the cramps are bad enough, but the itching is what REALLY gets to you!
Panel 2
(a few less people in hot-tub)
Ma: Has anyone ever had space-fatigue? My space-fatigue is chronic. The doctors say I don't get enough iron in my diet, but I told those quacks to stuff it, because I eat at least one iron a week-- sometimes two!
Panel 3
(only 3 others remain in hot-tub with Ma; she is holding one leg up pointed towards the 3)
Ma: Last year when I had the pain plague, the pain was so intense I pushed my husband down the cellar stairs! That's what my lawyer said, anyway. I've actually got a touch of it now, but it seems to have localized in my feet. This hot-tub sure seems to help, though!
Panel 4
(no one but Ma in hot-tub)
Ma: *sigh!*
Panel 5
off-panel voice: May I join you...?
Ma: *gasp!!*
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So, do I get the write the next page, or do you have someone in mind that you want entering that hot tub?
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Actually I do have a certain femizon ex-wife in mind, but I think now's a good time to segue into the next Tenz/Taryn/Lester scenario!
(translation: go Eryk go!)
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PAGE 14
Panel 1
Tenzil: So, I still think challenging Evillo to a debate and getting him to confess is our best option!
Taryn: What about my plan?
Panel 2
Tenzil: I just don't think we can pass Lester off as being an agent of the Bismollian Scientific Advisory Council who's checking up on your father's "experiments". First off, he's not Bismollian.
Panel 3
Taryn: That didn't stop him from being employed as a governmental courier.
Panel 4
Tenzil: Well, let's just suppose he get into Evillo's castle. What does he do then?
Taryn: Snoop around, of course!
Tenzil: And you think Evillo's going to let a Bismollian government agent snoop around his castle?
Panel 5
Lester has been reading a news paper the whole time. The panel reveals that he's looking at an ad advertising tryouts for the Devil's Dozen.
Lester: Hmm... I think I've got an idea...
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Unseen, not unheard
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Oh, I LOVE where this is going! More soon, I hope!
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Eryk, if you don't mind, take another page so I can get a better feel of this scene... (my initial ideas included Tenzil-- in disguise at the tryout-- smashing Evillo in the face with a pie. Not sure if you wanna go that route)
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Joined: Jul 2003
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I'll post some more this weekend. I know what I want to do with it, but I'm just not really sure how things are going...
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Posts: 34,634
Bold Flavors
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Dear writing staff, As your biggest fan, I hope you don't mind if I ask you a fanboy question. But, can we have a steamy sex scene  ? Cobalt from Connecticut
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Doesn't Evillo staring sensually at Taryn's visage in the monitor count...?
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How about the Zombie lap dance?
That's pushing the envelope far enough for one issue, methinks!
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Bold Flavors
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That was pretty hysterical ! I was laughing out loud at that!
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Okay, so if we're going to show a Ma-Thora meeting, I think we have to do that before the actual tryout scenes, since those are supposed to take place the next day.
So if you want to write that next, go ahead Lash.
I'm thinking a 2-3 page hot tub scene, then the remaining 5-6 pages will be Tenzil and Taryn trying to infiltrate the tryouts, and will end with the big cliffhanger where they've been found out...
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Next Issue Title: "Tartar Us!"
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Will Thora meeting Ma mess up any plans? 'Cause I really wasn't sure where Thora's appearance was leading...
go on ahead with the tryout scene, and I'll think of someone else to be joining Ma in that tub... actually, I already HAVE and I'm HELLA-EXCITED....! It's so kewl we gotta save it for the end of the book...!
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PAGE 15
Panel One
(Applicants gathered at Evillo's palace awaiting tryout, once again, with the two Zombie's from last issue overlooking them from the same balcony again)
Zombie #1: Well, Wheez, what do you think of today's applicants? Do you think any will be lost to the Realm of Darkness?
Zombie #2: I do believe, my dear Hakk, that our loss would be the Realm of Darkness's loss as well!
Panel Two
(Evillo is interviewing an extremely attractive female applicant)
Evillo: So, first up, I see, we have here Two-Face Tess? Well, it's got a nice villainous ring to it if nothing else... What do you do?
Panel Three
Two-Face Tess: Allow me to demonstrate...
Panel Four
(Two-Face Tess pulls off her face, revealing a more hideous visage underneath!)
Two-Face Tess (the voice coming from the face that has been "pulled off": Witness my unique ability to remove my beautiful outer appearance, revealing my inner monster!
Panel Five
Evillo: Ha! I think you'll fit right in with my Elite Royal Guard!
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