Legion World Forums LEGION OUTPOST Bits o' Legionnaire Business Time Has Come Undone

NOTE: The divergence point of this alternate timeline is after the events of Action Comics issue 392 (cover date September 1970,) which is the final Legion story to credit Mort Weisinger as editor.



June 2080

After only five months, the Legion had become nearly unrecognizable. Team leader Mon-El had instituted many changes, including the establishment of outposts at several strategic points in the United Planets' galaxy. He had also pushed to bring back the Legion tryouts, a ceremonial tradition which had been ignored for a long time. Mon-El skeptics mused that his rash actions had something to do with his recent near-death experience.

The forlorn atmosphere of the first Legion tryout in years only reinforced the skepticism. A sparse crowd, a lack of vibrance, and a small amount of applicants did nothing to improve the morale of the four members -- Bouncing Boy, Duo Damsel, Light Lass, and Timber Wolf -- who were presently judging the hopefuls. To make matters worse, most of the applicants were, to say the least, underwhelming.

"I'm Moose Boy, from the planet Jayward!" offered the latest hopeful.

"That's not a mask, is it?" huffed Light Lass.

"No, it's my real head."

"What are your powers?" inquired Bouncing Boy.

"Uh...well, my antlers. If I gain enough momentum, they can smash down doors."

"Anything else?" sighed Duo Damsel.

"Um...er...my teeth are good and strong. Moose bites can be quite nasty, you know."

"A laser weapon would easily vaporize your head before you had any chance to do anything," said Timber Wolf emotionlessly, "so consider yourself rejected."

"Send in the next one!" yelled Duo Damsel.

In walked a small girl with fair skin, long strawberry-blond hair, and green eyes. The expression on her face could only be described as enigmatic.

"Oh," gasped Duo Damsel in surprise, "how old are you, sweetie?"

"I'm fourteen," the girl replied, "and I know I look even younger. But I'm an old soul."

"Right...so what's your name, what's your story, and what's your power?" asked Light Lass uneasily.

"You can call me Magica. I'm an orphan; my father died of a drug overdose and my mother committed suicide. My brothers are dead, too, it's an unsolved crime..."

"And...and your powers?" interjected Bouncing Boy, forcing a smile.

"This," said Magica, gesturing strangely at Timber Wolf.

To the shock of the other three judges, Timber Wolf suddenly transformed into an eight-foot-tall werewolf. But he seemed more confused than hostile, as if he wasn't aware of the change. He tried to talk, but it came out as sub-verbal growling.

"Whatever you just did," snapped Light Lass, "UNDO it now!"

But her shock was compounded when she turned to see that Magica had suddenly vanished from sight.

Light Lass turned frantically to Duo Damsel and Bouncing Boy. "Did you see which way she went?"

"No," admitted Bouncing Boy, "I got distracted just like you."

"Same here," said Duo Damsel, as she stood up and split herself into two identical young women, "but I'll find that brat if it's the last thing I do." Both her bodies then ran off, in opposite directions.

"And I can cover extra ground!" said Bouncing Boy, inflating himself so that he could bounce all over Metropolis.

Which left only Light Lass to announce to the smallish crowd that the tryouts had been cancelled. That, and finding some way to hide from view the puzzled monstrosity which had, until just now, been both her teammate and boyfriend. Some days, she thought to herself, it doesn't pay to get out of bed.

CONTINUED

Light Lass had the power to cancel out gravity around her, making nearby objects lightweight. Her power was coming in handy at this moment, as it helped her carry the big, heavy body of her monsterized-by-magic boyfriend, Timber Wolf, down the long corridors of Legion Headquarters.

But it was a long walk to the holding cell which was Timber Wolf's (temporary) destination, and Light Lass's power was beginning to fade in and out, making Timber Wolf even more of a burden than he already was.

Fortunately, Shrinking Violet happened to be walking by at just that moment. "My gods, Ayla!" she exclaimed, "Did that creature escape from the Metropolis Zoo?"

"Worse than that," gasped an out-of-breath, visibly strained Light Lass, "it's Brin!"

"Oh, no! How did...?"

"One of the applicants did it to him, and then she ran away. Lu and Chuck are out trying to find her. I knew, I KNEW the tryouts were going to be a disaster!"

"Well, here, let me help you carry him."

"Thanks so much, Vi! And the very worst part is that because our...brilliant leader...Mon-El...split up the team into random groups and scattered them across the galaxy, we don't have Brainy, or Nura, or even Dirk, to try to restore Brin to normal!"

Timber Wolf, who was unable to speak coherently in the state he was in, let out what was unmistakably a loud and weary groan when he heard what Light Lass had just said.

*************

Meanwhile, Bouncing Boy had found his way back to where he had started the search for the wicked girl who had caused all this trouble. He had not succeeded in finding her. Duo Damsel was already there, wearing an unhappy expression on her face that told Bouncing Boy all he needed to know.

"What a mess!" huffed Bouncing Boy.

"Yeah," agreed Duo Damsel between deep breaths, "I wish I could pinch myself and have it all turn out to be a bad dream. Hey, look, here comes the other me. She doesn't look happy, either. Great!"

Once Duo Damsel's other body was close enough to her, she absorbed it back into her. It was something she had done more times than she could count.

But this time, something went very wrong. Duo Damsel began screaming and waving her arms spastically as her knees buckled. Bouncing Boy rushed over to prevent her from falling.

"Gods," she finally managed to gasp, "that was the worst merge I've ever done! I haven't felt such pain since the Lelith incident!"

"Do you have any idea why it went so badly?"

"No. My mind is...blank! I can't remember anything that happened between splitting up my bodies and coming back here. It's as if the other me has put up some kind of...mental shield!"

"And we don't have Imra here to help you! What are we gonna do?"

CONTINUED

This is so fun, Ann!

I LOVE the characters you're using, especially from that point in Legion history....I was always so annoyed reading old Legion comics that some of the girls (eg Light Lass) had such cool powers and never got to be anything other than damsels in distress, I am looking forward to seeing what Ayla does with a chance to shine!

Also poor Brin, seems like he can never escape the curse of Furball

I snerked a bit at Ayla referring to Brin as even 'more of a burden than usual.'

I eat me up some good snark.

Can't wait to see where Angsty Gothic Trope Lass disappeared to and if she can un-Werewolf Brin, or he's going to need buckets of Nair and an industrial-strength mani-pedi.

Raz, Set, thank you both so much for the kind words. Glad you're enjoying.

More to come soon!

A few hours later...



"That's the whole story, a bizarre as it may sound." said Light Lass to the tough-looking Science Police Officer with dark brown hair and matching eyes.

"You'd be surprised how weird our cases get. This is gonna be a walk in the park." replied the Officer stoically, with just a hint of a smirk.

"Thank you so much, Officer Cash-Machine."

"That's Cusimano!"

"Oh, gods, I'm so sorry! I didn't mean to..."

"Don't sweat it, Legionnaire. A thousand years ago, it was probably a common name. Anyhow, I'm surprised you haven't already seen how you can turn the situation to your advantage."

"Huh?"

"Your boyfriend is currently a big dog, right?"

"Uh...yes."

"So have him track the perpetrator's scent!"

"Officer...no disrespect, but have you ever tried handling an eight-foot dog?"

"Like I said a minute ago, you'd be surprised how..."

"...how weird the Science Police cases can get. Point taken. So will you please help us handle him? We're exhausted from having had to clean up after him, and bathe him, and..."

"Oh, boo-hoo. You super-heroes think you've got it so tough. Okay, I'll help you, on the condition that you tag along. Get a little taste of the real world outside your clubhouse."

seven hells, I never considered the messes Furball would have left behind.....thank god for the comics code

Also, Officer Cash-Machine sent me

This is great, looking forward to more!

Thanks, Raz.

Yeah, I've always thought the name Cusimano kind of stood out among all the futuristic sci-fi names. Of course, I know that GiGi Cusimano was named after Paul Levitz's wife, but it was just too hard to resist making light of it.

Meanwhile, in another wing of Legion Headquarters:

The old upside-down-rocket Legion Clubhouse, damaged beyond repair in a battle against the Fatal Five, had been preserved and placed far in the back of the headquarters' complex. It was difficult to see from inside the main building, but the window in Duo Damsel's private quarters had a perfect view of the aging rust-pile. And at this moment, she was standing in front of the window, looking intently at the old clubhouse, as if trying to magically will it back into perfect shape.

Sentimental fool, Duo Damsel admonished herself in her thoughts. But then, she was the very first non-founding member of the Legion! She could still remember her first week there -- though admittedly, it hadn't gotten off to a good start.

**********

"Oh my gods, it's you, Saturn Girl, you're so awesome, and it's such an honor to be on this..."

Saturn Girl cut her off abruptly. "Here's your costume," said the Titanian telepath in a business-like manner which could easily have been misheard as iciness, or even rudeness, "now I suggest you rest up and save all your enthusiasm and energy for your first training session tomorrow morning."

Whatever Saturn Girl's intent was, Luornu Durgo of the planet Cargg took it personally. This is awful, she thought to herself, the only other girl on the team, and she hates me. What have I gotten myself into?

**************

The next three days were torture, Luornu (then known as Triplicate Girl) refusing to leave her quarters except for meals, training sessions, and team conferences. She cried herself to sleep every night, telling herself that being a Legionnaire was even worse than being a Carggian whose three bodies were identical in appearance, but not personality. Luornu had hoped to escape that stigma by coming to Earth and joining the Legion -- maybe, she thought at the time, I'm just completely worthless.

Then, the next time she exited her quarters to head to the cafeteria for breakfast, Luornu was startled by the presence of another girl, who was most definitely not Saturn Girl, in the corridor. Saturn Girl was a slim blue-eyed blonde with a porcelain complexion; this stranger was dusky-looking and decidedly curvy.

Luornu drew enough relief from the warmth in the stranger's big, beautiful eyes to risk a friendly greeting. "Hello," she said softly, hoping she was audible.

"Hi, hi!" replied the stranger loudly, "I'm Tinya Wazzo, your new best friend! My code name is Phantom Girl, what's yours?"

"Triplicate Girl," answered Luornu more assertively, and forcing a smile.

The rest was herstory.

Or was it?

************

As Duo Damsel's syrupy memories began battling against the bitterness and uncertainty of the present day -- Phantom Girl having long ago distanced herself from her after the regal, glamorous Shadow Lass joined the team -- her reverie was interrupted by a knock on the door.

"Lu? It's Chuck!" said Bouncing Boy from behind the door, "I hope I didn't wake you, but this is important."

"Come on in, it's okay."

"Hi. Finally some good news. I just got back from the Academy, and just as I'd thought, we do have a student from Titan! Ryssa, won't you come in and help Lu?"

In walked a tall, statuesque young woman with similar features to Saturn Girl -- except her hauteur made even Saturn Girl at her worst look like the very milk of friendliness!

"Hello, Luornu," she said in a near-whisper as she approached the visibly apprehensive Duo Damsel, "don't be scared. You're now in good hands."

Meanwhile, in the business district of Metropolis...

Light Lass and Shrinking Violet had not expected the search for the mystery girl to lead them this way. Nor, they mused, did Officer Cusimano. If the girl is telling the truth about being an orphan, they thought, then she must have a wealthy guardian. But Timber Wolf's tracking skills were always on point, whether he looked like a human being or a giant dog-creature.

This motley bunch of investigators had now reached a busy intersection, which was bustling with rush-hour traffic. They waited, with varying degrees of impatience, for the light to change.

Suddenly, a familiar voice piped up from across the street.

"What took you so long?" shouted the until-that-moment elusive mystery girl, waving to them.

Her sarcastic tone, combined with the smug smile on her face, caused the Legionnaires and their ally to fume silently -- Light Lass went so far as to visibly snarl as she stepped towards the curb.

"Don't even think about crossing the street!" yelled Officer Cusimano, "Not on my watch!"

Before Light Lass could reply, she unmistakably recognized the gestures that the girl was making at them -- a spell was being cast!

In the blink of an eye, Timber Wolf had become human again. The problem was, the girl had neglected to likewise restore his costume.

"Oh, great, public nudity!" growled Officer Cusimano. "This is gonna look great on my record!"

As if that wasn't bad enough, Light Lass & Shrinking Violet took advantage of Cusimano's distraction to make a mad dash across the street, inevitably setting off many loud car horns.

Just as the two Legionnaires reached the other side of the street, the girl grinned before turning her back on them and running through the entrance to the nearest building. Light Lass & Shrinking Violet attempted to follow, only to run straight into a pair of burly, sour-faced security guards.

"Let us through!" demanded Light Lass, "We're Legionnaires!"

"You don't pay MY bills." sneered one of the guards.

As Light Lass prepared to give him what for, Cusimano and Timber Wolf finally made it across the street. She had tied her jacket around his waist so as to avoid breaking any more public nudity laws -- not that this kept the guards from snickering.

"It's okay," gasped an audibly out-of-breath Cusimano as she flashed her Science Police badge, "they're with me."

"We still can't let you in." replied one of the guards gruffly.

"What are you...oh, sprock, I thought I recognized this building! Forget it, Legionnaires. We got Timber Wolf back to normal, let's make ourselves scarce before there's more trouble."

"What exactly IS this building?" snapped Light Lass.

"It's the Uno Enterprises building."

"What's Uno Enterpr..."

"Boy, you super-heroes really ARE out of touch! Uno Enterprises is the latest corporation to take root in Metropolis. It's run by T.K. Wade, a guy so ruthless he makes Leland McCauley look like Santa Claus!"

"In other words, he's above the law. Supposedly." said Shrinking Violet as she saw one of the guards smirking.

"Is there a problem here, Officer?" a virile voice loudly inquired of Cusimano.

"No, Mr. Nova-the-Overseer, sir," replied Cusimano bitterly to a muscular, masked-and-costumed individual who had just descended from the sky, "we were just leaving. Weren't we, Legionnaires?"

"Well, let me at least find the gentleman some clothes." answered Nova with thinly-veiled insincerity disguised as altruism.

"That would be appreciated, thank you." said Cusimano, by now choking on her own bile.

"Yeah, Violet," said Light Lass as she looked her teammate in the eye and winked, "let's go back to headquarters. It's all over."

"You're right," replied Shrinking Violet, returning the wink "this matter is defintely finished."

Meanwhile, at Legion Headquarters...

"I have done everything I can for her," said Ryssa to Bouncing Boy, "now she needs plenty of rest."

"Thanks so much!" replied Bouncing Boy, as Ryssa took her leave, and his eyes wandered over to the sleeping figure of his girlfriend, Duo Damsel.

She's always had so much going on under the still waters of her surface, he thought to himself, and I hope now she's closer to inner peace.

*****************

Several hours later, long after the sun had set over Metropolis...

"What are you so worried about? I feel great!" insisted a fully awakened and unsettlingly energetic Duo Damsel to Bouncing Boy.

"But, but, Lu...I don't know how else to say this, you're just not yourself!"

"Of course I'm not, I'm better than my old self -- four times better!" She paused to giggle at her own joke, in reference to the three extra bodies she had suddenly manifested. "And if I try hard enough, I'll be FIVE times better!"

At that same moment, Light Lass & Shriking Violet used all the ruckus resulting from the above developments to sneak out of Legion Headquarters.

But unknown to them, with so many Luornus running wild and free, one of the Luornus had spotted them leaving.

*****************

Shortly, in Metropolis's business district, right outside the Uno Enterprises building...

"I've never tried making MYSELF lighter-than-air before," admitted Light Lass, "but necessity is the mother of invention and all that..."

And so, with Violet shrunken to a mere four inches and seated comfortably on Light Lass's shoulder, the two Legionnaires were levitated by Light Lass's power. Understandably, she was physically tired by the time they reached the roof of the building. Perhaps her judgement was impaired by her exhaustion, and that was why she stepped so easily into the trap which had been set up for her, a web of energy which constricited itself around her, leaving her immobile.

Insitinctively, Violet shrank herself further, to insect size, so as to try and escape notice of whoever had entrapped them.

"You came, just as I knew you would." said the mystery girl with a solemnity unbecoming her previously flippant persona.

"Who are you?" screamed Light Lass, "Why are you putting us through this?"

"Because I don't want to lose you again...Mommy."

"MOMMY? What in the...?"

"My assigned name is Loni Londo...though I prefer Loni Ranzz, and I prefer Magica to either of them."

"This is some kind of trick! It has to be!"

"Tricks are my specialty, but, no, this is no trick. And now is the time for you to get the rest of the answers."

With those words, the no-longer-so-mysterious girl pressed the button on a small device she was holding. Instantly, she and Light Lass were swept up in a storm of tachyon energy particles. Just before they disappeared, an understandably panicked Violet jumped off Light Lass's shoulder and began growing back to her default size as she screamed to the girl, "No you don't!"

"OH, NO!" screamed the girl, "It's not supossed to happen this way, there Isn't supposed to be anyone tagging along with uuuuuuusssss...*

TO BE CONTINUED