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CHAPTER THIRTY-ONE
BALANCE SHEET

"I have good news and bad news," said Shrinking Violet.

"I'm listening," said Lightning Lass.

"The good news is, I have had our 'gifts' and other assets appraised, and they come to something just over one million credits in value. The bad news is, we're all rich."

"Why is this bad news?" asked Lightning Lass.

"Well, OK, it's complicated. First of all, when Star-Woman officially registered all of us as Adventurers, The Super-Hero Club also became a corporation, organized under Naltoran law."

"She didn't tell us she did that," said Lightning Lass.

"She did tell us that. Not all of us understood at the time, I guess. Anyway," said Shrinking Violet, "Everything we received-- plus the Clubhouse, and our property on Mars-- are assets of the Corporation. The only things we own as individuals are our Stipends, and personal effects."

"So The Super-Hero Club, Incorporated is rich," said Lightning Lass. "We as individuals are paupers."

"The official name is The Super Hero Club, A Naltoran Corporation," said Lightning Lass. "And not all of us are paupers, exactly. You and Pol still have interests in Lightning Ring Farms. Eulia has an interest in the M'Kord Homestead on Orzde. Kallor and Korvea are well, as rich as royalty. They have the full faith and credit of Naltor and Talok VIII behind them, respectively. As for the rest of us... Well, look at Dorrit, as an example. She has resigned her membership, but is entitled to either one-twelfth or one-fourteenth of the equity in the Corporation as compensation, depending on how we count the Triplicates' share."

"So we need to ship some of this stuff to her?" asked Lightning Lass.

"Not unless she files a demands," said Shrinking Violet. "Until then, she can be thought of as an... investor. The problem is that about a third of our asset value is tied up in the flight rings, and another half in the Pentachoron and Clubhouse, so if many more Members leave... well, we can distribute the flight rings, but the Pentachoron and Clubhouse are indivisible. And I'm no expert in contract law, so there may be other problems. For instance, what if Dorrit sold her interest to some other party or parties..."

"But she wouldn't do that," said Lightning Lass. She thought for a moment. "But what you're saying is, we need a lawyer."

"Yes. That is just what I am saying. We should vote on one, and soon. There are the Selachii, of course," said Shrinking Violet. "And there is a Zyzan I've heard good things about. And Kallor's mother uses Loy & Kem as her personal attorney. They have the advantage of being interplanetary lawyers."

"I see you have really thought this out. We'll need to have a meeting with the full Membership," said Lightning Lass. "Just so everyone knows our position."

"I was surprised at some of the valuations," said Shrinking Violet. "Those Spectrium coins are worth a lot. And the Clubhouse... Star-Woman pretty much built this from scratch."

"Funny story," said Lightning Lass, "The old Legion was so rich, that my mother destroyed twenty thousand credits worth of Spectrium in an attempt to save my father's life. She failed."

"Wait... your father... passed away?" said Shrinking Violet. "When did this happen?"

"Oh, he just died for a little while, a long time ago. Before we were born. But he got better," said Lightning Lass.

Double-vaxxed and boosted and haven't been out of the house since New Year's day, and my granddaughter and i both came down with Covid-19 last week.
But at least we didn't die.
Didn't even go to the hospital.

CHAPTER THE THIRTY-SECOND
MAGIC LESSONS

The City of Avalon, Santa Catalina Island, Earth. 31st century:

Bartolomeo Stefanacci's office at the Museum of Mystic Arts was appropriately creepy.

Open books and manuscripts were piled on tables. More books sat in ramshackle bookcases which reached up to the ceiling. The ceiling was higher than the room was wide. The skeleton of an alligator (or crocodile?) hung suspended on wires. Four gargoyles sat in the ceiling, each occupying a corner. Stone-grey owls were perched on each gargoyle. The only natural light was from small, circular windows high in the walls.

"Your magical curse powers are obviously of Faery origin," said Bartolomeo.

"Why 'obviously'?" asked Ann Foxmoor.

"Why, your name, first of all," said Bartolomeo. His client looked puzzled. "Elves and fairies are sometimes called 'The Fair Folk'. 'Fox' is a contraction of 'Folk's. As in 'foxglove'-- a fairy's glove. Once the source of certain powerful medicines. ?Foxfire? is another example of ?fox? meaning ?fairy?. There are hundreds of fairy-related names passed down from Old Britain. Foxcastle, Farleigh, Elvenstone. Many others. You are almost certainly of Faery descent."

"Almost certainly?" said Ann Foxmoor.

"Well, let's take a look at Earth's Omni-Generational Family Database." He fired up his desk computer. "Your parents are Robert and May?"

"Yes," said Ann. "How far back does it go?"

"Well, they say 9O% of Western Europeans have at least fifty generations of ancestors in the database," said Bartolomeo. "Oh, here is the earliest of your ancestors who used the surname 'Foxmoor'. Edward Foxmoor, listed in a census dated 1400. His father is listed as John Othermoor... oh, that is interesting. Let me cross-reference with the Xotikanomicon... Here, there is a Jack-o'-th'-Moor, attested in the 11th through 14th century. Also called Handsome Jack, and Jack-A-Stray. Most probably the father of John Othermoor. It was common at that time for women to name their half-fairy children after their fairy fathers."

"So my fiftieth great-grandfather, from seventeen centuries ago, was a fairy? That counts as fairy blood? Isn't that a little... diluted?"

"Well, Jack-o'-th'-Moor may not be your only Faery ancestor," mused Bartolomeo. "But this is Magic, not Genetics. The rules are entirely different."

"So how do I learn to control it?" asked Ann Foxmoor. ?My fairy powers, I mean.?

"Oh, certainly, yes, you would want to learn to control it. Fairy curses can be powerful, long-lived, and remarkably complex. A boy was once cursed to live seven years as a long-nosed dwarf. A man was fated to die only by crocodile, serpent, or dog. Or the famous curse 'On her sixteenth birthday she will prick her finger on the spindle of a spinning wheel and die.'" Bartolomeo mused for a moment. "There is the Sorcerer's World. That would be the best option. There are several fine Magical Universities there. And I believe a gate to Faeryland may still exist there."

"Not Tharn," said Ann Foxmoor.

"There are several other magical worlds," said Bartolomeo Stefanacci. "Planet Avalon. Ys. Orando, perhaps. There are those who might be of help to you there."

"My family is from Earth," said Ann Foxmoor. "As far as I know, none of my ancestors have ever been off-Earth. Ever. I was sent to Mars against my will, and to Excalbia under extreme duress. I don't want to leave Earth, ever again. It's big enough for me."

"Well, it appears your Scottish ancestors never left the British Isles until... the 28th century? Your people certainly are homebodies."

"Surely there is somewhere on Earth I can learn Magic? Such as... here?"

"This is a museum, not a university," Bartolomeo Stefanacci observed.

"But just look at your library," said Ann Foxmoor. She gestured at the bookcases that reached the tall ceiling. "Perhaps I could work as an intern here. Do my own research in my spare time."

Bartolomeo considered. "No... I would be pleased to open the museum to you... Happy to help you with your research... But... I'm reluctant to take you on as an intern. It's just... It might not be appropriate? I would not want you to feel an... obligation... to stay," the young man stammered, blushing.

"Bartolomeo Stefanacci," said Ann Foxmoor. "Are you sweet on me?"

The curator flushed again. "We've only just met. I don't really know you," he said. "But you seem like... an interesting person."

There was a sudden, silent rush of wings. Something gray swooped down between them, then up to the high ceiling again. Ann Foxmoor caught a glimpse of something leaving through one of the upper windows.

"That's just my owl, Edward Lear," said Bartolomeo Stefanacci. "Swooping like that is his way of telling me he's going out hunting. I'll tell you what: let me set up an account for you. The books are just for display. Everything is here, in a searchable database." He tapped his desk top. "Except the Chained Grimoires, of course, but I don't expect you to have any interest in them. I have a couple of hours of work to do tending to the museum, and then I'll take you to dinner at the oldest restaurant in Avalon. La Figlia Di La Balena."

"A musical name," said Ann Foxmoor. "But I don't speak Old Terran."

"It means 'The Whale's Daughter' - from an old Sicilian fairy-tale," said Bartolomeo. "You like seafood?"

"I love seafood."

Ann Foxmoor spent most of the time just getting acquainted with the library database. She cross-referenced 'owl', and 'Edward Lear', and was rewarded with a short poem in a book of collected works. "So he's a romantic," she thought to herself. She felt herself getting drowsy, sitting at Bartolomeo Stefanacci's desk. She looked up through drooping eyelids. There was someone sitting across from her in one of the ornate library chairs.

He was exotically beautiful, with sharp features, pale skin, and strangely pale blue eyes. His casually tousled hair looked like spun gold. "Grand-daughter," the apparition said. He had a crooked smile.

"Are you ready to go?" Ann Foxmoor startled awake. The chair across from her was empty, and Bartolomeo Stefanacci was standing at the door. He had changed his clothes.

CHAPTER THE THIRTY-THIRD
ANOTHER LAGOMORPH

The Museum of Mystic Arts was not an attraction one could see in a day.

Ann had perused the floors, a little at a time, between researching fairy-curses, and nearly nightly outings with Bartolomeo. She had come to know the names several of the roving cyber-docents. But tonight, it was Bartolomeo himself giving her a tour.

They had been looking at exhibits and collections in the museum archives. (Less than a third of the Museum's holdings were on active display at any time.) Bartolomeo seemed most proud of these items in storage. There was a lot. It would take Ann more than one quick evening to see it all.

They came to a case holding two broadswords.

The first shone like polished chrome, its hilt filigreed and ornate, with archaic characters in gold cameo on the blade. Ann could not read them.

The other was a darker metal, although also well cared for. The blade was pitted and scarred, as though it had seen much use. It was well-oiled and had apparently been recently sharpened to a razor-edge. There was an aura of blood and death about the thing. It lay beside a thick leather scabbard which had seen better days.

"This is King Arthur's Sword in the Stone," said Bartolomeo. "And Excalibur, as well. We have recently recovered it. It was stolen from the museum some years ago, but we eventually tracked it down. On the Sorcerer's World. In the cutlery drawer of an ogress, who was using it as a carving-knife."

"How do you know it's the real thing?" asked Ann. "Not a copy?"

"The scabbard is enchanted," said Bartolomeo. "It will not allow any sword to be sheathed in it except the true Excalibur. It is seldom we get the chance to observe actual magic here in the Museum."

He continued to the next case. "These are the mystic deerskin moccasins of Hiawatha. Fifteen centuries old. They endowed him with a number of abilities-- they say he could run faster than the wind, for example."

What was left of the moccasins certainly looked fifteen centuries old.

"Here, almost as old, but in much better condition," said Bartolomeo, moving on. "The top-hat of Zachary Zatara, the 22nd-century hero-magician."

"Sorry," said Ann. "Never heard of him. Was he important?"

"He protected the Earth from Jema Zol-Lar, the Mad Super-Woman," said Bartolomeo.

"Aagh!" screamed Ann. "Something under the hat! It moved!"

"This hat is preserved in an atmosphere of argon, in a cube with walls of transparent aluminum," said Bartolomeo. "It has been held there for nearly nine hundred years. Nothing could possibly be alive..."

A pink nose nudged the hat up slightly. It fell back down again.

Ann jumped back. Bartolomeo stepped away beside her. A small crack was forming in the corner of the transparent cube. "It's my power," said Ann. "I was startled. I think I cast a curse."

The cube cracked, then split in half. The hat fell to the floor. Out of the hat stepped... and a young woman.

She seemed human. Her skin was pale as peaches. Her eyes were blue, her hair cut in a platinum blonde bob. Had Ann or Bartolomeo been aficionados of ancient motion pictures, they might have said she looked something like a young Marilyn Monroe. She was entirely nude.

The young woman babbled in a long string of syllables.

"I think it's some dialect of Old Terran," said Bartolomeo. "But I don't understand."

"Buh-Ni," she said, pointing to herself.

"Ann," said Ann, pointing to herself. "Bartolomeo," she said, pointing to him. "Buh-Ni?" she asked.

The young woman nodded. "Buh-Ni," she said. "Rah-Bet." She then pointed to the other two. "Ann. Bar-To-Lo-May-Oh."

"Well, she seems like a fast learner," said Ann.

A man Ann had never seen before came running up. He was as red and fat and bald as a tomato. "Oh, the hat, the hat!" he cried. He was accompanied by two cyber-docents Ann did not recognize. "Get a sterile case," he ordered one. "And bring it to the second mounting room. And you," he indicated the other, "clean up the floor, please." The three hurried off.

"Who was that?" asked Ann.

"Mister Tomato, the Museum Preparator," said Bartolomeo.

"Mister Tomato?" asked Ann.

The cyber-docents returned, one loading the hat into a metal container, the other cleaning up the shattered cube.

"We have Universal Translators near the entrance," said Bartolomeo. "That could help us with our... unexpected guest. And there is a solid printer in one of the closets in the library. Perhaps you could fabricate a... robe and slippers for her? I will meet you there with the translator."

CHAPTER THE THIRTY-FOURTH
BUHNI RAHBET

"We will need to get you registered with UPGov," said Ann. "It's all very standard. Earth gets more time travelers than you might think."

"Am I a time traveler?" asked Buhni.

"Did you know Zachary Zatara?" asked Bartolomeo.

"Oh, yes. And his family," said Buhni.

"Zachary Zatara passed away nearly nine hundred years ago," said Bartolomeo.

"I'm afraid you're stranded here," said Ann. "Time travel licenses are difficult to qualify for. Especially for traveling into the past."

"I think I knew I was in the hat longer than I should have been," said Buhni. "But what happens now? What am I to do here?"

"Well, I'm all alone in my apartment in town," said Ann. "I suppose you could stay there with me. And if you don't mind working, I could use some help with my research." She swept her arm around the library. "Are you any good with computers?"

o o o

Buhni was a great help. Although not skilled in modern computer operations, she could read two dialects of Old Terran, and was learning Interlac very quickly, relying less and less on the Universal Translator. She also had a rudimentary understanding of the laws of magic-- more than Ann Foxmoor had.

"It seems the Fairies could simply speak their desires, and they were fulfilled," she said. "Often, the curses or spells were in rhyme. For example:

She is indeed most wondrous fair
Gold of sunshine in her hair
Lips that shame the red, red rose
In ageless sleep, she finds repose

"Well, it rhymes in Old Terran Ing-Lish," said Buhni.

"My powers are tied to my emotions," said Ann. "When I'm overwhelmed with anger or fear, how am I supposed to remember incantations?"

"You know, the Faery often carried wands or amulets, although they themselves were magical creatures. Perhaps they stored some of their magic... or used the wands to regulate or control it. What if you cursed some rod or staff made of a wood resistant to magic? Ash, elder, cedar, or blackwood, for example? I have heard of gems or crystals that are similarly resistant... Then the object could hold the power of the curse, which you might possibly re-direct at will."

"An interesting idea," said Ann. "And consistent with the way we have seen magic work. Did you learn magic as Zachary Zatara's assistant?"

"I worked with him for just over a year," said Buhni. "He was terribly old by then. I suppose I was his last stage partner. He only taught me one spell." She concentrated, then chaned"Engahc Em Otni Ym Larutan Mrof Rof Eno Etunim."

Buhni vanished. In her place was a large white rabbit with blue eyes, peering out from under her robe. It blinked at Ann, and wiggled its nose. In exactly one minute, Buhni re-appeared, slipping back into her clothes.

"Zachary Zatara taught you how to change yourself into a rabbit?" asked Ann.

"He changed me into a human being," said Buhni. "The spell allows me to temporarily change back to my true self. I was born a Viennese White. Although I must admit, I like being human. I wouldn't want to go back to being a rabbit forever."

"But this explains why you're a vegetarian," said Ann.

o o o

Bartolomeo Stefanacci had practiced etiquette and a chivalric demeanor that was positively medieval. He insisted on escorting Ann and Buhni back to their apartment a few blocks away from the Museum every evening.

"So this Mr. Tomato," said Ann. "Is he from Korugar?"

"I really couldn't say," said Bartolomeo.

"Don't you know anything about him?" asked Ann.

"I know all about him," said Bartolomeo. "His first name is Bobb. He graduated from Oxford, in the British Isles sector of Europolis. He is careful and meticulous in his work habits. His exhibits are impeccable. He always plays Santa at the Museum Christmas parties. His wife's name is Laurel, I believe."

"Christmas party?" Ann was surprised. "How many biological employees do you have at the museum? Aside from Mr. Tomato, I've only ever met the cyber-docents."

"Ninety-five," said Bartolomeo. "Although they are mostly out in the field, or work 'backstage' in the collections. And the cyber-docents are programmed to attend the Christmas party. It makes it more festive. You seem quite concerned about aliens and artificials. You aren't secretly one of those Earth-Firsters, are you?"

"No, no, not at all," said Ann. how could he think that?, she thought to herself.

"I?m sure you know some of the biological docents. I know you have met Mrs. White," said Bartolomeo. "I've seen you talking to her."

"Mrs. White?" said Ann. "I thought she was just a... regular patron."

(Author's note: Ann Foxmoor is mistaken. Mr. Tomato is not Korugaran; his father, Tomat To, emigrated to Earth from Ungara. He terracized the name to Tom Tomato. Bartolomeo Stefanacci is also wrong: The Mrs. Tomato's name is Laurri, not Laurel.)

When they arrived at their apartment door, Bartolomeo would always give a little bow.

Buhni thumbed the door open, and entered the apartment. Ann was about to follow her, but instead turned, closed the door, and faced Bartolomeo.

"You know, after all the time we've spent together," she said. "You've never once tried to kiss me."

"And I would point out," said Bartolomeo, "That you have never once tried to kiss me."

So she kissed him.

He tasted of garlic and oregano. She was reminded of that strange little restaurant he had taken her to on their first date, with paintings of castles and kings and queens, and, for some reason, bobble-head dolls on the counters.

"I have to go," said Ann.

"I know," said Bartolomeo.

"No, I mean really go," said Ann. "Away. In just a couple of weeks. One more semester at Metropolis University this fall, and then I begin my medical internship."

"There is a hospital on Santa Catalina," said Bartolomeo. "Perhaps you could intern here?"

"You would never see me," said Ann.

"I do like seeing you," said Bartolomeo.

"I like seeing you, too," said Ann.

"Look, Metropolis is only a couple of megameters away. It's not like you're going to another planet. Maybe I could come visit you sometimes? When you're not too busy?"

"I'd like that," said Ann.

Covid Gang! I got it on Boxing Day as well, mine was really just like an unpleasant cold....glad y'all weren't too wrecked by it Klar!

Buhni is great!

Dear Raz:
In my lifetime, I have had a couple of cases of the flu worse than my recent Omicron infection, after being triple-vaxxed.
On the other hand, my son-in-law has lost his sense of taste and smell for the nonce.
Historically, I would get the flu vaccine every year, and got the flu every year except for 2020 and 2021.
Sold on social distancing.
(As a misanthropic introvert, it wasn?t a hard sell)

More rabbits to be introduced in Chapter Forty-One.

CHAPTER THIRTY-FIVE
MONSTER PLANET

"We have a request for assistance from the Science Police," said Star-Woman.

"So my sister was right," said Lightning Lass. ?The U.P. is calling in favors.?

"But perhaps this is just what the Super-Hero Club was created for," said Star-Woman. "I would like to put together a team. You and Cosmic Boy, Polar Lass, Chameleon and Ten."

"You seem to have a preference for the heavy hitters," said Lightning Lass. "Don't discount the others."

"Not at all," said Star-Woman. "But we're going after poachers on Monster World."

Working with three SP vessels, they apprehended two dozen poachers, mostly Terran.

"I never thought I'd be working with a Durlan," said one of the officers. "But he was amazing."

"I was not able to increase my mass enough to impersonate an adult Earthquake Beast," said Chameleon. "But they seemed quite interested in a juvenile. They seemed surprised when their electro-nets were empty."

"Remind me not to get on their bad side," said the officer who worked with Cosmic Boy and Lightning Lass. "He completely pulled the engine out of one of their vehicles, when they tried to escape."

"I know a Tharran officer," said another SP. "But I didn't know he could do that."

"Not all Tharrans can," said Polar Lass.

"This young man," said the Captain, "Would make an excellent SP officer one day."

"You might have to wait a while," said Star-Woman. "Coluans do not reach majority until about the age of one hundred."

"D'Arvit," said the captain. "Really?"

A fireball shot up from the jungle. It enveloped Ten and Vesta II, perfectly safe within the Coluan force-shield.

But an instant later, the stray poacher hung slightly over a mile in the air, Star-Woman holding him by the throat. "Oh, tell me you did not just fire a plasma-cannon at a child," she said, her eyes crackling with electricity.

"I surrender?" said the poacher, gasping for breath.

"Oh, that is so irrelevant," said Star-Woman. "Now when you are safe in Takron-Galtos, or Labyrinth, or wherever they eventually send you, I want you to tell this to everyone you meet." She whispered. "The Super-Hero Club."

CHAPTER THIRTY-SIX
THE SUPER-HERO CLUB VS. THE SCIENCE POLICE

Planet Amazonia, Scythia Square (Business District), Mazongar Municipality (Capital)
31st century

"I feel a little out of place," said Matter-Eater Lad Two. "Where are all the men?" He looked at the crowds hurrying by.

"Hillarie," said Korvea. "The Mazons are gender monomorphic. Males and females are virtually indistinguishable. At least to non-Mazons."

"Oh," said Matter-Eater Lad Two. "Well, you can't expect me to have studied every planet in the U.P."

"Amazonia is a permanent member of the Inner Council, along with Cyranus, Torad, Oranx and Xanthu," Korvea reminded him. "They're kind of important."

"I never was much interested in politics," said Matter-Eater Lad Two. "Social studies was my worst subject on Bismoll."

"Political Science was my best subject on Bismoll."

It was the leader of a group of Science Police. "Officer Milpay." The young woman extended her hand. She looked only a couple of years older than Matter-Eater Lad Two, and was a couple of inches shorter.

"Let me introduce the rest of my team," she said. "Officer Riku of Carggg, Officer Tavish of Imsk, Officer Gnboz of Bgztl, and Officer Nahtahnie of Talok VIII."

The Bgztlr girl had skin of pale Cerulean blue, almost translucent. Officer Nahtahnie's coloring was the sea-green of the Maakas mountain tribe. Officer Tavish was red-haired, pale and freckled. Officer Riku had the Asian features typical of most Cargggans.

"So this is a McGuffin game?" asked Korvea.

Officer Milpay handed out bracelets to the Members. "There are five McGuffins scattered throughout Mazongar Municipality," she explained. "These bracelets will light up when you are within a hectometer of a McGuffin, and will glow brighter as you get nearer to them. If one team collects at least three of them within eight hours, they win. Otherwise, it's a draw."

"Agreed," said Korvea.

"And may the best team win," said Officer Nahtahnie.

The Members took to the skies.

"They've got flight rings," said Officer Riku, triplicating. "That's a substantial advantage."

"And we've got SP training," Officer Milpay reminded her. "Stay in your sectors, and use the search patterns we planned."

Korvea had morphed into bird-form, in order to utilize the enhanced vision it gave her. She had been expecting another Mallorean. The presence of the Nahtahnie disturbed her. They were known to be ruthless in competition- and not entirely trustworthy. How the UP had allowed a Nahtahnie princess into the Science Police was beyond her.

Her bracelet glowed as she flew past a particular building. She circled back, landed, changed back to humanoid form, and went in on the ground floor.

Something was wrong. The shadows were longer than they should be. She checked her bracelet. The glow had vanished. She was confused, disoriented. Then she checked the time. It was late afternoon.

"She stole my memories," Korvea thought. "She must have followed me here, and taken it from me. Or?" There were a number of possibilities, but without memories, it was impossible to reconstruct exactly what had happened in the last few hours. She headed back to Scythia Square.

o o o

Phantom Girl was in the Phantom Zone.

"The tracking bracelets won't work in here," said Officer Gnboz.

"Then what are you doing here?" asked Phantom Girl.

"Oh, I thought we might have a little chat," said Officer Gnboz. "As an SP cadet, I have access to criminal records. Even sealed records for juveniles. I don't suppose your friends in the Super Hero Club do."

"And your point is?" asked Phantom Girl.
"I just wonder if your colleagues know exactly what kind of Bgztlr they have on their team."

"Still not seeing your point," said Phantom Girl.

"Perhaps your friends would rather associate with someone with a less questionable history. Someone, say, trained in law enforcement, but with all your powers."

"You're thinking of replacing me in the Club?" asked Phantom Girl incredulously. She laughed. "A new Phantom Girl? You haven't the least idea what you're talking about."

"Oh, I was thinking Phantom Lass," said Officer Gnboz. "It would be so much easier, if you would step aside. What would your boyfriend Ronin Nah think if he learned of your past?"

"He's not my boyfriend," said Phantom Girl. "Now if you'll excuse me, I have work to do." She stepped out of the Phantom Zone and into the streets of downtown Mazongar.

o o o

Officer Nahtahnie radioed Officer Milpay.

"I've got mine," she said. "It's just a plain disc."

"Mine was an iridescent cube," Officer Milpay replied. "I haven't heard from anyone else yet."

o o o

Officer Tavish was disobeying orders. Rather than search her assigned sector, she had miniaturized and concealed herself in Matter-Eater Lad Two's left eyebrow. If he found one of the McGuffins, she would be the one to take it. Rather than searching by sector, the Bismollian seemed to be trying to search the whole city himself. His search pattern seemed random, zig-zagging throughout the city streets in a haphazard, arbitrary manner. His bracelet lit up when he passed one building; he either did not notice, or ignored it. This was too much. Officer Tavish dismounted, enlarged to full size, and ran back to the building. One of the Triplicates was already there.

"Heckuva thing," said Ffiona Ffar. "It looks just like a memory crystal reader. But it's a dummy. See you back at Scythia Square."

o o o

Officer Riku was getting tired. It had been nearly six hours since she had triplicated, and the psychic strain of being separate was starting to wear. There had been no indication of the presence of any of the McGuffins. Still, she continued to follow the prescribed search pattern within the fourth sector.

Officer Riku was beginning to get tired. It had been six hours since she had triplicated, and the psychic strain of being apart from her sisters was starting to wear. There had been no indication of the presence of any of the McGuffins. Still, she continued to follow the prescribed search pattern within her assigned fifth sector.

Officer Riku was beginning to tire. It had been over six hours since she had triplicated; and the psychic strain was starting to wear. There had been one indication of the presence of a McGuffin nearby, but she had lost the trail. Presumably, one of the Super-Hero Club had found it. Still, she continued to follow the prescribed search pattern in the sixth sector.

o o o

"The problem was in your search pattern," Shrinking Violet was explaining to Officer Milpay. "You divided the city into seven sectors, but there were only five McGuffins, which meant there was a 1OO% chance that at least two of those sectors were empty. Even if you had divided the city into only five sectors, there would have been about an 8O% chance one of the sectors would be empty. It was more efficient to have everyone search everywhere-- even if some of our people searched the same areas twice."
"I also realized that the McGuffins were intended to be set at random. Well, there really is no such thing as ?random'. Either their locations were decided by a human, and humans are notoriously bad at randomizing, or it was done by a computer, which would have used known algorithms. I directed the Triplicates to use the most efficient search algorithm based on those known factors; in fact, they each found one."
"So the Super-Hero Club wins, three to two. Better luck next time."

o o o

"She thinks she wants to replace me in the Club," explained Phantom Girl. "But you know, we have no rule against duplicate powers. She could have just applied at the last open try-outs. I'm not sure we would have accepted her, though. She seems kind of a drylt, if you know what I mean."

INTERREGNUM
TRY-OUTS

"Look at this: the new Planetary Champion of Rann," said Cosmic Boy. "Her name is Aurora, and she's an Illoralan moth-girl, with the ability to transform into a winged gorilla. A switch-hitter! Illoralans are renowned for their high intelligence quotient, so she could be brains or brawn. I wish we could have her on the team."

Lightning Lass looked at the slender moth-girl. "Oh, I think I know why you would want her around."

"Hey, I resent the implication," said Cosmic Boy. "It's just... Dorrit is going to be hard to replace. I wish we could recruit one of these established planetary champions or adventurers."

"Well, we've tried that," said Lightning Lass. "But it seems we just have to wait for them-- or someone-- to come to us."

"The problem with these open tryouts," said Cosmic Boy, "Is that we get so many unqualifieds. Remember Jakk Horner, the Unicorn Boy?"

"Oh, he was a horner in more ways than two," said Lightning Lass. And what about Kidniac-Five, and his power of super-purification? That really did not work out well."

"Is it just you and me today?" asked Cosmic Boy.

"The two of us, and Korvea, and Ten, and Shrinking Violet-- although I don?t think she really wants to be here," said Lightning Lass. "She?d rather be off-world with the one of the teams Star-Woman sent out. The Pentachoron is really getting a workout today."

"Well, let's go," said Cosmic Boy. "I only show five in the queue this week, but it could still take all afternoon."

"Pol," said Dacey. "Do you ever think..."

"What?" asked Pol.

"Never mind," said Dacey. "Let's go."

[b]APPLICANT (1)
IZEN OF GRENDA[b]

The metallic green robot bowed slightly. It stood just fifty inches tall.

"You are a Green Lantern," noted Ten.

"Sector 3OO9," said the robot. "It is a great honor for one as young as I."

"You are... adolescent?" Ten ventured.

"I was manufactured less than nineteen sola-years ago," the robot admitted.

"I would think that with responsibility for an entire Space Sector," said Lightning Lass, "You would have little time to associate with a team like ours."

"Sodam Yat and Dyogene have a different vision for the Corps," said Izen. "We are to work with local populations, rather than imposing Green Lantern jurisprudence from the outside."

"Can I ask a question? Do you mind satisfying my curiosity?" asked Ten.

"It is the primary function of a robotic computer to store information, and retrieve it appropriately," said the robot.

"Oh, you two would get along fine," noted Cosmic Boy.

"If it is not too personal," asked Ten, "Who were the original manufacturers of the Mechanical Men of Grenda?"

"There were none," the little robot replied. "We evolved from native life-forms. Grenda is a world rich in iron, nickel, carbon, and silicon. According to our fossil record, a particular ancient proto-simioid evolved from among the natural ferro-silicon-based lifeforms on our world. These proto-creatures developed into tool-users, naturally attaching simple iron tools to their bodies. Over a very rapid period of some three thousand sola-years, these simple tools became highly complex computerized machines. In the process of time, it became impossible for our earliest ancestors to live without these auxiliary robot attachments. At birth, an new-born infant was bonded with a manufactured robot body. New attachments and upgrades were added as the child grew. Ultimately, the biological portion became redundant, and our ancestors moved from biological to purely mechanical reproduction. Our civilization has existed in its current form for at least ten thousand sola-years now. All that is left of our biological ancestors are the sequences of their DNA recorded in our data-banks."

"And there are no more biological creatures on your planet?" asked Lightning Lass.

"To the contrary," said the robot. "Although we robots are the dominant species, many ferro-silicoid biologicals continue to exist. There are even simioids living in the Crystal Forest of Grenda, similar to our primordial progenitors. Our cousins, if you will."

"In the old Legion," said Shrinking Violet, "Applicants with powers which relied on weapons or mechanical devices were summarily rejected. I, for one, see no reason that that should continue to be the case. But as you have many responsibilities elsewhere, I would think it imprudent for you to reside here at the Clubhouse. On the other hand, you would make a powerful ally. The old Legion had a group of Honorary Members, who were called on in times of exigency. I would suggest we create a subsidiary-- a 'Friends of the Super-Hero Club' group-- of which you would be our first member."

"As a Green Lantern," said Izen, "The entire Galaxy is easily within my reach."

"It will require the unanimous approval of the Members," said Lightning Lass. "We have your contact information?

APPLICANT (2)
SAHIRA EL CARIM

"I think we should invite the Super-Hero Club of Cyranus to become 'Friends of the Super-Hero Club'," said Korvea.

"I can think of a couple of others," said Cosmic Boy.

The young woman was perhaps Star-Woman's age. Her dress was vaguely middle-eastern, but she also wore a turban with a bright red gem over her head scarf.

"For centuries," said Sahira El Carim, "My family has fought the forces of evil, defending Earth from the Triskaidekademonium, a faction of the Netherhells led by thirteen powerful demons."

"If your powers are magical," said Korvea, "You will need to step outside the mana-free area in order to demonstrate them."

"I had heard such mana-nulling spells were possible," said Sahira. "But they would require the efforts of a dozen powerful sorcerers."

"Well, we once made enemies of certain powerful sorcerers," said Lightning Lass, "And received this spell as an expression of gratitude-- and protection. We have also been attacked by imps and demons on more than one occasion... you know, I'm not sure we need to make another set of powerful magical enemies."

"When you put it that way..." said Korvea.

"I agree with Lightning Lass," said Ten.

"None of our powers are of magical origin," said Cosmic Boy. "And not really effective against magical attacks. Dacey makes a good point. I think we should let your family deal with the Netherhells."

"I respect your caution," said Sahira. "You are young. My family has had millennia of experience. Still, if you need my magical help, you know how to reach me." She walked to outside the mana-eating spell's effect, turned, and bowed. "Wadaeaan," she said, and vanished.

APPLICANT (3)
ISA ADDAMS

"I am Isapoinhkyaki Addams of Juneaupolis, Earth," said the girl. "But you can call me Isa. Or better yet, call me Zookeeper.

"Oh, I've always wanted to visit Juneaupolis," said Lightning Lass. "Mendenhall glacier, and all that."

"Zookeeper is an unusual appellation," said Ten. "What does it signify?"

"I am in harmony with Earth's biosphere," said Zookeeper. "I can conjure-- by which I mean, teleport-- any single Terran mammal to my location, and temporarily share consciousness with it. Except sapients, like humans and cetaceans."

"Can you give us a demonstration?" asked Lightning Lass.

"First," said Zookeeper, "Earth's smallest mammal-- the bumblebee bat!" She extended a hand. Nothing happened. "Strange... I can feel all the beasts of the Earth, but I can't seem to summon one."

"Is it possible your powers are magical in nature?" asked Korvea. "Try backing away from us about fifty feet."

"No, no, my powers are completely natural." But she backed up anyway, and tried again. Nothing. "I really do have powers," she objected.

"We believe you," said Ten. "But are you able to summon alien animals, if they happen to be residing on Earth? In an interplanetary zoo, for example?"

"No, only native Terran creatures," said Zookeeper.

"Then it is also possible that you are not able to transport Terran creatures into an alien environment," said Ten. "Certainly there are Terran animals on Mars. Can you connect with one of those?"

"I can sense them..." said Zookeeper. "A great many dogs. And cats. Many feral." She gestured again into the air. "But I can't summon any of them."

"Your powers are evidently somehow tied to the Earth," said Ten. "Away from Earth, you can still sense Terran mammals-- even across millions of miles, it would appear-- but are unable to teleport them to you."

"I'm sorry to have wasted your time," said Isapoinhkyaki Addams.

"Oh, not at all," said Lightning Lass. "We are glad to have met you. And perhaps we can visit you in Juneaupolis sometime, and you can give us a real demonstration of your powers."

"I'd like that," said Isapoinhkyaki Addams.

APPLICANT (4)
DAV LLEWELL OF SKLAR

He had pale yellow skin, light blue hair, and freckles.

"Yes, there are free anafemmes on Sklar," he said. "We have recently been legally granted Equal Rights."

"No one said otherwise," said Lightning Lass, smiling. "What are your powers?"

"May I have a volunteer, please?" the boy asked. Korvea stepped up. "I would like to shake hands, in old-fashioned Earth greeting," he said.

Korvea stepped forward, and tentatively took his proffered hand.

And collapsed to the ground in agony, her knees buckling, eyes filled with tears.

"I call myself Peter Pain," said Dav. "The pain stops as soon as I am no longer in contact."

Korvea pulled herself back to her feet. "And can anyone touch you without feeling excruciating pain?" she asked. "You must be very... unpopular."

"I have complete control of my pain-power," said the lad calling himself Peter Pain.

"Well, I've never felt anything like it," said Korvea to the rest of the members, returning to her seat.

"May I try?" asked Ten. He rose, and took the boy's hand. "Yes," Ten said calmly. "You are directly stimulating the pain centers. An hallucination of all-over body pain. Quite uncomfortable. But I see you are doing no physical damage, so it is perfectly safe for me to ignore the agony." Peter Pain was perspiring with effort. "Different creatures react differently to pain," said Ten, still gently squeezing Peter Pain's hand. "For example, if you tried this with a Tentacaglor, you would end up nothing but a spot of grease on the sand right now. It is important to fully comprehend one's abilities."

Ten released his grip, and looked at the other three members. "Perhaps we could accept him for training? I believe there is a lot we could teach him."

"No, no, I don't think so," said Peter Pain, obviously shaken. "Maybe? maybe it would be best if I explore my abilities on my own, for now."

"I completely agree," said Korvea.

Cosmic Boy shrugged.

"I think that is a wise choice," said Lightning Lass.

"Do I get a flight ring as a consolation prize?" asked Peter Pain.

"No," said Cosmic Boy, "But a coupon for a free large-size pizza at Prospero's in New Metropolis has been added to your credit account."

Peter Pain walked away, dejected.

"No one reads the Terms and Conditions when they fill out an application," Ten sighed.

APPLICANT (5)
EBENAH ZIRR

"You are also from Earth?" asked Korvea.

"Actually, my family is originally from Zwen," said Ebenah Zirr.

"Odd," said Ten. "Isn't Zwen in the middle of its Hibernation Summer right now?"

"Why yes," said Ebenah Zirr, quirking an eyebrow. "But my parents have lived on Earth for years-- I was born there-- and the impulse to hibernate is easy for Zwenites to overcome in its cooler climate."

"But you can turn to stone?" asked Lightning Lass. "Like all native Zwenites?"

"Only when I sleep," Ebenah replied. "But I'm actually something of an anomaly. I contracted a gene-editing virus when I was young, and since then I've been able to petrify any living thing I look at." She stared intently at Cosmic Boy, who promptly turned to immovable stone. "I call myself Miss Medusa."

"Impressive," Lightning Lass laughed, staring at the stone Pol.

"Did you know," said Korvea, "That when you blink, your target changes back to flesh-and-blood for an instant?"

Ebenah looked away, and Cosmic Boy de-petrified. "No, I didn't know that," she said.

"Why is everyone staring at me?" asked Cosmic Boy. "Did I miss something?"

"You know, my Adult Guardian is an eminent exobiologist," said Ten. "He would be very interested in your abilities-- and in helping you to understand them yourself."

"Is your Adult Guardian on Colu?" asked Miss Medusa.

"It is not so forbidding a place as some have painted it," said Ten. "And you would not live there full-time. A schedule could be arranged."

"I'm not saying you need to go to Colu," said Lightning Lass. "But I think you do need a better understanding and control of your powers." Korvea nodded solemnly.

"Wait, what are her powers?" asked Cosmic Boy.

APPLICANT (6)
TONG XIE TAO

The little Zwenite girl was just leaving when a private flyer set down in the parking lot. Two passengers got out: a middle-aged woman, trailed by a young girl, carrying a tall wooden staff.

"I'm sorry," said Lightning Lass. "You are?"

"This is an open audition, is it not?" asked the woman imperiously. Her countenance was fierce, her eyes were bright yellow, and her hair was crimson, and almost certainly dyed. "This is my daughter, Tong Xie Tao of Hubei Sheng, Earth. Come, daughter, step up. Always late, always late. She wishes to make an application to the Legion."

Cosmic Boy levitated one of the iron benches that stood on the beachfront, and set it down beside the older woman. "Super-Hero Club," he corrected her. "Please, have a seat, Ms. Tong."

"Please relax, while we interview your daughter," said Ten. ?Would you care for a refreshing beverage?"

"Would you like a cup of tea, Ms. Tong?" asked Korvea. "If the Martian sun is too hot, could take you inside."

"No, thank you," said Ms. Tong. "I am fine."

"Xie Tao, is it?" asked Lightning Lass. "Do you have another name you would prefer to be called?"

"Woodcarver," said Tong Xie Tao shyly. "I'm a Wood Elemental."

"Woodcarver, there is a grove of trees behind you," said Lightning Lass. "If that would help to demonstrate your powers."

"I can't control living wood," said Woodcarver. "It has to be cut, and seasoned, and... I need to develop a relationship with it."

"Really?" said Lightning Lass. "How do you mean?"

"For example," said Woodcarver, throwing her staff directly at Cosmic Boy's head. As he raised his hand to ward off the attack, the staff bent and curled around his wrist like a snake. Then the other end caught his other wrist. The staff rolled itself into a knot, and then... it was as solid and unbendable as an ordinary piece of wood. "It's cedar," she said. "Very hard, and tough."

"Hey, why am I always the guinea pig?" asked Cosmic Boy.

"I did Peter Pain," Korvea reminded him.

The staff, suddenly fluid again, released Cosmic Boy, and slithered like a snake back to its mistress.

"I've made a lot of other helpers," said Woodcarver. The door of the flyer in the parking lot opened, and a low, squat creature came out, making its way towards the Clubhouse.

"There was a bad windstorm, and a cherry tree blew straight out of the ground. It broke into several pieces, and I rescued the stump." The stump of a tree was walking out of the parking lot. About three feet tall, its long roots resembled the tentacles of a squid. It paused before the girl, becoming as solid and immobile as any stump of cherrywood ought to be. "This is Pu, the Uncarved Block." said Woodcarver.

"I have a marionette made of pine, a little taller than Pu, who I call 'Pinocchio'. I made a full-sized wolf-statue by joining oak slips, that I call 'Timber Wolf'. 'Mr. Punch' is a puppet with oversized hands and feet, made of pearwood. I have a little wooden eye, which I can actually see through-- from a distance. And I managed to get my hands on some Daxamite Scarlet Forestwood, and made myself a near-invulnerable 'Super-Mannequin'."

"And you can control them all as well as your Cedar Staff and Uncarved Block?" asked Lightning Lass.

"Yes, but I have a lot of other rejected projects that just sit in the woodbox," said Woodcarver. "I could turn them into a kind of Scrap Army, I guess."

"Are your creations alive?" asked Korvea. "That is, capable of independent action?"

"No," said Woodcarver. "I have to tell them what to do. But once they start, especially if it's some general, repetitive action, they won't stop until I tell them to."

"Well, I'm impressed," said Korvea.

"So am I," said Lightning Lass, "But we'll need the unanimous consent of the rest of the members. We have your..."

"You have a Coluan," Ms. Tong interrupted. "So I assume you have access to good educational materials? She is currently studying Beginning Calculus, and needs to continue with a good teacher, who will motivate her. Is that you, Mr. Coluan child?"

"I'm sorry," said Ten. "I don't really feel qualified to teach Earth mathematics. I am, of course, familiar with Leibniz and Newton and Descartes historically, but their work is so elementary that it is... well, obvious... to Coluan children."

Ms. Tong seemed taken aback. "What are the schools like in this New Metropolis? Do they offer Music classes? She needs to continue with her piano and violin instruction, as well, and will need an advanced tutor."

"I made my own violin, too..." said Woodcarver. "It plays itself..."

Ms. Tong glared at her daughter, who bit her lip.

"I am afraid this... Super Hero Club... will not be a suitable environment for my exceptional daughter," she said. "I expected a modern Legion, not this... second-rate Clubhouse. All Mars, in fact, seems an undeveloped backwater world. Come, child, we will return home."

"Don't forget to pick up your free pizza from Prospero's," said Cosmic Boy. "I like the Clubhouse," he said to no one in particular. "Beachfront property."

"She seemed familiar," said Lightning Lass. "Has she been on the holo-feeds? Where have I seen her before?"

"Tong Marya, ne Pai," said Shrinking Violet. "A member of the original Legion of Super-Heroes for a short time. She went by the name of Dragonwing. A fire elemental,"

"Of course," said Lightning Lass. "We met her doppelganger in Mordu?s alternate universe. I feel bad for Xie Tao, though."

"We'll keep an eye on Woodcarver," said Korvea. "You never know."

CHAPTER THIRTY-SEVEN
THE NEW KARATE KID

Star-Woman, the Triplicates, and Phantom Girl had returned. Only Matter-Eater Lad Two, Polar Lass, and Chameleon were still out on missions.

Everyone was still asleep. Morning was just dawning; the sun had not yet breached the horizon.

There was a disturbance in the parking lot. A small personal flyer had landed, with a boxy SP vehicle right behind. There was some sort of fight going on: a half-dozen SPs appeared to be battling an unseen opponent.

It looked like the SPs needed help.

"Let's go, Members," said Star-Woman. "No, I take it back, the SPs are leaving." As the SPs retreated, a young girl ran towards the Clubhouse.

"You must grant me asylum, Legionnaires," begged the girl. She looked perhaps nine or ten.

"First of all: not Legionnaires," said Star-Woman. "We are the Super-Hero Club. Second: to whom do I have the pleasure of speaking?"

"You may call me," said the girl, "Princess Valera of Orando. The New Karate Kid."

o o o

"I realize I am young. But I have been trained in the martial arts of a hundred planets since before I could walk. I am proficient, but still have not mastered many of them. That will have to wait until I am older. Ultimately, it is hoped that I may use my abilities as Queen and Defender of Orando, should I succeed my mother, Queen Projectra." Princess Valera explained. "But there is something wrong with my mother. Some dark spirit or evil force has invaded her mind. She acts as a woman possessed. She has not been behaving rationally. She has become obsessed with... She wants to kill me."

"We are in no position to grant you asylum," said Star-Woman. "That would be up to MarsGov. And they would need to contact Orando, and engage in direct negotiations. You cannot just run away. At some point, you will need to engage with the Council of Orakills on Orando-- I believe they are able to hold the Queen's power in check?"

The Clubhouse door chimed. It turned out to be the SP officers from Nix Olympica, Bradbury and Burroughs.

"You are a long way from home," said Shrinking Violet.

"This is a matter of Interplanetary import," said Officer Burroughs. "There was a disturbance in your lot last night. Several local officers were injured. Did you see what happened?"

Polar Lass joined Shrinking Violet at the door. "Not really," she said "There was a ruckus which woke us all up, and we saw an SP vessel taking off in the middle of the night. And someone abandoned a small flyer in our parking lot. It's locked and empty."

"You might want to talk to the Circadians," said Shrinking Violet. "I'm not sure what hours they keep; they might have seen something we didn't."

"Just a formality," said Officer Bradbury, "But we'd like to search your Clubhouse. We like to be thorough."

"Do you have a warrant?" asked Polar Lass.

Star-Woman came to the door. "A warrant won't be necessary, Kylda. The Super-Hero Club always wants to cooperate with the Science Police." She touched her flight ring. "Get yourselves decent, everybody, and open your doors. Our friends Officer Bradbury and Officer Burroughs are going to do a little walk-through."

Star-Woman, Polar Lass, and Shrinking Violet accompanied the officers on the walk-through.

"Each room has a clean-room tesseract attached," Star-Woman told them. "And there is a clubhouse basement, although we haven't furnished it yet. I don't think anyone has been down there this morning, so someone could be hiding there. That?s what you?re looking for, isn?t it? Although I don't know how they could have gotten in last night without our knowing."

The officers checked each room with a pan-spectral scanner. Officer Bradbury also checked each room with a Zone-O-Phone. The members were surprised to learn that Phantom Girl kept an extra set of furniture in the Zone. That was also where she kept holos from her dates with Ronin Nah.

By the time they were finished, the Circadeans awake, and at their posts. Officers Bradbury and Burroughs excused themselves from the Members, and went out to talk with them.

After the SPs flyer was long out of sight, Phantom Girl breathed a sigh of relief. "Well, I'm glad we nixed the idea of hiding her in the Phantom Zone," she said.

"Where is she?" asked Ffiona. "Have you just been moving her from room to room as they searched?"

Star-Woman led them to the kitchen. "She's just a little girl," said Star-Woman. "We didn't need a very big space." She thumbed the key on the Chrono-Fridge. The New Karate Kid had managed to fold herself into the one-cubic-meter space.

""What happened?" said the Princess.

"The Chrono-Fridge sent you into the future," said Star-Woman. "The SP were here for hours looking for you. But you can't just keep hiding forever. We need to come up with a workable plan."

But by midnight, no one had come up with an idea that was agreeable to the Princess and the Members. Ten insisted that they turn her over to a neutral third planet, but the Princess wanted someone who did not have extradition rights with Orando. No one could think of a non-U.P. world they trusted.

Finally, everyone gave up, and decided to sleep on it. The New Karate Kid took one of the many spare rooms.

CHAPTER THIRTY-EIGHT
ROYAL PREROGATIVE

The great rock-iron door was blasted open. Two dozen soldiers of the Royal Guard of Orando flooded into the Clubhouse. Half of them guarded the Member's doors, the rest went after the Princess. There was a tremendous battle in the halls, the Mistress of Martial Arts holding her own against the Guard, although not easily.

"They're only armed with stun-staves," Phantom Girl informed the others. She was the only one to have easily left her room. "They're trying to capture, not kill." A few moments later: "They are herding her, out and away from the Clubhouse. I don't think she realizes it."

"I expect they will want to get her outside the magic shield," said Ten. "Magic is common on Orando."

Star-Woman went out through the wall of her room, meteoric debris falling below. There was an immense spacecraft hovering over the parking lot, with the emblem of the Royal House of Orando imprinted on the side. Star-Woman rushed for it-- and missed. Somehow, she was lost in the void of space. She turned, looking back to where she had come; but Mars was gone. The black sky was filled with only stars.

The Royal Guard exited the Clubhouse, the Members close on their heels. The moment they crossed the border of the magic shield...

They found themselves in a technicolor land of rolling hills, with tangerine trees and marmalade skies. Cellophane flowers of yellow and green towered over their heads. The Clubhouse, the Guard, the Princess, and Orandan spacecraft had vanished from view. The world began to tilt and spin. Several Members lost their balance, clinging to the shifting ground. Others took to the sky, but saw their companions flying beside them at weird angles.

Ten made an odd motion with his hands. "finite incantatum," he said.

The world returned to normal. Projectra, Queen of Orando was walking toward them from the royal ship, hands upraised.

"What would ColuGov say if they knew you were studying Magic, child?" she asked.

"It is difficult," said Ten. "I only know two spells. But I'm glad this one proved useful."

"Do not think you can defy me," said the Queen. "Your force-shield will not protect you." Water bubbled up inside Ten's force-shield, quickly rising over his head. He fell to the surface, gasping for breath.

"But it's only an illusion!" cried Phantom Girl.

"Even Brainiac Five could not fully ignore my illusions," said Queen Projectra. "Do you have a twelfth-level mind, little Coluan?"

Lightning flashed from Lightning Lass? hands and Star-Woman?s eyes, as they attacked together, coruscating electricity blanketing the Queen. The only effect was that she seemed to grow taller. Ten, twenty, fifty feet tall, towering over the Members.

"Let me make this clear," said the image of Queen Projectra. "You have no idea what matters you have interfered with. I am Queen of Orando. Supreme Ruler, among other titles. When you face me, you do not face me alone. I carry with me the souls of my ancestors. There are some of them not as kind as I, whom you would not wish to anger. Furthermore, I am, myself, Orando incarnate. When the UPGov deals with Orando, they deal with me. I will not be balked by a dozen Adventurer want-to-be's such as you children."

Then she, the Orandan ship, and the little flyer were gone.

CHAPTER THIRTY-NINE
EXPLANATION

"What else could we have done?" asked Lighting Lass.

"At least no one was injured," said Phantom Girl. "I was worried about Ten."

"We could not expect to stand against an entire Planetary Government," said Korvea.

"But we can learn from this experience," said Star-Woman. "How can we handle things better next time, when faced with a powerful opponent?"

The wallscreen in the Conference Room pinged. Garth and Imra Ardeen Ranzz, and Rokk and Lydda Jath Krinn appeared. Behind them sat Dorrit and Davera Ranzz.

"Is everyone there?" asked Imra. "I don't want to have to go through this twice."

"We're all here, Mrs. Ranzz," said Star-Woman.

"Your Super-Hero Club has filed a complaint with UPGov, alleging that the Queen of Orando is conspiring to murder her daughter. You are fortunate that this complaint has been dismissed out of hand before it reached higher levels. Orando would be perfectly justified in bringing charges against all of you for defaming the Royal Family, interfering with the performance of officers of the law in their duties, harboring a fugitive... probably a lot of other charges as well. The Queen does not owe you an explanation. But as Projectra was once a Legionnaire, and remains our friend, she has allowed us to provide you with information regarding the events you have just experienced, of which you are obviously unaware. If only for the sake of Dacey and Hu."

"First of all, the Queen Projectra has no daughter. There are no royal children of Orando at all. When the Queen passes, the Crown will pass to one of her many cousins. That is her tragedy, but it is irrelavant here. The girl who styled herself as 'Princess Valera' is a common palace servant named Naryamm Sherbetor. Her family has served the Royal House for many years, and her parents are beloved of the Queen. That is another reason this incident is to be kept quiet."

"There is, on Orando, an... artifact... which contains the Soul of The Valiant Paladin, who once gave his life to save Orando from invasion. On occasion, when Orando has been in great distress, mystic means have been used to temporarily restore the Valiant Paladin to life. Through childish foolishness and a magical accident, the Soul of The Valiant Paladin became entangled with Naryamm's own soul. Because the fusion was not properly directed by skilled mystics, Naryamm was confused about her own nature and origins. She fled. She is now being healed by the Council of Orakills, and will return to her ordinary duties without punishment."
"The same generosity will be shown to you by Orando and UPGov, as you are also young and foolish."

The transmission ended.

this was a good bit

Nice little episode! I like the bait and switch with Karate Kid, and also that Jeckie just gets more imposing the older she gets

CHAPTER FORTY
INCURSION

"Hey, who ate all my dragonfruit?" cried Lightning Lass.

"Not me," said Cosmic Boy. "The only fruit I snack on is Spunow."

"Candy bars don't count as fruit," Lightning Lass retorted. "But someone has made short work of the care package Mom and Dad sent. Overnight, too, I think. Midnight snacking."

She went to check the AutoChef. "Nobody's ordered anything since dinner last night," she said. "Just decimated our fresh fruits and veggies. And when I say 'our', I mean mine."

"It is concerning," said Ten, entering the kitchen. "I have been monitoring the security system gifted to us by Althar. It seems to be malfunctioning, but I cannot seem to find the problem. It reports there both is and is not an intruder in the clubhouse."

"No, I believe we actually have had an intruder for the past couple of nights," said Star Woman. "In my dreams, I seem to sense them just at the edge of perception... and then my mind becomes clouded. We need to have a meeting."

The full Membership was gathered around the round table.

"Most of us have enhanced senses," said Star Woman. "Pol has Quantum Magno-Vision. Both he and Korvea can see in the dark. Dacey has her "shark sense" - she can detect electric fields. Durlans have sub-molecular ultrasonar. Phantom Girl has 4D-vision. I know that Coluans can see deep into the electromagnetic spectrum, both into the infrared and ultraviolet. My electro-cometary vision can see through anything except copper. I propose coordinating our various super-sensory capabilities to see if we can find out what is going on."

"How do we know the intruder is not in the building right now?" asked Shrinking Violet.

"We don't," said Star Woman. "But it is clear they are here at night, as that is when food goes missing."

"And someone has been using my cleanroom," said Matter-Eater Lad Two. "Bismollian physiology being what it is, I don't use it much myself. But someone else has been. And they aren't very good at cleaning up after themselves."

"Ugh," said Polar Lass.

"The Altharan security system would have detected a Bgztr, or someone teleporting in and out.," said Ten. "This intruder is utilizing some new phenomenon I have not encountered before."

"It could be as simple as an invisible person opportunistically sneaking in when one of us enters or leaves the clubhouse," said Ffiona.

"One thing for sure," said Lightning Lass. "They are hungry, and either don't know how to use a replicator, or don't like replicator food."

Enough days passed that everyone was getting antsy. The Triplicates were first to suggest moving out of the "haunted" clubhouse and getting rooms in New Metropolis. A second care package arrived from Winath, and the contents vanished even more quickly than the first.

"I think I saw something last night,? said Phantom Girl. ?In the early hours of the morning, actually. And not saw... more just sensed. As though someone walked out through the wall next to this window."

"Let me take a look," said Shrinking Violet, running to the front door, then speeding around the house.

Phantom Girl was half-phased through the wall.

"Wait! Don't disturb anything!" criedd Shrinking Violet. "The soil here is quite sandy-- it will hold a footprint, but not for long." She inspected the ground carefully. "Definitely something. Could be humanoid. Maybe the size of you or I."

Phantom Girl stepped gingerly around the square of ground Shrinking Violet was inspecting.

"Straight through a solid wall," said Shrinking Violet. "So it could be a Bgztlr after all."

"No," said Phantom Girl. "The intruder seemed to phase through the wall more slowly-- more like pudding."

"Like pudding through a wall..." Shrinking Violet mused. "Not very helpful." She ran her hand over the wall. "I would bet Ten would find some kind of energy signature here."

"Traces of residual electromagnetic radiation at 550 nanometers," was Ten's diagnosis.

"Then we're looking for something... green?" said Fiona. "An invisible intruder. But green. That just doesn't make any sense."

"We can ask them when we see them tonight," said Ten. "Now that we know where to look."

The boy crouched inside the Altharan security field, eyes glowing green like a cat's. Smooth olive skin. long, stringy, greasy black hair. It was clear he had not taken advantage of the sonic shower in Matter-Eater Lad Two's cleanroom.

Lightning Lass's energy arcs illuminated the room.

Star-Woman turned on the lights, and took a closer look. Not a boy, but a young man, perhaps her own age. Perhaps five or ten years older. He had a scruffy beard.

"Well," she said. "Would you like to introduce yourself, before we turn you over to the Martian Science Police?"

The prisoner was silent.

"Why were you stealing food, of all things?" asked Matter-Eater Lad Two. "Even if you have exhausted your stipend, UPGov is not going to let you starve."

The strange young man continued to ignore them.

Each of the Members endeavored to engage him in conversation, failing equally. Cosmic Boy expressed the opinion that their prisoner was mute, or did not speak Interlac.

SP Officer Zegg looked to be from a heavy gravity world. Scarcely as tall as Polar Lass, he was twice as broad. Red hair. A ruddy, round, cheerful face. Senior Officer Weiss was tall and willowy, with half-oriental eyes. Skin white as snow, hair black as ebony, lips red as blood.

"Where is he?" asked Officer Weiss, looking straight at the Altharan security field.

"No, that's just his little trick," Star Woman explained. "Don't take down that field. It's odd, but even with all our varied super-senses, he sometimes just slips out of perception."

"It is not invisibility as we ordinarily think of it," Ten opined. "It is more like something is clouding our sensory perceptions. I am also experiencing a compulsion not to look for him. I assume it is the same with the rest of us. Even Vesta's mechanical sensors are blocked; so it is not simply a function of biology. If I were to characterize it, I would call his ability an advanced form of hiding."

"Super-hiding," said Shrinking Violet. "Highly effective, but not perfect."

"You're not joking?" asked Officer Weiss. "This isn't some kind of Super-Hero Club prank?"

"It took us the better part of a week to find him," Star-Woman explained. "And all the while he was entering and leaving the Clubhouse at will."

"We should call him Hide-And-Seek Boy," said Polar Lass.

"No!."

Where there had been no one within the Altharan security field, there was now someone.

"You may call me Prince Tiercelet, son of Falyce, Empress of Orando. Deposed by Projectra and her armies, we have been exiled, imprisoned on an island in the Northern Sea of Orando. And now the Science Police of the United Planets will return me there."

"You stowed away on one of the Orandan Guardships," Shrinking Violet deduced. "How long were you sneaking around your homeworld, looking for a way to escape? What was your plan?"

"I admit,' said Prince Tiercelet, "I had no plan. Only to escape, to get away. To be free of the Royal House. But I became hungry, and tired. My only thought was to get through another day. This... Clubhouse... is the only shelter I could find. But you are also thralls of the Queen. You returned the Sherbetor, despite her pleas for asylum. During the day, I went looking for a city, or other signs of civilization. But I could find nothing."

"New Metropolis is only a few miles from here," said Shrinking Violet.

"Where? In what direction?" said Prince Tiercelet."I'm glad you know where it is. I have walked miles along the seashore in both directions. I have been lost in the woods both day and night. The only source of food and rest was in the home of my enemies."

"What do you want to do with him?" Star-Woman asked the SPs.

"That is entirely up to Orando," was the reply. "We would like to use your viewscreen to contact them from here."

As Star-Woman took the two SPs to the communications room, Korvea approached Shrinking Violet.

"I have been doing some research," she said. "Falyce controlled the Orandan government for a little over a year. She was convicted of treason to the Queen, and exiled to a place called the Emerald Isle, in the North Sea of Orando. It is not uncomfortable. A small palace, with a rotating staff of servants-slash-security-guards. Tiercelet was born there, and lived all his life there. It is likely that until now, he has never fed himself, probably never dressed himself, He is probably unfamiliar with technology of any kind. Never used an AutoChef, Solid Printer, or communications device of any kind. He has been waited on hand-and-foot since the day of his birth. Alone by the New Hellespont, he would have been lost and helpless. In many ways, he is like a little lost child. I have seen this in minor nobles on Talok..."

Star-Woman returned with the SPs.

"So you will take me back to Orando?" asked Tiercelet. "You know I will try to escape from you."

"That is not the order from the Queen's Regent," said Officer Weiss. "You were in exile on Orando. You chose to further exile yourself. Your location is to be registered with Weber's World. You will be enrolled in the stipend. You may seek other, more gainful employment, if you wish. We will find you lodgings in New Metropolis, after which, if you wish, you may relocate to anywhere else on Mars that you can afford. We are also authorized to provide you transportation-- once-- to any U.P. world that will have you. Not Orando. Anywhere but Orando. As a token of her beneficence, the Queen has authorized the purchase of ten suits of clothing for you. Your mother will be informed of your situation, and arrangements will be made to have for you to have occasional contact with her."

"This is the consequence for breaking and entering? And? eating all my Dragonfruit?" asked Lightning Lass. "He's just... moving on with his life?"

"He will be placed on an SP watchlist."

?He is an exile from his homeworld,? said Chameleon. ?He will never see his home and family again. That is punishment enough.?

?Maybe even more than enough,? said Phantom Girl. ?But we know that the law on Orando can be somewhat? harsh.?

The Triplicates nodded in unison.

"And it's not like we're never getting another care package from Lightning Ring Farms," said Cosmic Boy.

CHAPTER FORTY-ONE
CHASING RABBITS

"You really need to take this seriously," said Dacey. "This is a huge deal. Graym's kids are the first real identical twins in my Dad's family for two generations. Yves even named Noel and Leon."

"Aren't Graym and Garridan identical twins?" asked Pol.

"You would think so, right? But no, they're fraternal, just like Dorrit and me."

They looked through the holo-racks of clothing.

"You need to get something nice," said Dacey. "Something that shows your Mom and Dad you have taste. That you don't just wear your Dad's old costume every day."

"But I don't have taste," said Pol. "I do wear my Dad's old costume every day, you know."

Dacey made an effort not to scream. "I'm going to go look in the Artisanal section," she said. "See what you can find here."

"Wow, you look great," said Pol, a little while later. "Blue and silver are really your colors."

"Actually, I think it's the cut," said Dacey. "What did you find?"

"I'm trying to decide between these three," said Pol.

"Maybe try again," said Dacey. "And here's a hint: black."

They finally decided on a modernist grey-blue suit. "It's nice," said Dacey. "It makes you look like you have shoulders."

"What's wrong with my shoulders?" asked Pol. There was a booming crash outside. Pol and Dacey, along with the rest of the store, rushed to look.

Things that looked like two missiles were fighting up high in the sky.

"Doctor Shakespeare again, do you think?" asked Dacey.

"Maybe. But who's the other one? And why does Mars get so many incursions?" said Pol.

"There's a reason Dorrit and I chose Mars," Dacey explained. "Earth and Venus, being more developed, have strong planetary defenses. So the real action tends to migrate over here."

A humanoid-shaped meteor plummeted out of the sky, smashing a hole in the middle of the street. A slender, rabbit-headed, white-furred woman in blood-red armor climbed out. "Stay back!" she cried.

Pol and Dacey activated their flight rings, hovering about a meter off the ground. A second rabbit-headed humanoid, this one pink-furred and male, and dressed all in black, touched down on the building across the street. "Surrender, Xenobriar," he cried. "Or the inhabitants of this building will die a crushing death."

"OK, so he's the Villain," said Dacey. She let loose a blast of white-hot lightning.

"His name is Captain Black," said the rabbitty Xenobriar. "Careful-- he's more powerful than you might think."

Captain Black was knocked backwards and upwards by the lightning, but quickly recovered, sending a fiery energy-blast back at Dacey. Pol put up a magnetic shield, which deflected most of the blast.

"I think we're in trouble," said Pol.

Captain Black raised his hands for another blast, but a violet streak materialized behind him as Star-Woman. The Naltoran quickly clasped the pink rabbit-man in a bear-hug.

"I hope you have some way of containing him," called Star-Woman to Xenobriar.

"Bring him down here," Xenobriar called back. She took out a glowing, golden lasso and looped a strand around Captain Black's wrist. "You will return to your throne in the center of your home world in your own dimension," she commanded. "And never leave it." The pink-skinned rabbit winced. "Do you agree?" asked Xenobriar.

"I agree," said Captain Black mournfully. He vanished in a gout of red flame.

"Who was he?" asked Dacey.

"An interdimensional demon," said Xenobriar. "I am sorry to get your world involved."

"And who are you?" asked Star-Woman.

"Xenobriar, Animalzon Princess of Parrot-Eyes Island," she answered. "And now, I must return to my own dimension as well." She spun the lasso, and vanished in a sparkle of golden glitter.

"I have no idea what any of those words mean," said Dacey.

For those who do not get all the references, Captain Black was the nemesis of Hoppy, the Marvel Bunny. Princess Xenobriar has the same origins as Wonder Wabbit of Earth-C-minus, but is a pastiche of Princess Xenobia from Legion of Super-Heroes in the 31st Century ?episode? #7. Credit where credit is due.

CHAPTER FORTY-TWO
PHK + DAR

Dacey Ardeen Ranzz sat on one of the iron benches outside the clubhouse, her back to the morning sun, overlooking the New Hellespont Sea. Pol was walking on the beach, and flew up when he saw her.

"Pol, do you ever think..." said Dacey.

"What?" said Pol.

"We're friends," she said. "More than friends. Right?"

"I've known you my whole life," said Pol. "Your Aunt Ayla trained me in? how to use my magnetism. Our houses were less than fifty feet apart growing up. I saw you almost every day on Lightning Ring Farms for fourteen years. You and Dorrit used to tease me mercilessly when I was little. We practiced our powers together, learning tricks combining them that our Dads never even thought of. I'm pretty sure you literally saved my life a couple of times. We've pretty much lived together-- with the rest of the Club-- for two years now. Yeah, I'd say we were more than friends."

"But do you ever think..." said Dacey. "Do you ever think we could be... you know, more?"

"Every seven seconds," said Pol.

"Oh!" Dacey leapt up, turned on her heel, and stomped away. Her stomping was impeded by the fact that they were on a small, sandy hill.

Pol used his flight ring to rise into the air. "Dacey, I'm sorry."

"You can never be serious," cried Dacey. "Not for a minute."

"Dacey, I am serious," said Pol, hovering in the air. "Don?t you know I love you? You know I love you. I love you like a sister. Like the big sister who tortured me since I was a kid."

"Forget it," said Dacey. "I'm sorry I said anything."

"And occasionally," said Pol, "Truth be told, I am troubled by some very unsisterly thoughts. But I try to put them out of my mind."

"I don't know if you're mocking me, or what," said Dacey.

"Get up here," said Pol. "Come with me. I want to show you something."

"Show me what?" asked Dacey.

"I need to show you, not tell you," said Pol.

They flew over the woods behind the Clubhouse, to a small grove. A fallen tree had made a space there. Pol led Dacey over to one of the standing trees. Shards of metal pierce the bark. They formed a heart, with a lightning bolt through it instead of an arrow. The bark was beginning to grow back, and the edges of the metal were rusting. Inside the heart was the inscription:

PHK
_+_
DAR

"How long has this been here?" asked Dacey.

"Ever since we first got to Mars," said Pol. "Even before the first Clubhouse was finished."

CHAPTER FORTY-THREE
DATING

"So our first official date was her nephews' First Ordinance," Pol explained.

"How did you like the Church of Saturn?" asked Kallor Nah.

"OK, I guess. A little weird. My folks never really went in for organized religion," said Pol.

"Ordinarily, dating is a time when two people try to get to know each other better," said Kallor. "But I would think you and Dacey would know each other pretty well as it is."

"All I really want," said Pol, "Is for us to spend a little time alone together."

"You both live right here," said Kallor. "And the walls are meter-thick meteoric iron."

"And you and Irinia can both see every little thing that happens with your vision powers," Pol noted.

"So take her out to dinner somewhere else," said Kallor. ?Some distant planet.?

"We've tried that. She's kind of a choosy eater," said Pol. "She likes fresh fruits and vegetables, and frankly, the best comes in the care packages our parents send us from Winath."

"Well, you know her better than I do," said Kallor. "What does she really like to do?"

Pol thought for a moment. "Well, she really enjoys punching Bad Guys."

"So go punch some Bad Guys," said Kallor.

CHAPTER FORTY-FOUR
A GREAT START TO THE DAY

"Here is a likely candidate," said Ten, sitting at the new Mission Monitor Board. "There have been a rash of art thefts recently. Undoubtedly the work of the same individual. Very mysterious. All museum pieces. 4D protection against Bgztlrs, metahuman detectors, transporter alarms. Yet the thief gets in and out mostly undetected."

"Mostly?" asked Cosmic Boy.

"Well, a Security Guard ran into her once, almost accidentally. But according to his testimony, she just vanished. Somehow without setting off any alarms."

"If she is so elusive, how do we find her?" asked Cosmic Boy.

"According to the computer on Mernl, there is a 9O% probability that she will attempt to steal the painting "Pillars of Creation" from the Center City Fine Art Museum on Xanthu the day after tomorrow," said Ten.

"Surely the Xanthuan Science Police are already aware of that?" asked Cosmic Boy.

"We can ask if they will accept assistance from you and Lightning Lass," said Ten.

Six Xanthuan SP surrounded the painting. Cosmic Boy and Lightning Lass were there as well. They were not wearing SP uniforms, but the drab mauve-and-black colors of the SP, in order to blend in.

Suddenly, someone was there. Lightning Lass reached out, and grabbed her in a headlock. The woman muttered something, and vanished. "Pillars of Creation" was gone as well.

"She murmured something," Lightning Lass told Ten, back at the Clubhouse. "Could it have been a spell? Do you think this is magic? I hate magic."

"It sounded like a random string of letters and numbers," said Cosmic Boy. "Maybe a password? I can't remember it all. I think it started with 3-X."

"Was she wearing red and yellow?" asked Ten.

"As a matter of fact, she was," said Lightning Lass. "How did you know that?"

"I did not know. Just a hunch," Said Ten. "But a good hunch. And it proves she is a traditionalist. We now know how to defeat her."

They had staked out "The Man In The Inertron Mask" the night before, but the mysterious thief did not show. Now they were checking out "Still Life With Robot" at a museum on Torad. The woman in red and gold stepped out from an alcove. Again, it was Lightning Lass that closest. She put the woman in a headlock.

"We've had this dance before," said the thief, smiling. "3X2(9YZ)4A!"

"Z25Y(2AB)6," Lightning Lass replied. "Surprise."

A small electric shock rendered Jezebel Quick unconscious.