Legion World Forums LEGION COMPANION Spaceopoly Nasty Genie

Granted! In this miniseries, Ned, Chuck, Olive, Emerson, Lily, Vivian (and, of course, Digby) all move to a Midwestern city called Springfield in which all the residents have been mysteriously replaced by former porno stars.

(Aside: I had heard of Ron Jeremy from somewhere or other, but had no concept of what he looked like, so I Wikipediaed him. )

I wish I could get my house organized.

GRANTED! Your house is now perfeclty organized in alphabetical order, top-to-bottom. Unfortunately, "Floor" comes before "Roof" or "Walls". So you have the floors on top, roof under them, and then the walls supporting all that. The Bathroom and bedrooms are above the Kitchen, the whole thing is just one big square column.

I wish I had all of the Legionaires' powers!

Yikes! I was beaten to the punch.

Granted, you now have all the powers of the Legionnaires. You have the powers of every member of the American Legion.

I wish I had the powers of all the members of the Legion of Superheroes.

Granted. Of course the Legion of Super-Heroes, as much as we hate to admit it, are all fictional characters, so all of your powers are equally fictional.

I wish JetBlue had more flights out of Houston and went to cities to which I would travel.

[poof!] You can now fly out of Houston and back every hour on the hour, for a very reasonable price! But only on the second Thursday of each month, between the hours of 1 and 5AM.

I wish the neighborhood ice cream trucks charged a reasonable price for their wares, and that said wares were actually delicious instead of crappy.

Ha! Sorry - I am not playing, but cleome reminded me of an ice cream story I know you guys and gals are dying to hear.

About 4 years ago, an ice cream truck was in the neighborhood, and my then 4-yr-old boy wanted some ice cream. Being basically a soft touch, I said ok. The ice cream he absolutely had to have was a frozen concoction shaped like Dora the explorer. He took it inside, took one bite, and would eat no more. Of course, I had paid for it, so I insisted that he eat it - until I tasted it. It was a sort of banana flavor, albeit a very strong, almost pungent banana.

The punch line is this: for the next 2 years, whenever the ice cream truck would come down our street, he not only didn't want ice cream - he would actually run inside the house and hide so the ice cream truck wouldn't see him!

As 2-dollar investments go, that was one of the best.

Thanks for listening!

Lol, one for the daddy tricks bag to go along with the if you don't want the wife to make you do laundry, mess it up just once.

Granted. The truck just lowered the price to $1, $1, $1 for that sweet and favorite concoction known as the "bomb pop." Yeppers, that is sure some sweet, inexpensive anti-freeze.


I wish I had chosen to work a school that had air conditioning. Teaching in 90 degree heat is not something I (or the kids) look forward to every Fall.

lance:

Granted. Air conditioning now and forever. You won't need to decorate the classrooms with fake snow at Christmas. The real thing should do very nicely. Just bring it in from outside. Or hold classes outside. Same difference.

I wish that seller's fees on ebay were reasonable again.

Granted. eBay has just implemented their new reasonable seller's fees. Unfortunately, you won't be able to utilize them since they've had to ban you after being informed that what you were actually selling human body parts (and shoddy ones at that).

I wish I owned a dude ranch.

Granted. Unfortunately, all the dudes are Promise Keepers. Good looking, mostly, but really, really repressed. They spend all weekend at the local stadium singing really bad hymns. And they never take their shirts off, not even when washing.

I wish that I could get out of town for the weekend.

Granted! You have an all-expense paid trip to a really dirty Motel 6 in the next town over.

I wish I had a smart, handsome, well-built, faithful boyfriend who loved me.

Granted. Too bad about his extreme Tourette's Syndrome.

I wish the people across the street were quiet.

Granted. The people across the street are MUCH quieter now that they've opened their School for Miming Arts.

So what if you're now followed by swarms of deathly quiet mimes whenever you walk out your front door? Just imagine all the quiet joy you'll experience as they hand you countless ends of invisible rope or pretend to be trapped in a gazillion glass boxes.

I wish a Queen Elizabeth II would A) disinherit Charles, William and Henry (honestly, I wouldn't be all that upset if she locked them up in a tower somewhere either) and then B) make me her legal heir.

Granted but the Queen misunderstood and you are now the official wig worn during the unexpectedly frequent trysts with hubby.

I wish all these leaves on my lawn would just blow into the park next door.

Granted. Unfortunately, the winds were hurricane force and blew your house into pices which are also in the park with all those leaves.

I wish there were sidewalks in my neighborhood.

Granted! But you really should've attended more of those neighborhood planning meetings, because you're gonna' faint when that bill from the city comes in.

I wish that the dishes were already washed.

Granted. They are all washed, but not rinsed. You taste the soap when you use them.

I wish there was a good movie on TV for me to watch.

Granted!

There was a great picture on last Tuesday.

I wish life made more sense.

Granted!

Your life has been tranferred into a simple binary code: 01 10 11.

I wish I had a chocolate milkshake right now.

Granted. You have gotten a gigantic chocolate milkshake and you are in the center of it. The edge of the glass is 30 miles away.

I wish I was independently wealthy.

Granted.

You are independently wealthy. Tomorrow, your cellmate will be Bernie Madoff.

I wish I could time travel back to the 1960s and experience all that great music first-hand, then return home.

Granted. Due to certain "operational issues" with your Time Bubble, you will unfortunately return to a present in which Pat Boone became supreme overlord of all existence. Oh, and he's immortal, too.

I wish I could have the house paid off by the start of 2010.

Granted!

The house that you put on Baltic Avenue in the Monopoly game you play on December 16th will indeed be paid off before the start of 2010.


I wish I could get my act together.

Granted. Your act, The Flying&Flaming&Bouncing&Singing Trampoline Brothers, is together and under contract to perform three shows daily for the next ten years
at The Polka Kingdom Casino in Branson, MO.

I wish Legion World a Happy New Year!