Legion World Forums LEGION OUTPOST Mission Monitor Board Introducing: The Legion World Department of Moral Pureness!

Hi, I'm Clive, current co-Deputy Leader of the LMB (in the midst of a curiously-long term, but I digress)!

And yes, I'm a virgin! I'm currently dating mega-hunk, Time Teller Lad, but we're not having sex--just good ol' fashioned kissing for us! And we're never gonna do anything more unless we someday walk down the aisle in Holy Matrimony!

In celebration, I've finally taken up a superhero codename. While it doesn't represent my Lardforce powers, it DOES affirm my lifestyle choice and my overall desire to bring back decency and self-control in a World gone hedonistic! Call me: <span style="font-size: 25px;">Virgin Lad</span>!!!

And to both promote virginity as an alternate lifestyle choice and to move the moral compass here in the opposite direction it's been going, I am opening The Legion World Department of Moral Pureness!

So join us, fellow virgins, or even those who or not but relish the opportunity to recapture their innocence and to help others do so!

Wasn't there a Vertigo comic about you, VL?

{To himself: Oh, Dywh, why didn't I see this coming?}

Clive, I think it's great that you and Tim have decided to wait. That's really sweet. And don't get me wrong. Innocence is vastly underrated.

But, ah, your new name is a tad bit--how shall I say this--indelicate.

Clive, please don't act hastily. You know I'm available if you need to talk.

It's a good thing this is Legion World, and not some 21st century university or high school. Else, poor VL, you'd be beat up by muscle-bound n@ssheads.

or even those who or not but relish the opportunity to recapture their innocence and to help others do so![/QB][/QUOTE]

Just curious... how does one go about recapturing their innocence anyway?

No, not asking for any particular reason. Just... curious.

"I Think I Might Be Gay Boy" would have a bunch of the girls trying to cure him.

There are virgins on Legion World?!!

All those months with nothing to sacrifice to the hungry lions so we could get rain to the harvest...I'll have to keep this in mind for next time. Better tell Hrun.

Yes, indeed. The Legion World virgins must be put to their highest and best use.

Have the female virgins brought to the Security Office for interrogation.

Send the male virgins to the sacrif-- er, bring them to the recreation arena for light refreshments.

Of course, we anticipated the backlash which would come from our desire to reintroduce a moral compass to what is predominantly an immoral or amoral culture. But we'll stand strong and prevail in the end!

How many of us regret losing our innocence after the fact? Many, I'd wager.

No, we can't make someone a virgin again, but the doorway to morality need not be locked once you've crossed the line! Renounce hedonism and immorality and help protect those who haven't crossed the line--and your innocence can be symbolically regained!

Would we have to give up card games and dancing too?

Tell me then Virgin Lad, what would you say to the largely female bodyguard that works for the legendary Cobalt Kid? Surely you know I only hire girls from "Charma's School" in their freshman year as interns. They all quit the Security Office when I did and now have joined me in the streets of Legion World. They really seem to thrive on my philosophies, especially since I have given them so much love.

Ironically enough, when we stayed at STU's Mansion the other day, someone called us the "Mansion Family" but one of the girls accidently mispronounced it and called us the Manson Familiy. How weird, right?

Didn't Footloose teach us anything?

There will be no kicking off of footwear on Legion World, Sunday or otherwise.

An unclad foot is the devil's playground.

This "virgin" stuff isn't contagious or anything is it, cuz I'm a child of the 60's. I don't think I'm innoculated.

Tell that to me after you've tried wearing shoes in the shower!

Er... go on, I'm listening.

(but wait 'til everyone else is gone!)

A must for all incoming college freshman!

Or anyone who wants to use the showers at my gym and not get serious foot-cooties.

I still see people where them at my gym too. And with good reason, the only other way to ensure foot safety is the old 'pee disinfectant method'.

I've tried that method, but apparently some people get furious when you pee on their foot.

Go figure!

All this talk of urinating on oneself or others is morally corrupt! Most esteemed Cobaltus (and friend), I ask you to cease and desist this unwholesome talk in the DMP!

And join us in our quest to restore morality on this immoral world!

[LFR takes a close look at Virgin Lad]

No way are you a virgin.

Off to the potato mines, you prevaricator!

I am so a virgin!

<takes out his Virginometer and shows him the positive reading>

You however...

<points it at the Legatus and the device explodes>

...are not!

Further, you have absolutely NO authority over myself as co-Deputy of the LMB or over this establishment!

Now, get OUT, you abomination!

Easy Clive, easy. I am no virgin, but you must remember, I've been married several times. For all we know, so has STU.

However, perhaps we can use some of these measuring devices on other Legion Worlders, such as Gary Concord? Just to be sure we know what we're dealing with. For the good of Legion World of course.