Legion World Forums LEGION CLUBHOUSE The Legion of Super-Heroes Long Live the Legion! 101 signs our Indy Rawk Superhero club has sold out to the Man

1. Lightning Lad signs the infamous agreement with Saturn mom.

2. Theena's symbiote starts showing ads for cellular trim creme before switching the live feed of Starboy working out.

3. Timberwolf insists on a new costume from Jos. A Bank.

4. Saturn Girl's new costume comes with a purse containing a cute little lap-sized Protean.

5. Formal, sit-down meetings.

6. Naked fridays are nothing but a distant memory.

7. Element Lad invests in Star Oil, Space-Inc. and makes a boatload on their third quarter profits (while half the universe continues to feel the pressure of the increased prices).

8. Initiation for male Legionnaires no longer involves sleeping with Ayla.

9. Shadow Lass' new boyfriend is Lester Spiffany.

10. Sun Boy flies by Legion Plaza and thinks "hm...those kids are up to no-good, I can feel it!"

11. RJ Brande, Inc. is finally returning their calls.

12. Raymond Luxury Yacht becomes a member

13. They give a flightring to someone who's only known power is her father's wealth. Oh, nevermind, that would never happen...

14. Ultra Boy's new car is Ford Crown Victoria.

15. Brainiac 5 licenses a Saturday Morning Cartoon series based on the Legion's adventures.

Because he retained creative control, He rewrites the series to minimize Cosmic Boy's role and personally hires the annoying kid who played Wesley Crusher portray Cos.

16. Bare midriffs and anatomically revealing lycra costumes are replaced with Seinfeld-esque puffy shirts and cargo pants.

17. Sponsorhip offers from large multiplanet governing bodies must be approved by 2/3 majority of the Legion Ways and Means subcommittee before being added to the agenda for the full membership's quartlery review of proposed amendments to the Legion's bylaws.

18. On overhearing the phrase "burning mattress" in the new Legion headquarters, Jo's thoughts turn fondly to the pursuit of a product liability class action.

19. When a routine legal analysis reveals that the term "superhero" is a registered trademark, the groups heeds its legal counsel's advice and changes its name to the "Legion of Supra-heroes." This action was approved by Toyota.*

<span style="font-size: 9px;">*official sponsor of the Legion of Supra-heroes.</span>

20. Their expenses are tax-deductible.

21. They charge more than the Superbowl for half time "Grand Awakening of Dream Girl" advertising slots.

22. IPO Lass beats out Mon-El as the newest Legion member.

23. Perspective members are forwarded a information pack out lining the pension plan, superannuation fund details and the relevent medical and dental forms.

24. Legionnaires adopt a new standard uniform with a white stripe down the middle of the front and belts with ammo pouches attached.

25. A formal grievance procedure is adopted to handle harassmaent and sexual misconduct issues.

26. Hazard pay and transportation reimbursement are applicable only if duty is assigned by the leader or his/her/its designee.

27. Written reports (Legion Form 312-f)of all off-world activity must be furnished within 24 hours of completion of off-world duty.

28. Kono juice must be purchased from a pre-authorized list of approved distributors.

29. By laws state no fat kids with bouncing powers can join. Nor anyone with more than two eyes for that matter. (long live the UP and SP!)

30. Lightning Lad changes his name to "Live Wire" because an "image consultant" thinks it sounds cooler.

31. "Cosmic Cola... it's Mag-tastic!"

32. Light Lass faces sexual harassment charges