Legion World Forums LEGION OUTPOST Mission Monitor Board Every 10 Years Forum I come in peace!

Greetings, strange beings!

I come from a far galaxy on a mission of exploration! I hope that we can set up friendly commercial and cultural exchange!

<Cobalt Kid's hip-hop robot sidekick S.H.A.G. enters near Odran, noting the being's odd appearance.>

Computing, computing...

...bringing up LMB files...members/reservists/allies/foes/familiars

Odran...known to the LMB. See: "Super Jailhouse of Space". Fully currently unavailable, being accessed elsewhere.

'Sup Odran! My homie Cobie says you might be lyin, I hope dat ain't da case.

That must've been some other guy named "Odran"!

Where I come from, it's a common name, like "Bobbo" is among you monkey-creatures!

Why, yes! According to my space-records, a vile criminal name "Odran" was exiled to your galaxy several of those units of time you call "years" ago.

Er... sorry about that!

All I want to know is are you pro-union or not.

<S.H.A.G., a simply robot, looks on>

Computing...

...control/edit, <change> 'hip-hop' to 'professor'...

Very well Odran. This new technology indeed looks impressive. Being an explorer, you must have a vast array of technology on board your ship. Perhaps you would like to help me secure my master, Cobalt Kid, who is currently being held in the Gorilla Tribes of Legion World. At this juncture, the LMB is too distracted for a quick pick-up.

At your own conveinence of course.

What are these "unions" you speak of?

a union is a confederation of independent individuals for some common purpose.

In this case, it is a union of the underlings of self-proclaimed villians for the common purpose of better working conditions and wages.

Unfortunately, it would be against the prime directive of my mission to become directly involved in civil strife amongst you primates!

I will, however, visit the gorilla tribes you speak of! Perhaps they would be willing to trade for your master!

This concept is strange to me.

On my world, all labor is performed by automata! We have no need of "wages" or "working conditions", much less improvement in them!

You..You.. don't pay your workers!?!?!?!?!? That's slavery.

S.H.A.G. you might want to tell Cobalt Kid to keep an eye on this one.

Maybe I misunderstand. So one of these "workers" does what it is supposed to do and you give it something in return?

So, for example, the worker you call a "toaster oven" heats the foodstuff you call "bread", and you "pay" it for doing so? Why?

<secretly flies back to Legion World>

SHAG, there you are! Hey, whose this guy? Er, welcome to Legion World buddy...

<turns to SHAG>

You should have seen it SHAG! There I am, fighting off not one, but two of the evil Chimpanzee Princes, when the Gorilla Tribes of Legion World were able to rally together and defend their country. THey even have some weird nickname for me now like 'Oog Groo Oog Lo Tay', which means something like 'bastard son of the gorillas'. Hey, *I* took it as a compliment.

<turns to Odran>

So, er, what's up, Doc? What types of commercial exchange you got going on?

So, you are trying to say that all your workers are machines?

I find it hard to believe that a machine could replicate the fine level of toadying that only a sentitent being could toady.

I don't understand this concept of "toadying".

I have numerous items from worlds from across the 28 known galaxies.

Perhaps you would be interested in the cuisine of other worlds? Here are some samples of the many alien cookbooks we have collected! Let's see, maybe you'd like this one: It's called "To Serve Man"... er... maybe we should try a different one...

Faraway Lad arrives

“hold on a moment Cobalt, I think before we enter into any commercial treaties we need to have a closer look at the terms”

Faraway pressed a button on his gauntlet and a desk, two chairs and a computer terminal appeared.

“now Ordan, under the terms of the recent Legion World commercial protocols, Trade/0987-a/3006, before any exchanges can be undertaken I need you to read this and then sign the relevant provisions”

Faraway produces a large 600 page booklet and bangs it down on the desk in front of Ordan.

“please read this treaty preamble and then once you have understood it I’ll get the actual treaty”

We can continue preliminary negotiations with a view to setting out a memorandum of understanding leading towards initial explanatory meetings with a view to setting out the groundwork’s for a meaningful cross cultural exchange and the possibility of extended trade talks. Successful completion of these stage one negotiations may then lead to a fruitful and profitable relationship.

So Odran, do you have any of that Gil'Disphan cuisine? I was always wondering what that stuff is that they always serve me when I go to their home planets. It tastes really great, but I can't help but feel that I'm eating something...odd.

I'm sure we can reach a trading agreement. We have these cool robots here that when mass produced will end up looking just like you, so basically, you'd have a bunch of robot servants that are almost identical to you.

I am delighted that you have an appreciation for such delicacies! What those Gil'Dishpan do with Hykraian reproductive organs is simply amazing!

While I already have my own selection of Odranoid servants, I'd certainly be interested in examining your robotic technology for possible... er... improvements in their functioning!

Hello here is your welcome basket with all the hilarious things in it I cant be bothered recalling. Oh and heres the standard display of power (Freezes near by rose bush then kicks it, shattering the bush into a trillion peices)

"Im watching you buddy!"

May I remind Odran that the importation of food stuffs without the relevant authorisation is specifically prohibited under LegionWorld law.

Now if you would just sign this disclaimer, here, here and one more here, that’s fine thank you. I’ll just place these documents in safe storage and you can import the agreed amount of produce upon payment of the appropriate wharf fees, custom duties and Value Added Tax.

What? Sorry what was that, oh the disclaimer, its nothing. It merely states that you give the LMBP full authority over you, your ship, crew and cargo whilst you are in UP space. Any attempt to cause political, social, economic or military harm to Legion World or the LMBP will be met by the confiscation and disabling of any Odran robots, your ship and cargo and you have agreed to indemnify in full all losses arising out of any action by yourself, your robots, your crew and any and all associates, whether known or not at the time of signing.

Now I think Cobalt Kid was looking forward to the banquet you were offering to host?

"Cobaltus!! Oath breaker tis time for thee to meet thy doom"

Hrun pushes Cobalts head down onto the plate of Gil'Disphan speciall cooked, Hykraian "Graghking, f'rrarr" the squirming mass of food filled Cobalts mouth, choking him.

Here Hrun, have a mouthful of Hykraian reproductive organs!

<wipes away slimly but delicious lunch>

I know you're angry, but that was like two years ago! Brunhilde must realize that a legendary hero like myself got caught up in saving the multiverse and modestly telling people stop building statues of me!

<falls backwards as Hrun tackles Cobalt, Odran, Polar Boy and Faraway Lad>

Er, welcome to Legion World Odran! As you can see, we're one strong united front!

<magnetically pulls a large keg of mead in front of Hrun>

Calm yourself warior-brother! We need to rally together and resuce our old ally Stoopid Cat! I can't have you bringing about my doom before we do so!

Hrun, you have to drag Cobalt to a place that he won\'t be able to escape! He's too fast for you and can fly off...

<flies down, positions himself a small distance away>

Drag the whole lot of them to Slim's bar if you need to...then you can have your revenge on Cobalt Kid and free Stoopid Cat, your old ally.

(And I'll have Caliente to myself and be rid of many of Legion World's "finest")

<sends coded message via private hyperspace transmitter.>

Odran calling base! Odran calling base!

Have made contact with LMB. Have convinced them that I come in peace. Ha! They are more foolish and disorganized than ever. Should be easy pickings.

Odran out!

<end coded message>