Legion World Forums LEGION OUTPOST Mission Monitor Board Every 10 Years Forum When Shark Lad Attacks! Season Ten begins on page 6!

Well, you can tell the rat I won't be taking him back once you get tired of him. He's ruined my life. And my daughter is so upset, she's dropped out of Mayavale Medical School and joined some ashram.

Cobie, did Quislet tell you about the time he was arrested for shoplifting diamond rings in the Caymans?

*gets right in Fat Cramer's face* YOU were the one who slipped those rings into my pocket without me realizing it!

*turns to the audience* Ask her about the time she gave the clap to the entire freshmen class of St. Tarn's Seminary Academy.

JERRY! JERRY! JERRY!

Do we have time to get in a plug for my new show, "Eryk Davis Ester Coordinates the Galaxy"?

<sips absinthe>

Wow, this is great! Barely into episode one and two respected LMBers are battling it out right here on stage! I swear, the first employee to try and stop this fight is not only fired, but I'll have your whole family kicked off Legion World!

Hm, I wonder if she was one of those nice girls I met when I was staying at Mayavale University, which I referenced above (er...please note that it was not one of my 'fellow filmakers')...

I wonder if this had anything to do with the Royal Inquisitor? As in:

(A) Quis and the Inquis are engaged and *need* diamonds for their rings

and

(B) Just like Quis' good nature has made Roy more caring and nice, Roy's evil ways may have corrupted Quis and turned him into a compulsive shop-lifter!

Well, when I was stuck in gender-reversed form for a few days, I once had a catfight with my then-wife, Space Tart! Unfortunately, I lost the rights to that footage to Abin in a game of drunken hang-man. Why I'd ever agree to that is beyond me, considering my spelling skills.

So Quislet, esq. was already engaged to this Roy character when he became a homewrecker? Cobie, I just want to say that I have never had my hands anywhere near his pockets. That's just a blatant falsehood. Or perhaps he has me confused with that island-hopping floozy he was seen with.

By the way, I do believe you met my lovely and talented daughter when you gave the commencement speech at Princess Crujectra's School for Refined Young Ladies. We were so impressed with your talk. Do you have a speechwriter?

Can't have that, I'd be out of a job. Hmm, bombs worked well with the statues, but that'd be overkill. An electromagnetic pulse to short out the cameras, perhaps? Or we could just keep encouraging FC and Quis.

Today on Dr. Cobie: Faux Esquires and the allegedly reformed villains who love them, and the other LMBers whose husbands also love them.

<Giant Green Energy Hands Open all of the Circut Breakers [...of Space] supplying power to the studio>

<A Giant Green Energy Chain Saw then CUTS the Cables supplying power to the Building the Studio is in.>

<Smaller Green Energy Hands dump a bucket of Anchovies on Cobie's Head>

<Abin Smiles and attempts to act innocent>

Man, I'm GLAD the power's out here cuz Des's show is effing bor-ING!

I mean, no Nekkid Chix Mud-wrestling? Any show that wants my viewership's GOTTA have that!

Oh boy! Anchovies!

Oh, yeah. Cobie, some time ago you mentioned dating what appeared to be a penguin/human hybrid some years ago. Did you know that my cousin Makarona was away from our planet about that time? She said she met some human guy too. Some coincidence, eh?

Heh, yeah what a coincidence. BTW Rocky, next time you see Makarona, ask her about 'space-sledding' in the Himalaya Asteroid belt

As for these anchioves, I easily used my magnetism to deflect them, right onto my studio audience who looked absolutely starving! There you go guys and gals!

Why, no, I don't FC, I usually just speak from the heart. In fact that's my motto, speak from the heart, but do actions from the p--, er, let's just say I speak from the heart.

And now for the next segment of my show, we will try to analyze Lardy and Abin and decide which would be funnier: crashing Lardy's supposed upcoming wedding via a out of control super-hero brawl, or ruining Abin and Pagan’s marriage through the ‘Cobalt’ method? You decide fair viewers! Of course, this is only in hypotheticals! Aw hell, throw in Cali and Actor’s engagement too

Oh don't make me go all Cosmic Boy on you, "Light Lass"!!!!!!!

*Rips off own shirt to prove the truth of my argument.* You just want some of this and know you can't get any of it.

*parades around the stage. A voice from the audience sounding strangely like Pov's cries out "Pants! Pants! Pants!" I pull off my pants, leaving just a pair of boxers on. A stagehand hangs a microphone on a cord around my next*

Cobie, give your audience a real thrill and strip down to your boxers too.

Hm, well, I'm not sure why, but hey--why not?

<strips down to boxers>

This might actually be my new uniform for this show!

<throws clothing into the audience to screaming and adoring fans, especially the young ladies>

Looks like you'll have to top that FC! Who in our studio audience wants to give the legendary Cobalt Kid and his guests some legendary back massages? Just to be sure I get only the most proficient, you must first try it out on Eryk!

Stip down and jump on that massage table Eryk!

Well, now that we've gotten past stroking Cobie's ego and inflating his head, I can finally assent to participate in his show. (we are good friends after all)

Oh...and this looks like a good opportunity to volunteer.

**raises hand and bolts on stage**

"I'll take care of that massage for you Cobie..and Quis can have one too. You don't mind if I strip down to my boxers do you? I would hate to ruin my clothes with this fragrant massage oil I happen to have."

Er, sure thing Vee! Remember, you have to try it out on Eryk first!

No problem! Ready for your massage EDE?

Hmmm...I would also strip down to my boxers, but I haven't any underwear on, as usual!

I mean, c'mon, who on Legion World hasn't seen me naked?

Bor-ING!

(knock, knock)

Um, hello? I'm here from Nielson's rating service. I just wanted to warn you that this show is currently ranking #9978, right behind the late-night post-sign-off test patterns but barely ahead of reruns of the Chevy Chase Show.

Just wanted to warn you while there's still time to avoid the looming iceberg.

Iceberg? We don't need no stinking iceberg!

I suddenly want to start yelling, "I'll never let go, Jack!"

In an attempt to get this show back on track without a certain person (I'll call her F. Cramer ... No wait that's too obvious. Call her Fat C.) trying to sully my good name.

Cobie, what did you think about the movie "Titanic"? Would the movie had been better if you had played the role of Jack instead of Leonardo DiCaprio?

Indeed! A little known fact is that Titanic is actually based on the true story of myself when I went back in time and sailed on the real Titantic. What people leave out is that I (Jack) actually lived and Rose died, after her father, the evil Ice King, sank our boat and she humbly sacrificed herself to save me--and gave me that giant red jewel thingy! Luckily I was able to trade that thing in for a few bottles of absinthe and leave the Ice King with a bunch of evil grandchildren before I jumped back in time to our present day. He swore he'd come back for me and all of my friends one day, but I figured he was kidding.