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As has been mentioned before every week, more by accident than design, my chums at work and I have themed emails....

This weeks theme was inspired by a workwide email telling us that our HR director was leaving and inviting us to submit funny stories, anecdotes, memories etc to be put in an inhouse magazine in her honour....

Below are some of our suggestions, oh and they didn't really happen......

Do you remember the time she took her pet goats into the office?

Do you remember that time she shit herself running to the toilets?

Or the time she slapped that child for being ugly?

Or the time on Xmas eve were she set a fire in (one of the offices) just so everyone could go home early - that was real team spirit. It was a pity she used (one of the bad secretaries) hair to start it, it really stunk in here for weeks afterwards. Though with all the hairspray (said secretary) used to wear it did go off like a car bomb!

I liked the time she volunteered to clean everyones shoes when they came in, it's rare you see a director with that level of contact with the staff. Though if memory serves me right she did a pretty shit job of it.

I heard that she was bored one day and went for the world record for staples in her face. Does anyone know if the bleeding stopped quickly? Well it was funny at the time!

She memorised the entire London Yellow Pages one time and would quote it verbatum to strangers in the lift....

What about the time she tied up the receptionist, put on her glasses, skirt and blouse and pretented to be herfor the day? Even the receptionist found that funny!

But there was that time she threw a real tantrum as no-one bought her a kinder surprise!

I liked it when she drew the hopscotch grid on the carpet at reception and challenged everyone who came in to a game...

And what about the time she attempted at the x-mas party to belch the entire alphabet, got to 'P' and vomitted down the chief exec's back!

I though her mohican suited her.

Though those speedos she wore for the dress down Friday was a bad move. Made my eyes water!

What about the time lat Xmas we told her we were going to come in in fancy dress and we didn't? I thought she was very brave spending the whole day dressed as an Xmas pudding!

Or that time she threw prebagged dog vomit off the roof at the Croydon Mayor, we were sure she'd be for the high jump that time!

So how do you all make the days more bearable until payday?

I spend the prior paycheck.

When the restaurant is slow, we make up personal histories for our customers:

"That businessman on table 3 enjoys Eastern European amateur porn and gets up to pee at least 4 times a night because of his enlarged prostate."

"The lady on 6 was told by her hairdresser that beehives were back 'in' and she believed him."

"That hot guy sitting at the bar is my future ex-boyfriend!"

lil'rhino

here's some more....


Or how about the time she spent the whol;e day only speaking russian, quite a feat that!

How about the time she initiated the interoffice farting competition?

Or even the time she stacked her intrays so high they collapsed on her and no-one knew where she was for 4 days?

I thought the day she impersonated a chicken was good.

How about the time she stole the hoover from the cleaners and sucked her own eyeballs out and ran around pretending to be a space monster....

I did think it was sweet the way she brought freshly cut flowers for every member of staff, even if she did mug the pooor stallholder at the station to do it....

The way she'd get her boobs out to lighten up an afternoon will be missed!