Originally posted by walkwithcrowds:
Don't Look Now:
"original literally freaked the fuck out of me..."
That has got to be THE best expression I have ever heard.
They have GOT to use that in the poster campaign for the remake:
"Don't Look Now
If the original freaked the fuck out of you then wait till you see this!"
It would make me want to see it.
haha...Im going to put that on a t-shirt...
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02 May 2007, 10:18 AM
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02 May 2007
Yet another Bloody Remake : Pun now redundant
As promised, because Im bored, part 2 :
I SAW WHAT YOU DID
Has nothing to do with "I know what you did last summer" (1997) and is in fact about 30 years older then it. Basically a couple af retard girls make prank calls, whispering "I saw what you did and I know who you are" down the phone to random strangers...as one does. One stranger has just killed his wife, he sets out to Kill them...hilarity ensues. Im guessing the success of "when a Stranger Calls" (2006) (aka 70 minutes to long) got this one the greenlight. Im not that fussed on seeing a remake but "anal retentive horror fan" me probably will anyway.
IN THE PLAYGROUND
Remake of spanish movie from 1976 - "¿Quién puede matar a un niño?" (who can kill a child) (1976) which was heavily edited for its US release as "Island of the damned"...the spanish version is ok, nifty twisty ending for the time...remake? creepy kids on an island?...pass. Ill Watch Children of the Corn 3 (1995) instead just to giggle at a young Nicholas Brendon.
IN-UTERO
Remake of "Gin Gwai 2" (the Eye 2) ((2004)) (((see previous remake blog))) - which was pretty meh...vaguely dissatisfying. - pregnent woman gains psychic visions from unborn child, farfetched hilarity ensues... ANYway - They're remaking the Eye with Jessica Alba, And the sequel with another title? Presumably becuase its an Alba flik the Eye remake will do well, will get a sequel...my head spins. (not really)
INFECTION
alternative title "Not another asian remake" (copywrite - Joeboy, 2007)...Supernatural hospital drama, remake of "almost had potential but failed" Japanese movie "Kansen" (2004)...simply dont care...Hospital horror does nothing for me...Well Maybe "Boo!" (2005) and "Death tunnel" (also 2005) - both extraordinarily lame, both make me extraordinarily happy. Dont Rent "Candy Stripers" though. Ever.
IT'S ALIVE
Killer babies - or Should I say baby...has a sort of genetic enginering/Gattaca with teeth charm...but I think its since been mooted. Moving along.
LAST HOUSE ON THE LEFT
Ok...Ill spend a bit more time on this one...Ive flown through the first couple of entries...
courtesy of imdb : "17-year-old Mari is going out to to see a concert with a friend named Phyllis. On the way they encounter a group of murderers and are abducted by them, what follows is the horrific sexual abuse, torture and murder of the two girls. After the killers murder the two girls they take shelter in a house owned by a married couple not knowing that they are the parents of Mari, when the parents find out what the killers have done, they carry out a horrible, gruesome revenge"
Now...Ive been dreading the day that this was going to be remade...not that the orginal is bad movie or anything - the acting was fairly crap and the logic retarded (the girls could get away just as easily as cry and get raped) - but because the new trend of "torture/porn/horror" bugs me to no extent..well unless its funny ("Hostel"/Japanese girl/eyeball - my sense of humour is pretty warped mind you). So since "Wolf Creek" Ive been expecting this...and what can you expect from the remake of "Last house"? Rape...lots and Lots of graphic, lovingly shot rape....and then torture, and then some killing, followed by some more rape, then maybe 20 minutes of parental revenge. Expect to see a remake of "I spit on your grave" in the very near future (one of the only films to make me more uncomfortable then the Barney movie.) *bleh* makes me a sad panda. MAKE HORROR FUN AGAIN!!! SUPPORT FILMS LIKE "HATCHET" AND "STUPID TEENAGERS MUST DIE!"
*cough*....moving along...
MIRRORS
remake of 2003 film from Korea "Into the Mirror" - about ghosts in a shopping mall who live in mirrors. Ex-cop security gaurd solves the mystery of weird killings, fights ghosty. Since its an Asian movie the Ghost has the pre-requisite Long hair. Anyone who knows me knows that mirrors freak the fuck out of me at times (well when Im stoned) ((drugs are bad))...so Ill probably only preen myself half as much after this movie. well...no...thats a lie..me + mirrors = best friends...
MOTEL HELL
It takes all kinds of critters...to make Farmer Vincents fritters
Aaaawwwww Yeah. now this I seriously want to see - the original is the fucking bomb...such a guilty pleasure. dont confuse it with tobe hoopers' "Horror Hotel" (1977) - the one where the gator eats the puppy...though the two are similar.
Motel Hell (1980) is a comedy horror slasher parody, is awesome, is highly underated, is out on DVD. Rent it. Love it. Watch the Remake.
NEAR DARK
hmm...strokes chin...I love the original - Boy meets Vampire Girl, gets turned, goes on Roadtrip - but I dont see why they need to remake it. It was pretty perfect to begin with...and likely as they'll give the vamps "vampire traits" (fangs etc) which was something that was refreshingly absent from the original 87 version...they could just as easily have been a bunch of crazies ala Nic Cage in "Vampire's Kiss" ...expect a pretty cast possibly a namechange to "Forsaken 2"
Night of the Living Dead 3D
Ok..well...this has already been released but Im putting it here because Im annoyed (well aside from Sid Haig) for two reasons :
1: They already remade it in the 90's
2: gimmicky 3D movies give me the shits..and the glasses dont work on my eyes.
moving along...
NIGHT OF THE LIVING DORKS
Remake of German movie, 2004, better than the title suggests - voodoo chicanery turns nerdy friends into zombies, zombie powers used for poputlarity increasement. think Revenge of the Nerds meets Night of the Living dead....could be good...and we all know I love a zombie flick. '
ONE MISSED CALL
Japanese remake #3245 : Take one part "Ringu", Detract One part ghostly uberfringed girl, add a dash of cellphone, bake for 90 minutes, result : One Missed Call. People begin receiving phone messages, message is recording of their violent deaths, struggle to stay alive ensues. Japanese version was directed by my man Miike (Takeshi) and spawned 2 sequels (well ok 1 and another being filmed)...will watch the remake for one element : Margeret fucking Cho. thats right.
Piranha
Every 4th of july break 50000 people converge on idyllic Lake Havasu for some girls gone wild action...and then the piranha attack. you know Im going to see this...though Id rather "Frankenfish 2". That being said Alexandre Aja (High Tension, Hills Have Eyes) is at the helm so itll be interesting to see if he can do comedy, which Im assuming this'll be.
PROM NIGHT
remake by the "I know what you did/Urban Legend" team...original was fairly standard 80's slasher fair, though better then most. Twist of the killer reveal wasnt that surprising...Killer needs a gimmick (original was just a jumpsuit)...Jamie Lee should cameo...personally Id prefer more Mary Lou, but my opinions are only very rarely listened to by big hollywood execs.
SHUTTER
Asian remake? you guessed it...this time from Thailand, though the remake transports it to Japan. Ghosts, photos, pretty much all you need to know. Gay. By gay I mean lame.
SOLSTICE
Remake of Danish film "Midsommer" from 2003 - by...get this...Daniel Myrick (Blair Witch) ..I think this is the first thing he's done since 99' which is retarded because the original has many a blairwitchian' moment what with the woods and all. FEH. wonder what happened to that Eduardo Sanchez? *opens imdb.com*
The Stepfather
remake of based-on-a-true story (wikipedia : Johnathon List for those that care) 1987 movie, stepdad kills family for not meeting his standards. supposed to be darker then the original...which if recent trends are anything to go by should involve plenty of rape...*glares at film execs*.
TERROR TRAIN
slasher on a train flik from 1980 that firmly secured Jamie Lee's place on the scream queen hall o' fame. Think eurotrip meets halloween for the sequel. stabby stabby.
THE THING
*pissed off look* DEAR HOLLYWOOD : YOU DONT NEED TO REMAKE THE THING. CEASE AND DISSIST (misspelt). THAT IS ALL (pissed of look*
[aside - yes I know the orginal was aremake. go away now.]
THE TINGLER
hehe...remake of one of those gimmicky 50's movies. gimmick here being that certain seats in the theatre were wired to give people electric shocks? though that couldve been the Shocker... meh...without that added bonus its all rather ho-hum. Seems as pointless as that retarded fucking "Th13teen Ghosts".
When a Stranger Returns
remake of "when a stranger calls back" - 90's sequel to orginal "When a stranger calls". orginaly girl from "stranger" helps new girl deal with stalker guy...should be pretty rushed, expect much of the same thing but possibly with less Camille Bell (always a good thing).
THE WITCHES
before you scream "WHAT THE FUCK!?!" as I did and consider stabbing a nun, bear in mind that Guillermo Del Toro is attached. still...*sigh*...Angry Panda...
THE WIZARD OF GORE
not much info on the remake, But of the orginal 70's version I have this to say : ahhhh Herschell how I (heart) thee...expect gore. Obviously.
and finally :
THE WOLF MAN
universal funded? they make a wolf man flik every couple of years...cant be as naff as that Jack nicholson crap from awhile back. hint to producers reading this : the world needs more Teen Wolf.
That is all. for now...until...The sequel entry!!!
Currently Watching :
Bill Plympton's The Tune
Release date: By 27 July, 2004
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