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Bad jokes
by Invisible Brainiac - 02/03/25 03:43 AM
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Wanderer
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I love kareoke! love it love it love it!
And as we've been missing the old thread (and I can't be bothered to look for it) here's a new place to sing out!
Don't be shy now.
Here's a song for Alan, it's called Heaven
There is a song the river sings There is a river sings your name The air is living, humming Slanting sun In heavens view Aah aah
Lay down your restless motion now Turn down the faithless voice inside Protect my heart My heartbeat I will take Take care of you
I will take care Take care of you
Lay down upon the silver grass Down on the blanket laid for us Melting all together We’ll watch the moon, The moon go past
So hang on Hang on strong to me Let me show Let me show you How sweet the strong can be
Hold on Hold on
Heaven
So hang on Hang on strong to me Let me show Let me show you How sweet the strong can be
Legion Worlds Ten - the final chapter is here. Find out the ultimate fate of our fantastic future friends.Only found in the Bits o' Legionnaire Business Forum.
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Time Trapper
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Time Trapper
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You say there's always gonna be this thing Between us days are filled with dreams Scorpions crawl across my screen Make their home beneath my skin Underneath my dress stick their tongues Bite through the flesh down to the bone And I have been so fuckin' alone Since those three days
Did you only want me for those three days? Did you only need me for those three days? Did you love me forever just for those three days?
You built a nest inside my soul You rest your head on leaves of gold You managed to crawl inside my brain You found a hole and in you came You sleep like a baby breathing Comfortably between truth and pain But the truth is nothing's been the same Since those three days
Did you only want me for those three days? Did you only need me for those three days? Did you love me forever just for those three days?
You say there's always gonna be this thing Between us days are filled with dreams Scorpions crawl across my screen Make their home beneath my skin Underneath my dress stick their tongues Bite through the flesh down to the bone And I have been so fuckin' alone You built a nest inside my soul You rest your head on leaves of gold You managed to crawl inside my brain You found a hole and in you came You sleep like a baby breathing Comfortably between truth and pain But the truth is nothing's been the same Since those three days
Did you only want me for those three days? Did you only need me for those three days? Did you love me forever just for those three days, baby?
Did you only want me for those three days? Did you only need me for those three days? Did you love me forever just for those three days?
For those three days
For those three days
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Peeling the skin back from my eyes I felt surprised That the time on the clock was the time I usually retire To the place where I clear my head of you But just for today I think I'll lie here and dream
I've got you under my skin Where the rain can't get in But if the sweat pours out Just shout I'll try to swim and pull you out
A howling wind blows the litter As the rain flows And streetlamps pour orange-coloured shapes Through your window A broken soul stares from a pair of watering eyes Uncertain emotions force an uncertain smile
I've got you under my skin Where the rain can't get in But if the sweat pours out Just shout I'll try to swim and pull you out
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Wanderer
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Talkin' to myself and feelin' old Sometimes I'd like to quit Nothing ever seems to fit Hangin' around Nothing to do but frown Rainy Days and Mondays always get me down.
What I've got they used to call the blues Nothin' is really wrong Feelin' like I don't belong Walkin' around Some kind of lonely clown Rainy Days and Mondays always get me down.
Funny but it seems I always wind up here with you Nice to know somebody loves me Funny but it seems that it's the only thing to do Run and find the one who loves me.
What I feel has come and gone before No need to talk it out We know what it's all about Hangin' around Nothing to do but frown Rainy Days and Mondays always get me down.
Legion Worlds Ten - the final chapter is here. Find out the ultimate fate of our fantastic future friends.Only found in the Bits o' Legionnaire Business Forum.
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The handshake Seals the contract From the contract There's no turning back The turning point Of a career In Korea, being insincere
The holiday Was fun packed The contract: Still intact
The grabbing hands Grab all they can All for themselves After all
It's a competitive world Everything counts in large amounts
The graph On the wall Tells the story Of it all Picture it now See just how The lies and deceit Gained a little more power
Confidence Taken in By a sun tan And a grin
The grabbing hands Grab all they can All for themselves After all
It's a competitive world Everything counts in large amounts
The grabbing hands Grab all they can Everything counts in large amounts
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Honorary
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Honorary
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You're just too good to be true. Can't take my eyes off you. You'd be like heaven to touch. I wanna hold you so much. At long last love has arrived. And I thank God I'm alive. You're just too good to be true. Can't take my eyes off of you.
Pardon the way that I stare. There's nothing else to compare. The sight of you leaves me weak. There are no words left to speak. But if you feel like I feel. Please let me know that it's real. You're just too good to be true. Can't take my eyes off of you.
I need you baby, and if it's quite all right, I need you baby to warm a lonely night. I love you baby. Trust in me when I say OK: Oh pretty baby, don't let me down I pray. Oh pretty baby, now that I found you, stay. And let me love you, oh baby let me love you, oh baby....
You're just too good to be true. Can't take my eyes off you. You'd be like heaven to touch. I wanna hold you so much. At long last love has arrived. And I thank God I'm alive. You're just too good to be true. Can't take my eyes off of you.
I need you baby, and if it's quite all right, I need you baby to warm a lonely night. I love you baby. Trust in me when I say it's OK Oh pretty baby, don't let me down I pray. Oh pretty baby, now that I found you, stay. And let me love you, oh baby let me love you, oh baby....
There are very few personal problems that cannot be solved by a suitable application of high explosives.
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Wanderer
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Wanderer
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JT that is one of the best songs ever - Frankie Vallis version still chokes me up even after countless listens.
Legion Worlds Ten - the final chapter is here. Find out the ultimate fate of our fantastic future friends.Only found in the Bits o' Legionnaire Business Forum.
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Wanderer
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Wanderer
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For my 'Main Man'
Say What You Want
Twenty seconds on the back time I feel you on the run Never lived too long to make right I see you're doing fine And when I get that feeling I can no longer slide I can no longer run And when I get that feeling I can no longer hide for it's no longer fun
Well, you can say what you want But it won't change my mind I'll feel the same about you And you can tell me your reasons But it won't change my feelings I'll feel the same about you
What I am is what you want of me Now that I'm not there Took the tables away from you It's turned that I don't care And when I get that feeling I can no longer slide I can no longer run And when I get that feeling I can no longer hide for it's no longer fun
I've said goodnight try to sleep tight Just dream of me Go close your eyes cause I'll close mine The sun will shine from time to time When you dream of me
Legion Worlds Ten - the final chapter is here. Find out the ultimate fate of our fantastic future friends.Only found in the Bits o' Legionnaire Business Forum.
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Posts: 1,666
Deputy
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Deputy
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Posts: 1,666 |
Everybody shouts on I Love Lucy Pee Wee reads the evening news A pre-owned song or a second-hand Uzi Everybody got a job to lose
Here come the golden oldies Here come the Hizbollah Businessmen from South Miami Humming AOR
Meanwhile...
I like Cal and his dog Napalm I like Ike and his itty-bitty A-bomb Everybody got one, I want mine You can order it up on Channel Nine
Meanwhile, in the Sheraton, Doctor Jeep plays on and on and on
There was a time but it's long gone Janie got a crush on the Viet Cong Burning through downtown Saigon Me, I'm sold - down the Mekong
Meanwhile, in the Sheraton, Doctor Jeep plays on and on and on
Guns and cars and accidents The threatened witness my defence You can sell one another for fifteen cents Well bye-bye mother, it's common sense
Meanwhile, in the Sheraton, Doctor Jeep plays on and on and on
Everybody shouts on I Love Lucy Pee Wee reads the evening news A pre-owned song or a second-hand Uzi Everybody got a job to lose
Here come the golden oldies Here come the Hizbollah Businessmen from South Miami Humming AOR
Meanwhile, in the Sheraton, Doctor Jeep plays on and on and on
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Time Trapper
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Time Trapper
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This life is too short To live it just for you But when you feel So powerless What are you gonna do?
Just say what you want Say what you want Say, say Say what you want
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Posts: 2,699
Leader
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Leader
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We got winners We got losers Chain smokers and boozers An' we got yuppies We got bikers An' we got thirsty hitchhikers And the girls next door dress up like movie stars Mm, mm, mmm, mmm, mmm, I love this bar
We got cowboys We got truckers Broken hearted fools and suckers An' we got hustlers We got fighters Early birds and all nighters And the veterans talk about their battle scars Mm, mm, mmm, mmm, mmm, I love this bar
I love this bar It's my kinda place Just walk in through the front door Puts a big smile on my face It ain't too far Come as you are Mm, mm, mmm, mmm, mmm, I love this bar
I've seen short skirts We've got high-techs Blue collar boys and rednecks An' we got lovers Lots of lookers I've even seen dancin' girls and hookers And we like to drink our beer from a mason jar Mm, mm, mmm, mmm, mmm, I love this bar (yes I do!)
I like my truck (I like my truck) An' I like my girlfriend (I like my girlfriend) I like to take her out to dinner I like a movie now and then
But I love this bar It's my kinda place Just toeing around the dance floor Puts a big smile on my face No cover charge Come as you are Mm, mm, mmm, mmm, mmm, I love this bar Mm, mm, mmm, mmm, mmm, I just love this ol' bar
(Toby Keith)
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Deputy
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Out of the street you better get on home Tail shaking filly running on her own They say she got loose on the night she was born Cranking it up in the school zone
"kick it out - kick it out", she said "kick out your motor and drive While you're still alive - kick it out!"
Sitting in a bar in a seaside town Sweet little love getting high getting down Sailors see her running along the beach Laugh and jump out of reach
Wild music blowing in her mane She needs a bareback rider won't give her no pain A hard racy game of give and take Leaves them dazed - half crazed- in her wake
"kick it out - kick it out", she said "kick out your motor and drive While you're still alive - kick it out!"
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Deputy
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Deputy
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Soñé que el río me hablaba I dreamt that the river spoke to me con voz de nieve cumbreña with a voice of mountain snow y dulce me recordaba and sweetly it reminded me las cosas de mi querencia of the things that I love
Tú que puedes, vuélvete Turn back, you that are able to me dijo el río llorando the river said to me crying los cerros que tanto quieres, me dijo the hills that you so love, it said, allá te están esperando are waiting for you
Es cosa triste ser río To be a river is a sad thing quien pudiera ser laguna who could be lagoon oír el silbo en el junco to listen to the mockingbird in the reeds cuando lo besa la luna when it is kissed by the moon
Tú que puedes, vuélvete me dijo el río llorando los cerros que tanto quieres, me dijo allá te están esperando
Que cosa más parecida How similar are son tu destino y el mío your destiny and mine vivir cantando y penando to exist singing and suffering por esos largos caminos through those long roads
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Deputy
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Up in the little room, looking down, everybody's passing time Princess dressed in wool, dreaming eyes, whispering her rhymes "rain play my song today, no one wants to know me anyway" Perfect lover where are you? I can't wait much more for you to come true
Shining prince inside my head, Live inside a palace underneath my bed
And everybody knows who they are in a velvet garden of rhinestone stars Shine down on me satin queen, overlords of insane scenes They go dancing cross the pages of the magazine
Typewriter steel and gray, work away, everybody's going home Over across town, caught in a crowd, still living alone Little room for her out of the rain A little something for the pain Lay in wait impatiently for the lord of the rock 'n roll aristocracy, see me.... Dreaming in photographs at night, love's like sand held in your hand so tight
And everybody know who they are in a velvet garden of rhinestone stars Shine down on me satin queen, overlords of insane scenes They go dancing cross the pages of the magazine
Everyday's like the day before Come in tired and lock the door Paint your space with magic hands Shining slick and dandy Smile at your fans
"C'mon pretty boy sing for us Take me over the edge I know you're good enough
And everybody knows who they are in a velvet garden of rhinestone stars Shine down on me satin queen, overlords of insane scenes They go dancing cross the pages of the magazine
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Time Trapper
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He's a man whose voice speaks for everyone And his actions touch the lives of us all He rules with energy and style Touch my hand, kiss my child Save us all with a smile He readily accepts acclaim And soon forgets that he came From the backstreets like them
We pray to the east We pray to the west And we see the gods of the new church As they undertake their vow Tell me who will save us now Save us from the Lords of the new church
He's a man some believe is a visionary He's a man who is driven by greed He made a fortune overnight In a deal that he knew was too good to be true As he bends the rules of play Becomes obsessed with the game has to go all the way
We pray to the east We pray to the west And we see the gods of the new church As they undertake their vow Tell me who will save us now Save us from the Lords of the new church
They feast and they fly While we pay the real price But what price do we place on life
So we pray to the east We pray to the west And we see the gods of the new church As they undertake their vow Tell me who will save us now Save us from the Lords of the new church
ooooooo the new church ooooooo save us from the Lords of the new church ooooooo God, new church ooooooo save us from the Lords of the new church
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They say that love often passes in a second And you can never catch it up So I'm hangin' on to you as though eternity beckoned But it's clear that the match is rough Common sense would tell me not to try and continue But I'm after a piece of that diamond in you So keep an eye open My spirit ain't broken Your love's so incredible Your body's so edible You give me an overdose of love A little is enough
I'm like a connoisseur of champange congac The perfume nearly beats the taste I eat an oyster and I feel the contact But more than one would be a waste Some people want an endless line, that's true But all I have to have's a little time with you A smile sets me reeling A kiss feels like stealing Your love is like heroin This addict is mellowin' I can't pretend that I'm tough A little is enough
Just like a sailor heading into the sea There's a gale blowing in my face The high wind scare me but I need the breeze And I can't head for any other place Life would seem so easy on the other tack But even a hurricane won't turn me back You might be an island On the distant horizon But the little I see Looks like heaven to me I don't care if the ocean gets rough A little is enough
Common sense would tell me not to try and continue But I'm after a piece of that diamond in you So keep an eye open My spirit ain't broken Your love's so incredible Your body's so edible You give me an overdose of love A little is enough
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Wanderer
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Wanderer
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Now for one of the very few songs that rod Stewart covered that is better than the original.
I would have given you all of my heart But there's someone who's torn it apart And she's taken just all that I had But if you want I'll try to love again Baby I'll try to love again but I know
The first cut is the deepest Baby I know the first cut is the deepest But when it come to being lucky she's cursed When it come to loving me she's the worst I still want you by my side Just to help me dry the tears that I've cried And I'm sure going to give you a try And if you want I'll try to love again Baby I'll try to love again but I know
The first cut is the deepest Baby I know the first cut is the deepest But when it come to being lucky she's cursed When it come to loving me she's the worst
I still want you by my side Just to help me dry the tears that I've cried But I'm sure gonna give you a try 'cause if you want I'll try to love again Baby I'll try to love again but I know
The first cut is the deepest Baby I know the first cut is the deepest When it come to being lucky she's cursed When it come to loving me she's the worst
Legion Worlds Ten - the final chapter is here. Find out the ultimate fate of our fantastic future friends.Only found in the Bits o' Legionnaire Business Forum.
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While on a Rod Stewart frame of mind I remembered thathe thoroughly ruined Rocks by Primal Scream, which reminded me of the next classic. Enjoy.
You will never be a stranger I will always be your friend Be you devil, be you angel I will always love you 'till the end
I'll be your shelter I'll be your shelter In times of storm I'll keep you warm I'll be there for you I'll be there for you
I'll be there for you I'll be there for you
If your head is strange and messy If your spirit's cold and dark If you're feelin' like an outlaw If you're burnin' out your star
I'll be there for you
Legion Worlds Ten - the final chapter is here. Find out the ultimate fate of our fantastic future friends.Only found in the Bits o' Legionnaire Business Forum.
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Wanderer
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Wanderer
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I'm on a covers train of thought so here's one of my favourites - Black Steel, originally by Public Enemy, but I prefer the Tricky version -
I got a letter from the government the other day Opened it and read it, it said they were suckers They wanted me for their army or whatever Picture me givin' a damn, I said never Here is a land that never gave a damn About a brother like myself Because I never did I wasn't wit' it, but just that very minute... It occurred to me The suckers had authority Cold sweatin' as I dwell in my cell How long has it been? They got me sittin' in the state pen I gotta get out, but that thought was thought before I contemplated a plan on the cell floor I'm not a fugitive on the run But a brother like me begun, to be another one Public enemy servin' time, they drew the line y'all They criticize me for some crime
I got a letter, I got a letter, I got a letter Picture me given' a damn, I said never Mmm...mmm...mmm It occurred to me The suckers had authority Cold sweatin' as I dwell in my cell How long has it been? They got me sittin' in the state pen I gotta get out, but that thought was thought before
I'm not a fugitive on the run I'm not a fugitive on the run
Many switch in, switch on, switch off Many switch in, swirch on, switch off
Nevertheless they could not understand That I'm a black man, and I could never be a veteran. On the strength of situations, I'm real. I got a raw deal, so I'm lookin' for the steel Looking for the steel.
I got a letter from the government The other day Opened and read it It said they were suckers They wanted me for their army or whatever Picture me givin' a damn, I said never Here is a land that never gave a damn About a brother like me and myself Because they never did I wasn't wit' it, but just that very minute... It occurred to me The suckers had authority Cold sweatin' as I dwell in my cell How long has it been? They got me sittin' in the state pen I gotta get out, but that thought was thought before I contemplated a plan on the cell floor I'm not a fugitive on the run I'm not, I'm not I'm not a fugitive on the run But a brother like me begun, to be another one Public enemy servin' time, they drew the line y'all To criticize me for some crime
Mmm...mmm...mmm...mmm I got a letter from the government The other day Opened it and read it It said they were suckers They wanted me for their army or whatever Picture me givin' a damn, I said never Here is a land that never gave a damn...
Legion Worlds Ten - the final chapter is here. Find out the ultimate fate of our fantastic future friends.Only found in the Bits o' Legionnaire Business Forum.
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Wanderer
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Wanderer
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It doesn’t hurt me. Do you want to feel how it feels? Do you want to know that it doesn’t hurt me? Do you want to hear about the deal that I’m making? You, it’s you and me.
And if I only could, I’d make a deal with god, And I’d get him to swap our places, Be running up that road, Be running up that hill, Be running up that building. If I only could, oh...
You don’t want to hurt me, But see how deep the bullet lies. Unaware I’m tearing you asunder. Ooh, there is thunder in our hearts.
Is there so much hate for the ones we love? Tell me, we both matter, don’t we? You, it’s you and me. It’s you and me won’t be unhappy.
And if I only could, I’d make a deal with god, And I’d get him to swap our places, Be running up that road, Be running up that hill, Be running up that building, Say, if I only could, oh...
You, It’s you and me, It’s you and me won’t be unhappy.
"c’mon, baby, c’mon darling, Let me steal this moment from you now. C’mon, angel, c’mon, c’mon, darling, Let’s exchange the experience, oh..."
And if I only could, I’d make a deal with god, And I’d get him to swap our places, Be running up that road, Be running up that hill, With no problems.
And if I only could, I’d make a deal with god, And I’d get him to swap our places, Be running up that road, Be running up that hill, With no problems.
And if I only could, I’d make a deal with god, And I’d get him to swap our places, Be running up that road, Be running up that hill, With no problems.
If I only could Be running up that hill With no problems...
"if I only could, I’d be running up that hill. If I only could, I’d be running up that hill."
Touch the magic...
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Time Trapper
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Time Trapper
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People in this place just seem to stand around Flashing cash they eye each other up and down
You're all alone out on the floor The music spins you 'round It's all you came here for
The way you dance You move in self-romance And you don't see me watch The way you dance Your eyes close in a trance And you don't see me watching
I feel the night go slipping by And every song Takes me closer to the time When you'll be gone
How do I get through? I don't wanna break the spell I just wanna dance with you
The way you dance You move in self-romance And you don't see me watch The way you dance Your eyes close in a trance And you don't see me watching You
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Time Trapper
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Time Trapper
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I'm so tired of being here Suppressed by all my childish fears And if you have to leave I wish that you would just leave 'Cause your presence still lingers here And it won't leave me alone
These wounds won't seem to heal This pain is just too real There's just too much that time cannot erase
When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears I held your hand through all of these years But you still have All of me
You used to captivate me By your resonating mind Now I'm bound by the life you left behind Your face it haunts My once pleasant dreams Your voice it chased away All the sanity in me
These wounds won't seem to heal This pain is just too real There's just too much that time cannot erase
When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears I held your hand through all of these years But you still have All of me
I've tried so hard to tell myself that you're gone But though you're still with me I've been alone all along
When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears I held your hand through all of these years But you still have All of me
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Time Trapper
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That's right, I'm pleased to meet you I still don't wanna tell you my name Don't you believe in mystery? Don't you wanna play my game?
I'm looking for a man to love me Like I've never been loved before I'm looking for a man that'll do it anywhere Even on a limosuine floor
Because tonight I'm living in a fantasy My own little nasty world Tonight don't you wanna come with me Do you think I'm a nasty girl?
I guess I'm just used to sailors I think they got water on the brain I think they got more water upstairs Than they got sugar on a candy cane
That's right, it's been a long time Since I had a man that did it real good So if you ain't scared take it out And do it like a real live mister could should
Because tonight I'm living in a fantasy My own little nasty world Tonight don't you wanna come with me Do you think I'm a nasty girl?
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Time Trapper
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Time Trapper
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The ice is thin come on dive in underneath my lucid skin the cold is lost, forgotten Hours pass days pass time stands still light gets dark and darkness fills my secret heart forbidden... I think you worried for me then the subtle ways that I'd give in but I know you liked the show tied down to this bed of shame you tried to move around the pain but oh your soul is anchored The only comfort is the moving of the river You enter into me, a lie upon your lips offer what you can, I'll take all that I can get only a fool's here... I don't like your tragic sighs as if your god has passed you by well hey fool that's your deception your angels speak with jilted tongues the serpent's tale has come undone you have no strength to squander The only comfort is the moving of the river You enter into me, a lie upon your lips offer what you can, I'll take all that I can get only a fool's here to stay only a fool's here to stay only a fool's here...
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Time Trapper
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I would risk the serpent's bite I would dance around with seven I would kiss the diamondback If I knew it would get me to heaven
'Cause I want to get right with God You know you gotta get right with God
I would burn the soles of my feet Burn the palms of both my hands If I could learn and be complete If I could walk righteously again
Because I wanna get right with God You know you got to get right with God
I asked God about his plan To save us all from Satan's slaughter: If I give up one of my lambs Will you take me as one of your daughters?
'Cause I wanna get right with God You know you gotta get it right with God
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