Legion World Forums LEGION COMPANION The Anywhere Machine That Ain't Me!

You Are In Great Danger!!

Sure, zombies get all the big press these days. Meanwhile, the real threat to Humanity's continued existence goes forgotten;thereby becoming even more dangerous than before.

I speak, naturally, of <span style="font-size: 14px;">Pod People!</span>

Every cargo ship, freight train, pickup truck and even bicycle thingamabob with one of those cooler attachments on the back should be suspect! The pods can be brought anywhere, anytime, to your town from their alien overlords traveling to Earth from beyond the stars. They will move in on you in your sleep, and not in nearly so obvious a fashion as some shambling, tattered, bloodied zombie! So be vigilant!

Of course, on Legion World, there's nearly always somebody awake every hour of the day. While this decreases the overall danger to members, it's not foolproof. In the interests of us protecting one another as friends and allies should, it behooves us to compile personalized warning lists. If you can think of a behavior that would tip another LMBer to the fact that they were not dealing with you, but instead an insidious alien pod person, share it here!

Example:

If you offer me, cleome45, a slice of cold pizza and I accept it from you without demanding immediate access to a toaster oven (or at least a microwave) -- THAT AIN'T ME!!

cleome45 has never eaten cold pizza, and never will, unless "she" is in reality a pod person.

If you suspect that cleome45 has been replaced by a pod person, offer "her" a slice of cold pizza. You'll immediately know the truth, one way or the other.

Add your own. As a friend, comrade, fellow traveler. Together, we can keep the Pod Menace at bay.

What do you do after pod person accepts the cold pizza? Run like hell?

If you ask me how was last night's game and I tell you I actually watched it and can rattle off some of the highlights, it ain't me.

As for what to do when confronted by pod people, let them enjoy the cold pizza and rattling off sports trivia. Maybe that will satisfy their lust for world domination.

According to the experts at Anti-Pod League, you should pack a large or small axe at all times. Be prepared to use it for the purpose of dispatching any verified vegetable imposters you encounter. Remember that pod goo: while messy, cannot turn you into a pod in the fashion that zombie goo might turn you into a zombie.

If you find yourself alone in a crowd of suspected flora fakes, please consult Page 26 of the APL manual and follow the listed emergency procedures accordingly.

If anyone sees me pass a mirror without glancing at it and giving myself a smirky two thumbs up gesture, well then, the real me has probably already disintegrated.

Which would be a shame because two of me would have been simply ah-mazing.

I was going to point out that pod people don't actually have reflections, but then I realized I was confusing them with vampires, or possibly with those people who hustle Herbalife™.

Redundancy there, cleome.

If you see someone with my face, but wearing anything of the latest style in either hair or clothes, that ain't me.

!!! I just saw a profile for a "cleome45" on PodPeopleMatch.com (a site I innocently stumbled upon while searching for friends with whom I could share my love of all things iPod).

That cleome45's interests included art, discussing comics under a beautiful, starlit sky and "the transmutation of all mankind".

Therefore, I recommend adopting a subtle yet distinct air of suspicion whenever "cleome45" is around. Also, until her authenticity is cleared up, I wouldn't accept any form of vegetation from her.

See what happens if you leave the i out of iPod?

Remember it next time you search, we wouldn't want you to end up on cthuloid porn sites.

Cleome, you weren't bringing the salad to the next pot luck were you?

Oh, lighten up, you two. Carrots are root vegetables, not pods.

Besides, I'm going to have mr_cleome do the actual preparation. And yes, he washes his hands first and everything.

So relax already!

If I ever refuse Funyuns, you know to shoot me.

Hey is anyone going to eat that tomato?
mmmmmmm tomato!

If I suddenly start singing a popular song written after about 1975, express an interest in playing video games or start going on about embracing my Italian heritage (really long story), then you'll know the pod people have come!

Okay. I officially don't care if I get podded or not. That carrot salad recipe looks and sounds incredible.

Oh, it is. I swear.

(Don't be alarmed at the small amount of dressing involved. Just use thinnish (but not "baby") carrots, mix really well and chill about an hour. It's great stuff, and ridiculously easy to make. )