Legion World Forums LEGION COMPANION The Anywhere Machine American Idol

Writing as it happens...


So, Peter Noone just performed, and he made Chris Richardson nervous! Does Peter love Chris, or is it the knowing look of "I know where the bodies are!"

Sob Lass has been referenced repeatedly already...

Another cute FORD commercial! Sudsy!!

THAT'S a different way to get to the bottom... no cutesy-ness with calling out a bottom 3, either, they went straight to the bottom 2.

ONE of those bottom 2 is no surprise to me (the lass), the other (young man) is. I'll wager his fans will be in an outrage.

Thank Space! Apparently there will be no cheeseworthy group number tonight!

But, we *are* subjected to Lulu, performing the song she has ridden for 40 years! She sure is cute, though! Now my Mom wants her haircut! Stupid influential American Idol!

So now it's go-home time for someone....

Hmm. No surprise at this exit, at all. I definitely approve!

<span style="font-size: 15px;">SPOILERS!!!!</span>
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How much longer will Rasputin avoid the noose? I swear his singing gets worse every week, and he wasn't even up for elimination tonight! Aaaargh!

However, I'm glad Phil was safe. I believe his performances the last two weeks have been the best among the males. I'm just not gettin' the Phil hate! He's not my favorite (I'm undecided at the moment), but I want to see him develop each week, so I voted for him.

Can't believe one of the Chris's was up for elimination this week! However, I have been steadily disappointed in him since he wowed us with "Geek in the Pink" a while back. I thought his performance last night was way below Phil's. There's just something grating about Chris R.'s voice.

I didn't mind seeing Steph go, but she should've outlasted Rasputin!

Chris Sligh better watch it--even his clapping to Peter and Lulu's songs seemed forced! He needs to grow a personality--and QUICK!

It was a surprise seeing Chris R in the bottom, but it's a good warning to him to step it up!

I wasn't surprised by the elimination. Maybe this whole thing has become too big for her? She's a sweetie, though!

*scrape scrape scrape*

Hear that?

*scrape scrape*

That's the sound me sharpening my knives.

*scrape scrape scrape*

I have much to speak of tonight. Very little of it is good. Much of it involves serial killers posing as AI contestants. Plus a singing penis. And why we get a better version of AI than you guys (probably).

First though, my gods it was a shitty theme this week. I thought it was just going to be *any* British songs, which would have been good and broad and everyone could have found something to do. With the incredibly limited range they had to choose from they ended up picking a total of.... ooh, maybe two good songs. And one of them was performed not very well. Maybe they all just picked, really, really badly or maybe there was no decent choice to start with. Who knows?

So, lets see if I can remember these in order that they performed.

Hayley: Actually this is a good song. But the way she did it it was like she was a very pretty and leggy leech sucking all the fun and life out of the song. There was just nothing there at all that made her stand out in any way whatsoever. Oh, no, I tell a lie. Her camel-toe in those tiny shorts stood out quite a lot. Probably not good if that was the most distinctive part of her performance though...

Chris R: You can almost see the blood stains on his clothes can't you? He's got a cut throat razor in his back pocket and given half a chance he'll use it on Ryan if he gets too close. Which, at least, would probably be more entertaining and less painful than his dead-fish-eyed trudge through sixties mediocrity. He looks like a tramp that has been dragged off the street, put into ill fitting clothes and told to sing but is still to drunk on meths and wondering if he hid the last corpse properly or if he should have eaten it after all and then told them to sing a song that he'd never heard before. And yet, despite all that, he's still not the boy I hate the most...

Stephanie: Brilliant, brilliant song. Dusty Springfield made it one of the best songs of the last century and showed how to sing it with power, impact and emotion. Stephanie showed why wearing a bustier dress that is cut too low when you don;t have much in the way of cleavage isn't a good idea. She may have sung a song as well but to be honest she was almost as dull as Hayley. Not bad exactly but worse because we know she can do so much better. She didn't deserve to go yet but if that was the standard that she was going to work to then she certainly didn't deserve to go much further.

Blake: You know what I'm going to say don't you? Shall we just get this out of the way quickly? No, no we shan't. Ick ick ick ick ick ick ick ick. Creepy, slimey, carbon copy of a crappy ex-boyband turd who wants to be the white Michael Jackson (without realising we already have one of those and he's running round Bahrain dressed as a woman and actually is Michael Jackson), ghastly, flesh crawlingly bad, cheap, cheesy, plastic, fake, repetitive, bland, cliched little pile of toilet scrapings in a hideous, hideous, hideous mish-mash of clashing clothing items that made him look like a high school science teacher trying to be groovy with the kids and making a complete and utter tit of himself. And those were the good points about Blake. Urgh. I really, really don;t see why people think he's so marvelous. Hell, i don't understand why people don't have a compulsion to grab him and throw him from a twenty storey building. He has done the same tedious schtick every single week, has tried to do his hugely dated robotic dancing every week and has looked like a smug little tit every single week and quite frankly if we wanted a smug, self satisfied, squawking, 80s dancing white boy then we'd give Justin Timberlake a call. Actually, no, we wouldn't because he's shit too. Except he's less shit that Blake, the tit.

Jordin: Yay! Happy day! It's not all doom and gloom and Blake making me want to hurt people! It's tough to take a Shirley sing and make it your own or sing it even half as well as Shirley did. Or Tom even. Jordin actually did that. She proper belted but stayed in tune. She gave the emotion and the power and the general fabulousness and was easily the highlight of the night. She started out as someone who was cute who could sing and might go OK in the competition and is now actually looking like she might be in with a good chance. If she can carry of performances like that every week she's going to go a long way.

Sanjaya: From the sublime to the ridiculous... Really, just 'why'? What is the point of Sanjaya? If Blake is trying to be Justin-Timberlake-trying-to-be-Michael-Jackson then Sanjaya is trying to be Michael Jackson's speaking voice but without the personality. And we all know what a thrilling personality Jackson has. He's weedy and thin and dull and looked like a complete idiot trying to do a song where he needed to show even an ounce of manliness. And yet people are voting for him...

Gina: Hmmm. Hmmmmmmmmm. No.... no, I don't think so. I see what she was trying to do, I see why she picked that song but I also see that she's so convinced that she's the next best thing that she needs someone to punch her smartly on the nose and tell her to pull her head out her arse and point out that it doesn't matter how many rock chick streaks you have in your hair or ever so daring black leather outfits you wear or bad attitude displays you have because if you can;t actually sing at the same time as rocking out then people are going to get wise to you quickly and call you on it. She can sing, she's shown that in the past, and there's nothing to say she can't be a rock singer on AI and do well but this week she mostly just shouted and garbled the words and lost any kind of tunefulness she's had in the past. Plus her cockiness with Simon needs to be toned down a hell of a lot. There's defending your performance and ther's coming across as being petulant. She's being petulant at the moment.

Phil: Look, it's a singing penis! With his shiny bonce wobbling around under the lights and his thin tube-like body the walking penis once again takes to the stage and shouts at us until it's time for him to go home again in his little penis house in the country. Maybe he needs to go back to wearing his awful hats because Phil's resemblence to a singing penis is even more disturbing than they were. His 'singing' is disturbing enough without his penisness making it worse. He really does look awfully like a penis. That sings. Not very well. Although I suppose it's quite a good trick for a penis...

Lakisha: Remember when I said it's tough to take on a Shirley song? Lakisha proved my point perfectly. OK so she must have been out of her mind to think that doing Diamonds Are Forever would be a good idea since it was never going to compare to the original but even with that said there was something missing hugely from her performance. She didn't have the power of the drama needed for it and I felt hugely let down. Not a bad performance exactly but way down from what I'd expect.

Chris S: OK, I have now decided that the Chris' are having a competition to see how many people they can murder and dispose of before people notice that they are psychotic. He can sing, we know that, even if tonight he at best a little dull, but he's got that little twinkle in his eye. Not the one that says he's a jolly chappie who is there to be chubby and ever so amusing. Oh no. He has the twinkle that is the light glinting off the blade of the breadknife has sharpened especially. he has gone over the line from being annoying and glib and fake and shot over into the zone of complete terror inducing egomania. One of the best singers he may be but I wouldn't be sad if he got the boot soon enough. I loved him at first. Fickle, aren't I?

Melinda: Ya.....y. Hmmm. OK, there's nothing you can fault about Melinda technically, there really isn't, but Lulu was talking about her afterwards and said that she's just missing that edge that could take her all the way and I know what she means. The performance tonight was very good but it just needs something. She's a lovely girl and a brilliant singer but she needs something else (like a neck. No, I'm being mean now, sorry. But she does. Do you think you can get neck transplants?) and I'm not quite sure what it is. I want to see her do something that you really wouldn't expect and just wow us all again. She's done it before but she might slip into a comfortable zone with her music and then people will get bored quickly.

And finally there's the reason why we (probably) got a better AI than you guys this week. Like I've said before we've been getting the little bits with Cat Deeley whittering away that you don't get. Well this week it was Cat and Lulu and some guy who I didn't recognise but clearly was famous and may have sang in the results show that I didn't watch commenting on the performances. he he. He he he he he. You think Simon is harsh? You think I'm bad? You ain't heard nothin' till you hear these three. Lulu is vicious. She pulls no punches, really she doesn't. They absolutely slated Sanjaya, pointed out that Blake is trying to be something whereas Timberlake just *is* that something and why would you need someone who has to try to be that, mercilessly mocked the outfit Stephanie had on and dismissed Gina with barely a second glance. They will probably end up on YouTube or something like that and if they do then track them down because they have truly been some of the best things I've seen on TV for ages. Lulu may have built a career from only one song but she should take over as a judge on AI and be as blunt as she was tonight because she'd be brilliant.

Oh, and interestingly they were obviously a bit narked with Gina's attitude as well because they had a big discussion about how sometimes you'll eb in the studio and hear a performance and think it was great but have Simon slate it but then when you watch it back on video you realise he was right. They made the point that while Simon may be a little harsh in how he says things he is very rarely wrong on anything. Having attitude with him just because you think that's what people want to see is stupid since if you win he's going to be the one that makes or breaks your career. Don't suck up but sure as hell don't give him lip just ebcause you think it'll get you votes.

Oh, and the crying girl? One of the most ghastly things I have seen on TV in years. That wasn't cute, that was vomit inducing. These people are not famous yet. They are not stars. They are not living legends. So stop behaving like a hysterical sheep and pull yourself together. Urgh. Lord save us from sentimentality, please.

So, overall a fun week.

I was kinda bothered that Gwen Stefani night meant that they could sing the music of her influences as well as her music. I love her stuff, so I would have loved to hear Lakisha and Melinda sing her stuff.

I figure Sanjaya is just mocking those who don't like him. Vote for the worst? He's it.

Chris S. was just not very good.

Haley seems like a cruise ship singer. Good legs, though.

Phil actually did a good job, but I think he's creepy.

Lakisha and Melinda share a spot in the middle. They both sang perfectly well, but Donna Summer songs are SO played out. I had to *endure* them.

Chris R. sounded better than Simon seemed to think, IMO.

Jordin was fun, but the song didn't allow for much vocal display. Still, she was good.

Blake. He did a really nice job with a Cure song. I was so glad he didn't beat-box!

Gina! Perfect song for her, delivered very well! She looked great, too. I don't normally rave about her, but she earned it!

Wow, I thought Gina finally hit her stride last night. In Chrissy Hynde she's found a voice whose vocal range she can emulate with just the right level of power and grace... good for her.

I loved Blake's rendition of Lovesong, and kudos to Idol for finally getting with the program and getting a band that can pulloff some of these more "alternative" melodies.

I'm actually beginning to enjoy watching Sanjaya, he brings the "cringe" factor to such dizzying heights... it's awesome to watch Simon squirm and want to crawl under the table, lol.

Chris Sligh needs to go.

Does Sanjaya think he's trying out for America's Next Top Model ???

THANK you.

Sanjaya--there really is nearly nothing to say about him. Though, I kind of wish he would dress as a prince and ride out on a unicorn to succumb to his audience.

Chris S.--just doesn't seem to care. His invulnerable apathy doesn't appeal to me.

Haley--legs.

Phil--picked a good song to sing the way he sings, which is fine, but not exactly inspirational.

Lakisha--what she has in singing, she lacks in personality.

Melinda--fabu-tastic, as always.

Chris R.--he's my American Idol boyfriend #2, so he should at least stay on to twang a few more songs to me.

Jordin--last week's performance was way better.

Blake--he's my American Idol boyfriend #1, but I too am glad he didn't beat-box.

Gina--please get better hair.

Well, if Suckjaya wasn't going to go-- and deep down in my heart, I knew he wasn't (although I *was* surprised he wasn't at least bottom 3!)-- then this exit was my next pick.

It was about 4 seasons too late to bring chubby back, I guess.

I *will* give props to Sanjaya (as well as Chris R and Jordin) for actually choosing No Doubt/Gwen songs to perform. "Bathwater" was the last song I would ever have expected anyone to do.

Sanjaya wasn't even in the bottom 3! Doesn't this seem to happen every year?

Firstly, Sketchy that icon is brilliant. Nothing to do with AI, but I just noticed it and it amused me...

Oh dear. Not as awful as last week but really not a great week either. Off we go...

Lakisha. Meh. She could sing it in her sleep and it'd sound good but there was just something missing. It didn't have the life or the spark that it needed to lift it out of the good and into the great. I fear Lakisha has been coasting the last few weeks and if she does that people are going to get bored pretty quickly. I certainly am.

Sanjaya. I do love the way that half the AI contestants completely fail to notice when Simon is really insulting them. It's not the times he sits there and says 'you were awful' that are the really bad insults, it's the ones that he phrases in such a way that if you're a bit clueless and slow on the uptake you might take as a compliment. Like with Sanjaya tonight. He's really a bit pointless isn't he? Even his oh-so-whacky hairstyle only served to make him a rebel in the way that Michael Jackson only wearing one glove (gasp!) did. As in not at all. He's not even this year's Bucky though in that he's not amusingly awful, he's just very, very dull.

Gina. OK, so this was probably not technically the best vocal performance because Gina simply doesn't have the range of Lakisha, Melinda or Jordin but it was very, very good. She looked comfortable with the song style and her outfit and looked like she was having a good time. Easily the best song choice of the night and out of a bunch of slightly lacklustre performances hers was probably the best. She also seems to have lost some of her too cocky attitude this week which is a good thing.

Chris S. Urgh. It's amazing how someone can go from one of your favourites to being a tub of lard that makes you retch when his smug podgy face lurches onto the TV screen. The way he looked like he was about to trip with every single step made me want to stick something in his way just to see if he bounces when he does fall over. I suspect America got as fed up with his saccahrine platitudes that rang about as true as a nine dollar note and the simpering expression he permanently had on his face no matter what he was singing. Also it has to be said that his was probably one of the worst vocal performances of the night.

Haley. Plod plod plod. The AI equivalent of a loaf of potted plant. Quite nice to stick in the corner to make the place look prettier but you wouldn't want to go and see it in concert. Actually, I might go to see the potted plant. It might wave it's leaves interestingly. Haley on the other hand is just... plodding. She wasn't great and wasn't awful and is sort of pretty in a slightly bland way. I can't really muster the enthusiasm to be really mean about her. Which is just as well since it means I can save up some of my vitriol for...

Phil-The-Singing-Penis. Hahahahahahahaha! hahahaha! Hahahahahaha! Hahahahahahahaha! Ha! Oh, the Phantom Crap-Hat-Placer strikes again. And this time they brought along the Make-Up-Fiend with them. This week Phil did his best singing penis impression wearing what appeared to be a crocheted tea-cosy and three inches of make-up. He had more make-up on than all the other girls put together. Hell, he probably had more make-up on than all the women in the studio. He looked like someone realised he looked like a singing penis and so put on make-up so he'd look like an airbrushed singing penis. Wearing a crocheted tea-cosy. Oh, and his singing was pretty sucky too. I don't like the song either and it amuses me that it gets played at weddings since it's about a psycho stalker (as pointedly out repeatedly by Sting, who would probably like to have a singing penis. And possibly already does...). Gosh, I'd hate to be stalked by a singing penis wearing a crocheted tea-cosy and too much make-up. That'd completely freak me out.

Melinda. Dammit, there's something missing with her as well. It was definately the best vocal in terms of the technical side of things but she just seemed to be that little bit missing something. She needed to belt it more and have a bit more fun. She's effortless on stage and maybe that's the problem, it's too easy for her. That said if she's not at least in the final three there is something seriously wrong.

Blake. I... am.... taking.... very... calming... breaths... because.... otherwise... I.... will.... have.... to.... kill.... someone. Ye gods America, the boy is *hideous*. I mean, really, really hideous. Everything about him is repellant. His physical presence, his lack of personality, his turgid tromps through sings that he makes sound exactly the same as the one he did last week, his dress sense that is so severely impared that he could probably get a disabled parking sticker for his car. He's plastic and as exciting as watching paint dry. His singing is bland and has no life to it whatsoever and he took one of The Cure's most middle of the road songs and turned it into something so dull that it could have been the sound of someone farting in a very large space. That would have been more interesting to listen to though. I have a horrible, horrible presentation that this ghastly little pillock might actually be the next American Idol. And it'll be your fault. You hear that? YOUR FAULT. Bring back Bucky I say. At least I had fun laughing at his inability to speak. Hiohgft busetlna h,h eeku, Bucky!

Jordin. Now there were a fair few duff notes in her performance tonight and Simon was right in that it was a very hard song to do and not make it sound like she was just copying Gwen Stefani since it's so identifiably her, but it was still very good. Jordin is showing herself to be by far the most versatile of the finalists and she's growing in confidence every single week. She constantly looks different but good and her vocals are at the very least consistent, but when she's on form she can blow almost everyone else out of the water. Melinda has her beat on the technical side of things but Jordin has that spark that could give her the edge. Tonight probably won't go down as one of her defining moments but she is proving she deserves a place in the final.

Chris R. The eyes, the eyes.... I have very rarely seen such dead eyes in my life. We've got a coupld of trout in the freezer that have more alive eyes than Chris does. He just creeps me out so bloody much. The way his eyebrows appear to be trying to break free and attack his forehead is bizarre. The way when he sings he appears to have no teeth and so looks like a goldfish gopping away gormlessly in it's tank freaks me out. The way he took a brilliant song and tuned it into some tuneless dirge was astounding in his mastery of everything that is utterly mediocre. *shudder* Please vote him off Aemrica. If he stays much longer I may have to watch AI from behind the sofa because he's probably the scariest thing I've seen since the first time I watched Alien. Plus he's not as pretty as the alien.

I looked for "I Who Have Nothing" on youtube, and found that I wasn't the only one interested. The Shirley Bassey and Tom Jones versions both had plenty of comments comparing them to Jordin's version. Then, I went to iTunes and did a search for Tom Jones' version of the song for karaoke, and surprise! it was the most popular of his karaoke songs. I also got "Delilah" which would be great fun to do out at a karaoke bar!

I suppose it's a "duh" that songs done on American Idol influence the popularity of them at other sources. I have a handful of songs that I now love that I actually never knew until someone sang them on AI.

"Cringe Factor", I love it!

My personal guage is whether I liked the song as performed or if it just makes me want to fire up the CD player and hear the real thing. I started looking for one of my old Police CDs the other night.
Just sayin'...

Tony Bennett inspired quite a good show! I was quite entertained.

Maybe I'll post more thoughts later....

Phil blew it. He was astonishingly horrible in this round. I hate it hate it hate it when a singer mumbles into the microphone. The ONE time a hat would have completed his outfit and he skipped it. wtf?

Blake? meh. Not impressed in the least tonight. Ok but hardly anything I'll remember next summer...and I really like Mack the Knife.

Melinda sounded great. She really has to get over being surprised that people like her, it's wearing thin.

Gina really really has to get back onto her rock and roll footing. I liked her song and it surprised me that she pulled it off so well but I want her to rock my socks off. C'mon girl, get down and kick some rock'n'roll hootchie koo!

Could Jordin's skirt have possibly been ANY shorter? Nice Camel Toe.

Chris bothers me. He's not awful but I can't think of a single thing to reccommend him. He'd better get a gimmick quick.

Lakisha went big. Real big. A little too early and then the song didn't have the expected peaks and valleys. Nonetheless that girl can blow the windows out of a concert hall. She's gonna kick major vocal booty in the years ahead.

and...not last but I saved him for it anyway..

Sanjaya? -ha ha ha- Actually he was in his element and didn't sound bad at all. I'm like Simon here, it doesn't matter what we say. He'll be there next week anyway. Dancing with Paula was cute though.

Who did I forget?

ok i'm gonna admitt it, the only reason i'm even watching Idol this season is because of Sanjaya's sister. she is sooooooo frikkin hot!!!

Jeepers. I came off pretty negative didn't I?
Actually only Phil was bad. Everybody else did pretty decently but I was looking for more. And I always get several good laughs from the judges.

I'm not really a crumudgeon I just play one on TV.

I thought Jordin was amazing, don't know what the hell Simon was talking about. Melinda was great. Blake reminds me Maroon 5's Adam Levine, with just a dash of Morrisey (which I thought was a nice catch by another poster upthread). hated Lakisha's rendition of a great song, though she did end nicely. Really hated Chris' vocals, and Phil just out and out sucked... again!

And Sanjaya... oy... the cringe is strong in that one.

With me around don't think anyoen else has to worry about coming across as being too negative.

I think this show has finally become a parody of itself.

Tony Bennett night? Yawn. I only taped it instead of salivating over every moment live, and for me that REALLY shows disinterest.

It turned out better than I thought it would, though. Most everyone did really well, except Phil and Haley.

But the whole thing seems so pointless. There's such a huge margin between the talent levels this year.

Blake: I like Blake, and his singing was okay. But, that's just not how Mack the Knife should be done. It needs some edge. And he could really benefit from adding some variety to his singing style.

Phil: I liked his very last note. That's the only point at which he made me pay attention

Melinda: Superb. She should release a record right now.

Gina: Nice variety, but could have worked it a bit more (not rock-wise, just song-wise). Glad to see the different hair.

Chris: I was really impressed with his singing & performance. He moved up a few notches in my estimation.

Jordin: People seem to like her. I really wasn't feeling anything from her singing.

Haley: She should be on broadway. She can belt & seems like she'd be more interesting playing a character than trying to showcase her own.

Lakisha: She sings well, but I still see no personality whatsoever. Maybe she should consider a boob reduction; how can it be comfortable hauling those things around?

re: tonight's results: YAWN.

This season has become way too predictable.

Wake me in 3 weeks after Phil and Haley have been booted and Sansucka has sent home one of MUCH better performers (either Chris R., Blake, Lakisha, Jordin or Melinda) in the shocker episode you just KNOW is coming.

Phil haylie or Snajaya should have been let go. I'm too mad to say anything else...

None of this shocks me. It's very Idol formula. I mean, yeah, Gina's better than Phil or Haley, so they should have gone earlier. Sanjaya is a novelty that won't wear off. Blah blah blah... The bottom half is always like this.

I start to get bothered when people who should be out sometime around the middle get to the top.

Here's my dream placement:

8. Phil
7. Haley
6. Sanjaya
5. Chris
4. Lakisha
3. Blake
2. Melinda
1. Jordin

If 8-5 make it past 4, that'll bug me.

(Still, even when I've been annoyed with the show, I've never vowed to quit watching!)