Legion World Forums LEGION COMPANION Dr. Gym'll's Cultural Rarities Physics-defying comic uniforms

It occurs to me as I contemplate using spirit gum to adhere my Marvel Girl mask directly to my face for Halloween, that some comic costumes pretty much defy the laws of gravity and physics.

I mean, there are some that have so many openings and gaps that no one could possibly move in them even an inch without flashing something private.

So! In honor of Halloween and all the cosplayers in the world who've discovered that Psylocke's uniform requires a bikini wax and some double sided tape...show me the most ridiculously oustanding costumes in all of comicdom.

<333 I luv youuuu. Come here and let me chew you~

I'm sort of digging the whole granny panty look coupled with the GAPING HOLE in the front. Can't show upper thigh, but boobs? NO PROBLEM.

The bizarre thing is, that's only about the fourth or fifth most physics-defying 70s Legion costume!

I think Tyroc's 70's uniform is my favorite. I mean...the package. THE PACKAGE. My mother saw a picture of him and was all "Honey, that man needs to wear a cup. How is he even staying in there?"

I love my mom.

It was always odd how Jim Lee drew Psylocke doing a vagina-first leaping kick.

...you probably don't want to know. I'm sure Durlans have an orifice...of SOME KIND...*shudder*

I'm sure that whatever means is used to allow Gim's ring to grow with him (and not cut his finger off when he expands in size) or Salu's ring to shrink with her (and not become a giant golden corral around her tiny form) or allows Tinya's ring to phase with her (and not clunk to the floor when she goes intangible) also works for Cham.

Mon-El and Ultra Boy and Superboy and Blok occasionally punch the hell out of someone with their ring hand, which would utterly destroy the ring if it weren't able to 'borrow' some of their invulnerability, as well.

Ah, Flight Rings, what *can't* they do?

As for ridiculous comics costumes, my mom was a big fan of Vampirella, and I always wondered how she could even draw a breath without those strings covering her breast shifting, let alone do all sorts of kicks and jumps. Same for various interpretations of Phantom Lady, from the Freedom Fighters, who wears something similar.

Set, just tell me how we can say "unstable molecules" in a way that's different enough so we won't get sued?

I know they make a lousy cup of coffee.

I always thought the Goblin Queen's costume was impossible in real life, but was proven wrong:

HOW IS THAT GIRL EVEN MOVING? Man, she's in that costume so tight her poor boobies will probably never move AGAIN.

LOTS of Two sided tape. LOTS And LOTS of it. I mean LOTS!.

I mean, you can point to ANY supposed "spandex" uniform and how it seems to show every ripple, sinew and ab line! I've yet to see any fabric that can do that!

And, hey, if it shows all that, why not detailed penis outlines or cameltoe, right? Strange that this magical fabric can be so modest at its discretion!

CAMELTOE. I would sincerely pay money to see a comic book character comment on the whole cameltoe thing. Surely someone, at some point, has done so.

HAHA. Wonder what happens to those superheroes when they see something that turns them on? *DIES* Imagine the humiliation. XD

The skintight costumes that freak me out are the ones that show veins. Overly defined musculature has been around for pretty much the entire history of comic book superheroes, but bulgy veins? No thank you!

And the less said about mammaltoe, the better.

bwahahahahaha I've never seen them in that shape before haha!

I've ALWAYS been weirded out by those bodybuilders that have all those icky bulging veins and stuff! I imagine the vein exploding and the dude falling dead on the spot.

I'm reminded of Strong Guy from X-Factor. Didn't he DIE from that? Like, didn't he have a major heart attack and fall over dead?

One costume - if it's even that - that has baffled me is Mary in the new-52 "I, Vampire" series. I don't buy it, but I do read the preview pages on Newsarama et al, and it looks to me like she's completely naked with magenta lines in strategic spots. No visible nipple-bumps (and forget about camel toe), but these "modesty" lines seem to be completely unsupported.

Unless she's actually wearing a body stocking.

Do any of you read it regularly? What's up with her...attire, such as it is?

One thing that I've used to suspend disbelief with the Legion at least (I'm looking at you, Shadow Lass!) is that everyone is assumed to *also* be wearing 'transsuits' that are transparent and cover everything, so, even when they look mostly naked, they are still covered head to toe in an outfit that is durable enough to protect them from extremes of pressure, temperature, vacuum and radiation. (Even if it's about as concealing as those clear vinyl tops the lead singer of Missing Persons used to wear.)

Non-invulnerable folk of either gender who run around with a ton of exposed flesh, in a career where people shooting fire and lightning at you, and / or stuff exploding right next to you on a daily basis, is just silly.

If the Hulk wants to run around in pants that mysteriously never rip in the one strategic place my pants *always* rip, he's at least mostly impervious to harm (and, presumably, embarassment). But Tigra, fur or no fur, should be wearing a flak jacket, and some sort of eye protection!

Starfire had the flimsy excuse of being 'solar-powered' for going to war in a bikini, but that didn't stop Superman and Cyclops, both also deriving power from sunlight, from wearing full body suits!

But then when Tigra or Starfire go into battle we cant see the cuts and blood all over their thighs and bosoms and stuff.



sick sick men.

but on a serious note ... Starfire's uniform never looked very comfortable ... metal and two sizes too small!

This one I sort of place in the "she's a different species" sort of thing. Maybe...when she became a vampire she...I don't...

Okay, right, so i'll put this one into the same category as Witchblade. There is a sentient, sticky substance attached to all the delicate areas that moves with...so it can be like body paint?

...I'm clueless. Perhaps it's tape.

I thought it was her skin ... like in a video game character ... I don't think they thought about it much. just tried to make it look cool.