Legion World Forums LEGION COMPANION The Anywhere Machine Scottish Climate

40 degrees - Californians shiver uncontrollably.
People in Scotland sunbathe.

35 degrees - Italian cars won't start.
People in Scotland drive with the windows down.

20 degrees - Floridians wear coats, gloves, and wool hats.
People in Scotland throw on a T-shirt.

15 degrees - Californians begin to evacuate the state.
People in Scotland go swimming in the sea.

0 degrees - New York landlords turn the heat on.
People in Scotland have a last barby before it gets cold.

-10 degrees - People in Miami are extinct.
People in Scotland lick flagpoles.

-20 degrees - Californians all now live in Mexico.
People in Scotland throw on a light jacket.

-80 degrees - Polar bears begin to evacuate the Artic.
Scottish Boy Scouts postpone winter survival excercise until it gets cold
enough.

-100 degrees - Santa Claus abandons the North Pole.
People in Scotland wear a vest and pull down their ear flaps.

-173 degrees - Ethyl alcohol freezes.
People in Scotland are angry 'cos they can't thaw their whisky kegs.

-297 degrees - Microbial life starts to grind to a halt.
Scottish cows complain of farmers with cold hands.

-460 degrees - ALL atomic motion stops.
People in Scotland start saying " A bit hill billy ... eh? "

-500 degrees - Hell freezes over.
Scottish people support England in the World Cup

I saw this the other day and instantly thought of you and Reboot.

You need to add one at the bottom, something along the lines of

-600 degrees - the apocolipse
Scottish people stunned when England WIN the World Cup.

80 degrees, people in South Carolina start to get comfortable.

Scottish people have already fainted.

90 degrees, people in South Carolina can actually work up a sweat.

Scottish people die.

100 degrees, people in South Carolina work on their tans.

Scottish people are melt into gelatious puddles of goo.




( All the above was said in good humor.)

Massachusetts people scratch their heads and wonder if any of these people ever heard of heating & air conditioning.

I think you mean "happy". Or "are glad of the five-minutely bulletins on Wayne Rooney's bloody metatarsal."

Seriously, WTF? I think there's been more TV coverage of Wayne Rooney's metatarsal than anything from Iraq to Big Bruvver. Probably put together.

40 degrees - Californians shiver uncontrollably.
English people go on and on and on about 1966

35 degrees - Italian cars won't start.
English people go on and on and on about 1966

20 degrees - Floridians wear coats, gloves, and wool hats.
English people go on and on and on about 1966

15 degrees - Californians begin to evacuate the state.
English people go on and on and on about 1966

0 degrees - New York landlords turn the heat on.
English people go on and on and on about 1966

-10 degrees - People in Miami are extinct.
English people go on and on and on about 1966

-20 degrees - Californians all now live in Mexico.
English people go on and on and on about 1966

-80 degrees - Polar bears begin to evacuate the Artic.
English people go on and on and on about 1966

-100 degrees - Santa Claus abandons the North Pole.
English people go on and on and on about 1966

-173 degrees - Ethyl alcohol freezes.
English people go on and on and on about 1966

-297 degrees - Microbial life starts to grind to a halt.
English people go on and on and on about 1966

-460 degrees - ALL atomic motion stops.
English people go on and on and on about 1966

-500 degrees - Hell freezes over.
English people are STILL going on and on and on
and on and on and on and on and on and on and on
and on and on and on and on and on and on and on
and on and on and on and on and on and on and on
and on and on and on and on and on and on and on
and on and on and on and on and on and on and on
and on and on and on and on and on and on and on
and on and on and on and on and on and on and on
and on and on and on and on and on and on and on
and on and on and on and on and on and on and on
and on and on and on and on and on and on and on
and on and on and on and on and on and on and on
and on and on and on and on and on and on and on
and on and on and on and on and on and on and on
and on and on and on and on and on and on and on
and on and on and on and on and on and on and on
and on and on and on and on and on and on and on
and on and on and on and on and on and on and on
and on and on and on and on and on and on and on
and on and on and on and on and on and on and on
and on and on and on and on and on and on and on
and on and on and on and on and on and on and on
and on and on and on and on and on and on and on
and on and on and on and on and on and on and on
and on and on and on and on and on and on and on
and on and on and on and on and on and on and on
and on and on and on and on and on and on and on
and on and on and on and on and on and on and on
and on and on and on and on and on about 1966!!!

"They think it's all over!!"

Please God! Will it EVER be?

And the "Accuracy in Message Board posting" award goes to.. walkwithcrowds!

Boston had to wait 86 years for their Red Sox to win, so those supporting England have got a ways to go before their patience (and loyalty) is truly tested.

Spot on wwc !

"They think it's all over!!" - WE WISH!

"...And its played forward to Maradona..."

LOL...

I was stationed in Scotland for two years back in the '90's. We had a day in 1993 that was supposedly the hottest on record at 82 degrees farenheight and supposedly people in Dundee we dropping like flies from heat exposure.

Great thread.

Jamie

I'm sure he was Scottish player of the year that year.

I'm sure he was Scottish player of the year that year.


(Sorry - I've accidently double-posted there. Still - it was worth mentioning twice.)

As if to prove the thing, the mercury hit 25­­ºC today, and my temper get sweated away...

And when the Sox did win, it was after losing three games straight in a best of seven.

You misunderstand. It's not born of frustration that they haven't won in 40 years, it's boasting that they once won it (even if it WAS 40 years ago).

40 years of celebrating is, I'm sure you'll agree, overdoing it.

Reboot is right on the money.

I have absolutely NO INTEREST WHATSOEVER in football - pretty much my entire understanding of the world cup is that that poor sod who is married to Posh is in it - and I'm in no way anti-English; it's just that EVERY SINGLE TIME the world cup rolls around English TV/Radio/Newspapers/whatever, constantly,repeatedly and continually go on and on and on (etc) about 1966 and how TRULY, TOTALY AND UTTERLY AMAZING they are because they won this thing FORTY BLOODY YEARS AGO!!!!!

They basically just sicken everybody and everything with their bigoted, jingoistic coverage of something that is supposed to be a sportsmanlike contest, promoting fair play and brotherhood.

Anyone who dares to suggest that it isn't Englands God given right to win the world cup is some kind of perverted, diseased, child molesting scum.

It was, honestly, front page news that a Scottish member of Parliament DIDN'T support England?!?! There were practically yells for a lynching!

We have even been told - again, this is FRONT PAGE (!?!?) news - that if any non English member of the United Kingdom makes disparaging or in any way anti-English remarks during the world cup we can expect to be prosecuted as racist.

I kid you not.

THIS is what Britain has to put up with every four years.

Is it any wonder the rest of us hate the bastards?

FRONT PAGE NEWS!!!


BBC GUIDLINES FOR WORLD CUP COMMENTARY TEAM.

• Within 1 minute of kick-off in the opening match
(Germany v Costa Rica), the commentator must mention England.

• Regardless of what two teams are contesting the final, England have to be mentioned within the first minute.

• The commentator shall refer to the Falkland Islands in passing at some point in the match if England play Argentina.

• Whenever a hat trick is scored, comparisons with Geoff Hurst will be made within seconds of the third goal hitting the net.

• Should England wear their red jerseys, then 1966 should be mentioned approximately 20 times.

• 1966 will be mentioned approximately 10 times a match, or only on 4 or 5 occasions for matches not involving England.

• Prior to the captain of the winning team lifting the trophy, the commentator will mention Bobby Moore. And 1966.

• When Germany are playing, they must be referred to as being arrogant by the commentator on at least 14 occasions. This must refer to their style, their passing, their haircuts and their general footballing ability.

• Should England play Germany, mentions of Winston Churchill, Dambusters, The Luftwaffe and Adolf Hitler will be compulsory. And 1966.

• All Scottish members of our commentary team must continue to refer to England as “we” and “us”.

• We must ensure that nationalistic stereotypes are adhered to. Of course, the Germans are arrogant. The Spanish are bottlers. The Ivory Coast are fast but bad at defending. The Angolans are disorganised. The Argentinians are cheats. And the French are only good because their best players play in England.

• For matches not involving England, we must only discuss the players that are playing in England. (e.g. – Holland v Argentina should be referred to as Van Nistelroy v Crespo).

• The mythical “bulldog spirit” phrase should be used as often as possible.

• Each match involving England should begin with the phrase “England expects”.

• Should any player be involved in an injury that involves the loss of teeth, then references to Nobby Stiles and 1966 are compulsory.

• If in doubt, mention 1966.

• Praise all of the stunning new stadiums in Germany but emphasise that they lack the presence of Wembley, the spiritual home of football since 1966.

• Commentators should feel free to imitate the style of Kenneth Wolstenholme, the hero of 1966.

• Should any team feature brothers playing together, then Jackie and Bobby Charlton should be mentioned.

• When England bow out after the first stage, we must emphasise that it is a massive blow to football and a serious loss to the World Cup.




(From One of the bastards south of the wall)

Sorry Faraway Lad.

Got a bit wound up.

I've had an ice cream and a can of Irn Bru and I've calmed down now.

At least your team got in to the World Cup.


...still don't want England to win though.

Eh, all i know is, some complete and utter scum started using "take me out to the ball game" for soccer.

SOCCER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

die a hideous thousand deaths being eaten and defecated out by a leperous camel to you, less than sentient being!


Other than that, how's yer day going?

Okay...deeeeep breaths...calm down...that's it...have some ice cream and a can of Irn Bru - it worked for me.

From World Cup Soccer for Lefties :

Long independent, the nations of Togo, Trinidad and Angola will face their colonizers in the first round of World Cup 2006. Both soccer minnows, a victory for Togo or Trinidad will set off waves of celebration in the home country.

Yet the Angola versus Portugal match is arguably the most exciting and politically stimulating of the first round. Angola waged a brutal struggle for independence against Portuguese rule (and later against U.S. and South African influence) gaining independence in 1975. Angolans will be hoping their team rises above the favoured Portuguese in a game that will be charged with political symbolism.
....
In his wonderful book How Soccer Explains the World: An (unlikely) theory of globalization, Franklin Foer describes the political tremors that can result from a victory of the Iranian national soccer team. Iran's victories can unleash popular sentiments that buck against the theocratic rule of the mullahs.
....
Having legalized prostitution, Germany's sex industry is gearing up for a massive boost in business. Yet women's groups are concerned with the trafficking of women for sexual slavery to meet the demand created by a massive influx of male tourists into the country.
....
As Oxfam points out, while players like England's David Beckham receive millions in sponsorship deals, the people who make his shoes receive little more than pennies.
....
So whether you're cheering on the boys from Brazil or avoiding the television at all costs, keep an eye on the political dynamics of this year's World Cup. Before you vilify the overpaid athletes participating, remember that for many of them, football has been their means of social mobility, rising from the ghettoes of Sao Paulo, Tehran or Manchester to the world's biggest sporting stage.

It ain't Soccer, it's Football.

REAL Football, not "runball with armor" or "Rugby for Wimps."

No prob WWC. I have a warped sense of humour that enjoys that sort of thing.

And I fully understand you not wanting to support England. Who do you want to win?

Hear Hear. Well said that chap.