Legion World Forums LEGION COMPANION Spaceopoly Lard Lad's strange new power - The Game

Wanna' know how far you can stretch that on-sale "Size 10" around your "Size 18" frame before it won't stretch anymore ? Just take Lardy shopping at the outlet malls with you ! His expert super-divining skills when it comes to clothes size will provide all the help you need-- right there at the dress rack ! You'll never have to embarrass yourself by trying on something too damn small in public ever again !

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Ultra- Zydeco

Lardy has the power to make Zydeco music emanate from any given object. This power grows stronger the closer he is to Louisiana.

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Microwave Popcorn

If I eat uncooked popcorn, 24 hours later the most perfect microwave popcorn you've ever tasted--comes outta my butt! (Oddly enough, no one has volunteered to try it yet. )

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Party-Pubes!

Lard Lad has the power to conjure up dozens of post-pubescent young people (all over the age of consent for the surrounding locality), streamers, cake and music. Sometimes clowns, too.

What did you think he meant by 'pubes?'

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Receding Hairline.

Pressing a spot on his temples, Lardy can cause his hair to recede back into his skull like a convertible roof. His bald pate then reflects any light into a blinding glare.

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Frozen Assets

With a menacing glare Lardy can freeze anyone's @$$. The rest of his victim remains unscathed.

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Fancy Pants

Lardy invented the Bedazzler which he uses to make pants that cause villains to collapse laughing, much like they would at this guy , rendering them powerless.

5 o'clock shadow.

At exactly 5 p.m. (17.00) local time, Lardy gains the power to allow his shadow to move independently--until 5:01.

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Quicker Picker-Upper

I can produce a chick-specific pickup line at a bar in 0.2 nanoseconds. That doesn't necessarily guarantee the line's success....

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Fart Deco

Lard Lad's invention prowess enabled him to build and patent the only line of "plug-in" air fresheners that deal in a safe and healthy manner with... certain body issues. Their elegant vintage packaging, as well as the wide variety of available fragrances, made them the biggest thing to hit supermarkets and boutiques since the heyday of the paper bikini.

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Spin Cycle

Used mostly around election time, Lardy has the ability to favorably slant news stories to the advantage of his chosen political candidates by riding his specially designed motorcycle up and down the streets of DC. (In case of a two-candidate ticket, the Spin Cycle is also equipped with a side car.)

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Child Proof Cap

Lardy wears a cap to bars that says "Hey Babes, stay away if you got kids!"

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Paper jam

Lard Lad, in a gesture of worldwide altruism, used his magic powers to locate and retrieve every last copy of the film Space Jam still in existence. He then converted all the stockpiled copies to paper, using telekinesis, and then turned them all to elegant origami paper cranes. Said cranes were distributed to peaceniks around the world.

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That Old Black Magic

Lard Lad can make old fashion trends, as opposed to new fashion trends (i.e. _____ is the new black), not look out-dated. He does this by reciting a magical spell.


Next: Photogenic Memory

Memories of Lardy are always 'retouched' to frame him in the best lighting. Sometimes people get lost in their memories of Lardy, because they are so darn photogenic!

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Big brass balls.

During formal dance events where the orchestra is a bit lackluster, Lardy has the power to exponentially increase the horn section to really get that joint jumpin'.

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Puss in Boots

Lard Lad wears magic boots that can give charitable (and painless) plastic facial surgery-- to anyone willing to take a deep breath from each boot when he takes them off at night.

(See also: Feet Vision)

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Rock-A-Billy

On LMB Karaoke night Lard Lad can use this power to flawlessly sing any Billy Idol song

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HDTV

HDTV, or Huge Dictionary & Thesaurus Volumes, is the name of Lardy's power that let's him abbreviate or make an ancronym out of any word or groups of words. And while anyone can do this, Lardy's power makes the abbreviation or acronym instantly understandable. QED is it a sup-pow.

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A horse of another color power (or HAC-pow)

No matter how big your avenging re-animated zombie army of My Little Ponies is, Lardy's is bigger. And meaner. And cutting off or bashing in their heads won't save you, as they can still suck in brains through their specially-modified super-zombie-hooves.

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Flavor-Rite

Lardy can change the flavour of any food to whatever he considers to be "right". This means that most stuff tastes like beer.

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Internal Combustion Engine

Much like Matter-Eater Lad, Lardy can consume items that would normally not be edible, but only if said items are flammable. Fires in his stomach burn them up. This also explains the super-flatulence.

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Clean as a Whistle

Lardy can whistle that tune from Mary Poppins in the direction of unsightly household messes, and make them telekinetically all neat 'n orderly again.

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Dirty Martini

Lardy goes undercover as a bartender to infiltate the mob world. His dirty martini is laced with sodium pentathol, and has brought many a criminal to justice.

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Rump Roast

Similar to Frozen Assets above, but burns instead of freezes.

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Times Tables