This game has you telling the world just how Lard Lad's newest power works.
The first person names the new power. The next person the describes what the power is and how it works. And then leaves a new power for the next poster to describe.
Lard Lad's first new power is:
Dish Pan Hands
[ January 04, 2009, 11:41 AM: Message edited by: Quislet, Esq. ]
Posted by Rockhopper Lad on :
Lardy can change any object he touches into either a dish or a pan. Of course which it turns into and what kind is totally random. It may be a paper plate or bone china; it may be a cast iron cauldron or a small aluminum saucepan.
Next: Garlic Breath
Posted by He Who Wanders on :
Lardy has the power to ward off vampires--and most other sentient beings--with a huff and a puff.
Next: Selective Teleportation
Posted by Arm Fall Off Boy on :
This power allows Lardy to teleport people who are boring him, or possibly in-laws, to another location. The selective part means 2 things: 1) He selects whom he teleports and to where and 2)They have conveniently had all memories of the conversation with Lardy selectively removed.
Next: Conversing with animals
Posted by Kent Shakespeare on :
This power is only activated when Lardy has achieved altered consciousness (usually by means of alcohol), in which Lardy has the ability to talk with animals and learn what others have been saying behind his back (even when he tries another line of conversation the topic invariably returns to this). No one else is ever privy to these conversations, and it remains undetectable to even the most skilled of animal telepaths.
Next: super-wardrobe-malfunctionism
Posted by Quislet, Esq. on :
Lard Lad rarely uses this power as it only affects men's pants. However he was able to catch that male spy disguised as a woman by using this power.
Next: Cauliflower Ears
Posted by cleome on :
Lard Lad can discuss beforehand with cauliflower how it wishes to be cooked prior to consumption-- via a highly specialized form of telepathy/super-hearing.
It is unknown if this power can be employed with other cruciferous vegetables (such as cabbages, broccoli, etc.)
Next: Editorial Restraint
Posted by LardLad on :
This power exists within him but he chooses never to use it!
Next: Photographic Reflux
Posted by Quislet, Esq. on :
This is like photographic memory, except that Lardy vomits and the vomit forms a picture of what he was trying to remember.
Next: Child Bearing Hips
Posted by dedman on :
At his command a bevy of children carring rosehips will appear, disperse their burden then disappear again.
Next: perfect pitch
Posted by cleome on :
At baseball games, Lard Lad's yells insults at the pitcher's mound, and it actually causes the pitcher to win the game !
Next: Nuclear Arms
Posted by Rockhopper Lad on :
Lardy can cause an explosion when he flexes his biceps.
Next: Cake Walk
Posted by cleome on :
When Lardy fixes dessert for the potluck, small particles of telekinetic force embed themselves therein. When all the partygoers have eaten their fill, dessert puts itself away;In its own patented, covered cake carrier- to retard spoilage and to aid in easy transport.
Next: Bedroom Eyes
Posted by dedman on :
Due to his frequent forays to the Hootchie Hut, Lard Lad has gained the abilities to turn any room he looks at into a bedroom.
Next: Water on the Knees
Posted by Exnihil on :
Like a bizarrely under-developed Wondertwin, by knocking his knees together, Lardy can transform them into water in any form. Woe to him who finds himself trapped within Lardy's ice-cage knees.
Next: Baboon Heart
Posted by Rockhopper Lad on :
Lardy has the power to cause baboons to fall in love with the first living thing they see. Do yourself a favor and make sure you never get Lardy p!$$ed off at you in the presence of a baboon.
Next: Laughing Gas
Posted by Set on :
When Lardy passes gas, everyone within smelling distance begins laughing. The closer to the source of emanation, the longer the laughter lasts, and even days later, people in the area might get a giggle.
Next: Tennis Elbow
Posted by cleome on :
When he feels the need, Lard Lad can temporarily sprout a racket from each elbow. Wood or steel, depending.
Next: Flowery Speech
Posted by Rockhopper Lad on :
By speaking the name of any flower, Lardy can call one of said flower into existence. This is very handy for those last-minute anniversary gifts.
Next: Cinemascope
Posted by Kent Shakespeare on :
Whenever Lardy isn't certain if a nearby movie is worth paying to get into, he can will his Cinemascope into being - an undetectable external eye that can materialized only in nearby a darkened room lit only by a projected film. He can then view the film in question without paying attention.
Whenever you see Lardy sitting in the mall seemingly asleep, he's really watching something at the movieplex.
Next: Rabbit's Foot
Posted by Set on :
One of Lardy's most noble powers, upon touching a rabbit's foot, Lardy can use it to recreate the entire living rabbit, which he then lets free. Nobody is sure if he gets good luck from this benevolent act, but it must be good karma!
Next: Wandering Eye
Posted by Quislet, Esq. on :
Lady is able to pop his right eye out of the socket. This eye then grows a pair of little legs and can scout ahead. Lardy is able to see what his Wandering Eye sees.
Next: Silver Tongue
Posted by Exnihil on :
When Lardy curls his tongue and whistles the opening bars of the "William Tell Overture," he is able to summon his faithful steed, Silver, who invariably arrives in the "proverbial nick of time".
Next: Penetra-Ventriloquism
Posted by Set on :
Ever hear a rumbling in your tummy, or voices in your head telling you things that you wouldn't otherwise think, like 'wow, she's hot!'?
That's Lardy using his Penetra-Ventriloquism to throw his voice inside your body.
Next: Love Handles
Posted by dedman on :
From Antacid Lass - If two people grab Lardy's "handles" on opposite sides, They fall instantly in love
Next - Stretch Marks
Posted by cleome on :
Wanna' know how far you can stretch that on-sale "Size 10" around your "Size 18" frame before it won't stretch anymore ? Just take Lardy shopping at the outlet malls with you ! His expert super-divining skills when it comes to clothes size will provide all the help you need-- right there at the dress rack ! You'll never have to embarrass yourself by trying on something too damn small in public ever again !
[ January 08, 2009, 05:48 PM: Message edited by: cleome ]
Posted by Rockhopper Lad on :
Lardy has the power to make Zydeco music emanate from any given object. This power grows stronger the closer he is to Louisiana.
Next: Microwave Popcorn
Posted by LardLad on :
If I eat uncooked popcorn, 24 hours later the most perfect microwave popcorn you've ever tasted--comes outta my butt! (Oddly enough, no one has volunteered to try it yet. )
Next: Party-Pubes!
Posted by Set on :
Lard Lad has the power to conjure up dozens of post-pubescent young people (all over the age of consent for the surrounding locality), streamers, cake and music. Sometimes clowns, too.
What did you think he meant by 'pubes?'
Next: Receding Hairline.
Posted by Quislet, Esq. on :
Pressing a spot on his temples, Lardy can cause his hair to recede back into his skull like a convertible roof. His bald pate then reflects any light into a blinding glare.
Next: Frozen Assets
Posted by dedman on :
With a menacing glare Lardy can freeze anyone's @$$. The rest of his victim remains unscathed.
Next: Fancy Pants
Posted by Arm Fall Off Boy on :
Lardy invented the Bedazzler which he uses to make pants that cause villains to collapse laughing, much like they would at this guy, rendering them powerless.
5 o'clock shadow.
Posted by Rockhopper Lad on :
At exactly 5 p.m. (17.00) local time, Lardy gains the power to allow his shadow to move independently--until 5:01.
Next: Quicker Picker-Upper
Posted by LardLad on :
I can produce a chick-specific pickup line at a bar in 0.2 nanoseconds. That doesn't necessarily guarantee the line's success....
Next: Fart Deco
Posted by cleome on :
Lard Lad's invention prowess enabled him to build and patent the only line of "plug-in" air fresheners that deal in a safe and healthy manner with... certain body issues. Their elegant vintage packaging, as well as the wide variety of available fragrances, made them the biggest thing to hit supermarkets and boutiques since the heyday of the paper bikini.
Next: Spin Cycle
Posted by Exnihil on :
Used mostly around election time, Lardy has the ability to favorably slant news stories to the advantage of his chosen political candidates by riding his specially designed motorcycle up and down the streets of DC. (In case of a two-candidate ticket, the Spin Cycle is also equipped with a side car.)
Next: Child Proof Cap
Posted by Arm Fall Off Boy on :
Lardy wears a cap to bars that says "Hey Babes, stay away if you got kids!"
Next: Paper jam
Posted by cleome on :
Lard Lad, in a gesture of worldwide altruism, used his magic powers to locate and retrieve every last copy of the film Space Jam still in existence. He then converted all the stockpiled copies to paper, using telekinesis, and then turned them all to elegant origami paper cranes. Said cranes were distributed to peaceniks around the world.
Next: That Old Black Magic
Posted by Quislet, Esq. on :
Lard Lad can make old fashion trends, as opposed to new fashion trends (i.e. _____ is the new black), not look out-dated. He does this by reciting a magical spell.
Next: Photogenic Memory
Posted by Set on :
Memories of Lardy are always 'retouched' to frame him in the best lighting. Sometimes people get lost in their memories of Lardy, because they are so darn photogenic!
Next: Big brass balls.
Posted by Exnihil on :
During formal dance events where the orchestra is a bit lackluster, Lardy has the power to exponentially increase the horn section to really get that joint jumpin'.
Next:
Puss in Boots
Posted by cleome on :
Lard Lad wears magic boots that can give charitable (and painless) plastic facial surgery-- to anyone willing to take a deep breath from each boot when he takes them off at night.
(See also: Feet Vision)
Next: Rock-A-Billy
Posted by dedman on :
On LMB Karaoke night Lard Lad can use this power to flawlessly sing any Billy Idol song
Next: HDTV
Posted by Quislet, Esq. on :
HDTV, or Huge Dictionary & Thesaurus Volumes, is the name of Lardy's power that let's him abbreviate or make an ancronym out of any word or groups of words. And while anyone can do this, Lardy's power makes the abbreviation or acronym instantly understandable. QED is it a sup-pow.
Next: A horse of another color power (or HAC-pow)
Posted by cleome on :
No matter how big your avenging re-animated zombie army of My Little Ponies is, Lardy's is bigger. And meaner. And cutting off or bashing in their heads won't save you, as they can still suck in brains through their specially-modified super-zombie-hooves.
Next: Flavor-Rite
Posted by dedman on :
Lardy can change the flavour of any food to whatever he considers to be "right". This means that most stuff tastes like beer.
NEXT: Internal Combustion Engine
Posted by Rockhopper Lad on :
Much like Matter-Eater Lad, Lardy can consume items that would normally not be edible, but only if said items are flammable. Fires in his stomach burn them up. This also explains the super-flatulence.
Next: Clean as a Whistle
Posted by cleome on :
Lardy can whistle that tune from Mary Poppins in the direction of unsightly household messes, and make them telekinetically all neat 'n orderly again.
Next: Dirty Martini
Posted by Arm Fall Off Boy on :
Lardy goes undercover as a bartender to infiltate the mob world. His dirty martini is laced with sodium pentathol, and has brought many a criminal to justice.
Next: Rump Roast
Posted by Rockhopper Lad on :
Similar to Frozen Assets above, but burns instead of freezes.
Next: Times Tables
Posted by Set on :
Lardy has the power to travel through time by spinning a table in his presence. He can travel to any point in the past or future where a table occupies that same general area, allowing him to leave a boring modern restaurant and go visit the swinging speakeasy that sat on that spot in the Roaring 20s.
Next: Slap Happy
Posted by Rockhopper Lad on :
Lardy has the power to make people happy by giving them a good swat. This power is especially effective on masochists.
Next: Mancrush (you knew it was coming)
Posted by dedman on :
When Lardy hugs a woman, he only has normal strenght. When he hugs a man, he gains super-strenght, resulting in a man crushing bearhug
NEXT: yellow pages
Posted by cleome on :
Lard Lad has distilled the powers of our own yellow sun into specially-designed "pagers." He always has one on hand in case the nearest Son or Cousin of Krypton is headed for a red sun and needs portable super-powers to fight evil.
Next: Double Joints
Posted by Set on :
While his detractors claim that this refers to Lardy's ability to be the life of the party, and make giggling references to something called 'Reefer Madness,' in truth, Double Joints refers to Lardy's ability to add joints to any object he touches, allowing him to fold it in half for convenient storage.
Next: Impeccable Timing
Posted by LardLad on :
Lardy knows when a simple peck on the cheek will be enough to drive a woman wild.
Next: Hypno-Manboobs
Posted by Set on :
It's not the manboobs. It's the tassles. Once he gets them spinning in opposite directions, people's eyes glaze over and his accomplices can tie their shoelaces together while they are entranced.
Next: Double Vision
Posted by cleome on :
Lard Lad is the only man in the English-speaking world who can do a Karaoke medley of Foreigner songs without inciting mass revolts. Yes, even "Double Vision" and [shudder] "Waiting For A Girl Like You" are spun into gold owing to Lardy's way with a vintage Top 40 song.
Next: Shonen Knives
Posted by Arm Fall Off Boy on :
This is easily the power set that confuses evil- doers the most. Lardy splits into three women. while simultaneously speaking Japanese.
Next: Buy one, Get one free
Posted by Rockhopper Lad on :
Lardy has the power to duplicate an inanimate object he purchases. There are limits to this power. Sadly, it does not work on cars, houses, airplanes, rare comics or grilled cheese sandwiches.
Lardy can exchange any single word in a sentence for another. This comes in handy in a wide variety of ways, such as changing "Fries will cost extra" to "Fries WON'T cost extra."
Bungle in the Jungle
[ January 26, 2009, 12:47 PM: Message edited by: Quislet, Esq. ]
Posted by dedman on :
Whenever Lard Lad makes a forey into the jungle, the music of Mr. Bungle mysteriously emanates from his ass.
NEXT - Potent potable
Posted by Quislet, Esq. on :
Lardy has the power to turn water into wine. Unfortunately the wine is always Boone's Farm Sangria.
Next Power:
Potpourri
Posted by Set on :
Lardy can reach into his pockets and produce any of a bewildering array of small items. He once was tipped over and a pile of items large enough to bury him poured forth, leading to onlookers using terms like 'Fibber McGee's closet' and 'plethora' and 'potpourri of junk.' Potpourri was the name that stuck.
Next: Cunning Linguist
Posted by Arm Fall Off Boy on :
Lardy is a suave master of 27 languages, and as a master spy has charmed the pants off many a woman with his silver tongue.
Next: Soap Scum
Posted by Quislet, Esq. on :
This is an involuntary power of Lardy's. If a dirty person (defined as someone who hasn't bathed or showered in the previous 24 hours) comes within 1 foot of Lard Lad, they are instantly covered with a soapy lather. The lather disappears in 45 seconds, leaving the person clean, but smelling like they have been soaked in beer.
Next: Red-eye
Posted by cleome on :
Lardy's other powers are at their most effective between the hours of 9 PM and 7 AM. It is during these hours that villains are least inclined to tangle with him, as he can pretty much use all his other powers at once, nonstop, without tiring appreciably;And without requiring food, sleep or trips to the bathroom.
Next: Noble Blood
Posted by dedman on :
With a wink of his eye Lardy can transform the blood of his opponent into a Noble Gas
NEXT:
Total Static Head
Posted by Rockhopper Lad on :
quote:Originally posted by dedman: With a wink of his eye Lardy can transform the blood of his opponent into a Noble Gas
Okay that's about the coolest power so far!
Re: Total Static Head Lardy can emanate waves from his head that cause all communications devices within two miles to get nothing but static.
Next: Dance Break
Posted by LardLad on :
Dance with Lardy at your own risk--bones have been broken, man!!!!
Next: Skid Marks the Spot!
Posted by Quislet, Esq. on :
This power is used for searching for buried treasure. It starts off with Lardy running in an increasingly widening circle. At just the right point, he starts to slide or skid along the ground. He will keep skidding until he comes to rest on the next hidden "treasure" in the direction he was skidding. Unfortunately, it usually just turns up discarded pennies.
Next: A Touch of Mink
Posted by Rockhopper Lad on :
With a touch, Lardy can turn any object into a mink coat. The object must be touched with his left elbow while he is standing on his head and singing the theme to The Patty Duke Show, but some of these powers do have rather odd limitations.
Next: Wine Press
Posted by cleome on :
Everyone knows that those swanky glossies like Wine Spectator just make stuff up based upon how much advertising dough they get from the vintners and restaurant owners. If we only had Lardy's superpower, we could tell by sight alone which wine was worth the $60 price tag and which wine was just Franzia in a cooler package. As a bonus, we'd always have the power to verbally one-up those irritating culture vultures in black who always show up at wine tastings to make everyone else feel low-class.
[ February 08, 2009, 02:25 PM: Message edited by: cleome ]
Posted by Arm Fall Off Boy on :
Just by poking any leafy green vegetables, Lardy can instantly animate them into a flurry of flying leaves and stems, ably providing confusion to any foe. Obviously a salad would have a lot of these, and as such is a formidable weapon.
Next: Crotch Rocket
Posted by Rockhopper Lad on :
By humming any tune written by late-18th/early-19th-Century English composer William Crotch, Lardy can turn any object into a rocket.
Next: Mood Music
Posted by cleome on :
Lard Lad's utility belt holds multiple specialized, pocket-sized song mixes that can be used to soothe the savage breasts of even his most formidable foes. It's easy for him to bring a battle to a swift end without destroying an entire city block, angering law enforcement or terrifying the public;He simply pops out the correct mix for broadcasting and sedates the enemy before he/she can strike a single blow.
Next: Wrecking Crew
Posted by Ram Boy on :
When threatened by decorum, Lard Lad has the useful ability to replicate himself multiple times and wreak havoc at upscale social functions.
Next: Cheese Wiz
[ February 09, 2009, 03:51 PM: Message edited by: Ram Boy ]
Posted by Quislet, Esq. on :
Lardy can cast magical spells using cheese. Some sort of cheese is always a component of the spell and the spell only affects cheeses.
Next: April Showers
Posted by Rockhopper Lad on :
Lardy has the power to spy on women named April when they are in the shower. He can only do this for short periods or his eyes tend to fog up.
Next: Waxy, Yellow Buildup
Posted by Ram Boy on :
When squeezing his eyes shut and holding his nose, Lard Lad can shoot large gobs of wax out of his ears, taking out any evil doers who happen to be standing on either of him.
Next: Hot Pockets
Posted by dedman on :
LardLad has the ability to instantly heat food to the perfect eating temperture, even from a frozen state. This only works on pizza pockets however.
NEXT: Collector's Edition
Posted by cleome on :
Lard Lad's patented "Mylar Touch" can proof your most prized sequential literature against the ravages of time and nature-- without the need for any cumbersome and expensive bag 'n board paraphernalia.
Next: Presidential Timber
Posted by Quislet, Esq. on :
Lard Lad can fashion realistic decoys of all the presidents out of scraps of lumber. This power proved very useful during the "Revolt of the Girl First Ladies!"
Next: Cablevision
Posted by Exnihil on :
Quite a straight-forward power, Lardy has the ability to shoot a finely focused laser from his eyes toward a television at just the right frequency to toggle through over 120 channels. Very handy when the remote slips in between the couch cushions, or into other... ahem... hidden places.
Next: A Chicken in Every Pot
Posted by Arm Fall Off Boy on :
Once, while foiling a string of robberies at Pottery Barn, Lardy put a live chicken in every pot. Then, he staked it out, and when the thief returned, every where he went, a chicken squawked. Lardy then captured him!
Next: Happy Meal
Posted by Ram Boy on :
Lard Lad can eat a meal and then a few hours later shoot small plastic toys out of his butt. It makes him a very popular guest at orphanages during the holidays...along with Disinfectant Damsel.
Next: Hopscotch
Posted by Quislet, Esq. on :
If Lard Lad hops over any 8 ounce glass containing any liquid, it turns into a fine 12 year Scotch. He is limited to 25 glasses per hour.
Next: Tinker Bell
Posted by Arm Fall Off Boy on :
Just by saying the words "Tinker Bell!" Lardy shrinks to a height of 4 inches, and is able to go inside many complex machines, like a clothes dryer to retrieve missing socks.
Next: Saturated Fat
Posted by cleome on :
"Saturation" means "maximum unity of one substance with another substance." Much in the same way, Lardy has an innate ability to seat fat single folks next to skinny single folks at all his posh dinner parties and have them cooing to one another like the proverbial lovebirds by party's end. Countless size-contrasting couples have attributed their long and happy relationships to "that awesome dinner party at Lardy's place."
Next: BB Gun
Posted by Arm Fall Off Boy on :
BB stands for "Big Butt." Due to his tremendously large bottom, Lardy is able to carry his backup weapon of choice between his own buttocks.
Next: Buffalo Wings
Posted by Ram Boy on :
If Lardy grabs two of these appetizers in each hand and then says over and over again "I do believe I can fly!", he still can't. But he can eat them and, depending on the level of spiciness, gain the ability to shoot flames out of his mouth.
Consuming several bottles of blue cheese dressing is the only way to negate the effect.
Next: Spring Break
Posted by cleome on :
Lardy can ace any break-dancing competition with his patented "spring-loaded" matching shoes and headgear. Students of the form travel from all over the world to study his technique and craftsmanship.
Next: Rio Grande
Posted by Arm Fall Off Boy on :
Lardy can turn any stream into a raging river by shouting "Rio Grande!" However, this can only occur in Mexico and only on Cinco de Mayo.
Next: Liver Spots
Posted by LardLad on :
Lardy persuades national TV networks to run commercials for local North Carolina regional favorite food liver mush. (It tastes a LOT better than it sounds!)
Next: The Vapors
Posted by Quislet, Esq. on :
Whenever Lard Lad dons a pair of speedos, all women over the age of 50 must say "Oh My! I think I'm getting the Vapors!" This helped in his apocalyptic fight with the Boy Scouts.
Next: Retention Bonus
Posted by Arm Fall Off Boy on :
Whenever Lard Lad dons a pair of speedos, if men can retain their lunch, that's a bonus.
Next: Contrails
Posted by cleome on :
Lardy can skillfully clean a chicken or fish and-- with a snap of his fingers-- turn the entrails into junk bonds !
Next: Compost Tea
Posted by Yellow Kid on :
quote:Originally posted by LardLad: liver mush. (It tastes a LOT better than it sounds!)
It would have to.
Posted by LardLad on :
quote:Originally posted by Yellow Kid:
quote:Originally posted by LardLad: liver mush. (It tastes a LOT better than it sounds!)
It would have to.
It DOES, dammit! I've yet to have anyone who dared try it fail to like it--truth! Posted by Rockhopper Lad on :
quote:Originally posted by cleome: Next: Compost Tea
By putting decaying vegetable matter in boiling water, Lardy can produce an excellent cup of Earl Grey.
Next: Pull My Finger
Posted by Ram Boy on :
Lardy firmly maintains that his Johnson is an eleventh finger and has mighty powers when pulled.
Next Cheez It
Posted by Set on :
When Lardy utters the magic words, 'Cheez It, Louie, it's the cops!' everyone in his immediately area is propelled safely but swiftly hundreds of yards in every direction, and anyone viewing them loses track of where they went.
Next Continental Breakfast
Posted by Rockhopper Lad on :
When Lardy flies on a certain major airline, all the passengers are magically served a decent breakfast.
Next: Building Blocks
[ April 18, 2009, 10:33 PM: Message edited by: Rockhopper Lad ]
Posted by cleome on :
Lardy owes his small fortune to this particular super-power: The foes of ever-encroaching "Big Box" stores hire him to deliver stirring oratory to their local planning committees. No legion of Mal-Wart flacks can stand for long against Lardy's classic NIMBY speech.
Next: Mustard Greens
Posted by Quislet, Esq. on :
Lard Lad can cause any expanse of grass to smell like mustard.
Next: Water Board
Posted by Rockhopper Lad on :
Lardy can cause water to become as hard as wood and form it into a long rectangular shape. This can then be used in construction.
Next: Coffee Break
Posted by cleome on :
Lardy's specially roasted blend of beans makes a home brew so potent that it can crack any mug on impact. However, the reserved grounds can also be used to seal the fissures back up again.
Next: Solar Panels
[ May 12, 2009, 05:55 PM: Message edited by: cleome ]
Posted by Arm Fall Off Boy on :
Much like Superman, Lardy's solar powered. However, he must absorb the sunlight directly thru his solar plexus muscles (they're under there), which act as solar panels.
Next: Fleet Enema
Posted by Rockhopper Lad on :
Lardy can cause an entire navy to--er--evacuate simultaneously.
Next: Rumor Mill
Posted by cleome on :
Lardy can fix any mill wheel to turn continuously on the power of gossip alone! This comes in very handy during the dry season when the river tends to be a bit on the low side.
Next: Five Card Stud
Posted by dedman on :
This is the power Lardy uses to hang pictures and shelves. When he throws playing cards at a wall, every fifth card will stick to the wall wherever there is a stud. Thus Lardy knows where to drill (or hammer)
Next: Bark at the Moon
Posted by Arm Fall Off Boy on :
Used to scar particularly superstitious villains into thinking there's a wolf/ werewolf after them. Lardy uses this only on nights with a full moon.
Next: Fire in the Hole
Posted by cleome on :
Like the legendary British delicacy Toad-In-The-Hole, but much, much spicier. Lardy's version contains a clever distillation of grain alcohol and ground-up Habanero peppers.
Unfortunately, the one in a thousand villains it doesn't kill tend to become stronger after ingesting a faceful of it. (See entry on "Superboy Prime.")
Next: Ambient Sound
Posted by Rockhopper Lad on :
Lardy has the power to produce low-level, background noise, which is perfect for distracting evil-doers into thinking nothing is going on.
Next: Music of the Spheres
Posted by Quislet, Esq. on :
Lardy can make music utilizing two spherical parts of his anatomy.
Next: boobies
Posted by Ram Boy on :
Because Lard Lad really really likes boobies, he has developed the ability to correctly guess any villainess' cup size just by feeling up her evil bazoombas.
Next: Mutton chops
Posted by dedman on :
Lardy has the uncanny ability to teach sheep karate. Cobie beware!!
Next: Call Forwarding
Posted by cleome on :
Lardy can distract the opposing team's forward during a tough soccer game, merely by shouting the word, "Notlob" once from any spot inside the stadium. The goalie for his team then acquires a valuable additional five seconds to keep the ball from the net!
Next: Parrot Sketch
Posted by Rockhopper Lad on :
Lardy can sketch a parrot, which will then come to life to do his bidding for exactly the amount of time it takes to quote a certain "Monty Python" sketch, at which time the parrot rings down the curtain and joins the Choir Invisible.
Next: In the Wink of an Eye
Posted by cleome on :
While hitchhiking on a starry night through the legendary citrus groves of Texas, Lardy refused a mysterious sprite's insistence that he "Go ahead and just take those grapefruits, Bub. No one's looking." Turns out the sprite was none other than Rio Star, Guardian Spirit of Domestic Citrus. In reward for his goodness and honesty, Rio Star bestowed Lardy with the power to spit grapefruit juice into the eye of his enemies at will;as well as immunity to any citrus-related attacks from his enemies, of course.
Next: Weekend Pass
Posted by Set on :
By reaching into a pocket and producing a gold ticket that reads 'T.G.I.F.' and then breaking into a (surprisingly catchy) rendition of Loverboy's 'Working for the Weekend,' Lardy can alter the flow of time so that it immediately becomes 5 PM on Friday. The one time he did this on 4:59 on a Friday, the time-space continuum collapsed and he became the seventh incarnation of the Time Trapper. It's generally agreed that he wasn't as good as the one with the scarf.
Next; Inverted V.
Posted by Quislet, Esq. on :
With a chuckle, Lard Lad can change any bicycle seat into an inverted V.
Leapin' Lizards
Posted by cleome on :
Lardy can infiltrate swap meets and flea markets disguised as a customer. Cheap knockoffs of textured Gucci and other big-name designer bags will jump several feet, revealing their status as fakes. Whereas the genuine article will temporarily become a live lizard (or crocodile)-- all it takes is a wave of Lardy's hand. This power also works on wallets, shoes, and belts.
Next: Shock Absorber
Posted by Ram Boy on :
Since Lardy discovered that he can absorb massive amounts of energy through his butt cheeks, earthquakes are no longer a concern for the residents of Creviceville, CA.
Next: Italian Dressing
Posted by cleome on :
Largely an improvement on a villain's invention. Offsets or reverses the damage borne of overly-broad Italian stereotypes.
Next: Jack-O-Lantern
Posted by Lardi the Incorruptible on :
Lardy has his own power ring. Its power source is a lantern charged with Michael "Jack-o" Jackson's essence and music. Should you be hit by the ring's beam, you will instantly become sexually and racially ambiguous, be the subject of endless tabloid rumors and be able to perform a flawless moonwalk!
Next: Fall Colors
Posted by cleome on :
Ahem. Sorry.
Lardy has a thorough knowledge of those "What Season Are You?" fashion 'n makeup charts that first took hold amongst the masses about twenty years ago. With a simple wave of his hand, he can turn any woman or man into a temporary "Autumn," so the person in question can wear those lovely rusts, deep golds, and bright oranges that s/he always wanted to.
Next: Grab Bag
Posted by SharkLad on :
If he is otherwise incapacitated, Lardy's scrotum will expand and take the shape of hands that will grab the nearest potential weapon...
Next: Pin the tail on the donkey
Posted by Kent on :
Lardy immediately can come up with an innocuous sounding euphemism for any of his seedy Tijuana adventures.
Next: Univision
Posted by Quislet, Esq. on :
With the merest glance, Lard Lad can translate any language into Spanish. Too bad he flunked out of Spanish in high school.
Next: Clear Channel
Posted by SharkLad on :
The ability to create the effects of a laxative in his most backed up enemies...
Next: Swizzlestick
Posted by Exnihil on :
Lardy has the ability to stir your cocktail from across the room using an appendage you'd really rather not have in your drink at all. Shaken drinks take a bit longer.
Next: Kodachrome
Posted by cleome on :
Lardy can morph at will into Yoda's hotter, younger sister: Koda. Her Jedi powers are similar to those of Color Kid, but they only affect photographs, holos, and other likenesses of the three-dimensional world.
Next: Ground-to-Air
[ December 12, 2010, 11:33 AM: Message edited by: cleome ]
Posted by dedman on :
Lardry can transmute any piece of terrain into a noxious fart.
NEXT: keyboard cat
Posted by cleome on :
Lardy's mental powers include the ability to detect "cat-like typing" in internet exchanges with others, thus averting misunderstandings online and their attendant flamewars.
Next: Jumbo Shrimp
Posted by Rockhopper Lad on :
Lardy has the power to create living oxymorons. Unfortunately, the accent is on the "moron" part. They're never very bright.
Next: Chips and Salsa
Posted by Karl Earl Nick Tain on :
Lardy has the power to make California highway cops dance to Latino music.
Next: Holy Guacamole!
Posted by Exnihil on :
Very specific subgenre of "Super-Disguise" under which Lardy has the ability to convince primitive cultures that he is a god... simply by covering himself with avacado dip.
Next:
Six of One, Half-Dozen of the Other
Posted by dadman on :
Lardy's anti-coluan power, which allows him to make to identical numbers appear to be different.
Next:
Laser mouse
Posted by Rockhopper Lad on :
Lardy has the power to shoot lasers from his eyes, but only at images of Mickey Mouse.
Next: Flying Buttress
Posted by Exnihil on :
Lardy has the ability to disarm opponents by hurling foam donut pillows with unerring accuracy. (What? You mean "Buttress" isn't a contraction of Butt Mattress?)
Next: One if by Land/Two if by Sea
Posted by Invisible Brainiac on :
Lardy has the ability to duplicate items, but only if he's in the middle of the ocean. It does come in handy whenever he's stranded on a deserted island, though.
Lardy has the ability to transform into any mammal's toe. He most often uses it to turn into an elephant's toe to give people a boost when they need to reach something high up.
Next:
Tennis elbow
Posted by cleome45 on :
Lardy can zap old, dead tennis balls with a magic ray, transforming them into delicious elbow macaroni casseroles! A terrific power if you're visiting relatives in the Midwest.
Next: The Bump!
Posted by Rockhopper Lad on :
Lardy has the power to create threads that had never existed with a start date of three years earlier. He then bumps them and says "remember this thread?", which everyone does.
Next: Forever in Bluejeans
Posted by Invisible Brainiac on :
Lardy has the power to curse anyone to always have to wear Blue Jeans only. No changing into slacks, boxer shorts, bikinis, mankinis, gowns, dresses, skirts, minis, body stockings, bermuda shorts...
Poverty Lad is his next target.
Next:
Yo Ho Ho and a Bottle of Rum
Posted by Exnihil on :
When faced with less than potent holiday eggnog, Lardy has the ability, by shouting the phrase, "YOHOHO," to summon the "Noble Spirits of Christmas Past" to promptly remedy the situation.
Next:
Jingle All the Way
Posted by cleome45 on :
If you're at the Laundromat, and find yourself faced with insufficient quarters in your pockets and an unresponsive change machine, just clap your hands once and say Lardy's name. He'll appear instantly, bringing change you really can believe in.
Next: Nut Assortment
[ November 15, 2011, 06:06 PM: Message edited by: cleome45 ]
Posted by Invisible Brainiac on :
Tired of eating only peanuts, or pistachios, or walnuts?
Lard Lad can transmute nuts into any other nut. It only works on every 3rd nut, though.
Next:
Shake Well
Posted by Exnihil on :
Similar to dowsing for water, Lardy has the ability to divine the exact location to dig a well capable of yielding tasty milkshakes.
Next: Hold the Pickle
Posted by Invisible Brainiac on :
Hate it when waiters and fry cooks get your order wrong? One zap from Lardy will fix that!
Next time you ask them to "hold the pickles", they totally will.
Next: Raise Your Glass
Posted by dedman on :
Lardy uses this power to arrive unannounced at weddings and give inappropriate toasts about that time him and the groom went to band camp
Next: Dancing Queen
Posted by cleome45 on :
Lardy can whistle the 1970s Dairy Queen jingle all the way through, thereby compelling anyone in earshot to dance!
Lardy can cause objects to grow longer and stay that way till dawn.
Next: Touched in the head.
Posted by Invisible Brainiac on :
Lardy can mind-control you, but only if he touches your head first.
Next:
Funny Bone
Posted by cleome45 on :
Like the heroine of this groovy children's book, Lardy is half-fairy. Which means he, like its heroine and unlike normal humans, can kiss his own elbow. Doing so in the midst of battle causes his enemies to collapse in the throes of laughter. At which point he can deliver them to the authorities without risk of violence or property destruction.
Next: Frame Drum
Posted by Invisible Brainiac on :
Lardy carries around a makeshift drum set made out of picture frames. Playing them forces anyone in the vicinity to dance uncontrollably.
As expected, Lardy is a hit at parties. Why, that one time he played at a nursing home for nuns and priests...
Next:
Baseline
Posted by cleome45 on :
When Lardy is Ump at a baseball game, the bases stay neat and tidy. No need to have an assistant come out between innings and dust them off to make them more visible!
Next: Brown-And-Serve
Posted by Rockhopper Lad on :
Similar to Matlock's Hot Coffee Vision, this power enables Lardy to create and serve coffee with cream.
Next: The Edge of Night
Posted by Invisible Brainiac on :
Lardy can create localized eclipses. Ever wanted to catch that solar eclipse but kept sleeping through it? Now Lardy can show you what it's like.
Next:
Take it to the Limit
Posted by Lard Lad on :
When your vehicle reaches the speed limit with Lardy onboard, you'll have an instant SEXY PARTY!
Next:
Fart Blossom
Posted by Invisible Brainiac on :
Lardy can make flowers smell like methane. Useful for pranking people on April Fools!
Next:
The Shredding
Posted by Lard Lad on :
Lardy's ass can act as a paper shredder! (Just don't ask where the pieces come out...:brrr:)
Next:
Prime Time
Posted by Rockhopper Lad on :
Lardy can tell in an instant the exact time the 1969 film The Prime of Miss Jean Brodie will next be shown on television.
Next: Mashed Rutabagas
Posted by Invisible Brainiac on :
Lardy can mash any plant material with the awesome powers of his manboobs.
Next:
Pork and Beans
Posted by cleome45 on :
Lardy's musical powers led to him creating a secret-identity-within-a-secret-identity: Lead singer/guitarist of the nation's most popular All-Weezer Cover Band!
Next Cashmere Bouquet
Posted by Power Boy on :
Lardy has the amazing ability to create miniature Power Boys, with cashmere fur, and of various colors!
Next Hi Yah, Ms. Dipesto!
Posted by Lard Lad on :
When asked, Lardy can instantly come up with amusing rhymes with which to answer the phone at your detective agency.
Next: El Chupacabras
Posted by Set on :
By saying 'El Chupacabra!' Lardy can cause any goat in the area to be immediately and fatally exsanguinated by unseen forces!
Next: Onomatopoeia
Posted by Power Boy on :
Lard Lad can translate a conversation between animals from different countries.
For example a French dog says "ouah ouah" while a German dog says "wau wau" and a Japanese dog says "wan wan".
Lardy can straighten out all this confusion ...
Next: Mini Apples
Posted by cleome46 on :
Lardy keeps an army of miniaturized Steve Jobs clones always close at hand, because you never know...
Next: Roman Candle
Posted by Kent Shakespeare on :
Lardy can transmute any amount of wax, provided it has a lit wick, into an animate Roman centurian, gladiator, or other ancient historical character under Lardy's control, but only for as long as the candle would have remained burning had it not been transformed. At the end of the duration, it resumes the shape of the spent candle it would have been anyway.
Next: Friends With Benefits
Posted by Set on :
Whenever Lardy happens to need something, like a ride to the action in an experimental hovercar, or an expert on computer security who also happens to be familiar with nuclear regulatory protocols, or someone who conveniently to know how to get blood out of silk with common items she happens to have in her purse right this second, such a person immediately shows up, and is conveniently an old friend who owes Lardy a favor!
Next: Party Animal
Posted by Invisible Brainiac on :
Lardy can summon any animal, fictional or real, but only when such animal is requested by 50+1% of the attendees at a party.
Next:
Frankly My Dear, I Don't Give a Damn
Posted by cleome46 on :
As Proty was to Chameleon Boy in the Silver Age, as Tige was to Buster Brown in the heyday of children's shoes, and as Billy Martin was to George Steinbrenner in the 1970s, so there's the team of...
Lard Lad and Frankly. Frankly the animate tube-shaped meat product lives most of the time in a magic ring on Lardy's left pointer finger.
When Lardy is being menaced by a mad scientist's pack of wild dogs or hungry monster mutant toddlers, however, all he has to do is say "My Dear" into the ring.
Out springs Frankly, discreetly clad in a delicious bun and all required condiments. His job is to lead the menacing carnivores away from Lardy, to their dooms. (Over a nearby cliff or into chopper blades, for instance.)
By adding the phrase, "I don't give a damn," Lardy can create an additional Frankly, as many as needed for a particular battle.
(Frankly's spirit is the ring itself, so loss of one or several corporeal bodies in battle does not mean his actual demise. He gets annoyed if Lardy accidentally leaves his ring in his uniform pocket when it's being laundered, however.)
Next: G-Clef
Posted by Invisible Brainiac on :
Lardy can deepen the cleft on his chin, making all the girls go "Gee"! it makes his already handsome face even more handsome.
Next:
Nacho Libre
Posted by Set on :
Lardy can make anyone who has eaten any sort of Mexican food (not just nachos!) in the last few hours vomit uncontrollably by shouting 'Vive la revolution!'
Next:
Glee club
Posted by Invisible Brainiac on :
As soon as Lardy starts singing, all people within 20 feet of him will feel the uncontrollable urge to join a flash mob and follow his every dance step.
![[LOL]](graemlins/lol.gif)
![[shrug]](graemlins/shrug.gif)
)![[Big Grin]](biggrin.gif)
![[Yes]](graemlins/nod.gif)
![[Fruit Boy]](graemlins/FruitBoy.gif)
![[ROTFLMAO]](graemlins/rotflmao.gif)