"'Twas boody killed the beast!"
Posted by He Who Wanders on :
RRRAAAAAAAAHHHHHH!!!!
Posted by Cobalt Kid on :
Ladies and Gentlemen! And Abin!
I give you:
KONG!!! Posted by Officer Taylor on :
From the "Lost: The Final Season" thread over on The Anywhere Machine, the post that inspired this thread...
quote:Originally posted by Cobalt Kid: Frank, Miles & Sawyer go to a new island and have a King Kong type adventure!
Posted by Outdoor Miner on :
So which one gets the Fay Wray role?
Posted by Officer Taylor on :
Why didn't Kong throw his poo at those pesky planes?
Posted by Pov on :
From what little I've seen, Sawyer... hands down. Posted by Officer Taylor on :
quote:Originally posted by Outdoor Miner: So which one gets the Fay Wray role?
Well, Sawyer/Josh Holloway's the prettiest! It would certainly update the story for a modern audience!
Posted by Cobalt Kid on :
On Legion World though, it would be Rhino
Posted by Pov on :
quote:Originally posted by Officer Taylor: Why didn't Kong throw his poo at those pesky planes?
Speaking of updating for modern audiences... there's your WMD right there... weapons of massive dumping! Posted by Officer Taylor on :
quote:Originally posted by Cobalt Kid: On Legion World though, it would be Rhino
WHAT?!?! I though surely it would be Lash after all those tantalizing towel photos!
Or me, of course, with the boob window....
Posted by Officer Taylor on :
quote:Originally posted by Pov:
quote:Originally posted by Officer Taylor: Why didn't Kong throw his poo at those pesky planes?
Speaking of updating for modern audiences... there's your WMD right there... weapons of massive dumping!
Yeah, I got summa those in MY arsenal...
Posted by Cobalt Kid on :
I think it would be funkier for a King Kong version to take place in the 1970's, so the Time Square sequences have a whole bunch of peep shows, prostitutes, drug dealers, cops on the take, homeless, etc. Kong kind of becomes a Charlie Manson type figure for them.
Posted by Eryk Davis Ester on :
Does the 70s version of King Kong take place in the 70s? I don't actually remember.
Posted by Outdoor Miner on :
Only if Kong has an afro and Huggy Bear as a sidekick.
Posted by Officer Taylor on :
Maybe they could redo it all in the modern "shaky cam" style like Cloverfield. Just imagine, instead of the Statue of Liberty head flying down the street, it's one of Kongs gigantic shits!
Soon, scientists are there taking samples for study! Oh, the potential cinematic wonder of it all!
Posted by Cobalt Kid on :
I think 70's Kong takes place in the 30's as well.
I'd like to see 70's Kong end with Marlon Brando as the surprise villain. Not Brando playing a character, but actual real Marlon Brando, crazy as all hell in the mid-70's as the villain. Then Kong kills him with a meteorite-sized poop snowball.
Posted by Officer Taylor on :
quote:Originally posted by Eryk Davis Ester: Does the 70s version of King Kong take place in the 70s? I don't actually remember.
It must have, since he climbed up the WTC in that one.
Posted by Cobalt Kid on :
I could also see Oliver Stone doing a King Kong version where Kong tries to forcibly mate with the Statue of Liberty, as a metaphor for the recent Wall Street shenanigans.
It'd be like watching a car wreck.
Posted by Eryk Davis Ester on :
In Michael Bay's version of Kong, the Statue of Liberty turns out to be a giant robot, and fires a rocket launcher at Kong!
Posted by Cobalt Kid on :
Given the recent zombie-mania in movies, they could always make a Zombie-King Kong movie as a sequel too.
Posted by Officer Taylor on :
In M. Night Shyamalon's version, it turns out Kong was the monkey from Raiders of the Lost Ark having a fever dream in its death throes before succumbing to the poison fruit it ate.
Posted by Eryk Davis Ester on :
quote:Originally posted by Officer Taylor: In M. Night Shyamalon's version, it turns out Kong was the monkey from Raiders of the Lost Ark having a fever dream in its death throes before succumbing to the poison fruit it ate.
M. Knight himself explains this in his role as the Monkey-God in this film!
Posted by Outdoor Miner on :
In the Twilight version, Sparkly Vampire Kong falls in love with some dreary emo girl while beating up werewolves and playing baseball.
Posted by Officer Taylor on :
quote:Originally posted by Eryk Davis Ester:
quote:Originally posted by Officer Taylor: In M. Night Shyamalon's version, it turns out Kong was the monkey from Raiders of the Lost Ark having a fever dream in its death throes before succumbing to the poison fruit it ate.
M. Knight himself explains this in his role as the Monkey-God in this film!
Oh? I thought Bruce Willis would explain as he cameos a reprisal of his The Sixth Sense character?
M. Knight, I hear, was to cameo as one of the piles of poo! Posted by Cobalt Kid on :
quote:Originally posted by Outdoor Miner: In the Twilight version, Sparkly Vampire Kong falls in love with some dreary emo girl while beating up werewolves and playing baseball.
Emo Girl also has a friend who would like to be more than just friends: an exchange student from Tokyo named Godzilla.
Posted by Officer Taylor on :
quote:Originally posted by Cobalt Kid:
quote:Originally posted by Outdoor Miner: In the Twilight version, Sparkly Vampire Kong falls in love with some dreary emo girl while beating up werewolves and playing baseball.
Emo Girl also has a friend who would like to be more than just friends: an exchange student from Tokyo named Godzilla.
Posted by Eryk Davis Ester on :
I was pretty disturbed by the amount of cursing that came out of Kong's mouth after he accidentally steps on Fay Wray in Quentin Tarantino's version!
Posted by Cobalt Kid on :
Him using the flat-iron building as a sword was pretty cool though. Not sure why Quentin used "Sugar Pie, Honeybunch" as the background for that scene though.
Posted by Officer Taylor on :
Including a quest for a "Royale with cheese" for Kong seemed a little over the top to most viewers and critics.
Posted by Outdoor Miner on :
It was still better than Scorcese's use of "Stop! In The Name Of Love" in the scene where Kong devours Joe Pesci over stolen mob money.
Posted by Cobalt Kid on :
And I still don't understand the significance of the poop torture scene. And to a NYC hot dog vendor of all people?
Posted by Cobalt Kid on :
quote:Originally posted by Outdoor Miner: It was still better than Scorcese's use of "Stop! In The Name Of Love" in the scene where Kong devours Joe Pesci over stolen mob money.
Posted by Eryk Davis Ester on :
The extended discussion on whether Chewbacca was just a "gorilla-from-space" echoes the kind of debates I have with my friends however...
And I thought the cameo from Peter Mayhew in that scene was especially nice.
Posted by Officer Taylor on :
The porn version where the girl drowns in Kong's spooge after he masturbates didn't come off as all that sexy. Posted by Cobalt Kid on :
I'm not sure I'm going to check out the upcoming Ridley Scott version. Interviews with him already show he thinks "Kong was a defender of the people; this is going to be the real King Kong, the soldier, the warrior, the gorilla who fought for regular people".
The less said about Russell Crowe in a gorilla suit, the better.
Posted by Officer Taylor on :
quote:Originally posted by Cobalt Kid: The less said about Russell Crowe in a gorilla suit, the better.
Turns out, he didn't need the suit!
Posted by Cobalt Kid on :
I could have sworn he used real poop too.
Posted by Officer Taylor on :
quote:Originally posted by Cobalt Kid:
I could have sworn he used real poop too.
They had to use CGI to hide the fact that it was actually coming out his mouth...
Posted by Eryk Davis Ester on :
quote:Originally posted by Officer Taylor: The porn version where the girl drowns in Kong's spooge after he masturbates didn't come off as all that sexy.
The Adam Sandler version just felt like Happy Gilmore but with a gorilla and the Empire State Building.
Posted by Outdoor Miner on :
quote:Originally posted by Officer Taylor:
quote:Originally posted by Cobalt Kid: The less said about Russell Crowe in a gorilla suit, the better.
Turns out, he didn't need the suit!
And it still looked more fake than the Joel Schumacher nipple suit they made George Clooney wear.
Posted by Officer Taylor on :
quote:Originally posted by Eryk Davis Ester:
quote:Originally posted by Officer Taylor: The porn version where the girl drowns in Kong's spooge after he masturbates didn't come off as all that sexy.
That one's a CLASSIC! Can't believe SNL got away with it!
Posted by Quislet, Esq. on :
Kong becomes a governess to a bunch of unruly children and teach them the joys of life from flinging poo.
Posted by Officer Taylor on :
Kong takes over leadership of a group of Asian gangsters that henceforth become known as the Kong Hmongs.
Posted by Kent on :
don't forget that 70s stoner classic series of films, Cheech and Kong.
Posted by Officer Taylor on :
Yeah, that Kong bong was UNreal!
Posted by Outdoor Miner on :
Kong forms a group of down-on-their-luck ronin to defend a village besieged by an evil warlord.
Toshiro Mifune steals the film.
Posted by Kent on :
Mel Brooks had the best line. "It's good to be the Kong."
Posted by Cobalt Kid on :
Kong and Godzilla form an uneasy alliance to recruit 5 other awesome mega-monsters of film history to help save a small town.
(Kong is in the Yul Brenner role).
Posted by Outdoor Miner on :
Which makes Godzilla Steve McQueen.
The Charles Bronson role just has to go to Gamera.
Posted by Cobalt Kid on :
Mothra is totally James Coburn. Awesome.
Posted by Cobalt Kid on :
All those other monsters did a remake of the Great Escape without Kong unfortunately. Still, it was cool to see Dracula, Frankenstein and the Wolfman play the English roles.
Posted by Outdoor Miner on :
quote:Originally posted by Cobalt Kid: Mothra is totally James Coburn. Awesome.
So Rodan is Robert Vaughn?
(The Meganificent Seven?)
Posted by Cobalt Kid on :
quote:Originally posted by Outdoor Miner:
quote:Originally posted by Cobalt Kid: Mothra is totally James Coburn. Awesome.
So Rodan is Robert Vaughn?
(The Meganificent Seven?)
Oh wow, that is so awesome a name that someone HAS to make this movie! And we need a cut of the BILLIONS it will bring in!
Posted by Cobalt Kid on :
I hear the next Kong movie is going for a more low budget, personal story about Kong moving to a small town where he must become friends with his new high school classmates. One problem: dancing has been outlawed.
A climb up the water tower with a beautiful co-ed in hand and a night of dancing are sure to ignite the passion!
Posted by Eryk Davis Ester on :
For my money, the Matrix would've been completely improved if Keanu had taken the pill, woke up outside the Matrix, and discovered he was really Kong!
Posted by dedman on :
Fay Wray come out and play!
Posted by Kent Shakespeare on :
The end of Sleepless in Seattle could've been far more interesting if Meg Ryan, on the Empire State Building observation deck looking for Tom Hanks, was grabbed by Kong instead.
Posted by future king on :
The revelation about who shot JR Ewing on Dallas would have been far more interesting if it was actually King Kong holding the smouldering gun instead of Kristen.
Posted by cleome on :
Really, I can't thank you all enough for reminding me that there are worse things in life than being too broke to go to the movies.
Posted by Cobalt Kid on :
Kong actually fits in really well with the cast of the Jersey Shore. Could have done without the love-making session with Snooki though.
Posted by Eryk Davis Ester on :
quote:Originally posted by future king: The revelation about who shot JR Ewing on Dallas would have been far more interesting if it was actually King Kong holding the smouldering gun instead of Kristen.
Even better... when Pam wakes up to find King Kong in the shower!
Posted by dadman on :
Dukes of Hazzard would have been much better if they had rode around on Kongs back instead of in the General Lee
Posted by future king on :
quote:Originally posted by Eryk Davis Ester:
quote:Originally posted by future king: The revelation about who shot JR Ewing on Dallas would have been far more interesting if it was actually King Kong holding the smouldering gun instead of Kristen.
Even better... when Pam wakes up to find King Kong in the shower!
Maybe they should use a giant gorilla in the first episode of their re-make series next fall??
Posted by cleome on :
Posted by Fanfic Lady on :
Does anyone remember Donkey Kong?
Posted by Quislet, Esq on :
Was there ever a Prince Kong?
Posted by Fanfic Lady on :
No, but there was a Donkey Kong Junior.
Posted by Cobalt Kid on :
Donkey Kong made a great comeback in video games in the mid-90's. For like two years, Donkey Kong was the man again!
Posted by Exo-Lardy on :
Man, I'm glad I didn't typo when I started this thread, or it mighta been "Inane King DONG Posts"! Def wouldnta been 'all ages' safe! Posted by Fanfic Lady on :
Peter "Optimus Prime" Cullen did the voice of Mario in the (admittedly lame) Donkey Kong cartoon from Saturday Supercade.
Posted by Cobalt Kid on :
I've always felt that Donkey Kong was the most well hung of all video game characters.
Followed only by the dudes from Double Dragon.
Posted by Reboot on :
Come on. Donkey Kong wears no pants/trousers/lower body apparel, and he's hung about as well as the average "plastic underpants and a trademark" action figure!
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