1. When learning to use the Lardforce, he accidentally invented Lard Soap.
Posted by Cobalt Kid on :
2. Without his trademark facial hair he looks like a pretty boy and doesn't seem very tough at all.
Posted by Fat Cramer on :
3. He secretly prefers carrots to cheese curls.
Posted by Pov on :
4. He's fapping right now! Posted by Quislet, Esq. on :
5. There is no number 5.
6. He is Fabio's best friend. (but Fabio is not his best friend)
Posted by Pov on :
6a. (see #4 for the reason why... )
Posted by Exnihil on :
7. Though he won an Adventure 247 on Survivor: Marzal, he declined it, instead asking for a year's supply of Rice-A-Roni.
Posted by Eryk Davis Ester on :
8. There's a slightly skinnier and less powerful alternate universe version of Lardlad known as Tele-Tubby.
9. There's an alternate universe version of Lardlad who has more of an ass and is known as Fatback.
Posted by Cobalt Kid on :
10. Lard Lad is Floating Foxlike Creature.
Posted by Eryk Davis Ester on :
11. Lardlad once convinced a prominent poster on this board that I was his alt-ID! (This is actually true!)
Posted by Quislet, Esq. on :
quote:Originally posted by Exnihil: 7. Though he won an Adventure 247 on Survivor: Marzal, he declined it, instead asking for a year's supply of Rice-A-Roni.
Well, it is the San Francisco treat.
Posted by SharkLad on :
12. He gives a good fin massage
Posted by LardLad on :
13. Yes, it's really, REALLY big!
Posted by He Who Wanders on :
(13a. He's talking about a cheese curl.)
Posted by Rockhopper Lad on :
14. He has extraordinary taste in men on whom to have mancrushes. Posted by Fat Cramer on :
15. He is worshipped as a god on the planet Seeris, but is considered a demon on Bismoll.
Posted by Cobalt Kid on :
16. In the early days of the LMB, he once convinced several of us to wear costumes maid of marshmallow and chocolate and subsequently encouraged a night of sexual debauchery. SMORES have been banned from LMB headquarters ever since.
Posted by Eryk Davis Ester on :
17. Following up on 13, he vehemently maintains that girth is more important than length.
Posted by Kent Shakespeare on :
18. He is officially banned from stepping foot in six counties of Florida - but not for any reason you could begin to guess.
Posted by LardLad on :
18a. Hint: the reason involves underage Disney Princesses! Posted by LardLad on :
19. I won "Survivor: Marzal" because host Jeff Proty is secretly my old sidekick protean Pro-D who rigged the game for me! Mwah-hah-hah! Posted by Quislet, Esq. on :
20. To this day, Lard Lad cries when Bambi's mother dies.
Posted by Arm Fall Off Boy on :
21. LardLad-60% Lard, 40% Lad
Posted by Fat Cramer on :
22. Wanted to name his first born "Crisco Kid" but wife vetoed it.
Posted by Arm Fall Off Boy on :
23. So he settled for "Olive Oyl."
Posted by CJ Taylor on :
quote:Originally posted by Cobalt Kid: 16. In the early days of the LMB, he once convinced several of us to wear costumes maid of marshmallow and chocolate and subsequently encouraged a night of sexual debauchery. SMORES have been banned from LMB headquarters ever since.
24. He kept my name out of it.
Posted by Quislet, Esq. on :
quote:Originally posted by Cobalt Kid: costumes maid of marshmallow and chocolate
Candy golems used as domestics?
Posted by Quislet, Esq. on :
25. Lard Lad is known for his blueribbon winning light and flakey pie crusts.
Posted by Rockhopper Lad on :
26. He enjoys dancing in his undies when he thinks no one is looking.
Posted by Quislet, Esq. on :
27. He enjoys dancing without his undies when he thinks someone is looking.
Posted by Kent Shakespeare on :
28. He was actually the inspiration for at least one Stephen King novel.
Posted by SharkLad on :
29. He's my first cousin
Posted by Exnihil on :
30. I gave him one of my kidneys.
30a. OK... it wasn't really a kidney... it was half a baloney sandwich... and I didn't really give it to him... he swiped it when I wasn't looking.
Posted by Arm Fall Off Boy on :
31. That song he dances to with or without undies? "Mandy" by Barry Manilow.
Posted by Fat Cramer on :
32. He dressed up as a nun for Hallowe'en.
Posted by LardLad on :
quote:Originally posted by Kent Shakespeare: 28. He was actually the inspiration for at least one Stephen King novel.
Uh..."Thinner"?
Posted by LardLad on :
quote:Originally posted by Fat Cramer: 32. He dressed up as a nun for Hallowe'en.
Wouldn't be the first time! Posted by Quislet, Esq. on :
33. Lard Lad always asks armored car guards for a free sample.
Posted by Kent Shakespeare on :
33a. and once in a while, he gets one!
Posted by Kent Shakespeare on :
34. He has the complete run of Sectaurs signed by the creative team, encased in mylar, sitting in a safety deposit box in a suburb of Knoxville.
Posted by Cobalt Kid on :
35. He created the country of Guam in a fit of bordeom but when asked what it was called, said 'Guam' only as an attempt to mumble an indecipherible answer before he could up with something better. It stuck.
Posted by Rockhopper Lad on :
36. He accidentally destroyed a distant (uninhabited) star system when he sneezed in the wrong direction.
Posted by Eryk Davis Ester on :
37. That sneeze occurred when he first discovered his freak alergy to ocelots!
Posted by Rockhopper Lad on :
38. The sneeze sent the poor ocelot into therapy for years, for which, thanks to a cunning ocelot lawyer, Lardy was obliged to pay.
Posted by LardLad on :
39. I have no idea what an ocelot is.
Posted by Eryk Davis Ester on :
40. May have inspired a new thread, 101 Things You Might Not Know About Ocelots, but Now You Do...
Posted by Rockhopper Lad on :
41. For all his power, Lardy is humble enough to admit when he doesn't know something (Click here, ol' buddy )
Posted by LardLad on :
41. I did not click on Rocky's link out of my desire to remain blissfully ignorant of ocelots.
Posted by Rockhopper Lad on :
43. Lardy has an irrational fear of the number 42. Posted by LardLad on :
quote:Originally posted by Rockhopper Lad: 43. Lardy has an irrational fear of the number 42.
It's because I fear molybdenum the most among all the elements! Posted by Eryk Davis Ester on :
44. It amazes EDE that Lardy knows what molybdenum is, but doesn't know what ocelots are.
Posted by Rockhopper Lad on :
45. Lardy got better grades in chemistry than he did in biology.
Posted by LardLad on :
45a. But Lardy likes that both have sexual connotations, a must for sustaining his interest!
Posted by LardLad on :
46. Lardy occasionally likes to refer to himself in the third person.
Posted by Rockhopper Lad on :
46a. This is quite possibly the only thing Lardy has in common with Bob Dole.
Posted by Eryk Davis Ester on :
46b. Unless you count having had sex with Elizabeth Dole.
Posted by LardLad on :
46c. And all the experimentation with pineapples!
Posted by Arm Fall Off Boy on :
47. Will try to make sure this list never reaches 101.
Posted by Abin Quank on :
48. He sometimes wears poodle skirts...
Posted by Quislet, Esq. on :
48a. Made with real live poodles. I don't now how he stands for all that yipping.
Posted by Abin Quank on :
quote:Originally posted by Quislet, Esq.: 48a. Made with real live poodles. I don't now how he stands for all that yipping.
Posted by LardLad on :
quote:Originally posted by Quislet, Esq.: 48a. Made with real live poodles. I don't now how he stands for all that yipping.
49. Has an emergency supply of peanut butter handy. Always.
Posted by Arm Fall Off Boy on :
50. Is wearing that mask, and nothing else right now.
Posted by Fat Cramer on :
51. Voted Most Impressive New Superpower at 1996 Heroes From The Underbelly of Society Awards.
Posted by Kent Shakespeare on :
52. Is working with his agent to prevent a proposed Grant Morrison/Brian Bendis reboot of himself.
Posted by Arm Fall Off Boy on :
53. Worked as a stunt double for Cave Carson during various Crises.
Posted by Kent Shakespeare on :
54. Is a huge fan/collector of the Bratz line of merchandise.
Posted by Quislet, Esq. on :
55. Voted for Dewey when he meant to vote for Truman.
Posted by Rockhopper Lad on :
56. Always understands what the Smurfs are talking about when they use "Smurf" to mean a random noun or verb.
Posted by LardLad on :
57. Love to smurf my smurf all smurf long!
Posted by Arm Fall Off Boy on :
58. LardLad may soon be blind from too much smurfing.
Posted by Rockhopper Lad on :
59. Lard Lad is one of the three or four LMBers who has a secret power. In his case, he doesn't even know what it is.
Posted by Arm Fall Off Boy on :
60. If he did find out, he'd have to kill himself to protect himself.
Posted by LardLad on :
61. His secret not-secret power is that many members of LW's gay community secretly finds him secretly attractive since the not-so-secret release of "the pic"!
Posted by Rockhopper Lad on :
62. Many members of LW's gay community like to humor Lard Lad. Posted by Fat Cramer on :
63. Has replaced Jerry Lewis as France's favourite comedian.
Posted by Fat Cramer on :
64. Distinguished member of The Order of Opus.
Posted by Eryk Davis Ester on :
65. Hates it when people call him "Big-Boned Lad".
66. Loves it when people call him "Big-Boner Lad".
Posted by Kent Shakespeare on :
67. Would cause the universe to implode if he, Stephen Sondheim, Kareem Abdul-Jabbar and any descendent of Genghis Khan were to ever gather in the same place at the same time.
Posted by Eryk Davis Ester on :
67a. The above fact explains why Stephen Sondheim was rejected for LMB membership!
Posted by Rockhopper Lad on :
68. Bakes a very tasty chocolate cake from scratch with his own secret recipe chocolate icing.
Posted by Rockhopper Lad on :
69. I'll leave this one to your imagination. Posted by Rockhopper Lad on :
70. Usually pronounces hors d'oeuvres "horse doovers" just to be funny.
Posted by LardLad on :
71. Is SO over that mancrush on Rocky! Posted by Arm Fall Off Boy on :
72. Is NOT.
Posted by LardLad on :
73. Is TOO! Posted by Rockhopper Lad on :
74. Is so cute when he gets angry! Posted by Fat Cramer on :
75. Is not so cute when he gets depressed, which fortunately seldom happens.
Posted by Kent Shakespeare on :
76. Gets aroused when he hears that the Dow is Up.
Posted by Eryk Davis Ester on :
77. Gets even more aroused when he hears that the Dow goes down.
Posted by Cobalt Kid on :
78. Believes the Dow looks like Dorris Day meets Jenna Jameson.
Posted by Kent Shakespeare on :
79. Has acted on that belief more than once, and has been forcibly thrown out of every stockbroker's office in town as a result.
Posted by LardLad on :
79a. But gets a free sucker for his trouble each time; hence the repeat attempts.
Posted by Arm Fall Off Boy on :
80. Is lobbying the scientific community to get "Lard" on the Periodic Table.
Posted by LardLad on :
80a. In place of the dreaded molybdenum! Posted by Quislet, Esq. on :
81. Made his fortune selling slobber guards to St. Bernard owners.
Posted by Eryk Davis Ester on :
82. He will soon be meeting Julia Child in the current tag team tale.
Posted by Quislet, Esq. on :
quote:Originally posted by Eryk Davis Ester: 82. He will soon be meeting Julia Child in the current tag team tale.
Will that be a zombie Julia Child?
Posted by Eryk Davis Ester on :
Nope. It's young Julia Child, during the phase in which she was an elite super-spy in the O.S.S! Lardy is currently visiting 1944, and very naked!
Posted by Cobalt Kid on :
83. Julie could always name her child's first name "Lardy's", and thus, it would be known as "Lardy's Child"!
Posted by Kent Shakespeare on :
84. Has killed or severely maimed anyone but me who knows anything about what he was really doing on September 13, 1999, a day that would have lived in infamy if the illuminati hadn't orchestrated the cover-up.
Posted by LardLad on :
85. Plans to kill or severely maim Kent, er, no one in particular really, really soon.
Posted by Fat Cramer on :
86. Refuses to take Valium, but should reconsider before someone gets hurt.
Posted by Rockhopper Lad on :
87. Occasionally needs to be reminded how much his friends love him. Posted by Quislet, Esq. on :
88. Shares a birthday with Tammy Faye Baker and Willard Scott.
89. Sacrificed his own acting career when he let cry-baby Matty Damon play the first Sheep in Mrs. Goldberg's 2nd grade Christmas play.
Posted by LardLad on :
quote:Originally posted by Quislet, Esq.: 89. Sacrificed his own acting career when he let cry-baby Matty Damon play the first Sheep in Mrs. Goldberg's 2nd grade Christmas play.
89a. Felt the sacrifice was worth it to avoid the consequences of playing a sheep when lil' Cobie was playing the shepherd! Posted by Arm Fall Off Boy on :
90. That yellow glow in his avatar? He's an angel. Just not a very...devout one.
Posted by Kent Shakespeare on :
91. Every Waffle House in the south has at least one employee who fears his name.
Posted by Rockhopper Lad on :
92. Was court-ordered to do public service announcements extolling the virtues of eating vegetables.
Posted by LardLad on :
93. Thinks pizza is a vegetable.
Posted by Arm Fall Off Boy on :
94. Never drinks milk-afraid it might do his body good.
Posted by Fat Cramer on :
95. Secretly admires Nicolas Sarkozy.
Posted by Kent Shakespeare on :
95a. and not just for Carla Bruni
Posted by LardLad on :
quote:Originally posted by Fat Cramer: 95. Secretly admires Nicolas Sarkozy.
95b. despite the fact he has no idea who that is.
Posted by Fat Cramer on :
95c. Maintains secrecy even in the face of exposure, which is admirable.
Posted by Kent Shakespeare on :
95d. Even talked those Montreal DJs into impersonating Sarkozy to fool Sarah Palin.
Posted by Eryk Davis Ester on :
95e. Would consider claiming not to know who Sarah Palin was either, if he hadn't already mailed out the invites for his premiere party for "Nailin' Palin".
Posted by Kent Shakespeare on :
95f. Ran into the real Nicolas Sarkozy at the "Nailin' Palin" party.
Posted by Fat Cramer on :
95g. Even then, played it cool and pretended to not know who he is.
Posted by Quislet, Esq. on :
96. Legally changed his name to "Quaggy Ubiquitous Debauchery"
Posted by Rockhopper Lad on :
97. Knows all the words of the theme songs from The Patty Duke Show, F Troop and Maude, but sometimes forgets The Brady Bunch.
Posted by Quislet, Esq. on :
97a. Only because he is captivated by the beauty that is Jan Brady.
Posted by Kent Shakespeare on :
97b. Yet his Jan Brady fascination does not explain why his very first restraining orders were issued because of complaints by Patty Duke and Bea Arthur.
Posted by Arm Fall Off Boy on :
97c. Original arrest report dated 1985 states that "Mr. LardLad (defendant) was peeping in the window of Ms. Duke's home as she changed clothing. Next door neighbor, Mr. Ms. Arthur apparently became incensed and began taking his her clothes off. Mr. LardLad turned to look when he heard someone yell "Hey, over here!" and upon spying Ms. Arthur, had a sudden seizure, landing on one of her prized rose bushes, crushing it. Upon hearing screams, Ms. Duke noticed Mr. LardLad and both women subsequently called out to another neighbor just arriving home, Mr. William Shatner, still in his "TJ Hooker" wardrobe. He made a citizen's arrest and called LAPD.
Posted by Eryk Davis Ester on :
97d. This was fifth time a future LMBer was arrested by William Shatner, and Lardy's second.
Posted by Rockhopper Lad on :
97e. He was secretly disappointed that Shatner did not have Adrian Zmed with him this time.
Posted by Arm Fall Off Boy on :
98. WRONG!
LardLad *IS* Adrian Zmed. See the beard?
Posted by Fat Cramer on :
99. Patronizes a convenience store that advertises "Cold Beer - Hot Women - Hats".
Posted by He Who Wanders on :
100. Was born one month before The Beatles broke up.
Posted by He Who Wanders on :
101. Insists that it was a coincidence.
Posted by Quislet, Esq. on :
quote:Originally posted by Arm Fall Off Boy: 98. WRONG!
LardLad *IS* Adrian Zmed. See the beard?
my he has aged.
Posted by Kent Shakespeare on :
okay, all.
fair is fair.
this thread should now be Lardy's forum to reveal 101 secrets about the rest of us (of course, we can still add commentary as he does so).
Posted by LardLad on :
quote:Originally posted by Kent Shakespeare: okay, all.
fair is fair.
this thread should now be Lardy's forum to reveal 101 secrets about the rest of us (of course, we can still add commentary as he does so).
102. Prefers that this thread go on above the 101 limit about him because it is for epic LOLs! Posted by Fat Cramer on :
103. Stole Arachne's fudge recipe and is keeping it all for himself.
Posted by Kent Shakespeare on :
104. Stole Semi's recipe for the Pan-Galactic Gargle-Blaster and is keeping it all for himself.
Posted by Eryk Davis Ester on :
105. Actually has surprisingly few threads devoted to him in this forum for such a longtime LMBer, which *may* have motivated a certain other poster to start this one!
Posted by Arm Fall Off Boy on :
106. Is wondering if anyone on Legion World knows how to count to 101.
Posted by Fat Cramer on :
107. Developed a new branch of higher mathematics, using a numbering system known as "Lard Base".
Posted by Arm Fall Off Boy on :
108a. Also named various personal items the Lard Mobile, the Lard Cycle, the Lard Boat, the Lard Cave, and the Lardarang.
Posted by Kent Shakespeare on :
109. Funds his crime-fighting operations by leasing naming rights to the local amusement park: LardLand.
Posted by LardLad on :
quote:Originally posted by Eryk Davis Ester: 105. Actually has surprisingly few threads devoted to him in this forum for such a longtime LMBer, which *may* have motivated a certain other poster to start this one!
105a. Feels this could be easily rectified by LW admins creating a whole forum devoted to him!
Posted by Kent Shakespeare on :
105b. Why not? no one ever uses the Titans forum.
Posted by Arm Fall Off Boy on :
106. Is prone to scream randomly "I AM LEGION WORLD, YOU COLOSSAL JERK!"
Posted by LardLad on :
107. My feet get cold really easy! (and I mean that literally--brrr) Posted by Rockhopper Lad on :
108. Got several pairs of socks using the gift card he got for Christmas at the Super Target...of Space!
Posted by Kent Shakespeare on :
109. When he remembers the full range of his powers, he can optically warm his lower extremities with his Feet Vision.
Posted by LardLad on :
quote:Originally posted by Kent Shakespeare: 109. When he remembers the full range of his powers, he can optically warm his lower extremities with his Feet Vision.
Feet vision? Gotta get around to adding that one real soon because...
Posted by LardLad on :
110. Has a BIG time foot fetish!
Posted by Rockhopper Lad on :
110a. Which, apparently, includes webbed feet.
Posted by LardLad on :
110b. Indeed. Posted by Invisible Brainiac on :
111. He's not actually obese. Just overweight.
Posted by Lard Lad on :
112. Is apparently obsessed with giant monster penises! Posted by cleome45 on :
This was news to somebody?! Posted by cleome45 on :
113. Promised me his hand in marriage, but then changed his mind after the surgeons were able to re-attach it.
Posted by Invisible Brainiac on :
114. Has been wearing a fat suit every Halloween
Posted by Kent Shakespeare on :
115. Because of his antics, virgin olive oil is no longer served/sold anywhere in a 100-mile radius of where he lives.
Posted by Invisible Brainiac on :
116. 87% of nuns in the USA once dated him.
Posted by Kent Shakespeare on :
117. Once applied to join the Vice Squad, not realizing its purpose was to curtail vice.
Posted by Kent Shakespeare on :
118. Once let Chemo ravage the downtown core because he did not want to sacrifice his Hostess Fruit Pies (tm) to distract it and stop the carnage.
Posted by Invisible Brainiac on :
119. Traveled back in time and killed off all the dinosaurs.
![[Wink]](wink.gif)
![[Eek!]](eek.gif)
![[Shudder]](graemlins/shudder.gif)
![[No]](graemlins/shake.gif)
)
![[Big Grin]](biggrin.gif)
![[Smile]](smile.gif)
)
![[ROTFLMAO]](graemlins/rotflmao.gif)
![[Love]](graemlins/love.gif)
![[Hug]](graemlins/hug.gif)
![[Razz]](tongue.gif)
![[Mad]](mad.gif)
![[Elastic Lad]](graemlins/ElasticLad.gif)
![[Yes]](graemlins/nod.gif)
![[LOL]](graemlins/lol.gif)
Gotta get around to adding that one real soon because...
![[Confused]](confused.gif)
This was news to somebody?!