1) A butterfly breaks wind in a field somewhere behind Pov's house.
Posted by Pov on :
2) One word: Lardgasm. Posted by Blockade Boy on :
3) Development of a plausible unified-Legion Theory causes a snowball to melt.
Posted by Lard Lad on :
4) Pov considers wearing pants.
Posted by Fat Cramer on :
5) On his way to the pants store, Pov stops for a pizza and interrupts a burglary.
Posted by Lad Boy on :
6) Bitter lawsuit with Siegel heirs over pantaloons copyright.
[ June 19, 2008, 12:45 PM: Message edited by: Lad Boy ]
Posted by Cobalt Kid on :
Hm...I inteded for each one of these to connect to the next, like a chain of events, but I guess I'll just have to read between the lines
7) Pov bumps into burglar, spilling pizza all over important document in Siegal Pantaloons Copyright case; lawyers unable to present evidence at trial causing mistrial, pantaloons enter public domain; six LMBers ressurect Senior Widebottom
Posted by Fat Cramer on :
8) Senor Widebottom's triumphant return is delayed when his clown car has a flat tire.
Posted by Ram Boy on :
9) But then he's picked by Lad Boy who's driving an orange 1972 El Camino with mud flaps.
Posted by Quislet, Esq. on :
10) The El Camino, with Lad Boy and Senor Widebottom, accidentially drives through a time warp. They end up in 12th century Scandinavia where Senor Widebottom falls in love with a young maiden who looks a lot like Lard Lad.
Posted by Kent Shakespeare on :
11) None of the aforementioned LWers return sane after learning the true secret origin of Gladys.
[ June 21, 2008, 09:34 AM: Message edited by: Kent Shakespeare ]
Posted by Fat Cramer on :
12) Because Gladys was formerly the orange El Camino and was cursed by a 12th century Scandinavian witch, said curse to take effect on Gladys' return to 21st century Legion World.
Posted by Lard Lad on :
13) A DNA test confirms that Gladys (now a sentient disco ball) is also somehow the biological daughter of Senor Widebottom and the young maiden who looked a lot like Lard Lad.
Posted by Fat Cramer on :
14) This revelation shatters the foundation of biology as we know it, and Doctor One and Doctor Mayavale are called in for consultation, along with Doctor Landro's Hot Nurse.
Posted by Kent Shakespeare on :
15) the simple co-consultation results in the founding of the Super HMO of Space
Posted by Lard Lad on :
16) ...which is soon bought out by a larger HMO.
Posted by Quislet, Esq. on :
17) which, coincidentally, is headquartered in the same building as Dark Circle Films.
Posted by Lard Lad on :
18) Dark Circle Films is the exclusive distributor of pornos featuring LMBers.
Posted by Cobalt Kid on :
19) One of said pornos, "Deep Tentacle" becomes infamous when young up and coming starlet Zymra the Gil'Disphan reveals she was on multiple drugs during entire filming.
Posted by Jerry on :
20) One of those drugs being ProFem. When this is revealed, the scandal to widens, and sales to grow.
[ June 22, 2008, 12:33 PM: Message edited by: Quislet, Esq. ]
Posted by Ram Boy on :
21)Which leads FemCo Pharmaceuticals, makers of ProFem, ProFem II and ExtraFem ProFem, to build a new facility in the greater Boston area in order to keep up with demand.
Posted by Tamper Lad on :
22)Transexual Berserker Luddites quickly rally to proclaim the "Provisional Profem Republic" ransacking the area around the FemCo plant and cleansing it of Conservative Republicans. They hoist the bloody boxer shorts of right-wing commentator Flush Grimpaw as their new flag. Technology other than ProFem is banned in their new nation.
Posted by Quislet, Esq. on :
23) Cobalt Kid plans a vacation to the new nation of "Provisional Profem Republic". A vacation in which he plans to "take no prisoners! Woo Hoo!"
Posted by Lard Lad on :
24) But he accidentally buys a ticket to the nation of "Provisional Promasc Republic" instead. Once he's there, hilarity ensues when Cobalt meets a Promasc-ed descendant of Hillary Rodham Clinton.
Posted by Quislet, Esq. on :
25) The super-hot bf of the Promasc-ed descendant of Hillary Rodham Clinton (aka Todd) vows revenge for the zany antics of Cobalt Kid. Embarking on his quest of vengence, Todd travels to...
Posted by Kent Shakespeare on :
26)...the Provisional Profem Republic, where he becomes a she, and gives birth to Cobie's child, the one who was foretold to out-evil all of his evil children thus far.
Posted by Tamper Lad on :
27) Paranormal Investigator Ellie May Harmer disappears under suspicious circumstances while investigating how Todd became pregnant with Cobie's ultimate evil spawn before he took Profem. Before she vanishes she ships a dossier with what she has uncovered via FedEx to ...
Posted by Fat Cramer on :
28) the LMB Enquirer, which promptly issues a Special Edition with full coverage of the Evil Spawn story and the Harmer disappearance. Quislet, Esq. sues the Enquirer on behalf of his client Cobalt Kid, thus provoking a serious split among LMBers.
Posted by Lard Lad on :
29) One side wants to throw salmonella-fied tomatoes at Cobie for impregnating some hapless guy (or was it a chick?!?!?) yet again. The other...
Posted by Quislet, Esq. on :
30) The other side was more interested in the goings on at the Hootchie Hut where...
Posted by Tamper Lad on :
31) they were running a promotion whereby randomly selected couples were placed in a cone of darkness and required to change into each other's clothes while the music played and before the darkness lifted. Often the music stopped and lights came on while the participants were still in undress. One hapless individual was...
Posted by Quislet, Esq. on :
32) Hap Happigan. The fact that everyone saw that both Hap and his girl had on frilly pink panties caused Hap's mind to snap. Taking advantage of this, the evil Dr. Zombie had Hap...
Posted by Kent Shakespeare on :
33)...unmasked as yet another alt of Abin. Quis and Cobie's lawsuit was dismissed the same day as no judges or witnesses could ever be conclusively proven NOT to be Abin alts.
Posted by Quislet, Esq. on :
34) While exiting the courthouse, Cobalt Kid was whisked into a Winnebago space cruiser by a nuclear family, who...
Posted by Lard Lad on :
35) ...turn out to be sheep descendants of his!
Posted by Quislet, Esq. on :
36) As the Winnebago is pulling away, the holding tank for the lavatory is flushed accidentally. The refuse splatters all over ...
Posted by Lard Lad on :
37) Lester Spiffany. After hurling his fist in the air and saying , he goes to Quislet, Esq. to file a lawsuit.
Posted by Quislet, Esq. on :
38) Overworked from all the jobs Lard Lad is sending his way, Quislet, Esq. goes on a vacation to Daxam, where...
[ June 27, 2008, 02:31 PM: Message edited by: Quislet, Esq. ]
Posted by Lard Lad on :
39) ...he drinks some bi-beer and meets Laurel Gand.
Posted by Kent Shakespeare on :
40) Quis gives up law to help Laurel revive her dormant career.
Posted by Fat Cramer on :
41) The dormant career to which Laurel returns is Khund-bashing, not space-nunning. She and Quis embark on a zany adventure to bash some Khunds in Dr. Mayavale's Wheeling Mists Fern Bar.
Posted by Kent Shakespeare on :
42) Tne Nova Scotia provincial assembly takes the word of reincarnates over trash-violators, thus paving the way for the legal rights of Khund-bashers, as long as they do not infringe upon the rights of lobster harvesting.
Posted by Quislet, Esq. on :
43) The Canadian trash-violators stage a mutiny on the Nova Express, which may have a leak in their fuel tank.
Posted by Kent Shakespeare on :
44) The Nova Express crash-lands on New Toturga, where Lard Lad gains amnesia and is seduced by a female pirate.
Posted by Lard Lad on :
<Lardy needs AMNESIA to be seduced?!?! >
45) Their sexual relations cause the formation of a time warp.
Posted by Kent Shakespeare on :
[it becomes more melodramatic and comedic with amnesia]
46) They give birth to Cobie, who is sent backward in time.
Posted by Lard Lad on :
47) Where he grows up having amnesia and being raised by amnesiac foster parents. ( )
Posted by Kent Shakespeare on :
48) Until that fateful 3rd grade playground fight with Slim.
Posted by Lard Lad on :
49) After Cobalt gave Slim an atomic wedgie to end all atomic wedgies, Slim revealed to 'Cobalt' that Cobalt wasn't actually Cobalt at all. This child of Lard Lad and the female pirate was actually...
Posted by Cobalt Kid on :
50) This child was actually the Hap Happigan, once the greatest school bully of them all which later causes him limitless axiety that he too may be bullied, such as when he is caught in frilly panties. This revelation causes the young Hap to go on a bullying spree, taking the lunch money of a young, passive Hrun the Academic.
Posted by Quislet, Esq. on :
51) Hap Happigan uses the stolen lunch money to purchase a glowing purple stone from a hooded old woman.
Posted by Kent Shakespeare on :
52) And in the process, Hap Happigan learns the true meaning of Klordny.
Posted by Lard Lad on :
53) ...which, it turns out, is actually an encrypted mathematical equation which unlocks the secret of the universe! Hap bullies some egghead to decrypt the equation for him.
Posted by Cobalt Kid on :
54) Unfortunately said egghead is so distracted by the young hottie pre-school Space Tart, who is walking by, and miscalculates the equation, uttering: '52', which somehow sends pre-teen Hap to go forward in time...
Posted by Kid Prime on :
55. Orange Polo Guy makes his initial apperance on Legion World.
Posted by Quislet, Esq. on :
56. A pre-teen sent-forward-through-time Hap Happigan makes fun of Orange Polo Shirt Guy's choice of music. Orange Polo Shirt Guy vows ...
Posted by Kent Shakespeare on :
57. ...never to use Heinz 57 sauce again. Meanwhile a strange gugling sound is heard from an undersea volcano just offshore of Greg Evigan Island...
Posted by Cobalt Kid on :
58. And at the same exact moment on New Tortuga, an undersea volcano of equal size also suddenly becomes active again, in tandem with several other volcanos, leading famed Volcanologist and LMBer Ultra Jorge to take notice and shout "By the bristling goatee of Loser Lad!"
Posted by Kent Shakespeare on :
59. [something really, really important happens next, but none of you have security clearance from the Bureau of External Affairs (tm) to be briefed on the details. Sufficient to say, at the end of these events Cobalt is in critical condition in ICU of Legionopolis General, Faraway Lad is trapped, trapped I say! in the Ominous Zone, and Lardy is now in hiding, posing as Quis' paralegal, and Kippers has been drafted as ambassador to the Dark Oval as the only one who can prevent galactic war.]
Posted by Quislet, Esq. on :
60. Kent Shakespeare unwittingly attends a free time-share shower demonstration.
Posted by Lard Lad on :
61. While working in Quis's law offices, Lardy finds a severed hand in Quis's storage room.
Posted by Cobalt Kid on :
62. At ICU of Legionopolis General, Dr. Landro's Hot Nurse nurses Cobie but suddenly begins to fall in love with him. She considers coming clean about a secret criminal plot she's become unwittingly involved in so they can fall in love with no secrets when suddenly she stumbles upon a headless cadaver in the morgue!
Posted by Quislet, Esq. on :
63. The headless cadaver turns out to be a bio-engineered android purposely made headless. The android (whom eventually is known as I.C.Abod) convinces Dr. Lando's Hot Nurse to start a Ponzi scheme with him.
Posted by Lard Lad on :
64. While contemplating the severed hand, Lardy inexplicably begins to wonder what the sprock a "Ponzi scheme" is.
Posted by Kent Shakespeare on :
65. Just then, Arthur "Ponzi" Ponzerelli bursts in, issuing his classic "Ayyyyyy!" and drawing the Tuskerdero sisters near.
[ July 19, 2008, 09:09 AM: Message edited by: Kent Shakespeare ]
Posted by Cobalt Kid on :
66. Amazingly, Ponzi is about 65 years old, but his state of dress and make-up / hair make him look not a day over 24. Except, of course, that Lardy notices he isn't wearing any make-up and his hair looks untouched. Using the Lardforce, he discerns that this is because Ponzi is tapping into the timestream to give himself eternal life. His source? Pre-teen Hap Happigan, who was strangely sent into the future a page ago.
Posted by Invisible Brainiac on :
67. Lard Lad uses the Lardforce to turn Hap Happigan into Hoppy the Marvel Bunny. He is subsequently slapped with a lawsuit for copyright infringement.
Posted by Invisible Brainiac on :
68. The LMBP mobilizes all their legal counsel, led by Quislet Esq., to combat said lawsuit.
![[LOL]](graemlins/lol.gif)
![[Eek!]](eek.gif)
![[Shudder]](graemlins/shudder.gif)
![[Big Grin]](biggrin.gif)
![[Lester Spiffany]](graemlins/LesterSpiffany.gif)
, he goes to Quislet, Esq. to file a lawsuit.