My dear old friends! How lovely it is to see you! For too long have I remained secluded among the sacred groves of Ilymagroth, partaking of the mind-enhancing fruit of the petinga tree, but isolated from my old chums of the LMB!
It is good to be back! Why just the other day, I...
Hold on a second! Did you chaps see the title of this thread? It says there's a villain at the end of the thread! No doubt this is some dastardly fellow who wishes to betray us all by stabbing us through one of the sixteen sacred arteries or stealing our mighty mojo or some other grand offense!
My friends, we must avoid reaching the end of this thread!
Posted by Quislet, Esq. on :
Dr. Mayavale,
How nice to see you here again. It is always a pleasure to have you here and to partake of your own brand of wisdom.
I am afraid though that there will be no avoiding the end of this thread (or any other for that matter) It is built into the system that all threads end. Some sooner than others. Although it might be possible to attach this thread to the Infinite Man as he makes another loop through time. You may want to consult some chronal experts.
Yours,
Quislet, Esq.
PS: I want to remind you of the 5 cents you borrowed from me (or the person you said I was in a previous life) in 1814. The interest keeps compounding daily.
Posted by Doctor Mayavale on :
Egads! I have just consulted the Azure Amulet of Agapapa, and it told me that old joke about the three fellows who want to marry the farmer's daughter!
And then it told me that this thread was destined to end with the appearance of the villain on the one-hundredth page!
Posted by Quislet, Esq. on :
The Azure Amulet of Agapapa??? Wasn't that the same mystic artifact that predicted Dewey would defeat Truman? And advised against investing in that Seattle based company now known as Microsoft? You get more accurate predictions from a Magic 8 ball tm "Signs point to yes."
Really Dr. Mayavale, I thought you of all people would know better.
Anyone who is anyone who knows about predictive mystical objects recommends Cassiopea's Clear-see Cauldron. And that says that the villian is...ARGH!!!!! Thud!!!!
Posted by Outdoor Miner on :
Got it.
So as long as nobody named ARGH!!!!! Thud!!!! posts to this thread, we'll be OK.
Posted by Kent Shakespeare on :
ARGH!!! Thud!!!
I forget... Was he an Ambush Bug villain, or was that Cobier's first grand-child, you know, the one he's not supposed to know about?
Posted by Eryk Davis Ester on :
Is Mayavale channeling Grover?
Perhaps it's time to revive my "Telly" nickname for Tamper Lad!
Posted by Outdoor Miner on :
Well, he's channeled just about everything else, so it's possible.
Let me know if he puts on a helmet and cape and starts calling himself "Super Mayavale".
Posted by Tamper Lad on :
Everyone knows that there is a rule that threads be no longer than 2500 posts.
When this thread reaches that i predict armageddon.
Posted by Cobalt Kid on :
Hm, why, the villain may already be in this thread, and we just don't know it yet! Perhaps the good Doctor's experience in bloody betrayals have alerted him to someone stabbing us all in the back!
I suggest we analyze all of each other's flaws and then start horrible accusations. We're bound to be right on a few accounts!
Posted by Joe-Boy Harvestar on :
I HAVE NO FLAWS! heh.
Posted by SCarlet on :
The end is nigh?
Posted by Quislet, Esq. on :
No. We have 2487 more posts before the end. Of this thread that is.
Posted by SCarlet on :
Yes....The Thread.
Posted by Kent Shakespeare on :
Someone claiming to be the Villain at the End of this Thread sent me an e-mail, promising to spare all of us who help this thread get to the end faster!
Is it a trick?
Posted by Joe-Boy Harvestar on :
Tricks are something a whore does for money. Or Candy.
heh Arrested Development is my hero
Posted by Cobalt Kid on :
2,500 seems pretty far away. In LMB logic, that of course means that the villain is Faraway Lad.
I say we make him drink lots and lots pints and see if he reveals his true nature. Posted by Faraway Lad on :
So why dont we just hope in a time bubble, go to the end of the thread, find out who the villain is, then return here to change the past, erm the future, to prevent the villain becoming a villain in the first place?
Posted by Faraway Lad on :
Hic, pass the port dear boy, i think i have something to tell you be i cant seem to remember? Posted by Cobalt Kid on :
<chug>
I'm all ears! Posted by Kent Shakespeare on :
Port? Nay lads! I have some fine Islay single malt!
Posted by Faraway Lad on :
Alas, the waters of life and I do not see eye to eye. But prithee continue.
Cobalt and I will sample this fine chilled white port from a small farm i know in the hills of oporto.
Now I still need to tell Cobalt something, now what, hic!, was it again?
Posted by Eryk Davis Ester on :
Er... isn't loveable, furry, old Mayavale supposed to keep posting and telling us not to post any more, lest we reach the diabolical villain in question?
Or something like that.
Posted by Lard Lad on :
At least you all know the villain won't be me!
Um...right?
Posted by Eryk Davis Ester on :
Hmm... if the thread just dies, does that mean the last person to post to it is automatically a villain?
Posted by Lard Lad on :
Gosh, I suppose so! I hope somebody posts after me, so I won't be the one! Posted by Eryk Davis Ester on :
Does that make this a kind of Bizarro-version of "Kill This Thread"?
Posted by Lard Lad on :
I guess so, kinda! Dammit--I posted again!
Posted by Outdoor Miner on :
quote:Originally posted by Quislet, Esq.: No. We have 2487 more posts before the end. Of this thread that is.
Aren't you dead?
Posted by Quislet, Esq. on :
Not that I know of. Am I supposed to be?
Posted by Superboy_Prime on :
Hmmm... my efforts to determine what villain resides here must wait for a vast amount of inane postings to transpire, it would seem.
Posted by Quislet, Esq. on :
How much inane posting has to transpire before you can determine who the villian is? I mean, it seems like an awful lot of inane posting has already transpired.
Posted by Joe-Boy Harvestar on :
Not nearly enough methinks.
Posted by Caliente on :
There's never enough inane posting! Posted by Overlord_Prime on :
I have had revelation!
I am the master of all threads, so the "villain" of this one matters not!
Posted by Kent Shakespeare on :
...where's Miner when you need a witty response to something like that?
Posted by Cobalt Kid on :
Hm...perhaps Overlord Prime's master (i.e. the master of this thread) and thus the master of all threads is the secret we need to learn in order to defeat him!
Get on it Eryk, I'll guard this group of scared school girls!
Posted by Quislet, Esq. on :
What happens if this thread disappears to page two?
Posted by Outdoor Miner on :
Someone will bring it back.
You know it's true.
Posted by Kent Shakespeare on :
I think we'd miss it, sooner or later.
Posted by Outdoor Miner on :
We need it.
It's in our blood.
Posted by Kent Shakespeare on :
It calls to us!
Like the voices in our heads!
Posted by Kent Shakespeare on :
...um...
...right, guys?
Posted by Yellow Kid on :
Eh? Oh sorry Kent, I wasn't paying attention. You say something?
Posted by Caliente on :
WHAT DID YOU SAY? I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE VOICES IN MY--
...oh... uh, never mind. *whistles innocently*
Posted by Cobalt Kid on :
quote:Originally posted by Kent Shakespeare: It calls to us!
Like the voices in our heads!
It's precious to us
Posted by Outdoor Miner on :
The thread is Mother.
The thread is Father.
Posted by SharkLad on :
i just ate a lovely scrambled egg and cheese bagel sandwich ...
Posted by Overlord_Prime on :
Faster, my subjects! Faster!
Posted by Kent Shakespeare on :
...we should eat egg and cheese bagels faster?
won't that give us indigestion?
Posted by Faraway Lad on :
quote:Originally posted by Outdoor Miner: The thread is Mother.
The thread is Father.
So are you a P12 then Miner.
The rest of you join the corps or go on the programme.
Posted by Quislet, Esq. on :
I refuse to believe that Faraway Lad is the villian at the end of this thread.
But I guess this post means that he isn't.
Posted by Kent Shakespeare on :
Aha!
And I've just disproven that you are!
...of course, either one of you posting again would discredit each act of proof.
Posted by Outdoor Miner on :
I am clearly not the villain either, for the same reason.
Posted by Lard Lad on :
I think the real villain here is our own ambivalence.
Posted by Caliente on :
You know, for a bunch of so-called heroes, you guys are, like, posting to this thread an awful lot. That totally doesn't bode well for the LMBP...
(Maybe if I can find the villain, they'll believe I'm really Caliente and I can have foot rubs and gold dresses for the rest of my existence!)
Posted by Outdoor Miner on :
You could probably get all that now.
Posted by Faraway Lad on :
Mmm as one of the few LMB'ers never to have gone crazy or evil and attempted to blow up and or enslave the LMBP maybe it's my turn?
Gosh now I cant wait until the end of this thread to see if I am the villain after all?
Posted by Kent Shakespeare on :
...you sided with Glorith once, as I recall. close enough.
Let's not worry about who's the villain and have a couple rounds.
Posted by Outdoor Miner on :
Siding with Glorith is certainly a sign of temporary craziness, anyway.
Posted by Faraway Lad on :
Having cocktails before a fine meal, whilst engaged in delicate diplomatic negotiaions is hardly "siding" with me thinks Posted by Kent Shakespeare on :
...riiiight...
Grape Boy isn't the only one pursuing revisionist history, I see.
Regardless, our glasses are empty, and this must be remedied at once!
Posted by Faraway Lad on :
Fills Kent's glass with a foaming pint of Duchare's India Pale Ale, at only 3.8% a delighfully light and refeshing session ale.
Pours himself a Batemans XXXB (4.8%) and starts to enjoy the full rich tase of this golden ale.
"Your very good health sirra"
Posted by Cobalt Kid on :
Faraway was just using the ages old LMB technique of seducing the villains so that when you ditch them the next morning, they want to kill you rather than destroy the world/take over the UP/etc. Its a classic! Posted by Faraway Lad on :
So there we have it. It was all done in the line of duty. For Queen and Country so to speak.
Operating under deep cover, I was under strict instructions from “M” to use all means possible to distract Glorith from her plans.
I mean it was sheer hell don’t you know. The fine wine, the gourmet food, the romantic candlelight, the soft satin sheets. Not to mention the acrobatics. Hell I tell you. And I only undertook this difficult assignment on the direct orders of the leadership.
Still its all an essential part of a diplomat’s charm offensive training. And if you will allow me a slight moment to brag I did come top of the class in that module, both the written exam and the practical.
And when done right young Cobalt, the target first of all feels no sense of unfullfilment, and when you do leave, after a leisurely coffee, she will remain on good terms with you and continue to offer information for many months afterwards. It is only when you leave them unsatisfied and wanting more that they tend to go all demonic and want to kill you. Posted by Arachne on :
Ohhh, them's fighting words. This could be entertaining.
Posted by Lard Lad on :
Yeesh...who hasn't boffed Glorith?
Show of hands, anyone?
Posted by Kent Shakespeare on :
(raises hand)
(looks around, feels uncomfortably lonely)
...I'm not the only guy who hasn't, am I?
Posted by Quislet, Esq. on :
I haven't.
Posted by Cobalt Kid on :
Er...
<doesn't raise hand>
And Far, I used to think (before Crujeckie) it was funny to leave them on bad terms and wanting to kill you, and then brag about it to your buddies in earshot of her friends. I thought that was part of the 'direct her anger elsewhere technique'. Man, I knew I shouldn't have had those twenty drinks before LMB training class that day...
Posted by Kent Shakespeare on :
It's quarter to 7... is Cobie drunk yet?
Posted by dedman on :
I don't know about Cobie, but I'm getting there.
Posted by Kent Shakespeare on :
bottoms up!
Let's have another round!
Posted by dedman on :
Yum...Rum and coke!!!
Posted by Kent Shakespeare on :
hey! go a little easy on the coke! I'm not drivin anywhere...
Posted by dedman on :
well then, rum on the rocks for Kent
Posted by Arachne on :
I'll take one of those, too.
Posted by dedman on :
here you go Arachne....I think I'll have another too.
Posted by Kent Shakespeare on :
a toast! to the Tuesday night club!
Posted by dedman on :
WOO WHOO for Tuesday!!!
Posted by Arachne on :
LOL Tuesdays are good, but I'm waiting for Wednesday. Posted by dedman on :
what's on Wednesday?
Posted by Arachne on :
Lost. (And comics, but I'm getting mine on Thursday this week.)
Posted by Outdoor Miner on :
I tend to get mine on Saturday's, though I'm a week behind right now.
Posted by Kent Shakespeare on :
I could go today, but I won't.
Posted by Outdoor Miner on :
Oh, thank goodness. I'm not the villain after all.
Or....am I?
Posted by Kent Shakespeare on :
aren't we all villains, in our own way?
we use fossil-burning transportation. directly or not, we support businesses that exploit poorer nations of the world. what we combined spend on comics could feed some tropical nations for months.
Won't you please give all you can to Kent's Relief Fund For Kooey Kooey Kooey! Innocent Pacific islanders need your support! For just $100 per day, you can keep me - uh, them - in food and clothing for an entire day! Visa and Mastercard accepted.
Posted by Lard Lad Robot on :
<click>Some believe this unit to be a villain because of my being a robotic duplicate of their friend. I've given them no reason to be suspicious, and yet some are. I fail to understand this apparent prejudice. Have robots betrayed the LMB in the past?<click>
Posted by Outdoor Miner on :
Lard Lad really didn't bring you up to speed on things, did he?
Posted by Kent Shakespeare on :
I think he had p- uh, other things on his mind.
Posted by Outdoor Miner on :
Yeah, but that's nothing new.
Posted by Kent Shakespeare on :
true enough.
Cobie, have your spy-cams of the honeymoon produced any interesting images yet?
Posted by Outdoor Miner on :
We may as well kill this thread now, because only a villain would even consider that.
Posted by Kent Shakespeare on :
so how many of Cobie's kids could be suspects?
Posted by Outdoor Miner on :
All of them.
Posted by Cobalt Kid on :
My cameras of the honey-moon have several good images, but er, uh, since they're all in the name of Legion World Security, I'm not at liberty to show just anyone.
(I'll need $$ boys)
New prediction for villain at the end of this thread: Walk with Crowds. Only the person who could have won the origial Kill This Thread is evil enough for this one.
Posted by Kent Shakespeare on :
where's he been, anyway?
Posted by Cobalt Kid on :
I've been wondering about that too. I kind of want him to win the next Kill This Thread, because I think that will annoy people if the same person wins the both Posted by Quislet, Esq. on :
Why don't you email him then?
Posted by Kent Shakespeare on :
He's back!
Posted by Outdoor Miner on :
...and he appears to be avoiding this thread like the plague.
Posted by Kent Shakespeare on :
can you blame him after Cobie calls him a villain?
hmmm.... he's not a son of Cobie, is he?
Posted by Outdoor Miner on :
Not that I recall, though a DNA test seems to be in order.
Posted by Kent Shakespeare on :
as opposed to DnA testing,to determine if his plotline will ever be resolved.
Posted by Outdoor Miner on :
That's the other DnA.
Posted by Kent Shakespeare on :
DnA as opposed to DNA
Posted by Kent Shakespeare on :
no one's posted here in almost 2 weeks? appalling!
Posted by Caliente on :
So, it's been seven months-- does that make Kent the villain? Or will it be me now that I've replied..? Or will someone else reply and then is it them? Do we have to reach 2500 to truly know?
I demand answers!
Posted by Cobalt Kid on :
Hm, there's two options. One, Kent was the villain (likely), or two, we're merely between acts and Act two has now revealed Kent wasn't the villain at all, and the real mastermind shall appear at the end of this thread...
Posted by Eryk Davis Ester on :
Jeepers! I wonder why Doc Mayavale doesn't start more cool threads like this one anymore?
Posted by shenu on :
*Hrmph*
Posted by Quislet, Esq. on :
I refuse to believe that shenu is the villian at the end of this thread.
Posted by Clive on :
Could it be...me?
Posted by Quislet, Esq. on :
That's a possibility.
Posted by Clive on :
Yeah. Everyone could be expecting Lardy to turn evil because it's been telegraphed so heavily, when suddenly--WHAM! Sweet lil' Clive butchers everyone!
Hey, just sayin'...
Posted by Quislet, Esq. on :
As long as you are only sayin' and not doin'
Posted by Clive on :
Wonder if anyone would suspect you, Quis? Should they? You DO have the whole lawyer thing goin', y'know...
Posted by Quislet, Esq. on :
(Hmmmmm... Clive is getting a little too close to the truth)
Hey Clive, I have something to show you down this dark alley in the deserted part of town.
Posted by Clive on :
Um, yeah...I've got, er, something to show you, too...
Let's go! Posted by Quislet, Esq. on :
It's just a little further ahead. Keep walking.
Posted by Clive on :
<looks for witnesses>
Posted by Lard Lad on :
<observes from his hospital window and via Lard Force>
I have no memory, but I swear I can't tell whether these guys are about to try to kill each other or make passionate love!
Apparently, Clive's kinda new at living, so anything's possible, but Quislet? His files say he's engaged--to a reformed murderer?
I'm confused...
<scratches head>
Posted by Cobalt Kid on :
Its not the end of the thread I'm worried about, its the journey there.
Posted by shenu on :
The journey will be filled with broken lives and dreams. I look forward to your agony.
Posted by Nova Girl on :
Um hello? Is this room service? This journey has totally been too dry.
So can you send a bottle of vintage Dom up to my suite? You know from the good year? Also some oysters with those little toast rounds, your Deputy Leader is training her new young impressionable chief of staff. *sigh* They don't teach these boys anything useful in school anymore. Talk about agony.
Please put it on the regular LMB Deputy Leader account.
Posted by Quislet, Esq. on :
I always thought Cobalt Kid would be the villian at the end of this thread, but right now it looks like it will be me.
Posted by Lard Lad on :
Will it?
Posted by Quislet, Esq. on :
If not me, then maybe you?
Posted by Cobalt Kid on :
My pick of the villain that will eventually be at the end of this thread? Lightning Lad.
Posted by Eryk Davis Ester on :
I think it'll be Doctor Mayavale himself, in some kind of karmic twist!
Posted by Cobalt Kid on :
Mayavale, my guru and shaman, would never resort to villainy!
Why, if this thread revealed him to be the villain at its end--it'd be the ultimate betrayal...of Mayavale to himself!
Posted by Quislet, Esq. on :
He might if it is needed to balance the karmic scales.
Posted by Exnihil on :
I happened upon this thread, and tore through post by post, my curiosity eagerly piqued to meet he, or she, who awaited me at the end.
Reaching my destination I found only... myself.
Surely this is some sick joke!
I'm no villain... am I?
Posted by LardLad on :
Dunno...are you?
Posted by Exnihil on :
Clearly not... as it turns out you, sir, are now the poster at the end... of... the... D'OH!!!
Posted by LardLad on :
Ha-HA! Gotcha! Now you--
Oops! Posted by Eryk Davis Ester on :
Hmm... have we still not found the villain at the end of this thread! I sure hope nobody posts anymore, so we don't have to reach him (or her)!
Posted by Ram Boy on :
I volunteer to be the villain at the end of this thread. My villainous to-do-list-
1) change my name to Threadender 2) flirt shamelessly with all your significant others 3) borrow comics and return them with nacho stains 4) interrupt conversations to take much more important cell phone calls (while holding up my index finger to make sure you stay hushed) 5) post pictures of pies in the dieters support thread 6) employ two comic mimes as my henchmen 7) make sure that cleome NEVER finds a toilet seat down ever again
Posted by cleome on :
Suddenly I understand the real reason that females are so scarce around here.
Posted by cleome on :
Oh, and BTW, here is the foul villain whom you all seek. I warn you: Gaze upon her terrifying countenance atyourownrisk !
Posted by Eryk Davis Ester on :
This thread would be a lot better if Doc Mayavale were building brick walls and trying to nail the thread shut and stuff like that.
Posted by Abin Quank on :
Just where is the end of this thread, anyway?
Posted by Exnihil on :
quote:Originally posted by Abin Quank: Just where is the end of this thread, anyway?
It ended back in April of last year with you finally revealed as the villian at the en... aw, crap!
Posted by Dave Hackett on :
Well, I for one am glad the thread is over so I can finally post in it without fear of running into the villain at the end. Wait a minute.....
Posted by Eryk Davis Ester on :
Posted by Ram Boy on :
I'm so glad they specified that was a crate of wood. Otherwise I'd have mistaken it for a crate of Tom Cruises and Nicolas Cages.
Posted by Eryk Davis Ester on :
Hmm... I wonder whatever happened to my copy of that book...
Posted by dedman on :
FINALLY we've caught that vile villian EDE at the end of this thread....AHH, DAMN IT!
Quick someone else post!
Posted by Doctor Mayavale on :
Mayavale is glad that people seem to have finally stopped posting to this thread.
Posted by Emily Sivana on :
You aren't on my family's Christmas card list so I don't think you are a villain.
Posted by future king on :
quote:Originally posted by Emily Sivana: You aren't on my family's Christmas card list so I don't think you are a villain.
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