posted
For those of you who don't know me let me introduce myself and my campaign platform:
My name is Clive Taylor, and I am one-year old! I was created just over a year ago in the aftermath of the Crisis known as"Omnia mutantur nos et mutamur in illis". During that dark time, Lard Lad lost someone very special to him, an imperfect Lard Lad clone known cruelly as HUGEMANBREASTS, or "Hugh" as Lardy affectionately called him.
Lardy was overcome with grief and enlisted the aid of his then-fiancee Dru the Sorceress to find a way of giving Hugh a second chance. They constructed a robot identical to Lard Lad (and Hugh), and Dru cast a very special spell over it that imbued it with a piece of Hugh's soul. They gave it an overlying personality program loosely based on Lard Lad's to give it a baseline for learning and relating.
After Dru and Lardy were married and left to live on Zerox, they left the robot here on Legion World to give it a chance to find its own way. I identified myself to other citizens as "Lard Lad Robot", and I attempted to assimilate among the LMB and make them feel safe knowing there was still a 'Lard Lad' around.
However, I soon began being attacked at all turns by various robots to the point that I had to go into hiding. At some point several other non-sentient Lard Lad Robots were either destroyed in a case of mistaken identity or used as decoys to try to flush me out.
For months I hid and fought attempts by the foreign intelligence behind my troubles to take over my mind. The foreign intelligence was later revealed to be the Computer Tyrant, one of the evil influences that have controlled Earth for some time and who was working with a conclave of various LMBP enemies who were collectively known as the Five Faces of Death.
Eventually, the Tyrant was able to subvert my developing, immature emotions to take over my mind and body. It needed my unique combination of artificial intelligence and soul to dominate all of the technology on Legion World.
Sadly, it took the returned (and widowed) Lard Lad to defeat the Tyrant. First, he had to deactivate my body; then he sacrificed his life to destroy the Tyrant altogether.
But before Lardy died, he left a will that included a backup chip to restore me completely. And when I learned of his death, I received another gift he and Dru had prepared for me when I was created. I experienced profound grief, my first mature emotion, and the enchantment they prepared transformed my robotic form into this adult human form.
It was a great gift, and I hope to use it to--
Registered: Oct 2003
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I feel that the incident on 01/11/3008 was a portent of great calamity. I was warned that 3500 was a bad omen, and, sure enough, when the Lard Lad algorithm hit post 3500, we lost a day which no one remembers happening. And something much worse may happen when he hits 4000!
My primary goals as leader would be to: 1) use every resource we have to find out what caused 01/11/08 and 2) prevent another possibly worse cataclysm from ever occurring again!
And, oh yes: 3) To stop the random slaughter of the waffles! I find that absolutely reprehensive!
I will announce more of my platform as the election process continues. Meanwhile, enjoy the crushed ice beverages..."slushies"...that my congenial host has prepared!
Registered: Oct 2003
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Alright, algorithm...I've read the election rules, and there are absolutely NO requirements regarding viginity or lack thereof! Yes, I'm a virgin--and there's NOTHING wrong with that!!!
I believe the real Lard Lad would be ashamed of you for your treatment of me!
Registered: Oct 2003
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posted
Clive, I've made arrangements with the Rookery staff--including our comely waitstaff--and they are at your disposal.
Er, if you want to attract LMB votes, I'm afraid those Slushies you love aren't quite going to do it. I've arranged for an open bar and a buffet.
Remember what I told you about moderation? For the moment, let's let that rule slide a bit. Most of these LMB types prefer overindulgence. You dad kind of set the tone for that, I think.
Meantime, Melissa, could you please fetch Clive a soft drink? Thank you!
-------------------- The only character in all of literature who has been described as "badnass" while using the phrase "vile miscreant."
From: The Pyngwyn Colonies of Planet Hyustyn | Registered: Aug 2005
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posted
Clive, I just wanted to wish you good luck. If Faraway opts not to run, I'll keep you in mind for my support.
From: Vancouver, BC, Canada | Registered: Dec 2003
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quote:Originally posted by Fat Cramer: Wow! So have you been in grief mode ever since, or do you occasionally experience other emotions?
Thanks for asking Ms. Cramer. I'm learning the full spectrum of emotions, positive and negative...not just grief. I'm a bit of a "newbie" at them, but Mr. Rockhopper seems to feel they aren't being felt by me in extremes. for example, when Babette dumped me a while back, he says I took it pretty well under the circumstances, considering she was the first girl I ever liked.
quote:Originally posted by Rockhopper Lad: Clive, I've made arrangements with the Rookery staff--including our comely waitstaff--and they are at your disposal.
Er, if you want to attract LMB votes, I'm afraid those Slushies you love aren't quite going to do it. I've arranged for an open bar and a buffet.
Remember what I told you about moderation? For the moment, let's let that rule slide a bit. Most of these LMB types prefer overindulgence. You dad kind of set the tone for that, I think.
As always, I appreciate your generosityand kindness, Mr. Rockhopper.
And, yes, I understand that the LMB appreciates alcoholic beverages. I honestly can't understand why! I mean, it felt great while I was under its influence after Babette dumped me, but honestly--I can't understand why anyone would ever drink it again after all the vomiting and the 'hangover' the next day! Honestly!
My guests, the beverages are here for you, but forgive me if I don't join you and stick to the slushies instead!
quote:Originally posted by Kent Shakespeare: Clive, I just wanted to wish you good luck. If Faraway opts not to run, I'll keep you in mind for my support.
quote:Originally posted by Kent Shakespeare: Too late! Well, good luck anyway.
I appreciate the sentiments, Mr. Shakespeare and understand your decision. Mr. Darden is a good man and was a very good friend to my father--I might vote for him myself!
Registered: Oct 2003
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posted
I need to forget all this inane electioneering. The promises hurt my head. Pass the vodka slush.
From: Canada | Registered: Apr 2005
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