Howdy! I haven't seen a tag team writing thread in awhile, so I thought I would try to start one. The more authors, the better. Off we go, let the silliness ensue...
Lancesrealm sat alone in a dank basement. (Is there any other kind?) He had been playing solitaire for hours. The deck was missing 3 cards, but Lance was a notorious cheater, and had won every game. So far, he was 20 bucks ahead. Lance took a long pull from the half-empty bottle of vodka, and then played a quick round of gaseous emissions.
Suddenly, the basement door opened and Lance shielded his eyes from the (not-so) blinding light. In walked...
Posted by Cobalt Kid on :
...Charlie Sheen. He'd heard there was a party going on, and he never misses a party.
He mixed up a batch of tiger blood and vodka and sat down with Lance when suddenly...
Posted by Rockhopper Lad on :
...Lance became infected with Charlie's warlock Adonis DNA and became SuperLance. Realizing he was made for bigger things, SuperLance...
Posted by lancesrealm on :
checked out how much bigger his penis had gotten. SuperLance shook his hips, inadvertantly knocking over the bottle of vodka. Sheen caught the bottle before it hit the floor, since his super-power is never to let alcohol go to waste.
SuperLance wondered if Sheen would be jealous, since there were now 2 giant pricks in the room.
"I'll be right back, Charlie. I need to..."
Posted by Cobalt Kid on :
...save the planet from a giant asteroid! Now that he was Super, Lance had grown much more ambitious. Sensing his fame was on the verge of ending, Charlie joined him.
The two hitch-hikes over to the local space shuttle as a truckdriver picked them up. Once they got inside the truck, Lance was shocked to see the driver was none other than...
Posted by lancesrealm on :
Rickshaw, who was online trying to up his post-count some more.
Rick looked up and said, "Grab a seat - it's gonna be a bumpy ride. By the way, I'm Rickshaw."
Charlie Sheen's eyes widened. "I don't wanna go into space in a Rickshaw." Charlie then crawled into the bottle of vodka, which was another of his super-powers.
SuperLance took a seat. "I'm Lance. Nice to meet you Rick."
Rick glanced at Lance's pants. Funny. I woulda guessed Dick, but oh well, off we go. Um...where are we going?"
"Follow that asteroid!" exclaimed SuperLance.
Just then...
Posted by Rockhopper Lad on :
...the asteroid, now appearing much smaller, landed in a nearby field. Rick pulled his truck to the side of the road. Carrying Charlie in the Grey Goose bottle, SuperLance walked toward the asteroid with Rick behind him. The grass around it caught fire. SuperLance blew out the flames with his super-breath. The trio approached the asteroid, to discover it was not an asteroid at all, but...
Posted by lancesrealm on :
The trio approached the asteroid, to discover it was not an asteroid at all, but...a giant ball of dragon poop.
Rickshaw's eyes widened as he stomped out a patch of flaming grass.
"Be careful not to get any on your shoes," SuperLance cautioned. "That's an old dragon prank."
"I could understand why it is steaming," said Rick, "but why was it on fire?"
"Are you sure dragonfire only comes out from the front?" retorted SuperLance.
"Um...good point", muttered Rick, as he tried to wipe some dragoncrap off his shoes.
"Ooohhhh....." came a soft moan from with the giant steaming pile of dragondung.
SuperLance and Rick stared at each other in disbelief as a figure crawled out of the ball of dung. As the mysterious figure wiped itself off as best it could, SuperLance and Rick realized the poop-coated figure was none other than...
Posted by Emily Sivana on :
...Black Adam who had someone's skull in his hands.
Posted by lancesrealm on :
SuperLance watched Black Adam execute a super-spin to clean himself off, which spread fertilizer over the surrounding area, not to mention SuperLance and Rickshaw.
"Well, crap," mumbled Rick, as he wiped off his face.
"You have a talent for understatement," replied SuperLance. "What do you figure he's been up to?"
"Looks like he's rehearsing for Hamlet," said Rick.
"Well, maybe the whole cast got eaten by a dragon. I sure hope it didn't give him ultra powers or anything. Oh, wait he already has super-powers..."
Just then, Black Adam noticed Rick and SuperLance.
He...
Posted by Eryk Davis Ester on :
He pointed at the skull and said, "This... this thing talks!"
"I reckon I'd be a little space-happy if I'd just been pooped out by a dragon as well," Rick said.
"No, I'm serious..." Black Adam responded, frustrated. "Here... take the damn thing."
Black Adam tossed the skull to SuperLance and Rickshaw and flew off, not to be seen again until page 3.
SuperLance and Rickshaw stared at the skull for a moment, and then, suddenly, a glow seemed to come from inside it, and muffled words could be heard.
"What did it say?" SuperLance asked.
Rickshaw picked it up and then held it up close to both of their ears until they could hear it clearly.
"Beware the Octopi!" they heard the skull say, and then it grew silent.
Just then, out of the sky came...
Posted by Cobalt Kid on :
...a giant dragon!
Infuriated that Black Adam, who he had digested just prior to this tag team starting, had survived and passed 100% through his bowels, the dragon was ready for a reckoning!
"BOHICA*" said the skull, who apparently said more than just ominous phrases. "I'm Yorrick Lad, and unfortunately, I didn't know you all that well..." he added, expecting them to be consumed by the dragon.
"Not so fast!" said a voice, as Cobalt Kid arrived on the scene! “I might be here to party with Charlie Sheen, but I brought another LMBer that’s going to kick some dragon ass! It’s none other than…”
*BOHICA = Bend over, here it comes again... Posted by Eryk Davis Ester on :
"Not so fast!" said a voice, as Cobalt Kid arrived on the scene! “I might be here to party with Charlie Sheen, but I brought another LMBer that’s going to kick some dragon ass! It’s none other than my newest drinking buddy, Chief O'Hara of Gotham City!”
"Saints be praised!" said Chief O'Hara. "That's one mighty big dragon!"
Rick and SuperLance looked at each other, a bit puzzled, as they didn't remember Chieef O'Hara being in the LMB, but, what the hell.
"If you don't mind my sayin', sirs, don't you think this is an occassion on which we best be usin' the red phone..."
Chief O'Hara pulled out a red phone with a single button on it, and offered it to SuperLance, who pressed the button. The phone lit up, and then, a voice answered on the other end. It was...
Posted by Emily Sivana on :
...Red Arrow who had just finished punching out some drug-pushers. She answered, "Chief O'Hara I found the location of the drug lord Tyrian! Did we get that warrant yet?"
Posted by rickshaw1 on :
Unfortunately, at that moment, both the dragon and Black Adam got their mad on again, and then smashed into each other again.
Adam punched and kicked while the dragon flamed and bit and clawed.
SuperLance and Rickshaw, both being smart asses, looked at each other, reached into their back pockets, and pulled out microwave popcorn bags.
"Got'ne Pepsi, SL?"
"Nope, but I do happen to have a bottle of schnapps absinthe."
"Uh, didn't know they had that..."
"Yeah, but it makes you hallucinate that you dance in the Rockette's line."
"hnnn. Well'p, the kick pretty good i hear. Might come in handy. Break it out SL."
"Sure, bu.... look out!" At that moment, Black Adam came flying past to smash into the ground with a very ticked off and angry dragon charging at them. Being the very cool cats that they are, SL and Rickshaw simply stepped apart as the dragon charged between them. It was at that moment that....
Posted by Emily Sivana on :
Emily had been preparing a Sivana party as Chief O'Hara explained the situation.
She arrived with several gadgets in addition to her usual quiver. She greeted SL and Rickshaw, "Hello, I am Red Arrow. What is our strategy here?"
[ March 16, 2011, 08:48 PM: Message edited by: Emily Sivana ]
Posted by Rockhopper Lad on :
SuperLance just looked at Rick. "Do we have a strategy?"
"Howsabout we let Charlie out of the bottle?"
SuperLance hit the bottom of the vodka bottle, as one would a bottle of ketchup. Forgetting his newly acquired super-strength, he sent Charlie hurtling out of the bottle, soaring 100 feet up into the air and back down to the ground where he landed in the waiting arms of...
Posted by Cobalt Kid on :
...Space Tart! Evidently the tabloids were already claiming Spacey was hanging with Charlie Sheen and Cobalt Kid and she needed to find out why, creating a self-fulfilling prophecy!
"Whoa! Talk about WINNING." said Charlie.
As Black Adam and the dragon battled below, and Rick & Lance ate popcorn, Cobalt Kid flew beside Red Arrow.
"I've got this," he said and proceeded to kick the crap out of Black Adam.
"And I got this!" said Charlie as he displayed yet another power, sucking the dragon into the bottle of vodka! "I bet this booze just went to 150 proof!"
The dust now settling, Space Tart asked: "so I just got here for nothing? The battle is over?"
"Not quite," said Lance. "My new super-hearing just alerted me to..."
Posted by Emily Sivana on :
"...a sonic boom in the distance! Something fast is coming this way." Just as he finished that sentence a blur of yellow surrounded them. Black Adam used this distraction as a chance to leave.
Red Arrow began firing arrows, but it was no use. She shouted, "Kid Zoom, what is going on?" She then took out a lighter and proceeded to lit a fire arrow, and the force of friction combined with the arrow to create a fire which stopped Kid Zoom for two seconds...
Posted by Chief Lardy on :
...and she repeated her question: "What's going on?"
Kid Zoom panted. "I'm fleeing from the terrible fury of Captain Blacklight and the Blackout Brigade!"
"Huh?" said Cobalt Kid. "Don't you mean Captain Lighbulb and the Light Brigade? Don't worry, man...they're good guys. Yeah, a little on the retarded side, but--"
Kid Zoom pimp-slaps Cobalt. "No, you ass! I meant what I said! They're like the anti-Light Brigade, and their effing dangerous! They--!"
Before Kid Zoom could finish, he....
Posted by Eryk Davis Ester on :
Before Kid Zoom could finish, he suddenly realized that Black Adam wasn't supposed to appear again until page 3!
"Wait! That Black Adam who just left is an imposter!" he says.
"Mother McCrary!" exclaimed Chief O'Hara. "The boy's nuttier than Charlie here! I vote we be gettin' back to our drinkin'!"
Just then, a strange object began to materialize in the presence of our heroes.
"Look! It's one those old-timey British police boxes, like that Doctor fellow Faraway Lad's always talking about travels in!" offered SuperLance.
"No... it looks more like a... portable toilet!" exclaimed Cobalt Kid.
And, just then, out of the portable toilet steps Porta-John, traitor to the Light Brigade who uses such a device to travel through time and space!
"*Gasp!*" gasped Space Tart.
"Yes, I have returned," says Porta-John, "and am now allied with Captain Blacklight. And with me I have brought..."
Posted by Chief Lardy on :
...the Blackout Brigade!"
The first member steps out. It's...
Posted by Cobalt Kid on :
Tweaked Freak! The polar opposite of Coma Girl, TF is so awake from crystal meth that his mind now operates on a separate level of realty!
"Real effin' dangerous" said Cobalt sarcastically, cuffing Kid Zoom in the back of the head.
Second there was...
Posted by Rockhopper Lad on :
Dominant Damsel, opposite number of Dormant Damsel. Clad in leather and fishnets, she held a riding crop in one hand and a cat-o'nine-tails in the other. Third was...
Posted by Emily Sivana on :
Flashend, the complete opposite of The Flasher. He was dressed like a kid from a prestigious boarding school. He commands the vast power of darkness and has pretty white hair like all anime villains.
Kid Zoom says, "See Emily! They are stealing our family name of Flash which is rightfully ours!"
Red Arrow shook her head, "Leonard, I don't care what Uncle Lex says. We are not getting married, I barely even know you."
"Kid Zoom is awefully slow, Red Arrow!" Flashend taunted. Kid Zoom prepared to attack but...
Posted by Rockhopper Lad on :
...Charlie let out a belch at just that moment, the force of which knocked Kid Zoom off his feet.
SuperLance and Rick shook their heads. Rick said "You have all them fancy powers now. Can't you do something?"
SuperLance replied "I don't even know the extent of my powers yet. Maybe I have heat vision." He focused his eyes on the Port-a-Potty, but instead of heat vision, what he used was...
Posted by Quislet, Esq on :
his withering gaze.
Meanwhile....
Non Sequitor framed Cleopatra for the murder of crows.
back to the story.
"Well that was a surprize and look at what it did!" Everyone agreed that it...
Posted by Emily Sivana on :
"It is getting boring! Can we play with them now?" Flashend asked Porta-John. The young man was very impatient to begin the battle. The mystical man replied...
Posted by Chief Lardy on :
..."No! We are NOT finished introducing the Blackout Brigade! There are 3 more!"
Next out of the porta-potty was...
Posted by Cobalt Kid on :
...former Atlanta Brave John Rocker aka the Human Douchebag!
Up next was...
Posted by Quislet, Esq on :
Zen Boy, with the power of super-philosophy. The Human Douchebag cried out "We have saved the best for last! Bwah-ha-ha-ha!!!!" Accompanied by rolling fog and a kick-ass theme song, from the porta-potty came...
Posted by Eryk Davis Ester on :
Accompanied by rolling fog and a kick-ass theme song, from the porta-potty came The Carpetbagger, who immediately began his campaign for local political office, despite being a stranger to the area!
Of course, there was also Captain Blacklight, who at this very moment was elsewhere, with...
Posted by Abin Quank on :
I just hate it when that happens, said Abin to nobody in particular.
Which was rather odd because he wasn't there either...
Posted by lancesrealm on :
SuperLance looked at Rick and said, "Wow...we're only on page 3 and the cast already has more people than Cobie's bedroom on a Saturday night."
"Hey!" yelled Cobalt Kid unsure whether he should be offended or flattered.
"Welp," Rick said, "this oughta help thin out the herd." Rick pulled a cigar out of his pocket and bit off the end. He took the vodka bottle and gave it a vigorous shake, thoroughly irritating the dragon trapped inside. A jet of flame 3 feet long shot from the opening of the bottle. Rick leaned in, lighting his cigar in the jet of flame.
Rick winked at SuperLance. "Pretty cool, huh?" As the stench of Rick's cigar became more and more pungent, almost everyone decided they needed to be somewhere else.
So...
Posted by Emily Sivana on :
Kid Zoom said, "It was nice chatting with you all, but the Sivana's are throwing a party. Red Arrow, you can call me anytime. Especially if an actual fight happens." He then ran all the way to Fawcett City.
Red Arrow took out a vial of perfume and used it to help get rid of the odor. She said, "Somebody please tell me we have a plan?" ~~~~ Flashend used his powers to put a dome of darkness around the Blackout Brigade, which blocked the majority of the flame. He said, "Somebody please tell me we have a plan?"
Posted by Cobalt Kid on :
Of course, there was also Captain Blacklight, who at this very moment was elsewhere, with...a mysterious cloaked figure whose face was covered in shadow!
"The pieces are in place," said the figure, "and the board will soon be ours!" You see, everything this person said was an allegorical chess reference--the staple of a true evil mastermind!
Meanwhile...
Posted by lancesrealm on :
interjection
First of all, I would like to thank everyone for posting in this crazy thread!
Second, here is the current cast (hope this helps):
on site:
Lance Charlie Sheen Rick Dragon (in bottle) Yorrick Lad Chief O'Hara Red Arrow Space Tart Cobalt Kid
villains?
Porta-John - teleports Twisted Freak - male, meth head Dominant Damsel Flashend - commands vast power of darkness John Rocker, the Human Douchebag Zen Boy - super philosophy The Carpetbagger
elsewhere:
Black Adam possible Black Adam impostor? Kid Zoom Captain Blacklight mysterious cloaked figure (speaks in chess references)
Third, a big tip of the hat to Cobie for the chess reference thing. I had no idea what octopi would have to do with this thread when I started it, but since an octopus has 8 tentacles, and a chessboard is an 8x8 grid, the potential certainly exists for a (quasi-rational) explanation.
Thanks again to everyone!
end interjection
Posted by lancesrealm on :
"A party!?" Charlie Sheen said. "A party!" echoed Chief O'Hara. "We'd better...um..investigate!" Charlie and Chief O'Hara trotted off after Kid Zoom.
Space Tart said, "I have a plan!" With that, she rubbed some dragon poop under her nose to help kill the odor of Red Arrow's perfume. "What hardware store did you buy that at?"
"You're just jealous cause she has a better costume," interjected Rick. "She fills it out better too," he mumbled, getting a little incoherent because of the Schnaaps that he and SuperLance were passing back and forth.
"She does not!" exclaimed Space Tart, alternately glaring at Rick and Red Arrow to see if it was true.
"What are we going to do about those guys?" queried SuperLance, pointing at the dome of darkness.
"I'll handle this," replied Rick. "Hey! Guys!" Rick yelled into the dome of darkness. "You were following Kid Zoom. He went thataway!"
Lance whispered, "You do know Kid Zoom actually ran in the opposite direction, doncha? Besides, I don't think they can see which way you are pointing."
Rick mumbled, "Who cares," as he took another swig and began kicking like a Rockette.
Posted by Chief Lardy on :
As Rick was a'kickin', the real Black Adam returned (on page 3 as promised--go back and look if ya don't believe me--it's okay, I'll wait--whistles theme song to Jeopardy--you back? Satisfied? Okay, let's continue, shall we?).
"How are you today, good sir?" Adam said to Space Tart. (Apparently, he mistook the dragon poop she had under her nose for a moustache. Plus, well, maybe this helps back up the argument that Spacey's not as full-figured as Red Arrow, eh? )
Just then, Spacey decided to kick this narrator in the nuts for some reason. What?!? In the nuts?!? But I--no Spacey, don't!!!!!
YAAAAAARRRRRRGGGGHHHHHH!!!!!
...can't continue....someone else ....please....mommy........ Posted by Eryk Davis Ester on :
For what it's worth, the narrator of the previous post got off rather easy. I would fully have expected that Space Tart would have pulled an aircraft carrier out of his ass or something.
Anyway, this seems like a good time to segue into something happening elsewhere. Er... howabout... um... Pluto?
Meanwhile, on Pluto...
Posted by Rockhopper Lad on :
...Captain Blacklight and the Black Adam Impostor were trying to stay warm while the mysterious cloaked figure stated "And in the Eighth Square we shall be Queens together, and it's all feasting and fun!"
Blacklight asked "Does that mean he's gay?"
"No," answered a voice. "He's quoting Through the Looking-Glass. It's a reference to Alice being a pawn in the chess game."
They looked up to see SuperLance.
"How did you get here so fast?" Blacklight asked.
"I'm SuperLance!" he smiled. "That must be how I knew that Alice reference, too. Now, if you don't mind, I think it's time we all rejoin the party." He grabbed them all and in an instant they rejoined the others, which is good, because Charlie and Chief O'Hara had just...
Posted by Emily Sivana on :
...got thrown out of the party by some Crocodile-Men bodyguards. They said, "Time to take alittle trip." The Crocodile-Men brought them towards a Multiverse Transportation Device (it's the Sivana family, they make stuff) and sent them to Earth-5, a PG rated universe. "Have fun talking to Emily's doppleganger! She's evil and incredibly sexy in that universe!" One of the Crocodile-Men said. ~~~ Red Arrow said, "The Sivanas don't mess around. We have death-rays."
Posted by lancesrealm on :
SuperLance arrived on the scene carrying Captain BlackLight, the Black Adam impostor, and the mysterious cloaked figure.
Unfortunately, he set the MCF (mysterious cloaked figure) right in front of Rick, who was quite looped and kicking like a Rockette trying to score a field goal from 80 yards.
Yorrick lad finally got a good look at Black Adam and started to yell, "Keep him away from me! The last time he took me I got a close-up view of a dragon's large intestine!" Black Adam and the Black Adam impostor were staring at each other, trying to figure out if the other was a clone or an illusion or whatever. When Yorrick Lad saw 2 Black Adams, he was rendered speechless, which wasn't tough, since he hadn't said much anyway.
Captain BlackLight was staring at the dome of darkness. "Hey, how did they make that without me around?" he wondered aloud.
Cobalt Kid murmured, "Well, getting kinda dull around here. Time to liven things up." With that, he took the bottled dragon from Rick, and gave the bottle a high heave into the dome of darkness, where it landed with a crash and the sound of tinkling glass. "That oughta keep 'em busy."
"There went my cool new lighter," complained Rick, as he landed another kick on MCF.
Red Arrow looked smugly at Space Tart. "Wow, look at how much farther my boobs stick out when I do this. She pushed her chest out, getting admiring glances from all the males present. SuperLance's tights got even tighter, while Space Tart looked for something to stuff her outfit with.
Meanwhile, on Earth-5, Charlie Sheen screamed in despair. "A PG-rated universe!?? No drugs or boobs at all? NOOOOooooOOOooo!!!!!!"
Posted by Chief Lardy on :
"I'll find SOME way to sex this place up!" Charlie screamed.
But suddenly, he realized something was off. He pulled down his pants, only to discover...he suddenly had Ken doll anatomy!
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!" he screamed.
Then, he tried to kill himself, but found out that was impossible in a PG universe.
"Yes, Charlie Sheen, you are now trapped forever in your very own personal Hell!" said his companion, who was not Chief O'Hara after all, but was actually.....
Posted by Emily Sivana on :
...Captain Nazi! The villain said, "Follow me if you want to live." ~~~~ The Blackout Brigade decided to use the bottle-throw as an excuse to go for an all-out assault. Flashend's dark aura surrounded him, enabling him to fly, and he began to create constructs that had a manga-art quality to them.
Red Arrow says, "So basically Green Lantern but black stuff." She began to fire some explosive arrows.
Posted by Cobalt Kid on :
At this exact moment, Lash Lad was returning from a date with his new boyfriend, Biceps Reynolds, a part-time weight lifter and part-time kindergarten teacher. They were leaning in for a kiss as Lash considered inviting him up to his quarters upstairs.
And suddenly, without warning...
Posted by Chief Lardy on :
...Biceps transformed into another Black Adam!
Lash shrugged, "still hot! Wanna come up and do naked stuff?"
"No," he replied, "I am here to take you to my master Captain Blackout and his master the Mysterious Cloaked Figure."
"Can we do naked stuff later, then."
"Yes!"
And off they went to the place where the Blackout Brigade were fighting various LMBers.
The Mysterious Cloaked Figure said..."
Posted by lancesrealm on :
"...a third Black Adam? OOOFF! Um...Isn't this geting ridiculous? Wait a minute...is one of the writers of this nonsense getting royalties every time Black Adam's name is mentioned or something? OUCH! Or is someone promoting a pawn in this game...to a Black Adam!? OOOF!" MCF exclaimed, as another of Rick's kicks landed on his/her buttocks.
The dragon, who had been trapped in the vodka bottle, was a little tipsy. However, since he had been soaking in alcohol his dragonflame was much more powerful, and he quickly incinerated John Rocker and Twisted Freak, and gulped down their charred remains. John Rocker's last words were, "Get a haircut, you freak!" Twisted Freak's last words were "Bummer..."
The real Black Adam watched and said, "Been there, done that. I'm outta here," and promptly flew off.
The Carpetbagger turned to face the dragon, who had been voting the straight party ticket for years and wasn't about to switch now. The dragon opened his mouth to spew fire, but he was so inebriated he yawned and dropped unconscious.
The Carpetbagger exclaimed, "Didja see that? I slew a dragon! Vote for me!"
Rick, who was still kicking like a Rockette, said, "Wait a minute. I might be a little drunk, but I coulda swore there were 3 Black Adams a minute ago. Now I only see 2. I might be sobering up."
"Um, one of them flew away," explained Red Arrow.
"Well, I still don't get it. He looks like a white guy to me. Shouldn't he be, you know, like Black Panther, Black Lightning, Black Vulcan..."
"There is no Black Vulcan!" yelled Red Arrow. "You watched too much Superfriends!"
"There's no such thing as too much Superfriends!" yelled Rick.
Just then...
Posted by Emily Sivana on :
"Arrow-san*, don't you want to talk to me?" Flashend says, sneaking up behind her. *=san, common Japanese honorific. Flashend is a typical Japanese, ultra-polite.
"Oh come on, Flashend-san. You look like you walked off the set of Ouran Host Club. Why don't you be a good little villain and go read your yaoi?" She said in Japanese. Being a street-leveler, she liked all things Asian.
Flashend answered, "Maybe you will like me once all your friends are dead." He creates snake constructs with begin to constrict the LMBers.
Posted by lancesrealm on :
At this point Rick finally collapsed and stopped kicking the MCF. This was partly due to intoxication, and partly due to his being constricted by a black snake construct. Space Tart, Red Arrow, Cobalt Kid, and SuperLance were also struggling with snake constructs of their own.
Cobie yelled, "Lance! Can you break free?"
"In time, I think," replied Lance, "but I have another idea." SuperLance's arms were pinned to his side, but that did not prevent him from dropping Yorrick Lad and booting him with a kick that would have made Rickshaw proud. Yorrick Lad (at high velocity) connected with the temple of Flashend. Skull met skull, and Flashend was knocked senseless as blood flowed from his scalp. Yorrick Lad was still in one piece, but lay apparently unconscious.
With Flashend disabled, the snake constructs dissolved, and our heroes(?) were free. Red Arrow fired missile after missile, with the result that brave Porta-John teleported away.
Both of the Black Adam impostors admired each other: "Who looks fabulous?" "You do!" "Oh, you just look so bad! I love it!"
Cobalt Kid and Space Tart both tackled the mysterious cloaked figure, who yelled "Ouch!" really loud when he was knocked on his already sore bottom. While Cobie held him down, Space Tart pulled back his/her hood and the MCF was revealed to be none other than...
Posted by Rockhopper Lad on :
Ajax the Super-Goat, former crime-fighting associate of Old Dutch the Super-Cow when she was with the Clean-Up Crew.
"I've turned baaaad!" cried Ajax! I've been dropping all these chess clues. And do you know why?"
"Because you really hate Laughing Cow Cheese?" guessed Rick.
"No!"
"Because you wanted to give me an excuse to fly to Pluto and back?" offered SuperLance.
"No!"
"Because I decided to pop in for no apparent reason, even though I haven't been referred to yet?" asked Rockhopper Lad.
"No, you ninnies! It's because..."
Posted by Chief Lardy on :
...I'm searching for Bobby Fischer!"
"Bobby Fischer? The chess champ?" said Rockhopper Lad, this tidbit being one of many he knew through the power of reading. "Bobby Fischer died over a millenium ago!"
"Fool!" Ajax mocks. "I am aware of this, of course! But he has been reincarnated as one of the LMBers gathered here, and that LMBer knows the ultimate chess strategy--the Octopi!" [Editor's note: ah-HA!] "I shall obtain the secret from that LMBer, and with that secret I shall be able to defeat The One Called the One in a game of chess...which will then force her to cede her power to me."
"And which of us is supposed to be the reincarnated Bobby Fischer?" Rocky asked.
Ajax grinned and responded, "it is the LMBer known as...."
[ March 20, 2011, 10:41 PM: Message edited by: Chief Lardy ]
Posted by Eryk Davis Ester on :
Ajax grinned and responded, "it is the LMBer known as Kid Gender Stereotype Reversal II!"
"*Gasp*!" gasped Space Tart.
Meanwhile, back in the dank basement in which the story began, the evil megalomaniac first seen in a dank basement at the beginning of Doom of the Super-Heroes laughed, as the master plan that he had set in motion was... er... in motion.
We'll get back to him later.
But first, let's check in on Captain Lightbulb, who has just had an idea...
[ March 20, 2011, 11:50 PM: Message edited by: Eryk Davis Ester ]
Posted by Chief Lardy on :
..."I've just had an idea!" he exclaims. "My idea is that it is time for myself and the Light Brigade to enter into this story!"
He reaches inside his speedo and makes some adjustments.
"....mmmmm....yeah, that's the way....mm-hmmmm....just like that...almost there...oh yeeeeaaahhhh...."
Suddenly, having made the successful manipulations, the emblem on his speedo flashes. Then, he vanishes!
In moments, both he and the Light Brigade are pulled by Space Tart out of the ass of one of the Black Adam imposters, killing the imposter instantly. (Don't worry, it's not the one who said he'd get it on with Lash!)
As he and the LB wiped feces off themselves, Captain Lightbulb asked, "can someone give us an idea as to what's going on here?"
Posted by Emily Sivana on :
Once Flashend came around, the crew made sure he would not be able to escape. Red Arrow said, "Stool pigeon, is it going to be sing or fly?"
"Arrow-san, I am sure that your voice is far superior to mine. How about a rendition of "Nobody" by the Wonder Girls?" He said smuggly.
The Flasher intervened, "Do not mess with us." He used his powers and Flashend was frightened. The young man said, "So rude...but I will talk. There will be a tragedy in five hours."
Everyone was shocked at the news. Red Arrow pressed, "Where will it be? And who will be attacking?"
"It will be in Seoul. Kryptonians sent from the Phantom Zone. There is some sort of deal," Flashend continued.
"Unfortunately, I left all my Kryptonite jewelry at home," Red Arrow said. "But Question Lad is in Seoul for a business conference. I know he has Kryptonite." She took out her Amaterasu (think smart phone) and texted Question Lad.
Flashend was about to leave, but Antler Lass blocked his path. "We're keeping you as hostage so we don't get pulled into a trap." The crew began the journey to Seoul. ~~~~~ "What do you mean radion is out of stock? This is a matter of LMB security...at least my own security. My powers do not work on gods, even the New Gods," Question Lad was talking on his Susanoo 3000. He finished the conversation when he saw Red Arrow's text. Question Lad quickly texted back.
Posted by lancesrealm on :
Captain Lighbulb repeated, "What is going on here?"
"Beats me," said a recovering Rickshaw.
"I dunno," shrugged Cobie.
"Haven't a clue," said Space Tart.
"Oh, that's a surprise," Red Arrow quipped, rolling her eyes.
"I just came here to stop a giant aster...um...a ball of dragon poo." Lance posed heroically. "Guess my job is done. Who wants to go grab a drink?"
Cobie, Rickshaw, and Rockhopper (penguin?) Lad all thought that sounded like a pretty good plan.
SuperLance eyed Space Tart, "Hey, wanna come along cutie?"
Space Tart glimpsed the large bulge in Lance's pants, shrugged, and said "Ok, but what about the chessplaying goat guy?"
"Oh, I doubt he knows FIDE from feta," Lance replied.
"I do so!" protested Ajax.
Rickshaw whispered to Lance, "Think we could get the girl with the huge rack to come along?"
"I dunno Rick - I think you might have a better shot with he girl in the coma."
"Haven't exactly gone that route," Rick said, "although there was this one girl I used to date who I would make take a cold shower and then get her to lie really still..."
"Ewww!" replied SuperLance.
"Let's bring this guy along," said Rick, picking up Yorrick Lad. SuperLance gathered Cobie, Rick (with Yorrick Lad,) Space Tart, and Rockhopper and flew them to the Hypertime bar, formerly known as Bob's Burger Heaven and Transmission Repair.
Just as they left, the dragon started to awake. Now, I don't know if you've ever seen a dragon with a hangover, but trust me, it isn't pretty. (You're not likely to see it twice, if ya know what I mean.)
So...
Posted by Rockhopper Lad on :
[Interlude]
quote:Originally posted by lancesrealm: Rockhopper (penguin?) Lad
Sorta. (Blatant plug for LMB Wiki ) [/Interlude]
Posted by Emily Sivana on :
"Okay, I give up! Retcon away for all I care! I would be funny but that would require alot of fourth wall breaking," Red Arrow said. She said, firing arrows at the dragon.
"I blame everyone, especially that college girl. She really doesn't share their sense of humor. It's quite sad, really," Flashend said. He was totally ready to do LMB: Abridged. He was constructing a cage construct around the dragon.
Posted by Cobalt Kid on :
30 minutes later at the Hootchie Hut:
Cobalt Kid was hitting on a Bgytzlian young hottie, because he had a theory on how her abilities could prevent pregnancy but not ruin the climax. Just as he's about to seal the deal, Ajax the Super-Goat takes a seat next to him, causing her to walk away.
"Real smooth, golden fleece," said Cobie, annoyed. "Shouldn't you be looking for Bobby Fischer?"
"But, you LMBers said you could help me! I mean, you didn't really just come here to get drunk and hook-up with the locals, did you? You must have some sort of plan?"
"Er, well, uh...you see..." said Cobie, "...of course we do. Lance, is going to, er..."
Just then, Super-Lance yelled: "Yay! Eryk Davis Ester and Kid Gender Stereotype Reversal II are here!" The LMB turned to see the two, who were also on a date, were just arriving for a nightcap.
Just as Rick wondered why Eryk was taking her to the Hootchie Hut of all places for a nightcap, Ajax shouted...
Posted by Chief Lardy on :
..."I challenge YOU, Kid Gender Stereotype Reversal II, to a DANCE-OFF! If I win, you teach me the secret of the Octopi!!!"
"And if I win?" KGSR2 said.
"...er...name your boon (though the idea of you winning would be ridiculous)."
"If I win, you reveal the identity of that mysterious villain from the 'DOOM of the Super-Heroes'...plus you give me 1000 credits," she replied.
"Fine! But I choose the song! Let the dance-off begin! DJ, play...."
Posted by lancesrealm on :
"Whoa! check out the udders on that nanny!" Ajax sidled up to a sleek female goat with a drink in one hoof. He smiled as best a goat can, and said, "Hey there sweet thing! Wanna learn to play chess? I can show you some great mating techniques..."
Lucky for Ajax, the nanny was in heat, and they were soon slow-dancing in a dimly lit portion of the dance floor.
Space Tart was quite tipsy and was squirming on SuperLance's lap. Lance was quite willing to keep buying her drinks as long as she didn't stop.
Rick looked at Rockhopper, and said, "Check out Ajax, Gentoo - looks like he might be gettin' lucky tonight."
"It's Rockhopper! I'm not a Gentoo penguin!"
"Calm down, Chinstrap," slurred Rick, as he watched the Bgtzlian babe sit back down beside Cobalt and start rubbing his chest, oddly enough reaching through his shirt. As her hand slid lower, Cobie's, um, grin got bigger.
Eryk spied the crew, and he and KGSR2 came over and sat down.
"Howzit going, Eryk! Watcha up to tonight?"
Eryk replied...
[ March 21, 2011, 01:45 PM: Message edited by: lancesrealm ]
Posted by Chief Lardy on :
..."well, Ajax and KGSR2 are about to have a dance-off (as referenced on the bottom of the previous page--go ahead and look, we'll wait...got it? Okay!) but the DJ had an equipment malfunction..."
"It's fixed!" the DJ yelled.
"Pardon me, darlin'," Ajax said, "but I got somethin' to take care of first!"
KGSR2 stands up and faces him.
"Alright, DJ," Ajax says, "play....
Posted by Cobalt Kid on :
...I WANNA SEX YOU UP by Color Me Badd!"
Little did Ajax know that KGSRII was planning that same very night to give Eryk Davis Ester a private 'dance' to this very song in her quarters when they finished this nightcap, bringing years of flirtation to the next level at long last!
Immediately, the dance-off began with Ajax doing a really nasty move with his goat-ass, but soon he realized he was outmatched.
"Yo, DJ, spin that shit!" yelled a voice suddenly, causing everyone to stop before the dance-off could finish. They turned to see none other than...
Posted by Abin Quank on :
The Dancing Queen, followed by a sheepishly grinning Invisible Brainiac.
"Umm... Hi Guys!" IB smiled at the group, "We heard there was a dance contest here tonight and well..."
Posted by Rockhopper Lad on :
..."We've been asked to be the celebrity judges."
"Judges?" asked a very plastered Rick. "Are we in court, Adelie?"
"Adelie is my sister's name, Rick," Rocky sighed. "Just call me 'Rocky', okay? IB, it's Ajax the Super-Goat with Nancy the Nanny Goat against Kid Gender Stereotype Reversal with Eryk Davis Ester. Have a seat!"
Just then, the DJ...
Posted by Eryk Davis Ester on :
Boos could immediately be heard from the audience.
Lance threw a glass at the DJ. Eryk Davis Ester flung poo at the DJ (which should have been the first clue that this was not really EDE, but instead the notorious villain Boy of 1000 Feces, but nobody was sober enough to put it together).
Fortunately, the scene was interrupted by a giant crash caused by...
Posted by Cobalt Kid on :
Captain Blacklight falling through the ventilation system in the ceiling! In classic bumbling fashion, the Capt revealed that he was still following the LMB!
"You won't get rid of me so easily this time!" he yelled. "Because I'm the 3rd celebrity judge!"
As everyone groaned, suddenly yet another crash was heard! They all turned to see...
Posted by Rockhopper Lad on :
...Old Dutch the Super-Cow! She had tripped while walking in the door. "I'm all right," she said, getting up. "I heard my old friend Ajax was here and was acting very strangely."
"You silly cow!" Ajax sneered. "When you retired and the Clean-Up Crew broke up, I realized that I had been using my superior goat intellect for all the wrong reasons! In the intervening decades, I am on the brink of total domination! If you'll excuse me, I have a dance contest to win!"
Old Dutch scoffed Ajax and walked off to join Rocky who had already ordered her a Kahlua brown cow.
The DJ then asked the crowd, "What should I play next?"
The answer came...
Posted by Chief Lardy on :
...not in time because in ran Chief Lardy. Hysterically, he screamed, "I'm being chased by Penis-Eradicater Lass! Heeeeeeeeellllllppppp!!!!"
Sure enough, he was followed quickly by the Damsel of Dong Destruction herself. "Come back, you---!" She stopped as she looked around and took in the setting. "Ohhhh!" she squealed. "So many penises to eradicate!"
She fixed her eyes on one male in particular and unleashed the full fury of penis eradication on....
Posted by Eryk Davis Ester on :
She fixed her eyes on one male in particular and unleashed the full fury of penis eradication on SuperLance's super-enlarged member!
"NOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" screamed Space Tart, who was looking forward to getting even more friendly with SuperLance later that night.
"NOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" screamed SuperLance, for obvious reasons.
"NOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" screamed the dude in the dark, dank basement, who suddenly saw his plans, which required eight giant penises, being inadvertantly thwarted.
"NOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" screamed Charleton Heston, who had just found a fly in his soup.
That's a lot of shouting! Fortunately, at that very moment, someone was being a lot quieter. That was...
Posted by lancesrealm on :
That's a lot of shouting! Fortunately, at that very moment, someone was being a lot quieter. That was...
Yorrick Lad, who was just regaining consciousness.
Lance took a peek inside his tights. "Gonna have to change my name to Micro Lad, I guess..." he mumbled.
"Ooohhh...", moaned Yorrick Lad. "Feels like my skull is about to split..."
Rick, Lance, Space Tart, and Rockhopper quickly scooted back from the table, just in case he meant it literally.
Chief Lardy hid under the table, protectively covering his groin with his hands. Then he felt a little more...then a little more. Well, Chief Lardy was occupied for awhile, especially since he could see up Space Tart's skirt a little.
Rick stood up. (Somewhat shakily, but he stood.) "Stop right there, Penis Eradicator Lass!"
PEL eyed Rick's crotch. "And if I don't?"
"My super-power is to shrink womens' boobs away to nothingness!" responded Rick.
"Ha!" said PEL haughtily. "I think you're bluffing!"
"Oh yeah?" replied Rick. "Look what I did to her!" as Rick pointed at Space Tart.
*gasp!* gasped PEL.
Just then...
Posted by Rockhopper Lad on :
...Nancy the Nanny Goat walked over. her ample udders had disappeared to nothing! "Nincompoop!" she said to Rick as she walked out. Apparently Rick's aim was a little off.
Space Tart ran to a very scared P.E.L. and knocked her out cold, crying "Consider yourself lucky I didn't pull a school bus out of your backside! Rocky, would you mind?"
The Pyngwyn Prince put the unconscious attacker on ice. "Cobie," Rocky called, "Do you think your healing power might help Lance out?"
Ajax then spoke...
[ March 23, 2011, 05:39 AM: Message edited by: Rockhopper Lad ]
Posted by Cobalt Kid on :
..."my massive goat schlong remains untouched!"
"Mine too," sighed Cobie in relief, noting his 9 inch member was safe.
"I'm not sure I can heal Lance's member, Rocky," said Cobie who really did not want to handle it. "But I will consider other ways to restore it..." he lied.
Just then, the DJ began playing the cool sounds of Donna Summer, annoyed at the lack of suggestions! The dance off had begun!
Posted by Faraway Lad on :
Faster and faster flew Ajax’s hooves as he thrashed wildly about (and in no way kept to the rhythm ) to the sound of Donna Summer.
“NOOOOOO” he screamed in agony, “anything but that song, its going to release......make it stop or I’ll.........”
Sparks flew from his hooves and unfortunately they landed on the luxurious furnishings of the Hootchie Hut setting off a major inferno in the matter of seconds.
Coughing and spluttering the LMP ran outside and waited for the Fire Brigade.
“Hang on a moment”, said Lance, who was feeling a little down at the moment, “where’s Cobalt and Space Tart gone? Cobie was going to, erm, handle my little problem and now he’s gone”
Somewhere faraway Cobalt Kid opened his eyes groggily His head was thumping and lying next to him he could see Space Tart and he couldn’t help but notice her ample talents were restored to her.
Hearing a noise he gingerly turned his head and saw.
“You!! What are you doing here??”
Posted by Rockhopper Lad on :
Rockhopper Lad answered "You passed out and Space Tart carried you across the street." And from this distance, I can do this! Rocky blew out the fire, using his super-breath.
"But Space Tart's bosom..."
"Rick also has the power to make breasts larger. That power would be pretty useless on my planet. We have no indigenous mammals. Oh, and don't worry about Lance. I checked with Time-Teller Lad and he has a friend called Penis-Extender Lad. He'll be here shortly."
Cobalt then asked "What about the dance contest?"
Rocky laughed and replied...
Posted by Faraway Lad on :
“well” replied Spacey “Lord Cowell of nausea has declared that as all dance and 'talent' competitions have been copyrighted by him and that massive royalties would need to be paid to continue the contest we needed to find another way to decide who would win.
So in the best Traditions of the LMB we resorted to a different way to finish this contest.”
“You mean” said Rockhopper,
“yes” continued Spacey “Ajax the Super-Goat with Nancy the Nanny Goat are now locked in a drinking contest against Kid Gender Stereotype Reversal with Eryk Davis Ester.
“No” shouts Cobalt staggering back toward the half burnt out Hootchie Hut, “thats............
Posted by Cobalt Kid on :
"Thats...not really Eryk Davis Ester!"
"Bloody hell, Spacey, you must have really did a number on him," said Faraway, "he's making even less sense than usual".
"Trust me, guys," said Cobie, as he staggered drunkenly forward, "the real Eryk would have tripped over his own feet on the dance floor by now! This must be an imposter!"
As the three ran back to the drinking contest, suddenly Rickshaw came running out of the hootchie hut, covered in feces!
"RUN!" he screamed, "it's Boy of 1,000 Feces! And even worse..."
Posted by Rockhopper Lad on :
...he's got a serious case of the back door trots!"
Within a minute, the half-burned shell of what had once been the bar was completely filled with...well, you know!
The Boy of 1000 Feces stood on top of his dunghill and shouted triumphantly "Soon all of Legion World will be one big pile of poo!"
At this point, Ajax the Super-Goat, very miffed about the delays in his master plan, ran up the dunghill and butted the Boy of 1000 feces of his mount. "Even if it's going to be a hill of poo, I'm king of the hill!" he bleated.
Rockhopper Lad sighed "I sure hope we don't have any more poo stuff after this!"
After being butted off the mound, the Boy fell and landed in the arms of...
[ March 25, 2011, 12:37 PM: Message edited by: Rockhopper Lad ]
Posted by Faraway Lad on :
After being butted off the mound, the Boy fell and landed in the arms of...
A rather fetching redhead in a very (and i mean very) short skirted policewomans uniform.
“no we dont want you” she said in a soft Scottish voice
And with that she turns just as a shimmering brown light starts to pulsate at the bottom of the hill of feces. Slowly a shape shimmers into existence with a loud plopping and squeezing sound. After only a few seconds the shape of a Porta Loo is revealed.
“Look out its Porta John” shouts Cobalt Kid who has now managed to slip and slide his way to the top of the steaming pile of ...... and consequentially was covered from to head to toe in most of it.
“Really Des” said Rocky who was hovering a few feet above him, “why did you not fly up here like the rest of us?”
Meanwhile at the bottom of the heap.
The beautiful stranger had dragged the kicking Ajax the Super-Goat to the door of the Porta Loo which has opened. From inside a voice is heard saying
“quick get that Goat in here we have to go, if the other Porta John finds us here then there will be a temporal facture and a possible causality loop, with trans dimensional transference. And I for one don’t want to be around when the stuff on the other side of this pile of poo comes here.
As the goat is bundled into the Porta Loo the girl looks around and smiles at the LMB. With a cheeky wink she blows Cobalt Kid a kiss, steps inside and with the same faintly disturbing and embarrassing sound the Porta Loo slowly disappears in a faint sickly brown light. Leaving the Boy of a 1,000 feces standing shouting "no come back dont leave me here with them"
“well” said a very smelly Rick and Cobalt together “now what?”
Posted by Rockhopper Lad on :
"Now what?" repeated SuperLance. "Well, now that Penis-Extender Lad has restored my former glory, I see that we have three choices.
Number one: We go after that porta-potty and see where they took the goat.
Number two: Stay right here and see what it is that is supposed to be on the other side of this...hill.
Or number three: Take this party back to the Hypertime Bar, which is where we were before we were mysteriously transported to the Hootchie Hut."
He looked as his comrades and said...
Posted by Faraway Lad on :
“Xstres fre ffeoemf e” A look of surprise crossed his face then he tried again “acejh to’s kapwe aagge”
Now a look of real panic crossed Rocky’s face, he knew what was happening and had dreaded this moment.
Yes Rocky was entering............
Posted by Rockhopper Lad on :
...his rutting cycle. He had miscalculated the date and was in public while it was happening. He was involuntarily starting to issue a particularly potent pheromone. Its intended effect may have worked on a same-sex oriented male Pyngwyn. Unfortunately, its effect on opposite-sex oriented male humans was unpredictable, rather like Red Kryptonite. It was afflicting SuperLance with an acute case of aphasia. He turned to Cobalt Kid, who had turned a lovely shade of cobalt blue. Faraway Lad was dancing what looked like a version of the Jupiter Jitterbug. Rick had sprouted wings. Lardy, possibly because of their past intimacy, seemed unaffected.
"Oh, what next?" Rocky asked.
"Funny thing you should ask," said...
[ March 27, 2011, 05:06 PM: Message edited by: Rockhopper Lad ]
Posted by Faraway Lad on :
Funny thing you should ask," said...
Sharklad who had arrived un noticed and who had now taken hold of Rockhopper by the shoulders and was leading him towards one of the tesseract system access pads.
Sniffing the air he looks at Rick and Cobalt Kid “boy you guys smell like shit”
Stepping onto the pad he licks his lips as he looks at Rocky “so long losers” he shouts to the LMB and they vanish into the tesseract system.
“Hang on a moment” says Lardy “sharks eat penguins don’t they”
“After them” shouts Rick, and tries to fly towards the tesseract pad, unfortunately as he is not used to flying he crashes instead into a large steaming pile of poo, splashing even more of the stuff on Cobalt.
Faraway Lad realising that the Jitterbug was not very dignified, (and was quite tiring in any case) had managed to grab hold on Spacey and had turned the dance into a very sensuous and passionate tango. SuperLance managed to point out his approval of this dance despite his aphasia. (really spandex hides no sins)
At this point Yorrick Lad spoke up and asked if anyone was going to go for help (and in Rick and Cobalts case a shower) as there were a number of problems to take care of and an ever reducing number of LMB’ers to deal with them. Namely
a) Rockhopper Lad needs rescueing before he was eaten by a Shark. b) There’s A huge steaming pile of doo doo to clean up and never an Abin around when you need him Oh and c) Captain Blacklight standing over there about to do something despicable.
As Captain Blacklight stood there with a large red cross behind him he looked at Faraway and Spacey and said. “Im sorry but I see no passion in the dance, its mechanical and flat” boos started to be heard from the drinkers inside the bar, “no listen I’m the judge in this completion and you guys have failed, get your coat your fired” With this he pressed a button, the huge red cross lit up and Faraway and Spacey vanished.
Meanwhile on Pluto, a huge chess board stood on the cold dark dead surface. Anyone observing would have noticed, (alongside how cold and dark it was) a small light go on underneath one of the squares on the board.
A long tentacled arm reached out and placed a model of Rockhopper lad on the lit square.
“First move to me I think”
Meanwhile Lard Lad had................................
Posted by Cobalt Kid on :
...arranged for a large group shower to get everyone cleaned up, except Lance who was making everyone jealous.
Meanwhile, as Ajax the Goat appeared with Porta John in a creepy old mansion. It smelled of stale beer and weird sex. A bald hunchback came out to bid them enter.
"My name is Egor, *thee* Egor," he said. Now come meet my master, who is none other than...
Posted by lancesrealm on :
...Capatin Tentacle Hook-Bates!
"Um..nice to meet you," said Ajax, eyeing the cool chessboard that would light up.
"Please..have a seat," invited Captain Tentacle, several of his tentacles oscillating from beneath his robe.
Ajax sat down..eyeing the position on the chessboard.
"An interesting problem, no?" queried the Captain. "Egor, bring our..guest..something to drink."
"Yes, Master Bates," replied Egor
Meanwhile...
Space Tart and Faraway Lad had teleported to a cheap motel room somewhere. Space Tart quickly removed her top and was checking out her new..um, artillery in the mirror. Faraway whistled appreciatively as he ogled her 36c mammaries. "Wow," whispered Space Tart. "Wouldja look at those..."
"I am," replied Faraway, as he reached up to touch one.
"Ooohh! They're more sensitive than ever," said Space Tart.
Meanwhile...
Everyone was finishing their group shower, except Lance, who had to shower somewhere else. Cobie and Rocky got Sharklad set up in his own tank, so he would stop trying to eat Rockhopper. As the guys were about to step out of the shower, in walked a young man (because this cast isn't big or confusing enough, ha ha.)
Rick was peering out the window, eyeing the dark clouds. "Wow - looks like it's gonna rain cats and dogs out there."
"Uh oh," muttered the stranger, as cats and dogs began falling from the sky, hitting the ground like sacks of wet cement. "Maybe I should introduce myself - I'm Metaphors Are Real Lad. You can just call me Marl. My power is..."
"I think we got it," replied Rick. "We just can't use a metaphor around you huh? You can't control it?"
"I'm afraid not," Marl replied.
At that moment, Cobie and Rocky walked back in, and Cobie finished telling Ricky about the time he put itching powder in Lardy's underwear. "I thought I would shit a brick!" laughed Cobie.
"Uh oh," said Rick.
"Uh oh," said Marl.
"Uh oh," said Cobie, who suddenly had to squat. "What..what's going on..!?" he grunted, as he proceeded to build a condominium with his ass.
"Um...this guys makes metaphors come true," pointed out Rick.
"Now you tell me!" groaned Cobie.
Rick laughed, "Marl, you are one far-out dude!"
"Uh oh," said Marl, and disappeared.
Cobie stood up, looking at the wall he had built. "I sure hope that's over."
"I think so," replied Rick. "Cats and dogs aren't falling from the sky anymore either."
Rocky muttered, "I really hope we are done with the inane poop jokes."
Just then, in waddled a little bear, who proceeded to take a shit on Rocky's feet.
"Hey!" yelled Rocky. "What was that for!?"
"I'm a poo bear," he said, as he clutched his jar of honey and exited stage left.
"That's Pooh Bear, you stupid mammal!" Rocky replied.
Posted by Candlelight on :
As the Poopy Pookha wandered out the exit, a light flickered a number of feet off the ground and Candle's head and shoulders appeared.
"Well, what have we here? Oh, poop and sex with Space Tart. SIGH" She shakes her head.
"This place needs a woman's touch."
The smell from almost everywhere, billowed in clouds and lent a browness to the sky.
"Cough, cough."
"But, maybe I'll leave this area to Fanfic or cleome or tempest or someone!" With that, she rolled her cheshire eyes and with her fading grin, blew a kiss to Sharks.
A fading voice could be heard, 'I think I see a light on a, can it be?, a poo free chessboard . . .
[ March 30, 2011, 04:52 PM: Message edited by: Candlelight ]
Posted by lancesrealm on :
Suddenly, without warning, all of the men were clean shaven and wearing tuxedos. The area was suddenly spotless, and even Sharklad was using table manners.
"Wow...this place got classy all of a sudden," said Rick.
"My gift to you," whispered Candlelight as she faded away.
"Hey!" yelled Rick. "I don't mind a little class...but did ya have to make my cigars disappear!?"
Posted by Candlelight on :
"Lol! . . ." "And yes, cigars are DISGUSTING!"
"oh, all right, here."
A box of Cuban cigars appears . . .
Posted by Rockhopper Lad on :
...and Rocky, who naturally looks kinda like he's wearing a tuxedo and was not affected, grabbed the box. "Really, Rick, don't you know what these things will do to you? They'll eat up your insides!"
Unfortunately, Rocky had forgotten that Metaphors Are Real Lad was in earshot. All twenty cigars had turned into little monsters with faces in the middle and very sharp teeth and they were all headed for Rick. Rocky froze them all in a block of ice before they could get at him. "See what I mean?"
Just then Lash popped by "Uh, guys, is that phoney Black Adam still around? We were supposed to..."
SuperLance replied "I haven't seen him. Has anyone else?"
"Maybe he got tired of this soap opera" Rick sighed.
After Rocky finished singing "Nessun Dorma" on a huge bar of Ivory Soap (and he glared at MARL), Cobie offered "Perhaps we..."
Posted by Lard Lad on :
...should just forget about this story and have a huge, sprawling sexy group orgy involving every single character who appeared in this story?"
And so they all did. Multiple orgasms were had by all, and it took a haz-mat team months to clean up the scene in the aftermath!
THE END
Posted by Cobalt Kid on :
...laughed Ajax the Super Goat. For weeks other matters had proven to be such a distraction, his goals could not be given his complete focus. A drug induced orgy covered in feces was just the thing to take the LMB off the board so he could accomplish his goals.
Or so he thought. As he cackled at his accomplishment while sipping a Mai tai, he turned to see a familiar figure walk into the lounge.
It was none other than...
Posted by Lard Lad on :
...Red Arrow. She pulled an arrow out of her quiver and fired it at him.
"Oh no!" she cried, "I accidentally fired my universe-annihilating arr--!"
And then, the universe was no more.
THE END
Posted by Rockhopper Lad on :
...laughed Ajax the Super Goat. "I switched the arrows in your quiver! That wasn't your universe-annihilating arrow (which, by the way, I confiscated and turned in to the proper authorities!). That was a universe-annihilation illusion arrow!"
The super goat laughed again until he was interrupted by...
Posted by Lard Lad on :
....Count Chocula, who woke 'Ajax' and revealed that he/Ajax was actually a human child waking from a sugar-coma after eating a whole box of the Count's cereal and that this whole story had been the child's fevered coma dream.
"Kewl!" said the child. "May I have some more?"
THE END!
Posted by Rockhopper Lad on :
...laughed Ajax the Super Goat.
Turning to his lover, Count Chocula, the Super Goat bleated "That was a cute story about me being a human child. Now, regarding what we were doing earlier: May I have some more?"
Count Chocula obliged and they began to do what they had done earlier. Suddenly...
Posted by Eryk Davis Ester on :
...Wilmer Proudfoot, having seen all that has occurred thus far, turned to his guardian angel Bubba and said, "So, wait, that's what the world would've been like had I never existed?"
"Yup," replies Bubba, "I reckon you've seen a sight that few living men ever get to see. I hope you've learned your lesson."
Wilmer had learned his lesson, and from that day forward lived his life with a joy in his heart and generosity matched by few.
THE END!!!
Posted by Cobalt Kid on :
As the LMB were locked in a never-ending cycle of story endings and beginnings, Yorrick Lad, the severed head who spoke, was somehow unaffected.
"'Tis a tragic turn of events!" he spoke to himself. "It appears no one can break this awful spell! No one has the forsight, the courage or the intelligence to do so! Is this the end? Have the LMB given up? Are their genitilia so dried up and useless?"
"Probably," said another voice, as another entered. "But you and I have other matters to attend to."
The man scooped up the severed head and stood revealed: it was Bobby Fischer, found at long last. He wore a form-fitting costume and a crown around his head, under the name "Chess Master".
"We have work to do," he said, and the two walked over a hill, dissapearing into a blaze of white light, setting off a series of cosmic events...
![[shrug]](graemlins/shrug.gif)
)![[Big Grin]](biggrin.gif)
)