There are places where even the Legion, The Heroes of Lallor, The Wanderers, The Amazers, The United Planets Young Heroes, The Legion of Substitute Heroes and the Heroes of Tartarus and (insert missing 30th century hero-group here) fear to go!
In these dire realms you will find... The Uncanny Excellents! Posted by MLLASH on :
The place: A dark room.
What's going on: A young lady ponders.
Only she knows the horrors to come. And she cannot overcome it alone.
So again she views her holo-files....
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The super-space-computer has selected these rejected Legion applicants as her champions....
...though why, she cannot be sure...
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"I guess these losers will have to do."
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She was almost sorry for what she was going to have to do to them... almost.
But the monster known as Vicious Circle HAD to be stopped!
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"I suppose it is time for..."
"...the SUMMONING!"
. . . . The Uncanny Excellents # 1, words/pictures/colors by MLLASH, characters created in the 60s by various Legion Fans!
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"Great space! Suc, you'll never believe what just came over the omnicom!"
"More space-spam?"
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And as the call goes out on Earth, so too does it go out on Saturn's moon TITAN, home of telepaths of all varieties....
"I thought that dream was over! But it looks like LUNAR LASS shall live again! *cackle!*"
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The call even reaches Tartarus...
"They... want me! I knew it! It was as plain as the nose on my face that they needed me!"
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...and disco-loving planet Thrann!
"TTFN, girls! Oh, stop crying! You'll forget all about me 5 minutes after I leave! Don't worry though, I'll be sure to give Ultra Boy a big sloppy kiss just from you! Heh heh!"
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And, on Earth... at the time and place given on the secret omnicom message....
"Dude, seriously, you're freaking me out."
"Oh, don't be silly. Gosh, your back muscles are so taut!"
"Silence! I, Detector Dick am sensing.... evil here!"
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"Perhaps that is me you are sensing.... Dick."
"AWWWP!"
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"Man... I'd smoke that all day long..."
"Um, Yoo Hoo. Thor, or whatever your name is? Hell-LO!"
"Golly! She isn't at ALL thin."
"No one that sultry could be a heroine! SHE'S the evil we were brought here to fight! EXCELLENTS... ATTACK!"
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"Excellents? You said I could name the team!"
"True, but I was hoping for a name that might impress the Legion with our courage and stuff... somehow, "Cannonfodder Squad" doesn't quite sound impressive enough..."
"Oh, who CARES? If none of you are going to beat up the hot chick, I WILL!"
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"Oh, you're more than welcome to TRY, little boy..."
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"Observe as my mania-wave pierces your dazzling color-wall...."
"...and turns your bravado into the caterwauling of the damned!"
"No... no more... nice lady not hurt Danny..."
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Yo chick, NOT cool...!
Hold on, Suction Lad...
SUCTION Lad? And Detector Dick? Oh yeah, you guys SUCK all right...!
Ummm, guys... the little one here is pretty sick and I don't think I can get thin enough to help him...
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Suddenly, as lights come fully on, a voice rings out... commanding, unmerciful, it is a voice that will not be denied!
"ENOUGH!!"
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"Christe Charles-- LUNAR LASS-- outcast daughter of Kathoon, seeking refuge on Titan, another world that doesn't want or claim you!
Malan Andel-- THIN GIRL-- I know you to be the daughter of the nefarious personal doctor to Evillo himself! On a world of monstrosities like Tartarus, you were still never accepted!
Danny D-Jenxz-- DAZZLE DANNY-- Never truly happy on Thrann, never able to gain membership in the Super-Companions OR the Legion!
Dyen Bly-- SUCTION LAD-- and Dick Ills-- DETECTOR DICK-- One incompetent, one a fool! Or so you each think of the other. Jealous cousins who fear existence without each other!"
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"You each have a role to play here..."
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"And what's YOUR role, Miss? You seem to know it all about US... so who the hell are YOU? Why did the Legion summon us here instead of their headquarters? We were told we were to be re-evaluated for possible Legion membership. Were you?"
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"Me? I am to be the one who re-evaluates you, boy! For I am TINA TRUTH... with an uncanny ability to see the truth in all things. That which is false is all but invisible to MY eyes.
Ironically, my ties with the Legion must remain a secret. That's why my teammates often refer to me as... THE UNKNOWN LEGIONNAIRE!
Now... who's ready to get started?"
TO BE CONTINUED? TO QUOTE S'ARRA PALENN OF THE ALASCCA COLONY-WORLD: YOU BETCHA!! Part 2 coming soon!
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SUCTION LAD!
DETECTOR DICK!
LUNAR LASS!
DAZZLE DANNY!
THIN GIRL!
Brought together by the enigmatic TINA TRUTH, these former Legion rejects are looking to prove themselves worthy of membership in the LEGION OF SUPER-HEROES! But until that happens, they call themselves...
THE UNCANNY EXCELLENTS!
And their story continues next!
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"NO, you idiots! She's a geomorph....!"
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"...She can turn the earth itself against you!"
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"GREAT. She's taken out our heavy hitters already! SUCTION LAD-- inhale that sludge!"
"WAITAminnit... you consider Detector Dick a "heavy hitter"?
"Oh, don't let her bother you, Danny...!"
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"DAMN YOU, I was just out here to gather my thoughts... I have commited NO crime!"
"And the Excellents aim to keep it that way, Miss Quicksand. Danny, now would be a nice time for your K-O burst!"
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"As we sometimes say on Thrann...
...IN YOUR FACE!"
"Nice job, Danny... maybe Miss Tina will now look upon all of us equally."
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"Perhaps I shall, Thin Girl."
I think... I think they're READY...!
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TINA TRUTH FACT FILES
HYPNO-PANTS and FRENEMY
Armed with mystical mind-altering pantaloons, HYPNO-PANTS is a known associate of Vicious Circle.
With her good looks and affable personality making her all the more devestating, "befriend-then-betray" is the specialty of FRENEMY, another known ally of Vicious Circle.
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"The Legion was VERY impressed with your takedown of Quicksand and feel you are ready for a bit more of a challenge. Vicious Circle and his allies will be our next target. Your performances in this battle will determine which of you continues and which of you... well, just don't make the cut."
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""Don't make the cut"? She makes it sound like a competition. What do you think, Thor?"
"Dude, I told you, my name is DYEN. And I never really have been very competitive..."
"I don't think we've been given the full skinny here."
"Well, I am certainly not worried."
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"So, Tina... IS this a competition?"
"Of course it is. You didn't expect the Legion to be holding six open slots for us, did you?"
"But there are only five of us... YOU'RE already a Legionnaire, though an 'unknown' one... right?"
"Yes! Your badgering confused me momentarily! Now make yourself useful... use your power to detect Vicious Circle's current lair... IF you can!"
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"Don't be ludicrous. Sure, it can be difficult to pinpoint one person's evil thoughts... but if anyone can, it is DETECTOR DICK!"
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"Oh.... Oh my great space...!"
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"What, Dick? What is it you sense?"
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"That would probably be us, puddin'!"
"GROOVY!"
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"I *almost* hate..."
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"Man... those pants are some HEAVY $#!+ man....!"
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*CHOKE!* Thing Girl... Thor... my two best friends... You will never be forgotten, especially now that your images have been made with these gold-played feaux-inertron statues... though why that surly Detector Dick had to deface your statue, Thor, I will never understand... he thinks he's SOOOO smart... he's a jerk! Anyway, I will carry you in my hearts forever... yes, I have 2 hearts, such is my alien physiology... anyhoo, Thor, I want you to know I will never EVER love again....
Brought together by the mysterious TINA TRUTH-- also called 'The Unknown Legionnaire'-- this team of rejects fights for its right to party-- with THE LEGION OF SUPER-HEROES!
But until then, they call themselves... THE UNCANNY EXCELLENTS!
And their story continues... soon enough!
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TINA TRUTH FACT FILES
MIRAGE MASTER
Real name: Pondo Harv
Powers: primary: Creation of fantastically real illusions; minor: telepathy to sense a sentient's fears and desires
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TINA TRUTH KNOWS... and SO WILL YOU! STAY TUNED FOR SHOCKS, OMG'S and PLENTY OF UNDERHANDED, LYING SLEAZE! (and maybe a little fun too!)
Coming soon!
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"...now LEAVE..."
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"Especially considering what you said when we broke up..."
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**to be WAY continued!!**
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COMING SOON!!!!!!!
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TO BE CONTINUED!!!!
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Catch up with THE UNCANNY EXCELLENTS!
NATURE BOY... Matthew Mayn of Earth... With complete yet undefined control over events of nature, Matt has recently found that he has control over the natural life event called death! This creepy application of his power (and the mind-unhinging trauma that caused his discovery of it) has caused worry and concern in his teammates, and team leader Tina Truth hasn't taken it lying down!
(the reanimated corpse of) RAIN GIRL... Stessa Wein of Manna-5... This former girlfriend of Nature Boy was accidentally killed before she could begin her first mission with the team! Her death led directly to Nature Boy's current difficulties. Where once she was flirty and flighty, now she is mostly moany and a smidge ripe.
DAZZLE DANNY... Danny D-Jenkz of Thrann... Hot-tempered, love-starved Danny acidentally killed Rain Girl after she and Nature Boy mean-spiritedly infuriated him. He has since been in a state of walking shock, trying to process what he did and fearful of the previoiusly unknown ability of his that did the deed.
ENDURANCE GIRL... Beni Wite of Jupiter... total invulnerability has made Beni a fast asset to the Excellents, as they now have someone they can just throw higgeldy-piggeldy into a firefight and not have to worry about her safety... IF she decides to stick around!
DETECTOR DICK... Dick Ills of Earth... With his ability to detect evil thoughts, Dick is secretly very important to the Excellents' mission-plan, which explains why team leader Tina Truth recently had to pull a few mental strings to keep him from quitting after he lost his teammate and cousin Suction Lad in battle.
LUNAR LASS... Christe Charles of Kathoon... An outcast with immense mental powers, Christe was brought into team leader Tina Truth's secret team of ultimate weapons called The Shadow Excellents. She was quickly removed from same when it became clear she wasn't going to play Tina's way. She remembers nothing of the Shadows but the mental tampering that altered her memories is not without side effects for her already troubled psyche.
TINA TRUTH... real name and planet of birth unknown... With an ability to see the truth in all things, team leader Tina is a master manipulator whose ultimate plans are known only to her.
Where once the ultimate prize was membership in the Legion of Super-Heroes, the current goal for the EXCELLENTS seems to be... survival!
STAY TUNED, FAITH-KEEPERS!
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Meanwhile, on a Day Tour Skybus that MLLASH doesn't know how to draw...
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And soon, back at the Excellents' cave HQ...
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COMING UP IN UNCANNY EXCELLENTS
SUCTION LAD's back! Will Dazzle Danny still want him? And how will Detector Dick take the unexpected return to life of his cousin? Alls we know is, half of the gayest-ly named straight hero cousin team is back and we can't wait to see what he inhales next! Posted by MLLASH on :
TINA's moment of TRUTH! How will she explain the 3 strangers "hanging around" Excellents HQ? And what was all this about them being powerless now? We didn't even get to see 2 of 'em USE their powers! Posted by MLLASH on :
PLUS! Nature Boy's god complex! Rain Girl's undead attitude! Lunar Lass' brain damage! Endurance Girl's super-ennui! Posted by MLLASH on :
And you don't wanna miss Thin Girl's all-new all-SEXY costume!
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STAY TUNED, faith-keepers! Posted by MLLASH on :
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The adorably annoying TOT EXCELLENTS!
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Savage sword of THE EXCELLENTS!
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Some kooky future where hot chicks all have heads that are just BRAINS in JARS!
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Which Excellents will LIVE? MARRY? GET FAT? GO BALD? DIE??!!??!?!
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I am curious... EXCELLENTS!
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Where no EXCELLENTS have gone before!
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A FAIR ENOUGH QUESTION, TIME GIRL!
BUT FIRST LET'S HAVE A PATENT-PENDING "WHO THE HELL ARE THESE PEOPLE?!?" UNCANNY RECAP!
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Who can dare IMAGINE what HORRORS have befallen THE EXCELLENTS?
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ROBOT MASTER'S response must remain unkown for now as we check in on our lost Excellents...
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Multiple versions of Excellents all over time and space!
It was as nucking futs as a Marvel comic and twice as annoying!
But this problem would soon be resolved by the intervention of two of the Shadow Excellents who had not been lost in the time-space continuum!
Time Girl, her powers restored, was able to find and bring back all of her teammates, and each of them reverted to their proper self upon arrival home.
She left Nature Boy where he was until she could discuss with her teammates what should be done with him... Posted by MLLASH on :
