Sobriety. Boredom. Seriousness. Reboots. Rob Liefield.
They grow in the darkness and feed off the fear and laziness of everyday people. But there are those that seek to battle these evil forces!
They are the LMB, the group of heroes whose love of doing the right thing is only outmatched by their love of sex, violence and drunken debauchery!
Yet, a great horror has decended on Legion World. Uneasiness has crept into the hearts of the everyday citizens, who pass in the street, unnoticed by the heroes flying in the skies. Something is lurking in Legion World...something terrible...
From: If you don't want my peaches, honey... | Registered: Sep 2003
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"Abin Quank, check in please! We haven't gotten word from your group in quite awhile, and the dark forests you're exploring on the outskirts of Legion World are scary and stuff!"
"Whose with Abin?" said Invisible Brainiac, also on Monitor Duty.
"With Abin is Vee, Dedman, Faraway Lad, Caliente and Harbinger," she replied, "and one surprise stowaway, none other than..."
From: If you don't want my peaches, honey... | Registered: Sep 2003
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posted
"... none other than Grey Birdboy's weird brother, Great Fire-Maker, who left here with a strange spear in his hand and a wicked grin on his face!"
"I thought his orange-and-black feathers looked weird," mused I.B. "No color sense. Those weird genetics could create ... er, mental instability, y'know, as well ... oh, nass, we gotta warn them!"
Suddenly a cackle came out of the loudspeaker, and ...
From: Starhaven Consulate, City of Angels | Registered: Jul 2003
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posted
...sat on Everyday Girl's shoulder. Not every cackle in the universe is an evil, maniacal, laugh. A small number of cackles are actually Cackles, Inhabitants of the other dimensional world Cack. Interestingly enough, Cackles were originally thought to be demons but people quickly learned that they weren't mainly because all female Cackles look like mini-me clones of either Space Tart or Thriftshop Debutante, and all male cackles look like mini-me versions of Cobalt Kid or Eryk Davis Esther, When they're visible that is, which isn't often.
Oh, the Cackle sitting on Everyday Girl's shoulder was female...
posted
...and a bit jealous at that. She hated all other non-Cackle female, except Everyday Girl, so it way no surprise to anyone that when the Four Elementals (Inferno, Earthstone, Aquatic and Tempest) entered they room, they where cackle-slapped.
"Son of a--," Tempest stifled her temper, "Everyday Girl, you had better learn to control that thing or my cat's going to have it for brunch, not lunch, Cackles aren't good for lunch."
Aquatic looked at the Monitor Board, "This Great Fire-Maker sounds dangerous, if we can't warn them about him, than maybe we should send someone down, someone like..."
-------------------- And to show I bear no ill will, I, too, shall bestow a gift...
From: The Mansion | Registered: Mar 2004
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posted
..."Me? FEH I refuse to perpetuate these myths of the supernatural. Everyone knows there's no such thing as ghosts. (Numfy excepted, of course.) There's no evil in the woods, Im going there now to gather... er medicinal herbs."
TL flew into the dark forest looking for herbs. He ignored the posted warnings about interdimensional gateways to the Cack dimension, and the strange chants of the shadowy robed figures gathered around at the bonfire...
From: Canada | Registered: Apr 2005
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(Which was of course a very big mistake. I mean these stories would never go anywhere if people acted rationally in them - Oh, There's an axe-murderer hiding in the woods! Okay, let's go out into the woods and pick pine cones. - and did sensible things.)
So anyway, the tallest of the shadowy robed figures gathered around the Bonfire of the Vanities, turned to Tamper Lad and said, "Did you remember to bring the marshmallows?"
-------------------- Just an Old, Broke-Down, Drunk, Bum!!
With a Power Ring...
From: Westerly Rhode Island | Registered: Aug 2003
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Faraway Lad
Senator of the UP. Permanent Ambassador to the Court of Saint James
posted
Faraway was trying to coax Harbinger and Caliente down from a rather large tree.
Harbi had ran up the tree chasing a Cackle who had run across her highly polished and new shoes, leaving muddy footprints on the leather and, well, not to put to fine a point on it, a little poop.
"fine a point on it" shouted Harbinger from within the branches, "I'll put the point of my shoe up its hairy little.....Mmmmmmffffummmmm.." the rest of the sentance was muffled by Caliente's hand, "sorry but this is, like, an all ages board remember"
"Abin" said Faraway, "you can clean up Harbinger cant you, we need to get on. Abin....Abin?"
Faraway turned to find Abin laughing and staring at Dedman, who was disco boogieing around a strange shaped tree, with a large crack down the side that was getting wider and wider.
"Hey, dudes, try these Shrooms, they are.....
And then he was gone swallowed up by the Tree.
Abin and Faraway darted forward but were stopped by.......
-------------------- Faithfull
From: Newcastle upon Tyne England | Registered: Jul 2003
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In a moment of frustration the normally urbane and demure lass had kicked out at the cackle that had been taunting her over the poop stained shoe from a very thing branch, just out of her reach. So, despite gentle Calientes efforts to stop her, she kicked at the branch. Her shoe slipped off her dainty and freshly pedicured foot, spun at a tremendous rate and flown towards the ground. Unfortunately right into Abin's broad and manly chest, knocking him over onto Faraway lad and sending both of the stalwart LMBPer's into a hitheto unmentioned pile of...
-------------------- "Tempus Fugitive" the final part of the Adventures of Dream Boy series, set in the Three-Boot Universe. Read it only in the Bits o' Legionnaire Business Forum.
From: here, more often than not | Registered: Sep 2003
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"What is this, Grand Central Space Station?!" yelled Mearl Dox, coming out of her secret invisible lab, which was right in the center of the woods.
"Using Cackle technology, I was hoping to re-tune the Time Machines to create multiple Multiverses that don't vibrate on other levels, but actually speak and breed with one another! Now, all you've done is send Faraway Lad and Abin Quank into the nexus of space, time and multi-dimensions to Rao knows where!"
"No!" said Dedman, instantly leaping into the time machines to save them, but he was instantly killed!
"Don't question the will of the Supreme Ruler...riiiight" thought Caliente.
Where did Abin and Far end up? Ha! You won't know for at least a page! Meanwhile, Kid Prime, Nightcrawler and Lash Lad were engaged in peace talks with the Giant language speaking gorilla tribe of Legion World, when suddenly--
From: If you don't want my peaches, honey... | Registered: Sep 2003
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posted
Harbi decided she wasn't getting enough time in the spotlight so we focus our story back on her.
She's forty feet up a tree with only one shoe on here guys, forget about the blinkin' gorillas - like they are so yesterdays news already! Get with the picture Cobie sweetheart, harbi needs rescuing already! Or at least a little attention. Or something.
And while we're at it, who's going to retrieve the poopy shoe for her eh? And clean it!
So, that aside we can resume at the most important part of this wonderful tale...
-------------------- "Tempus Fugitive" the final part of the Adventures of Dream Boy series, set in the Three-Boot Universe. Read it only in the Bits o' Legionnaire Business Forum.
From: here, more often than not | Registered: Sep 2003
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posted
...the most important part of this wonderful tale, the day Numf-El wrongly announced to the galaxy that whomever returned Harbinger's feces embellished shoe to her maginficent, beautiful foot, would have the total and complete rights as her husband, her secretary, her maid and her cook!
Immediately, planets exploded in a fury, and males everywhere dashed into their space-ships, making their way to Legion World!
Alas! The temptation was too great! Fake shoes were immediately processed, as well as fake poop! The economy plunged! Poop from all manner of species, such as gigantic birds and killer whales was shipped en masse along the outer rims of space!
War broke out! Nations and planets, competing to gain the Queen, immediately took pre-emptive action and ordered the utter, complete annhilation of their neighboring planets!
The Time stream was in turmoil! Suitors from the future, and even some brillant ones from the past, immediatley flew into the time stream, attepmting to find the shoe! In 2005, on Earth-48, the infamous shoe-bomber was drawn and quartered on the mere notion that he might be responsible for the shoes destruction.
Princes Charming all over were being rounded up and beaten severely as a lesson to any who might think that pursuing Harbinger was a good idea!
Finally, when turmoil and war seemed like it would destroy all of existence, a few smart males, obviously from the *far* future, decided they needed to elect one male to oversee this process: Numf-El himself! Unfortunately, Numf was too busy lying in his own piss and vomit after a bender that left English channel an ugly green mess!
So they picked a back-up leader: Stoopid Cat!
From: If you don't want my peaches, honey... | Registered: Sep 2003
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posted
Meanwhile, Kid Prime, Nightcrawler and Lash Lad were engaged in peace talks with the Giant language speaking gorilla tribe of Legion World, when suddenly-- Dedman reappears from the dead. Unfortunitly for the leader of the gorilla tribe, and for the peace talks; he reappeared in the middle of the tribes leader. The gorilla tribe, suddenly finding themselves leaderless, had no choice but to.......
From: Fort McMurray | Registered: Nov 2004
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posted
...Capitulate, and throw themselves on the mercy of the LMBP.
Okay, so like the stupid talking gorillas are out of the way, although I do believe that Mr. Cobalt wil attempt to bring them back either three pages or 12 posts from now, whichever comes first.
Ohmygod, now we can get back to the like really important stuff...
quote:Originally posted by Harbinger: Harbi decided she wasn't getting enough time in the spotlight so we focus our story back on her.
She's forty feet up a tree with only one shoe on here guys, forget about the blinkin' gorillas - like they are so yesterdays news already! Get with the picture Cobie sweetheart, harbi needs rescuing already! Or at least a little attention. Or something.
And while we're at it, who's going to retrieve the poopy shoe for her eh? And clean it!
So, that aside we can resume at the most important part of this wonderful tale...
So like Everyday Girl, who was like on monitor duty and stuff, sends Icefire and Lad Boy (cause they like don't get all excited and junk about how beautiful and sexy she is) to rescue Miss Harbinger, but they get all confused and junk and wind up taking a side trip to Orgasmus Major.
So, like Everyday gets all huffy and snotty and sends No One and Nobody to like totally mess up Lad Boy and Icefire's little getaway.
Then she sends Kent Shakyrear and Mr. Semi Translucent Person to like rescue the totally buff Miss Harbinger, knowing that they'll get the job done, But...
-------------------- Hi! How are you? <click-click> BLAM!! BLAM!! BLAM!! BLAM!! BLAM!!
From: Here? | Registered: Oct 2003
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posted
Suddenly, our attention turns back to the dissapearing leader of the Gorilla tribe!
(well, now I *have* to do it )
K'Batu, the Space Gorilla suddenly appears, to see that other sentients are appearing all around him! In fact, they're all actually semi-forgotten supporting characters of LMB lore!
Something Amazing!
Kid Gender Stereotype Reversal II!
Dollyputo!
Turns You Into A Country Fred!
Young H.G. Wells: Time-Boy!
Uncle Space!
Blok the Pet Rock!
They are...the Legion of Forgotten Honorary Message Board Posters! And unknown to them, they have been teleported to the Robotic Sentient Space-ship of...Grainiac!
More on them later!
Meanwhile,...
From: If you don't want my peaches, honey... | Registered: Sep 2003
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Hyperpath: Email this page to someone!
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