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The Eight Impossible Space Missions: Mission One, Danger Damsel and the Bag of Bones
Legion World’s Newest Face
Standing on a rooftop, looking over the glorious streets of Legion World, she had forgets everything and for that second, she doesn’t have a care in the world. The wind catches her face, and despite its cold edginess, she smiles and embraces it. Six months have passed by, and she finally feels like she’s come of age. She finally enjoys Legion World.
Her name is Danger Damsel. At least, that’s the name she’s chosen for herself, even though it came about mainly a joke—and not even a joke by her, but more of a jab by a certain few Legion Worlders that she’s come to admire. Her real name is Anne, although she doesn’t really want to hear that name anymore.
Six months ago, she was a scared young woman who had come to Legion World, looking for a place to escape to. To forget about the mad state of the universe and the terrifying wars that occurred on a daily basis out there. Her sister Sarah and her made their way to Legion World, looking for safety, and they thought they had found it.
Six months ago, she was a scared young woman who had been attacked by hideous creatures during an onslaught on Legion World. Like so many others that night, she had been caught up in a horrifying attack by a plethora of undead creatures. Some strange Death Maiden and her shadow creatures attacked her (and others), while she was on a date with Cobalt Kid, and she was only saved by Princess Crujectra, The Boy with Ultra Powers and a few other members of the LMB. She was lucky—others were not as fortunate. She had been healed by Cobalt Kid (in some ironic twist, by the same power-force that had led to the attack in the first place), but she wasn’t truly healed.*
She was more terrified than ever. She wanted nothing to do with Legion World and the LMB—they scared her more than anything. She had her normal daily routine and did her job at Café Cramer, and she interacted with her sister Sarah and boyfriend Invisible Brainiac, but that was about it. She was content in having a quiet life…the streets of Legion World were something she wanted little to do with anymore.
And then, six months ago, she was attacked again. This time, by a man more terrifying than the hideous undead creatures that first attacked her, because he was exactly that—a man. He was a man that was ugly and perverse and wanted nothing more than revenge and to hurt others. He planned to do terrible, horrible things to her…but she stopped him. This scared young woman finally realized that the only way to combat her fear was to do something about it, and stopped being scared and took matters into her own hands. And Tarquin, the man who attacked her, died pathetically, while Anne finally took back what was hers.**
That was six months ago. This was now, and she was no longer that scared young woman. It began that night, and was culminating tonight.
She looked across the streets of Legion World, and saw him. It would come to a head now. He was magnificent in his efficiency, but she knew she would have to put aside any admiration…after all, this man was a brutal killer. No, she was ready to face him and beat him. There he was…Deathstroke Kid, enemy of the LMB.
Deathstroke Kid leapt across the building, the bag slung over his shoulder. He quickly secured it into a backpack that was clung tightly to him, and then pulled his staff back out. This fabled city was home to some of the most powerful individuals in the cosmos. You had to be totally insane to attack Legion World, home of the LMB.
Sanity, he smiled, was something he was unsure about, but he knew that he was meticulous, calculating, and not afraid of how high the odds were stacked against him. He accepted a job that no one else in their right mind would accept, and did so purely on the thought that it would be a major accomplishment to steal something from LMB Headquarters on Legion World, when the LMB were in the city.
He’d arrived that day, because he knew that the longer he was there, the harder it would be to stay undetected. He waited until there were few of them on Legion World. He also admitted to himself that he had help…in some of the most unlikely of places. Evidently, the LMB had more serious enemies, and more secret ones, than they realized. They were good though, that much they proved by leaving a battle with Deathstroke Kid with their lives.
He slipped into the main LMB headquarters on Legion World, through a massive security system designed by Doctor One, Reboot and a score of other LMBers, and was able to diffuse it more quickly than thought humanly possible. Of course, having access to 90% of one’s brain, especially a brain trained by the most calculating minds of the Dominion and Colu, made it a lot harder to be comparable to human.
Disaster Boy and Ferro Boy were on monitor duty, and they were about the only ones left in the headquarters at this time of night—most of the others were off doing their own thing. He traced his steps to where the secret room was supposed to be, from plans stolen by an insider of Legion World that was so secretive, no one that Deathstroke Kid had made contact with thus far had any clue to his identity or his role there. That would be their problem, since he had his own agenda and the plans were only a means to an end.
It was the room in LMB HQ that stored the most valuable and most destructive items the LMB ever encountered. Various artifacts and weapons, from the LMB’s enemies and allies were stored there…they were the things that the LMB deemed too powerful to exist, but had no means of destroying them, through both science and magic. The puzzle took him some time to solve, and it almost appeared that he didn’t have the proper tools to get in. But he was the best at what he did.
The door opened. There it all was. The Emerald Ass of Ekron. The Blazing Ring of Middlefinger. Wands, swords, weird shaped atomic bombs. Liquids, strange machines. All of it priceless. But it was all too hard to get out of Legion World. All except a small, dusty old bag in the corner. It was the contents within the bag that were needed.
Disaster Boy and Ferro Boy were on him immediately. They were impressive, as he expected. But he had been dealing with the LMB for sometime now, and knew what to expect. In time, they’d be a match for any foe. But right now, they had no way to contain him. Efficient. Cold. Calculating. They fell before him, but not before delaying him and landing a few excellent shots of their own. In time, they would be magnificent. As it was, they were still relatively new to the job.
So far, he had accomplished one of the most impossible things imaginable: he had broken into Legion World and into the heart of LMB Headquarters’ most secret room. Now he had to break out.
BOOM.
A bomb planted a good distance away erupted, according to schedule, and Deathstroke Kid knew that the fire it would spread would be more than enough to occupy Abin Quank, who he knew was present on LW at the time, for long enough to plan his escape. His allies made good on their promise.
BOOM.
Another erupted and he had no idea which LMBers, if any, would be sent to help the stranded at that explosion. He had been promised that many would be kept busy, and he trusted this mysterious cult so far.
That left other LMBers, who would now be looking for him—he had no way of knowing who was truly on Legion World. He needed to exit quickly, and the terrasact system set up by Stoopid Cat would work against him. He went over all of the profiles handed to him by his employers and considered every option available to him. Where each LMBer would most likely be.
Finally, he knew which way would be the best way out. He leapt across the final buildings, and made his way to entrance of the space-trains. The Express Train to Gologothia, which had recently just been completed, was due to leave. The LMB would probably be shutting the station down any second, and Deathstroke Kid was certain that Nightcrawler had probably teleported there immediately. He could see it now.
Then she appeared. A woman, skinny, but muscular and very physically fit, as if she’d been training for some time. She had green hair, cut very short, and a large sword around her back in a sheath. He’d have to kill her quick.
From: If you don't want my peaches, honey... | Registered: Sep 2003
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Danger Damsel leapt at the assassin, pulling her sword out and swinging. She thought it might be better to cut open the bag at first and empty its contents—it was obvious that that was what he was here for. No such luck, he easily blocked it with his staff. He was fast, and he was strong. She suddenly realized that he might be too much for her.
He was on her immediately. They fought hard, one on one. It seemed to last forever, but it was happening too quickly for either’s mind to comprehend. She dodged a hit and whacked him in the ribs, he seemed to be waiting for this, and she realized he let her hit him so she’d open up, and she suddenly felt a tremendous blow across the jaw with his staff. She fell back, and he turned the staff so an open end pointed her, and fire roared at her.
She leapt out of the way to avoid the fire, knowing that if she had the same long auburn hair she once did, it would probably be singed. He didn’t make a sound at all for some time, and then she could almost feel him grinning under his mask. “So the LMB are sending an even younger age of children to fight their battles?” he said smugly. “This will be a lesson to them then.” And he came at her now with full force, as if he’d been holding back up until now.
She wondered how she’d gotten to this point…
Six Months Earlier. She remembers:
Standing on a balcony with Cobalt Kid, himself a ragged mess, and wondering where she was going to go now. She was on longer a victim, she had decided. She would live her life on her own terms. She would overcome her fear of Legion World.
“Have you ever considered…some type of training? Defensive training. Something to help you focus on this new mission of yours, Anne…” he said to her.
“I—I don’t know. I…I need something.”
“Anne, I’m not asking you to become a Super-Hero or a LMBer. I’m telling you that there are ways of focusing on accomplishing what you’re trying to accomplish. You can train physically, as well as mentally…maybe even spiritually…” he said, although at this point he was thinking of things that were more concerning himself than anything.
“Perhaps…”
“Give it some thought”
Five Months Earlier:
“I want to be like you,” Anne said, staring Harbinger in the face. “Before you answer me, give me one second. It’s taken me weeks, weeks, to get the courage to come up to you. I admire you Harbinger…you’re strong, you’re smart, you say what you feel and you and people respect you. And you don’t take shit from anyone, and will gladly kick their ass.”
Harbinger looked to see who was watching, a wry smile on her face. She began to speak, but stopped. Finally, she smiled. “Anne, right? Invisible Brainiac was dating your sister?”
“Um, yes. They broke up though.”
“…right. Anyway…I *think* I might know what you’re talking about. I had a feeling you’d be coming to talk to me anyway. What you need is a change. You’re in a rut. If you’re looking to take active steps to change your life, you need to actually *do* something about it, not just talk about it.”
Six Hours Later:
“Hic! How do you like it?” says a drunken Anne, stumbling from the bathroom.
“Jaysus women, I didn’t mean for you to chop all your hair off and die it green! You’ve gone crazy on us!”
“Well, I kinda like it! It’s funky…it’s just what I need.”
“I guess it is at that…”
“More wine please,” says Anne, holding out her cup.
“Ah…I knew we’d get along”
Four Months Ago:
“Anne,” comes a voice from the corner, as the young woman practices fighting with some of the soldiers of the Triumvirate. Her body is honed and in excellent shape—she has no idea that the soldiers are all vying for her attention and affection.
It’s Lightning Lad, Semi-Transparent Fellow and Kent Shakespeare. They’re all slightly smiling.
“Scott! How are you?” she asks, a bit surprised and a bit delighted. She had gotten to know Semi a little better by stopping into SHAKES, but most people knew Semi. Kent and Scott she had only met a few times, so it was surprising that they’d come seek her out. “Is there anything I can help you with?”
“Well, a bunch of us really wanted to make this more special, but I’m afraid Whordru has just attacked the planet Fornicatia and most of us are being called off planet. So we’ll have to be quick…” Lightning Lad began to trail off.
“Um, huh? What are you guys talking about?”
“Anne, for the last month, you’ve trained in physical combat all day everyday and have surprised most of the city and the LMB proper in doing so. Let’s face it—you have a knack for it,” began Kent.
“Fat Cramer tells me that you spend the majority of your evenings in the libraries, soaking up as much knowledge as you can about a variety of things. And not just science and traditional education either. Things like religion and history, psychology and various alien philosophies,” added Semi.
“Basically, we’re all impressed by you,” finished Scott. “As you know, no one can join the LMB unless they have a super-power, which you do not. But you have spirit, and frankly, that can’t be taught. So we’d like to offer you enrollment into the LMB Academy to train, since it’s become apparent that that is one of your goals. You won’t be able to become a LMBer of course, but the training will be very beneficial.”
“I…I…I don’t know what to say,” replied the young woman, whose small but ripped muscles became suddenly tense, as her legs felt like they’d give way. A wave of emotion hit her like a splash of water. This was surreal.
“Fat Cramer herself is sponsoring your enrollment,” finished Semi.
“Each student has their own individual track—there is no real grading system other than what you want to get out of it yourself. What you put in, you’ll get out.”
“Anne?” added Kent.
“I-I’m in shock,”
“Well…” grinned Semi, “snap out of it. You begin tomorrow and the Academy has a variety of LMBers that pitch in and give classes some of the time. They also will give you a hard time in your own way. You’re first teacher will definitely do this.”
“Wh-Who is it?”
“Numf-El.”
From: If you don't want my peaches, honey... | Registered: Sep 2003
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Walking into the Halls of the LMB Academy, she felt the strangest combination of feelings: anticipation and total anxiety, the greatest thrill and biggest scare of her life. This was it. Now was the time to take the step she had promised herself she’d take.
Her body was honed. Her hair was cropped short and dyed green—it was her own look. She had a dark blue costume on, designed by the famous designers Sketch Lad and Lucien Lad. She was ready. She just had to become focused in her mind.
“Ass is kinda bony, but she should do alright, eh?” she heard a voice, and turned to see a muscular LMBer who was red in the face. For a second, she could swear he had been drinking.
“Well, gonna say anything girly, or just stand ther an admire whatcha got in front ya?” he repeated. Now she knew he was drunk. He reeked of something that smelt like a cross between whiskey and motor oil.
“I’m Annie, sir.”
“Sir? Don’t be givin’ me none a that lip. They tell me yer a crazy lil’ lady, thinks she’s dangerous. They also tell me that I ain’t supposed to mention how you were this big damsel in distress a few months ago, that you almost didn’t make it two times. Well, none of that here, ok? You got that, Damsel?”
Instantly, Anne wanted to cry. Then, she wanted to rip his eyes out. How dare he? ‘Damsel in distress’? She looked at him and saw he was smiling at her. With a big grin.
“Not a bad ass on ya, have to say. Ya get that after ya started workin’ out, or back when you were a damsel. Danger Damsel. There ya go, that’s yer new codename.”
Her face was now a shade slightly darker than crimson. Her eyes were daggers. What in the name of all of hell was happening—wasn’t this supposed to be the LMB Academy?
“Yer not gettin’ mad are ye? Ya got the same look Harbinger gets when I talk about her beautiful bazoobies in front a all the children.”
“YOU LISTEN UP, YOU SONUVA—“ she leaped into his face, when suddenly: KRAK! He came along her legs with a slight chop/whack, and knocked her clear on her ass.
“Well, what the hell you doin’down there? You gonna get up and show me if you can fight? Cuz if you’re gonna be down there all day, you might as well—“
It was on.
And so began the cruel teachings of Numf-El. She fought him with everything she had that day, and he, enjoying every minute of it, held nothing back. And he kicked the living crap out of her, and did it the whole time three sheets to the wind, stopping every ten minutes, while she was totally out of breath, to sip back another half pint of whatever crazy concoction it was that he was drinking.
Days went by, then weeks. She became better and better. Stronger and stronger. Tougher. She became smarter too—and she learned how to put aside her blind rage, and ignore what he was saying and focus on the issue at hand.
By week three, she was quipping back and forth with him, adding her own flavor to the jokes. Of course, this only encouraged him to get dirtier, although she began pushing him to a point where she had no real idea what the heck he was saying—it was truly some strange dialect that sure as hell made Sonnie and Harbinger laugh, but left the rest of them scratching their heads.
The other Academy students began calling her Danger Damsel, and the name stuck. She hated it. Soon, other LMBers began calling her it as well, and she hated it even more. One day, in passing, Fat Cramer happened to call her over to ask how she was doing, and instead of calling her Anne, called her Danger Damsel as well. Suddenly…she kind of liked it. Thus…she was Danger Damsel.
Eventually, her time with Numf-El ended. She had a lot she wanted to say to him, a lot she wanted to thank him for. So they went out and got drunk, and she prepared to tell him how much it all meant…and he promptly passed out snoring on the bar. But hey, that’s Numf for you.
More teachers came and went. Along the way, she picked up the art of using a 26th Century Khundian Black Sword, on the suggestion from Lash Lad that the students never stop learning, and learn how to use modern technology, as well as old technology, to their advantage.
She trained, and trained. Eventually she decided her time in the Academy was through.
Suddenly, she remembered where she was again. That’s right, she was about to have her head blown clean off her shoulders by Deathstroke Kid, who just handed her the beating of her life.
She looked up and realized her mouth was throbbing. She was on her knees and realized that her first real battle with an enemy was going to end in her death.
From: If you don't want my peaches, honey... | Registered: Sep 2003
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Deathstroke Kid looked down on the young woman, and calculated that by murdering her, he’d be delayed exactly fifteen seconds—a welcome sacrifice if it meant killing someone dear to the LMB. He put the end of his staff to her head and—
CRACK!
The staff was knocked clear out of his hands, as a foot leapt into his face. *BAMF* cracked in the wind and the smell of sulphur was left behind. *BAMF* again, and Danger Damsel was put to pseudo safety roughly twenty feet from where she stood.
Nightcrawler had arrived, and had saved her life.
Deathstroke Kid stared at the LMBer. “Let’s see what you’ve got.”
“Do not think for one moment, my friend,” said Nightcrawler, teleporting again, and reappearing above his enemies head and leaping on to him, “that I allow people to come into my home and attack those in my care!”
Danger Damsel looked on and saw a true battle of wills, each man flawless in their execution, and having the full intentions of bringing the other down. They were magnificent.
A figure caught her eye, and she realized that the bag that had been around Deathstroke Kid’s back was a few feet away from her. Nightcrawler, ever the master at his art, had immediately disarmed Deathstroke Kid and sent it flying. She went to reach it, and realized that there was no way she’d be able to make it to her feet.
She watched as a hooded figure approached, emerging from the shadows, and pulled the bag away. The figure looked at her, hesitated, and then moved on. Around his neck was a chain, with the symbol of what looked like the sun, in a dark red—crimson tainted black color. Very quickly, he boarded the train, which continued to run on time, despite the enormous crowd gathering to watch the battle.
Nightcrawler and Deathstroke Kid raged on, becoming more brutal by the second—the time for amateur games had passed. These were two men who were the best at what they do, and they were trying to tear the other apart.
The hooded figure boarded the train and passed the bag on to another man, this time not a hooded figure. She thought she recognized him but her eyes were going blurry. Everything was happening so fast. She was passing out, but had to get a better look. No luck. The hooded man reemerged and the train sped off, the bag gone with the mystery passenger.
The hooded figure pulled out a blaster-like device, and pointed it in the air. Nightcrawler and Deathstroke Kid continued to fight. The train began to depart. People were gathering and screaming. She heard voices—other LMBers were arriving on the scene?
The hooded figure fired his gun into the air, and at once a purple firework display emerged, almost as if something had been activated. Somewhere in the distance, she thought she saw another one being fired.
She was quickly scooped up. It was Abin Quank, who had arrived on the scene. Nightcrawler teleported next to him. She could hear them talk.
“Did he get away?”
”Yes, but not on the train. He’s somewhere on Legion World, I think,” replied Gary.
“We’ll put out a full-wide search”, said Abin.
“My thoughts too, but I’m having no luck. The guys on Monitor Duty aren’t responding, Matlock’s omni-com is coming up with no signal, and most of the LMB is away on that huge mission on Prying Mantis World. I can’t raise anyone.”
“What did Deathstroke Kid steal?”
“It was a bag of bones. It was the Bones of the Forsaken Bard,”
“Good Lord,”
“Exactly. The worst murder spree in Legion World history from that undead vile creature. And it’s on the loose again. What the hell is going on?”
From: If you don't want my peaches, honey... | Registered: Sep 2003
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Danger Damsel woke back up, still in Abin’s hands with Nightcrawler beside them, standing on a platform created by the Green Lantern.
“Shh,” he said, “we’re almost there,”
“Gary…I’m sorry,” said Danger Damsel
“You have nothing to be sorry for Anne,” replied Nightcrawler, “because of you, we almost had him and we stopped him from escaping. But now it seems that Deathstroke Kid isn’t our biggest problem, as much as I want to go after him.”
“During the battle, a purple ray was fired into the sky that discharged some sort of magnetic pulse over Legion World. My Ring picked up that another exact discharge was fired on Legion World at the same exact time, and another not too far from planet-side.”
“And the bones of the Forsaken Bard are missing. Evidently, there is more going on at this exact moment than any of us are aware of. We need to return home to Kid Prime’s HQ and find out what’s happening.”
Danger Damsel let her eyes close a little more and tried to remember what she saw. Who was that man? Who was the hooded figure? What as happening? She knew one thing…her first mission was a failure.
Curious? This is only Part I! More to come in the next 8 parts, with other LMBers, other stories and answers to the mysteries here!
From: If you don't want my peaches, honey... | Registered: Sep 2003
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