In honor of Legion of Super-Heroes #1, it's time for our own reboot of this classic thread. We start with the classic opening line.
"Once upon a time in a galaxy (M81) far far away, on a planet called Legion World, There lived a Beautiful Princess..."
Posted by Harbinger on :
But we don't want to hear about her, she may be pretty but Cru's really busy right now being glamourous and wonderful and as heart warming and charming as that is we all know we'd rather read about scuzzy bar fights and men in tight trousers battling each other in brutal fashion, using manly strength, ingenuity and a little luck to scrape by and save the day. Kind of like Harrison Ford did in the Indiana Jones movies. Only preferably without the snakes this time. I really don't like snakes. Or spiders. Or soft cheeses actually, so no villianous soft cheeses please. They bring me out in an awful rash don't you know!
So, back to men in tight trousers fighting in back alleys, that is what we want to read about isn't it? Well I would anyway, nothing personal against Cru, I'm just jealous of your bust!
Anyway, in a dark alley to the side of Shameless Hussies Bar we find our intrepid hero, struggling against the forces of evil in a manner befitting of Beowolf or Herakles or one of those legendary types who we should really all have read about only the books have too many "thee's" and "thou's" and "fore-as-muches" and suchlike so we never really give them as much attention as they deserve. Probably.
So, our hero, dressed in the traditional black leather pants and long overcoat of a medium sized budget Hollywood hero flick has just had a very expensive pair of sunglasses knocked from a heroicly straight nose.
The villian, a really nasty looking bit of work as all villianous henchmen are wont to, cackles with malevolent delight.
At this point something rather unexpected happened...
Posted by Bevis on :
it rained soft cheese. Lots and lots of it. Which of course brought out the soft cheese eating spiders and snakes (which as ane fule kno are indiginous to Legion World) so that soon they were piled ankle deep in the alley...
Posted by Harbinger on :
< you are mean Bevis so you are, and that'll learn me! >
Thankfully for them Harbinger had a day off from Legion World that very day to shop for shoes, bags, hair dye and other absolute essentials so they were not shrieked, screamed and cried at in a most undignified manner.
What DID happen was even more unexpected though...
[ December 30, 2004, 03:54 PM: Message edited by: Harbinger ]
Posted by Abin Quank on :
But thankfully the soft cheese also brought...
Wait for it...
That hero of heroes...
Fresh from his rollicking adventures with Numf, Sonnie, Harbie, and a certain unnamed long legged, large busted, blonde superstar (don't take my word for it, read Dragons!)
Rody the Super-Rat!
And with Rody was...
Posted by Bevis on :
Piddlin' Pup, side kick to Legion World's very own Beagle Boy and possible future/alternate universe/convoluted plot twist evil villain, but currently good guy beagle hero. In fact as well as Rody and Piddlin' Pup it was a virtual roster of the LMBPets, including...
*interlude* Sorry Harbinger, but really if you're going to taaunt people with things like that then you have to expect someone to follow up on them. It would be remiss of me not to have done so. *end interlude*
Posted by Harbinger on :
*another interlude - no problem Bevis, really, I expected a few comments that's why I wrote it, it was just suprising how quick (and funny - I laughed out loud at it!) your reply was*
Posted by Abin Quank on :
Stoopid Cat, Blok the Rock, and Annoying Cell Phone Ring Chimes Lass, who was recently retconned into existence by Dr. Love Rocket for reasons which will be revealed around page 3 or when I think of them, whichever comes first.
They paused at the mouth of the alley and Blok said...
[ December 30, 2004, 04:10 PM: Message edited by: Abin Quank ]
Posted by Harbinger on :
"Stoopid Cat, was that you?"
All the pets stopped and sniffed the air in trepidation. Stoopid cat had the inherent feline dignity to not blush.
Meanwhile...
Posted by Abin Quank on :
Somewhere else, someone else commented, "Rhey got a ralking rock on the ream?"
And his companion answered, "Shut yer pie hole furbag!"
I wonder just who those two could be?
But, Back in the aforementioned alley...
Posted by Eryk Davis Ester on :
Meanwhile Kid Gender Stereotype Reversal II hadn't been used in a story in so long, that she was beginning to fear that she'd been killed off or rebooted out of existence. Anyway, it really was time that she fulfilled her obligation to her dead brother, the original Kid Gender Stereotype Reversal.
And so she set off in a spaceship, headed towards...
Posted by Harbinger on :
A shoe shop... of space!!!, after all a girl has to have shoes for every eventuality and being a Legionnaire meant facing EVERY eventuality...
Posted by Faraway Lad on :
....Dressed in killer heels.
As Harbinger dilly dallied over whether to buy the cute little manolo's or the rather glamorous high patent leather boots, or indeed the far more practical green wellies (well in the winter she'd get far more use out them) the Gay Green Giant hustled and bustled over her every whim.
"Oh yes dear these will look absoulutly spiffy on you, look how they accentuate the positive and the colours will match this delightful little cape we have just got in"
Just then into the shop rushed MR B and hurredly thrusting large sums of credits at GGG he said,
"Here just buy the lot and get out of this shop, we have things to do"
As a surprised Harbi followed Mr B out of the shop she thought.......
Posted by Bevis on :
of all the little fairies that were dancing around in the sparkly light that filled her head.
Possibly, just possibly, someone had slipped something into the glass of champagne she had been sipping while viewing shoes. Either that or her head really had become home to a hoard of hard partying little people with a penchant for floaty dresses and leather stilleto boots...
Posted by Abin Quank on :
Anyway, in a dark alley to the side of Shameless Hussies Bar we find our intrepid hero, struggling against the forces of evil in a manner befitting of Beowulf or Herakles or one of those legendary types who we should really all have read about only the books have too many "thee's" and "thou's" and "fore-as-muches" and suchlike so we never really give them as much attention as they deserve. Probably.
So, our hero, dressed in the traditional black leather pants and long overcoat of a medium sized budget Hollywood hero flick has just had a very expensive pair of sunglasses knocked from a heroically straight nose.
The villain, a really nasty looking bit of work as all villainous henchmen are wont to, cackles with malevolent delight.
Our hero, powerless without his sunglasses, falls to his knees and begins franticly searching the cobbled pavement of the alley for his magic specs.
Still cackling with malicious glee the hideously misshapen villainous henchman moves in for the kill, completely unaware that he himself is now being stalked by Stoopid Cat and Piddlin' Pup.
Meanwhile outside the Shoe Shop... of Space, Harbinger (who has just recognized one of the fairies dancing inside her head) and Spannerhead (AKA Mr. Harbinger, Mr. B, Alan, and several rather veddy British terms of endearment not normally heard outside of a certain South London Mansion filled with rather unique characters) are confronted by a gang of Shoe Aficionado Groupies with evil intentions...
Posted by Bevis on :
and big bunches of broccolli (which they weren't sure how to spell) and one small, very angry squid in a tank....
Posted by Abin Quank on :
But fortunately for Harbi and Spannerhead, Kid Gender Stereotype Reversal II, who might be a girl who really, really likes shoes, or could be a guy who really, really likes girls who work in shoe stores, but really doesn't know for sure because of how her/his strange powers work, chose that moment for a rather spectacular arrival on the scene.
Unfortunately, that arrival involved tripping and falling out of her/his spacecraft and directly into the tank containing the small (but very angry) squid.
That action precipitated a minor mêlée during which an aroused Spannerhead proceeded to stuff broccoli into various orifices belonging to the Shoe Aficionado Groupies, (although why they chose to bring their pet orifices to the shoe store shall forever remain a mystery)
Fortunately, well actually unfortunately for the small (but very angry) squid, but fortunately for Kid Gender Stereotype Reversal II, the effects of her/his power caused 5 of the small (but very angry) squids tentacles to reverse their sexual orientation and begin making advances on the remaining (unaffected) tentacles which served the dual purpose of soothing the small (but very angry) squid's anger and tying that squid into a very tidy knot.
However all of the above actions were unnoticed by Harbi, who is currently deep in conversation with the fairies which dance in her head...
[ January 01, 2005, 10:41 AM: Message edited by: Abin Quank ]
Posted by Bevis on :
and a large blue moose who had dropped by for a visit...
Posted by Harbinger on :
..called Eric.
Harbinger sat in a quiet corner of the busted shoe shop and set about organising a tea party for all her wonderful magical friends, especially Eric, as he had asked her for music lessons, and everyone knows the Blue Moose are a particularly generous species when they take up out of class schooling. Music may well be an international language that can sooth the angriest soul and bring peace to troubled minds, but shoes cost cash, and Harbinger needed more shoes!
Elsewhere...
Posted by Abin Quank on :
A slightly bemused Abin Quank sits and wonders why an image of a Blue Moose blowing hot licks on a Golden Trumpet has been haunting his dreams... Especially the accompanying image of Harbinger standing in the background yelling "You Rawk, Eric! Now thats what I know you can do with that TRUMPET!!!"
But elsewhere...
[ January 04, 2005, 04:58 PM: Message edited by: Abin Quank ]
Posted by Faraway Lad on :
angry pet orifices were running amok in the Hootchie Hut, trailing rather limp looking broccoli and a bemused Spannerhead behind them.
Loser Lad and Cobalt looked up from their poker game,
"well" drawled Loser, sipping at his Jack Daniels, "even for the Hootchie Hut thats a bit unusual"
Just then all the broccoli started to explode, causing razor sharp florets to fly around the room. Through a hole in the wall came a tall thin figure. waving his hand a swarm of Killer Celery Stalks flew to attack the LMBP.
Diving for cover Cobalt gasped as he recognised this new attacker, "Salad Tosser Lord" he said.
Meanwhile....
Posted by Bevis on :
in Bognor Regis...
Posted by Faraway Lad on :
King George the 5th was discovering just what it was that would leave such an impression on him. So that his dying words would be forever remembered as "Bugger Bognor"
Abin Quank recovering from the effects of the time bomb looked around to see why the trumpets were sounding? and was surprised to see a large blue Moose palying a trumpet in front of a very surprised crowd.
"Abin" hissed a voice "quick over here"
turning towards the prominade shelter, Abin hurried across to Harbinger, who said.......
Posted by Bevis on :
"Buuuuuuuuuurppppp", at which point three little fairies flew out of her mouth and hit Abin square in the face.
Harbinger looked embaressed and muttered to herself " I just hope the bloody moose doesn't try the same trick."
Abin was a little stunned, as were the fairie, which was unfortunate because at that point...
Posted by Harbinger on :
Beowolf, annoyed that no-one had read his book in 45 years, even after an exceptionally hyped CGI movie had been released the previous year, decided it was time to make a name for himself on Legionworld.
As an official squid sexer. And before you ask that isn't a rude job, as well as tremendous strength and stamina, fighting prowess and a manly chest, he has the incredible ability to know the sex and sexual orientation of a squid at a moments glance. That's a skill that you won't read of in his book or see in the film don't you know.
So anyway, getting back to the thin ragged ribbon of a plot, Beowolf, on his first day in Legionworld was just conveniently passing the debacle that was Kid Gender Reversal II's encounter with the angry squids.
In his manful barritone voice Beowolf enquired...
Posted by kidflash2fan on :
"who can stop this?" the man whom recently had a movie made about himself (along with a book that is so boring that no one has read it in a good forty five years)asked.
when suddenly a comet made of Kryptonite(though it is said to be very rare, but has a habit of raining down almost every where in the 31st century with out any warring)knocks the hero type with the movie and book to the ground.
the Kid Gender Stereotype Reversal II whom hadn't been used in a story in so long, that she was beginning to fear that she'd been killed off or rebooted out of existence backed against the nearest wall and prepared her self for she felt was going to be another squid/tentacles japanamtion rape..
When from out of nowhere fruit boy....
Posted by Cobalt Kid on :
When out of nowhere, Fruit Boy ripped off his mask.
shaky camera angle, music builds to a weird crecendo, camera comes in from up high, descending down to Fruit Boy
Shadow block Fruit Boy's face. He puts a ciggarette in his mouth, and then with a smile, lights it, and the light reveals him: Loser Lad.
"Howdy people," he says wickedly, "you didn't forget about me, did you?"
Suddenly he guns down everything in sight with a Nine millimeter baretta handgun, saving KGSR II.
"Where the hell have you been, Lou?" came a voice, as Lou turned to see...
Posted by Lard Lad on :
...Lard Lad! (or more correctly, a hologram projection of Lardy that the Lard Lad algorithm uses to present itself)
Loser thinks for a moment and takes a deep puff of his oddly-mispelled 'ciggarette'. "So you're that algorithm pretending to be one of my best friends...one who died while I was away. Don't know if I like that, 'Algie'."
"Lou...Loser Lad--Lard Lad programmed me himself. His intention was unclear, but I can only guess that he didn't want his friends to miss him too much when he died. I'm just...doing what I'm programmed to do."
"Somehow, I think there's more to it than that," Lou said, then took another puff. "But my instincts tell me to trust you. I'm back because I'm needed here...because all this is a conspiracy beyond imagination!"
"What do you mean, Loser?"
"Haven't you noticed? This adventure began in late 3004...then stopped without warning early 3005...and now suddenly, three years later, it's back on? In my travels I acquired this mystical, oddly-misspelled ciggarette which connects to the mysterious Loser Energy I wield, and when this adventure suddenly resumed, I felt the disturbance this adventure's sudden resumption caused as I smoked it. There's some seriously effed-up sh!t going on here, and me and my wife are here to investigate! I used the Fruit Boy disguise to infilt--"
"Back up a minute---'wife'?!?!" the algorithm said simulating a gasp. "You're married, now?!?!"
"Yes," and exhaling a huge puff of smoke, he made her appear.
"Omigod!" the algorithm exclaimed as it recognized her. "Your wife is---
Posted by Harbinger on :
Eric the blue moose!....
Posted by Gary Concord, an Ultra Man on :
![[Big Grin]](biggrin.gif)
you are mean Bevis so you are, and that'll learn me! >![[Razz]](tongue.gif)
![[ROTFLMAO]](graemlins/rotflmao.gif)