Eryk Davis Ester, Abin Quank and Dev-Em watched on as Miss Terious joined them at Cafe Cramer.
"Nice coconuts," said Abin, about Miss Terious' coconut salad that she was eating for lunch.
"Poppin' Planets!" yelled EDE suddenly!
They all turned to look and saw the largest space craft they'd ever laid eyes on, floating directly over Legion World's capitol city Legionnopolis!
"Jeepers, what's that?!" yelled EDE.
"I don't know," replied Dev-Em, but it's firing a large laser cannon at us...
[ August 11, 2004, 10:34 AM: Message edited by: Cobalt Kid ]
Posted by Eryk Davis Ester on :
"It appears to gigantic space craft," said EDE's pet Luck Lord, who mysteriously appeared.
"Well, I don't know why you just appeared to tell me that, but... jeepers! Can't you do something about it?" EDE replied.
Just then a passing comet passed in front of the laser beam. The comet exploded, and a massive amount of comet dust feel down towards Legion World. Fortunately, most of it burned up in the atmosphere, but some of it landed on...
Posted by Bevis on :
Globe Girl's cleavage. Seeing as it was still hot Glode Girl, understandably, squeaked loudly and began running around waving her impressive bazongas in front of her and trying to blow down her own front. Eventually she had to resort to peeling off her top to try and get to the hot little lumps of rock nestling between her own hot huge lumps.
At the same time Lard Lad and Cobalt Kid were supposed to be on monitor duty. unfortunately for all concerned all they were actually monitoring was Globe Girl and their own... ahem... trouser missiles which were threatening to cause a natural disaster in their pants. Because of this neither of them noticed what was happening on another screen until it was far too late, and even when they did neither was actually able to stand up without embaressing themselves so the alert was delayed even longer.
This was a shame because...
Posted by Cobalt Kid on :
...on the other monitor board, Lucien Lad was explaining to Umber how gold plated accessories were sooo out of season right now, when suddenly a gigantic alien gorilla with four arms appeared and attacked!
"Ick!" screamed Umber, as Lucien Lad adjusted to such a stupid sight.
"Wait!" yelled a voice, and Lucien turned to see Loser Lad and Lash Lad running towards them. "That beast doesn't know what he's doing! It's not really a gigantic alien gorilla with four arms, it's..."
Posted by Bevis on :
Kylie Minogue (again)...
Posted by Eryk Davis Ester on :
...suddenly, everyone in the monitor room became perfectly still! I was as though time had frozen in that area!
Meanwhile, EDE, Abin Quank, and Dev-Em were trying to figure out what to do about that giant spaceship. Some strange luck had prevented it's first laser blast from striking Legion World, but it was not beyond the range of possibility that the laser cannon could be fired more than once. Abin Quank and Dev-Em, both of whom had powers that would allow them to fly into space unaided, quickly went to intercept the ship. Meanwhile, EDE...
Posted by Cobalt Kid on :
Meanwhile EDE and Miss Terious (who was also with them), decided to eat Abin Quank and Dev-Em's food, since they left it unattended.
"Not so fast!" said a voice from behind them! "You're both needed right now! My name is the Monitor and--"
BLAM!
Suddenly, the Monitor was blasted from behind and his body was shred in half! EDE and Miss Terious watched on horrified, as his killer stepped out of the shadows, being none other than...
Posted by Eryk Davis Ester on :
the Monitor!
"Huh?" EDE questioned.
"I'm confused," Miss Terioius continued. "How did you just shoot yourself?"
"I didn't! That was an evil Durlan impersonating me!" the Monitor replied.
"Oh, that makes sense," Miss Terious says.
"But... wait..." EDE says, thinking. "If that was an evil Durlan, why didn't he revert to his natural form when you shot him?"
"Oh... good point. I guess that means I must be the evil Durlan!" the "Monitor" says, changing form.
"*Gasp*!" Miss Terious gasps!
Just then someone else approached from behind the mysterious evil Durlan. It was...
Posted by Cobalt Kid on :
It was...Loser Lad, who smashed a bottle of whiskey on the Durlans head! As the whiskey burnt the Durlans skin, it squealed "Not whiskey! Whiskey is like acid to Durlans..."
"Huh, whazzat?" said a drunk Loser Lad.
"Wait, so what was the monitor trying to warn us about?" said Miss Terious. "And why did the Durlan kill him?!"
"I don't know," said EDE, "but what is this?" EDE picked up a piece of parchment with a bright green square on it. "The Light Square? Is this some sort of underground secret cult/society that plans on conquering Earth, Legion World and the whole UP?!"
"That's exactly what it is," said yet another voice. "Lucky for you, I'm..."
Posted by Bevis on :
Cher, and I'm here to help. You see, once I sang 'If I could Turn Back Time' but now, with the advances in plastic surgery and my amazing ability to still be fabulous after a thousand years I *can* turn back time. But first I'll need at least six wigs, ten changes of costume and some hunky half naked backing dancers."
Posted by Eryk Davis Ester on :
"Jeepers!" EDE exclaims. "Where are we going to find six wigs and ten changes of clothing?"
Just then EDE's pet Luck Lord appears once more and reminds him, "Why don't you try that old trunk in your quarters where you keep all your old disguises you used to use when you were known as Boy of 1000 Faces?"
"Good idea, pet Luck Lord!" EDE exclaims.
So Cher, Miss Terious, and EDE all went to EDE's quarters to obtain his "Boy of 1000 Faces" disguises.
But on their way they ran into...
Posted by Loser Lad on :
Loser Lad, who smashed a bottle of whiskey over Cher's head.
"Jeepers, Lou!" cried EDE. "Why did you do that? She said she was here to help".
"huhwassat?!?" said Loser Lad, who promptly fell to the floor.
"Sorry about that folks," said Cobalt Kid, as he turned into the hallway. "He gets a little surly when he's had a few. Now grab his legs. We can ditch him in EDE's trunk".
Cobalt grabbed Loser Lad's arms and EDE grabbed his legs as Miss Terious helped Cher back to her feet. Luckily the Night Girl beehive wig she was wearing cushioned the blow from the bottle, so she was able to carry on.
They entered EDE's room and propped Loser Lad against the bed. EDE dragged the trunk out of his closet and used a crowbar to snap open the rusted lock. Then with a creak from the worn hinges he threw open the lid of the trunk only to find...
Posted by Bevis on :
Dolly Parton.
Only, of course, it wasn't the real Dolly Parton, just the hard-light hologramatic representation of the LMBP computer programmed by Lucien Lad and Lash Lad some time earlier.
"Quick" she said "Everyone into this trunk, which may look too samll for all of us but actually has a dimensional prtal in the bottom which allows us to al fit in with enough room to spare for all the wigs that Cher and I will be needing. I have something very important to tell you...
Posted by Cobalt Kid on :
...and it involves Hostess Fruit Pies!"
"Sounds yummy!" said EDE, as Miss Terious, Cher, Dolly Parton/Computer, a very drunk Loser Lad and he leaped into the trunk and through the portal. "But when did my trunk become a portal to another dimension?"
"I'll tell you why," said a voice, as they came through the other side to see Faraway Lad, Fat Cramer and a gigantic Hostess Fruit Pie (which was the size of a three story building).
"This is the great Giant Hostess Fruit Pie Diety, and the invaders are trying to capture it!" said the Computer/Dolly Parton. "Even more," she added, "we now know that...
Posted by Future on :
"We now know that...after centuries, Hostess Fruit Pies are just as resilient to aging as Twinkies are!" Dolly Parton informs the gathered LMB members. "A giant, invulnerable specimen such as this is precisely what the invaders want!"
"The Giant Hostess Fruit Pie Diety has been entrusted to Legion World for safe-keeping! We can't fail in this important task." Fat Cramer declares to her friends.
"Someone better make sure our drunken comrade doesn't take a bite out of the Pie Deity, then!" EDE considered, looking to Loser Lad.
"I'll watch Loser Lad and the Giant Fruit Pie! I can take them to someplace faraway, if need be, but what're the rest of you up to?" Faraway Lad asked.
"Why, the very reason we came to the trunk!" EDE announced, moving through the assorted wigs and costumes covering the endless ground. "To find Cher her little...well...outfits!"
Cher excitedly helps herself to several things along the ground. Miss Terious joins in, "I better find a little number to change into too. Can't have any fruit pie getting spilled on my new outfit!"
The Dolly Parton/Computer projection suddenly froze, panicked. "You must hurry! I'm sensing that the invaders have landed in their quest for the Giant Hostess Fruit Pie and have attacked, of all places...
Posted by Bevis on :
the Hootchy Hut. And you know what that means?"
"Gasp!" gasped the assembled LMBPers.
"Yes" went on the Computo Parton, "it means that they'll almost certainly have caught most of the rest of the hetero male LMBPers with their pants down. Literally. And not in any shape to stand up for a little while. If you get my drift. What it being the Hootchy Hut and all. With, you know. Well *you* know? You *do* know don't you, what happens there, with all the hootchy and all the girls and the 'wahey!' and the removing of items of clothing and provocative gyrating (and that's just the customers)."
"We know what you mean" said Fat Cramer.
"I don't" said EDE, "but if you really need me to I could go and investigate and see what you do mean."
"That won't be nessecary", said Cher suddenly, striking a pose as her new wig tumbled round her shoulders in dark shiny curls and her cleavage sparkled with even more sequins that Lucien Lad wore on an average day, "There are more important things to do than that. First we need to go and get the LMBPers who are still currently frozen in time in the monitor room (they being Lucien Lad, Cobie, Lash Lad, Umber and possibly Loser Lad since he was there before but now appears to be drunk here right where the potentially crucial plot point in and.... oh my! Do you think there's a possibility that this *isn't* Loser and is in fact someone pretending to be him just so they can get to the Hostess Pie Deity and attack us from within?"
Evereyone turned to look at Loser, who promptly was sick down his front and staggered backwards into a wall, whereupon he slid slowly down into a heap on the floor giggling and occasionally burping.
"Nope." said Miss Terious, "That's Loser for sure."
"Yeah, fair enough" admitted Cher, "no-one's *that* good at impressions. Which means the Loser in the monitor room is the fake and we must go there *now*"
So with that...
Posted by Cobalt Kid on :
So with that Cher used her low-level teleportation powers to subtley bring herself, Miss Terious, EDE, Dolly Computo and Fat Cramer to the monitor room.
"You have teleporation powers?" said Miss T to Cher.
"Yeah, but only low-level, hun," replied the Diva, "you should see my fireball shooting powers!"
"Shh, sugah" said Dolly Computo, "watch on!"
Cobalt and Lardy were watching on as Lucien was showing Umber how to pull her skirt up just a little bit (but not too much) to give that sweet but ultra sexy look. "Can't look..." said Cobalt, "...she may be my daughter..."
"Don't be such a prude, dude!" yelled Lardy. "Right, Lou? Lou?"
Lardy turned to see Loser Lad melt away to the floor. In his place stood the LMB arch-nemesis, Catherine the Great! And she held a big horse whip!
"Prepare to die, LMBers. I've thrown my lot in with their invaders and their surprise leader, and I'm going to have my way with all of you now!"
Just then...
Posted by Future on :
Just then, Cher sprang into action!
"Wait just a second, hon!" The decades-old star declared, calling the attention of Catherine and the other LMBes. "I know how to stop you!"
"Oh, yes?" Catherine asked, cracking her whip for a good show.
Cher hesitated. "Uh...well, I did earlier. Hold on, let me think..."
"Cher!" squealed Miss T, "The fireball powers!"
Cher looked delighted. "Of course! Hold on guys and gals..." Cher's eyes lit up, but unfortunately low-level fireball powers are just no good! Cher ends up burning her own hands, the sheer heat and pain sending her back and the ghastly sight of being a superstar with deformed hands sends her into a faint! Not to mention, she falls over atop EDE!
"Jeepers! Of all the luck." Eryk sighed, pinned beneath the diva. Luckilly, the use of the word 'jeepers' heralds EDE's pet Luck Lord back.
Catherine laughed at the proceedings, until she notices the new arrival. "*gasp* Luck can't be on my side when it's on theirs!" Using her whip to stun Lucien Lad, she dives for Umber. Umber let out a shriek as evil Catherine held her in front, whip poised above her with a hostage.
"Umber! We have to do something, Cobie!" Lardy declared, but the young Cobalt hesitated.
"I know! But we have to make sure Umber stays safe!" Cobalt declares, Miss Terious and Dolly Computo joining beside him. Fat Cramer rushes to Lucien's side, to help him up.
"Sorry, LMBers, but I have to go now! I have a hankering for...hmm...fruit pie! Of the giant Hostess variety! Stop me and this little vixen gets it!" Catherine the Great cackled, bounding for an exit. Umber is dragged behind screaming, horse-whip cracking above her head.
"Oh no!" feared Miss Terious.
Dolly Computo watched the proceedings. "We're not licked yet, y'all! Catherine over there is in for a surprise when she exits this room to find..."
[ August 19, 2004, 06:18 PM: Message edited by: Future ]
Posted by Cobalt Kid on :
*interlude*
I'll post more tomorrow, but I just wanted to say that I'm thrilled to see you posting in the tag stories, Future!
That goes for you too Kent, I hope you make it back here. I want lots more people to post in these threads! It's lots of fun to throw an idea in and see what EDE, Bevis, Abin and otehrs will do with it!
*end interlude*
Posted by Future on :
*another interlude*
Thanks Cobie! It's lots of fun, and gives me a chance to test how much LMB knowledge I really have.
By the way, *cough* tomorrow is past already.
*end another interlude*
Posted by Cobalt Kid on :
Dolly Computo watched the proceedings. "We're not licked yet, y'all! Catherine over there is in for a surprise when she exits this room to find...Poverty Lad!"
Catherine quickly entered the next room with Umber over her shoulders, and was shocked to see Poverty Lad, the martian LMBer, standing in her way!
"You!"
"Yes, me!"
"Bah!"
"Bah is right! Little do the LMB realize that I'm cutting out!"
"You mean...?"
"That's right!" said Pov, "I'm joining the bad-guys!"
Meanwhile, Diva Damsel (aka Cher) began barking out orders! "Ok, Fat Cramer, Lardy and Cobalt, see if you can get outside and help Abin and Dev take on the invaders! Miss Terious, Dolly-puto and EDE, follow Catherine the Great and see where she took Umber! Lucien Lad and I will rejoin Faraway Lad and Loser Lad to make sure the Giant Hostess Fruit Pie Diety is alright.
Unbeknownst to any of them, at the same time Future and Varalent were...
Posted by Space Ranger on :
Meanwhile out in space Abin and Dev had discovered that everything that had happened in this thread so far (except for all the straight male LMBPers being fixated by Globe Girl's Cleavage) was a sham, a hoax and a batch of misdirection to cover the real plot against the LMBP.
They knew this now because they had used their mighty powers to capture the invading ship five minutes before this thread started. But in a spontaneous retcon caused by Lash rolling over in his sleep, that didn't happen and something else did, something so horrible, so terrifying, so nauseating, so... well you get the picture...
And that something was now deep in the bowels of the underground vaults of Legion World. It was making it's way from the exact center of Legion World where it had been hurled after a Titanic battle.
Slowly, laboriously it moved thru the very crust of Legion World. Sheer hatred fueling it's every move. It would have it's revenge. It would destroy the two LMBPers responsible for it's defeat and imprisonment. Abin Quank and Sanity or Madness? were doomed.
The Statue of the Legondary Poster known as Cobalt Kid (or TSOTLPKACK, for short) was coming.
And Legion World was doomed!
Posted by Eryk Davis Ester on :
But fortunately Lash rolled back over, saving Legion World from TSOTLPKACK for now!
Unbeknownst to any of them, at the same time Future and Varalent were at the holo-theater viewing "The Cosmic Cloud That Swallowed Earth 7". Future was wondering just how many more sequels they could make to his favorite holo-flick, when suddenly time froze in the theater!
Meanwhile, Kid Gender Stereotype Reversal II, who hadn't been active in the LMB for quite awhile, was rushing to Legion World with an important message for the LMBers! As she approached Legion World, she saw...
Posted by Future on :
As she approached Legion World, she saw...Abin & Dev-em, forcefully escorting the large invading craft down to Legion World. The smoking ship had obviously seen some harm done to it. Kid GSR II was about to yell praise when she spotted, from the corner of her eye, a small flicker at the other side of the ship.
"Oh no!" the lass bemoaned, as the two LMBers in the air were caught in a bright beam. Quickly, she rushed toward headquarters, intent on delivering her message.
---
We now join some of our other heroes: Miss T, EDE, and Dolly Computo! They're sprinting down the empty halls of Legion World, on the chase of Catherine the Great.
"This hall looks familiar!" Miss Terious informs her companions. "Why, it's the one from my dream last night!"
Eryk raises an eyebrow. "The kinky one you told me this morning about you, Kent, and Cobie in the Weenie Hut?"
"Not that dream, silly! The one I had afterward...that a LMBer would betray us all!" Miss T revealed.
"Preposterous!" Eryk responded, when suddenly the two were cut off by Poverty Lad, grand-standing in the doorway to their destination. "Pov! Catherine the Great's loose! Have you seen her?"
Poverty Lad thought it over a moment, "Why, yes, I have! She ran through this way after giving me a large amount of Xanthian Anvil Dollars! But, you know me, I just can't seem to hold onto money!" He quickly pulls a lever next to them, causing large, heavy credits to fall amongst the trio!
"I knew it! A trap!" Miss T declared, but even she couldn't foresee their fall fast enough.
With EDE and Miss T pinned beneath the metallic, heavy currency, Dolly Computo stares down Pov. "You won't get away with this, sugah!"
"Uh, I really don't get away with or gain anything, really. That why I'm Poverty Lad! I never receive anything from all this nonsense...but now I will! Look, Dolly, at what I've stolen from our vaults as my own personal souvenir!"
"Sakes alive! Why, it's..."
Posted by Abin Quank on :
...my Original Bosom...
Posted by Eryk Davis Ester on :
"Jeepers! Why is her original bosom all green and glowing?" asks EDE.
EDE's pet luck lord appears to inform him: "Hmm... possibly because that's the Emerald Bosom of Ekkra, secretly kept in the vaults of Legion World since your recent adventure with the SMB of Earth-4!"
"Oh yeah," EDE remembered. "The Emerald Bosom played a key role in our attempts to stop to re-assembling of her husband, Ekkron!"
"But, if that's her original bosom," Miss Terious begins, "then does that mean that Dollyputo is really..."
Miss Terious is suddenly cut off by...
[ August 23, 2004, 08:25 AM: Message edited by: Eryk Davis Ester ]
Posted by Cobalt Kid on :
Miss Terious is suddenly cut off by the body of LardLad, sent flying back down to Legion World, on fire and a bloody mess!
"Lardy!", yelled EDE
"Is he dead?" asked Miss T
"Fuck no!" yelled Lardy, suddenly draining all the lard off all the citizens of Legion World in his vicinity, so they all now looked like super-models! "That dang space-ship just captured Cobalt and Fat Cramer, along with Dev and Abin! They're all on board! We gotta save 'em!"
"It's no use Lardy," said Dollyputo, "there's no way we'll be able to get aboard that ship by fighting our way through."
"Then I'll just--"
"No, 'porting won't work either. Kid Teleport, the LMB cadet, attempted that and was instantly turned into a pile of blood and guts."
"What should we do then?" asked Miss Terious, "and what's with that nice Emerald rack?"
----
Meanwhile, Pov snickered, rejoining Catherine the Great with a captured Umber. "Silly LMBers! Tricks are for kids!"
Even more meanwhile, Future and Vee...
Posted by Future on :
Even more meanwhile, Future and Vee remain time-frozen within the cinema! This wouldn't be bad, except the holo-projector was outside of the stopped space. Egads, they're missing their movie!
As if that wasn't vile enough, back at Legion World HQ...
"Lou, could you just sit on the table and behave for five seconds?" Faraway asked, arms crossed as he watched Loser slide right off the table with a *hic*.
"Sch'yeah...uh huh." Loser Lad protested in his stupor. "Too hungry. How'zabout that...uh...giant snack food thing?"
"Uh, that defeats the whole purpose of guarding it, Lou---oh no!" cried Faraway, as two figures suddenly passed right through the wall. "Wait...it's Lucien and Cher!"
"Hi, babe!" Cher called, helping Lucien along.
Faraway shook his head. "How'd you get in?! I've got the whole place locked up!"
"Guess who developed low-level intangibility powers?" Lucien asked, staring at Cher. The singer giggled.
"Glad you guys are here! Help me hold this place down...no one should be getting through these secured doors without proper authorization!" Faraway explained, when suddenly as if on cue, one of the doors beeped an access verification and opened up!
"It's...Poverty Lad!" Lucien exclaimed.
"Pov, what's going on out there?" Faraway asked, holding Loser Lad back as he suddenly made a charge for the Hostess Pie Deity.
"Not much, though I did meet some interesting people out here!" Pov says with a smirk, stepping aside to reveal Catherine the Great (with hostage Umber in tow)!
Elsewhere...
Posted by Bevis on :
*interlude*
Wholuda thunk it, a simultaneous post. Heh heh. Never mind, Future got there first and his post was funnier anyway.
By the way, I'm loving this tag team so far. Oddly enough it's actually make vague sense even with me throwing in singing divas willy nilly. You know what they say though, you can never have too many divas.
*end interlude*
[ August 23, 2004, 01:23 PM: Message edited by: Bevis ]
Posted by Future on :
<Interlude as well>
Eep, sorry, Bevis!
I liked your part for the movie-theatre...you should keep it for your next post! I also have to agree that this tag-team is great! Definitely lots of fun to be had and it's still an epic in the making! Thanks to everyone for throwing in their parts.
When writing hi-jinks, one can never go wrong with Cher. Personally, I'd love to see Dolly Computo become the LMB's new Computo-type server! Abin & EDE, I love the Emerald Bosom of Dolly Parton!
</end Interlude as well>
Posted by Cobalt Kid on :
*interlude*
I'm really liking this one too so far. And you can never have too many Divas
*end interlude*
Posted by Invisible Brainiac on :
Elsewhere...
Invisible Brainiac and Kent Shakespeare walked into the MMB to take their shift.
"Hey! Everyone's frozen!" Kent observed. "Even the cameras aren't moving!"
"All right! No more double shifts!"
"But now we can't use the cameras to peek into the girls' locker rooms!"
"Gasp! You're right! How horrible!" IB exclaimed. "Now I'll just have to go back to sneaking in invisibly! Hey, wait a minute - isn't that Pov with Catherine the Great?!"
The two LMBPers stared at the monitor in shock, before moving their eyes to stare at Catherine the Great's skimpy outfit.
"Then, Pov's turned traitor?"
"He must have! And the only one who can stop him is-"
Posted by Abin Quank on :
"...Frostfyre, but as far as anyone knows he and Danny Blane are off lounging in the Hot Tubs on Orgasmis Major!"
"Well, there must be someone closer that can help us out!"
With a furious look of concentration on his face, Invisible Brainiac turns invisible, activating the brainiac portion of his powers.
"Let me think a moment... Anyone we send to Orgasmis Major to retrieve them will undoubtedly wind up spending a few weeks enjoying that wonderful planet's incredible hospitality... So who can we do without during this crisis?" He mused.
"Well, all I know is," Kent added, "we have to keep this a secret mission or everyone will volunteer."
"I know, we'll send...
[ August 24, 2004, 06:34 AM: Message edited by: Abin Quank ]
Posted by Future on :
"I know, we'll send...Thora of Taltar!"
"Thora? What for?" Kent asked.
"Why, the last thing Thora wants to see is a bunch of men hanging around the hot tub enjoying themselves!" said the intelligent Invisible Brainiac, turning visible. "She'll bring Frosty and Danny back for a flogging immediately!"
"Good plan, but where do we find her?" Kent asked, pausing as he sees one of the monitors. "...why am I seeing Cher and a giant Hostess Fruit Pie in our storage room?"
---
Coming up from Legion World's lower levels, Harbinger and Sonnie Bloke exit the transit tubes to find several LMBers faced off with the Emerald Bosom of Dolly Parton!
"Whoa! That's one big bosom!" Sonnie exclaimed.
Harbinger fumed, not noticing what Sonnie was looking at. "Listen Son, how many times do I have to tell you to look me in the face when...oh! That big emerald one!"
Lard Lad quickly helps free EDE and Miss Terious from the anvil money, all the while hesitant of the Emerald body part. "Shouldn't it be attacking us or something!"
"Dolly must be the key!" EDE deduced. "Surely the bosom won't attack it's old master!"
The Emerald Bosom stares at Dolly Computo for a moment, until it notices the bigger, bouncier replacements that are on the projected country singer. The bosom suddenly glows.
"*gasp* Lardy! Watch out!" Miss Terious shouts, predicting the attack and grabbing Lard Lad away from the first blast.
Harbinger watches the object attack and charges. "Let's go, Sonnie!"
"Wait! Do you hear the sound of sexy female cackling and a low-level sonic scream? There's something going on in the storage room!" Sonnie notices, ears tuned in down another hall as Harbinger whips out a giant tuba and smacks it across the Emerald Bosom. "I better go see what's going on down there!"
----
Back at the holo-theater...
[ August 24, 2004, 09:00 AM: Message edited by: Future ]
Posted by Cobalt Kid on :
Back at the holo-theater, Future and Vee still stand, frozen in time, waiting for something to happen.
"Um...WTF? This is starting to really suck."
"Tell me about it! I have to pee!" adds in Vee.
Then slowly, the world begins swirling around them, and an onslought of colors and smells hits them! Instantly, they feel sick to their stomachs!
Finally, opens his eyes to find that both of them have been teleported far away to a strange land! "Jumpin' Catfish!," says Future, "where are we?"
"You are on the most important of missions," says a voice, as the two turn around to see the silhouette of the LMB Spectre! "And you must figure that out for yourselves! You have no idea how close Legion World is to being destroyed, and how a traitor is currently working against the LMB to destroy it! On this world, Fun-Ke, you will learn all you need to know..."
Quietly, the LMB Spectre dissapeared, leaving Future and Vee wondering what it was they had to do...
Meanwhile, Cobalt Kid, Fat Cramer, Abin Quank and Dev-Em all suddenly appeared in a prison cell on the large ship preparing to destroy Legion World! They were startled to see that in the cell next to them was none other than...
Posted by Invisible Brainiac on :
Petty Officer Marvin the Martian of the Brood!
"Gasp!" said Cobie. "I thought you were off to visit your Brood Momma?"
"I was... but my homeworld was attacked ny these aliens and I was captured when I tried to resist them!"
"The fiends!" said Fat Cramer. "If they can conquer the Brood, then how powerful can they be?"
"Oh come on, we were able to defeat the Brood. It's no big deal." shrugged Dev-em.
"Good point."
"Whatever, let's blast out of here." said Abin, charging up his power ring."
"Wait! You musn't!" said Marvin. "There's something important I have to tell you..."
Posted by Future on :
...you see, my Brood Mother grew fond of the ring leader behind the attacks! She's actually here right now, somewhere, as an honored, enamored guest! The head honcho is quite flattered by her love."
Abin shook his head. "Kid, you've got one interesting family tree."
"Well, as long as she doesn't stand in our way!" Cobalt declared, "Let's get out of here!"
"...but, if you escape, my mother will be killed!" Marvin declared.
Fat Cramer sighed. "Talk about contrieved plot devices. Now what?"
"We'll think of something. In fact, I've got an idea..." Dev-Em schemed. "If anyone who suddenly lusts after this guy becomes his best friend, than maybe we can slip an ace up our sleave."
The LMBers turn to Fat Cramer.
"What? Ohhhhh, no. No way, boys."
---
Moments and a quick talk with a security guard outside later, Fat Cramer is being escorted down the main hallway of the vessel by several armed, masked workers.
"So, quite taken with the master, are you?" The first guard inquired.
"Oh, yes. The master is SO smart and beautiful..." Fat Cramer said sarcastically, dragging her feet at the assignment. "*sigh*"
"You know, master's been watching you from the security cameras. He's quite taken with you and that one Brood Mother we picked up!" The second exclaimed.
Fat Cramer smiled, teeth clenched behind her grin. Those rascals back in the cage definitely owe her a favor, when they're all freed.
---
In the Legion World security office, Invisible Brainiac and Kent Shakespeare quickly try to deduce a way to find Thora of Taltar without drawing attention from the others.
"What's the best way to keep a mission top secret, living in a world filled with hundreds of members who're all after the latest news and gossip?" Kent asked. "We've got to find Thora!"
"You rang?" asked Thora, walking in with her usual, stubborn grace.
"Thora! Wow, uh, that works." Invisible Brainiac mused. "We need your, uh...brilliant help..." IB informed the man-hating ambassador, trying to butter her up.
Thora stood back in amazement. "MY help, eh? Bah! Thora of Taltar does not sink so low as to aid pathetic, helpless males."
"Even if it's to...uh...aid in the downfall of a male-only society on Orgasmis Major?" Kent asked.
Thora's eyes lit up. "The Goddesses have decided to be kind to you! I, Thora of Taltar, will gladly go and help destroy the society. This Orgasmis Major of yours intrigues me."
"Great! Most importantly, be sure to bring Frostfyre and Danny back. They're supporting the government there and will need a swift flogging back at headquarters!" IB informs Thora, outwitting the woman.
"I must leave at once!" Thora declared, cape rushing behind her as she exits.
---
Speaking of Alt IDs, elsewhere in Legion World we find...
Posted by Cobalt Kid on :
Speaking of Alt IDs, elsewhere in Legion World, we find the Royal Inquisitor hurling a bomb into the street and then cowardly running off!
"Bah! Whoever is attacking Legion World has my support!"
Luckily, Arachne quickly leapt down and spun a thick web over the bomb until it was layered enough to stop the explosion from doing damage! "What the hell is going on around here...?" she thought.
Then suddenly, the door to the gigantic mother ship hovering over Legion World opened!
Out came hundreds of Gorillas with bat-like wings and gigantic laser-guns in their hands! Immediately, they attacked Legion World!
--------
Meanwhile, Harbinger, Sonnie, EDE, Miss Terious, Lardy and Dolly Computo battled against Poverty Lad, Catherine the Great (who had kidnapped Umber), and the Emerald Bossom of Ekkra!
"We can't let them get near Faraway Lad and Giant Hostess Fruit Pie Deity!" yelled Sonnie!
"I don't think we have to worry about that," said Lardy, "since Far and Big Pie are...
Posted by Abin Quank on :
But suddenly Rob Liefield appears and eliminates all of the bat-winged gorillas with a single stroke of his mighty pencil...
"Bah, already done several thousand times, and thats just in one of my books, I must find a new and more formidable menace for this story..."
He pauses pencil pressed tightly to his forehead, thinking furiously.
"A-Hah, I've got it," he exclaims while scratching furiously at a certain portion of his neither regions. "But what do I replace those bat-winged gorillas with? Hmmm... Well when in doubt the old standbys are the best recourse..."
Suddenly he is gone, vanished back into the neither regions of space and time.
But in the Skies above Legion World the menace of the bat-winged gorillas has been replaced by...
(Drum Roll Please)
The Jell-o Molds of DOOM!
[ August 27, 2004, 10:14 PM: Message edited by: Abin Quank ]
Posted by Faraway Lad on :
"I don't think we have to worry about that," said Lardy, "since Far and Big Pie are...
locked in a passionate embrace.
"Faraway" shouts Harbinger "this is neither the time nor the place young man"
"Actually" says Sonnie Boy "i don't think thats passion, i think Faraway is actually trying to hold the Big pie off"
As Faraway wrestled with the Giant Hostess Fruit Pie Deity they could hear the Deity moaning, saying in a low sultry voice, "take me, take me you know you want to"
Harbinger stood arms crossed looked at Faraway, "You better have a good reason for that"
Faraway struggling with the tasty fruit filling that was oozing down his front, said "I don't know, all I said to Loser was, as an Englishmen, I had never had a Hostess Fruit Pie and this happened"
Just then the ceiling smashed open and a large number of the Jell o Molds of Doom flew into the room and....
Posted by Future on :
"Jiggling moons of Naltor!" gasped Miss Terious at the sight of the the Jell-o Molds of Doom.
Harbinger and the others quickly scatter about. "What is with all these giant, sentient snack foods today?" Harbi mused, leaping away from a swooping gelatin.
It seemed neither friend nor foe were safe from the retconned gorillas into jell-o! One quickly lobs over the Emerald Bosom!
Dolly Computo chokes at the sight, a jell-o passing harmlessly over her. "Oh well."
Poverty Lad looks flustered at the loss of his new prize. "My Emerald bounty!"
"Bah! Forget the bosom! We're after the Fruit Pie Deity!" declared Catherine the Great, cracking her whip to ward off an attack. Umber squeels, pinned against Catherine by the villain's spare arm. Luckily, Loser Lad had taken to a nice nap behind the villain (even among the attack), tripping Catherine over him. Umber breaks free and runs from her captor, as Loser quickly wakes up to find the scantilly-clad warrior woman falling onto him.
"Ah!" sighs Loser Lad, coming to and grabbing Catherine in a hug. "I love this job, I tell ya."
Lardy can't help but overhear Catherine's target before she tripped. "That's right! Faraway...eww, uh...get that filling off you and get the Big Pie out of here!"
Despite the rumblings from the Giant Fruit Pie as it practically threw itself at Far, he does as told. Faraway Lad and the Giant Hostess Fruit Pie suddenly find themselves far, far away at...
Posted by Faraway Lad on :
His secret hideout inside the super moby dick of space.
"Quick Horace" he shouts to the space whale, "get us out of the danger zone"
And then he turns his attention back to the quivering, excited, Giant Hostess Fruit Pie which was now lying back on his bed, fruit filling oozing out from her.
"take me, take me please" the pie said, enjoy my luscious fruit filling, add cream to me if you want, just take me I'm yours"
"oh boy" said Faraway "the things I have to do for the LMB"
Meanwhile back at HQ Catherine the Great has whipped Loser into submission (for which he will remain eternally grateful) and has turned her attention to the Jell O Moulds...of space.
"Get LardLad" she shouts and the Moulds start to attack him. Slowly they completely cover his body leaving him unable to use the lardforce as it simply splashes back all over him.
With two LMB'ers incapacitated it is up to Harbinger to release the full force of her.......
[ September 02, 2004, 04:28 AM: Message edited by: Faraway Lad ]
Posted by Abin Quank on :
Yes the amazing lady formerly known as Harbinger, briefly known as Phantax... Phantasmz... Phanny, has now revealed her true identity (at least for this week) of Mrs C B Hill... Mistress of the Thong Force! (for those of you unfamiliar with the Thong Force, think of it as a feminine version of the Lard Force)
...Interlude...
Editor's Note - I have no Idea what happens next or how the Thong Force works, except that it's going to be amazingly funny, so I'm tagging out and going to work, Take over Numf...
...End Interlude...
Posted by Future on :
( for Numf-el! I really want to see this tag-thread keep going!)
Posted by Vee on :
"Well, it seems I have no choice then," Harbinger sighs. "Thanks so much Chuck. I had hoped to keep this week's true identity a secret, at least for another day! But duty calls!"
Gripping the front of her skirt, Harbinger tear it off in one pull, finally revealing herself as the Mistress of the Thong Force.
Everyone in the room (Well, at least those still functioning) gasped!
Gasp!!!
...for there in all her glory, stood Mrs. C. B. Hill defiantly sporting only her official SHAKES silver thong for all to see. Staring down the Giant Jell-o Moulds...of Space & Catherine the Great, the Mrs. reached for the tie strings that hold together the official SHAKES silver thong.
"No, Harbinger, don't!" Miss T yells. "There must be another way."
"No I'm afraid there is no other choice," Mrs. CB Hill affirms and....
...starts playing the thong strings like a harp!
To everyone's amazement and surprise, she began performing a more than adequate rendition of the theme song to that 80's TV program "The Bill Cosby Show"!
(Now as everyone knows, Bill Cosby was the King of Jello back in the 20th Century and even eons later, he is still revered by Jello kind as one of their greatest heroes.)
As the thong strings, as strummed by Harbi, thrummed out strands of the song, a brilliant cloud began to coalesce in the center of the room. Suddenly from that cloud stepped...Bill Cosby!
He looked around with that puzzled look of his for a moment but immediately spotted the Giant Jello Moulds...of Space and said...
Posted by Future on :
"By George! Will ya look at that! That's some mighty fine mound of Jello there. I don't suppose you fellas need a spokesperson?"
The Jello Molds of Doom hovered around for a moment, but then defiantly attacked and tried to eat Bill! Unfortunately, centuries of product placement and gelatin consumption has made Bill the more dominant Jello force! In one quick move, the entire army of Jello molds is sucked into Bill Cosby!
"Woah! Now that's not something I do every day."
"Right on, sugah!" shouts Dollyputo.
Bill looks over. "Oh, hey, Dolly. Haven't seen you in a thousand years."
"Give or take." Dolly winks.
Catherine the Great and Pov look furiously at the remains of the battlefield. "No! My Jello molds!"
"What now?" Pov asked. "We've lost the Emerald Bosom & our hostage! Way to go!"
"Bah!" shouts Catherine, quickly picking up the unconscious Loser Lad. "Now we have another hostage!"
Miss Terious watches all of the proceedings. "No! Poverty Lad, how could you betray us?"
Pov shrugs. "She pays well?"
"Always about the money, huh, Pov?" Eryk Davis Ester asks, standing with Sonnie Bloke as Harbi quickly covered herself back up.
---
In space, Thora of Taltar's shuttle whisks past the large invading craft as Thora heads toward Orgasmis Major.
"Those invaders better leave some cretins behind for me to rule over!" she muses. "Impressive ship. Surely run by a female!"
---
Back on the ground, Arachne swings in toward the entrance to LMB headquarters just as Kid Gender Stereotype Reversal II arrives.
"Are you with the LMB?" KGSR II asked, out of breath.
"Yes, I am!" Arachne says, helping the Kid stay steady. "Do you know what's going on here? What's happening?"
"I don't know about that giant ship, but I've got an important message for the LMB! I've come to inform you that..."
[ October 11, 2004, 04:59 PM: Message edited by: Future ]
Posted by Trackstar on :
... the Fruit Pie Deity is really Miss T's Sweet Cherry Pie, horribly mutated when some of Cobie's demonic seed was spilled on it!
And, what's worse, my intel says that Faraway Lad may delve into it's fruit filling, which would be horrible, because the Pie Deity has the power to...
[ October 06, 2004, 04:06 PM: Message edited by: Trackstar ]
Posted by Faraway Lad on :
...Transmute any male into Spotted Dick and Custard!!
<Interlude> For the un initiated a traditional school dinner in the UK. honest! <end Interlude>
"Oh my! poor Faraway" said Arachne "we must save him"
As Arachne and KGSRII headed off to save Faraway, Poverty Lad and Catherine the Great were in their space ship heading to the planet Ogasmis Major. Suddenly the proximity alarms sounded. Pov looked at the scanner and groaned.
"Oh thats all we need, it's Vaginimus and its....
Posted by Abin Quank on :
"Oh thats all we need, it's Vaginimus and its... Its... Looking for a traditional UK School Dinner of Spotted Dick and Custard!"
***Eddie Tor's Note***
Yeesh! I thout dat it was Thora on her way ta Ogasmis Majer, not Cathy da Slutty, and Pov...
But, What da heck do I knows?
***End Da Note***
Posted by Faraway Lad on :
Well I know these tag team tales get a bit confusing (well they do if i get my way that is ) but I thought Thora had flown past a large invasion ship and it was that ship not Thora which was on its way to Orgasmis Major. I had assumed mind you that Pov and the others were on the big ship which could be wrong also! Posted by Future on :
**Interlude**
Whoops! My bad, Far. I just re-read the sentence I posted about Thora passing the ship and it DID sound like it was the invading craft, not Ms. Taltar, on the way to Orgasmis Major. I changed the sentence around a bit to read more clearly.
***end Interlude*
Posted by Cobalt Kid on :
Suddenly, Mearl Dox and the Red Bee entered the room and yelled, "What the hell is going on here?!"
Hoping that they could get a recap (without rereading the thread), someone summarized the adventure so far and said...
Posted by Abin Quank on :
We're not sure what's happening... BUT! as usual...
It's all Cobie's Fault!!! Posted by Bevis on :
Yeah, someone do a recap. I'm looking pointedly at Cobie at this point. Posted by Future on :
(I'll give it a try. )
"It's all Cobie's fault!!!" EDE exclaimed, but Miss Terious quickly pushes him aside and walks up to Mearl Dox and Red Bee.
"Now, now, Eryk. You know better! Here's what we know so far...
"Eryk, Abin, Dev-Em, and I were all eating at Cafe Cramer when a mysterious ship attacked Legion World! Abin & Dev-Em went out to investigate!
"Elsewhere, Lucien Lad was showing Umber some fashion tips as Cobalt Kid & Lardlad looked on! Both groups were attacked by evil forces though. Were they the Monitor? A four-armed gorilla? Nope! One was a Durlan, who Loser Lad killed because alcohol melts them, and the other...was Cher!
"Cher, EDE, and I (Miss T) quickly erected a plan and headed toward Eryk's treasure chest of disguises. We opened it to find Dolly Parton, now a hard-light hologram with something like the Computo Matrix! Informing us that the attackers were after the Giant Hostess Fruit Pie Deity now under our protection, we hopped through the chest's interdimensional wormhole and popped over to protect Big Pie!
"Faraway Lad, Fat Cramer and Loser Lad were already there, guarding the Pie. But if Loser was there, who was the other Loser? Cramer joined the four of us as we rushed back to discover Lou was really...Catherine the Great! She quickly took Umber hostage in an attempt to get the Big Pie!
"Even Cher's low-level super-powers couldn't help us as Poverty Lad went traitor to assist the scantilly-clad hussie. They made a break for the Big Pie, Pov distracting most of us with the Emerald Bosom of Ekkra, which Dolly Parton had once also possessed! Elsewhere, Fat Cramer, Cobie, and Lardy joined the fray outside! Lardy got blown back inside, informing us the other two plus Dev-Em and Abin were abducted by the ship!
"It's been chaos here since then! Cher and an injured Lucien went to go help Far, but then Catherine the Great burst in with Umber. Harbinger and Sonnie joined us in fighting the Bosom. Fighting spilled over into where we were keeping the Pie Deity, so Faraway took it someplace...faraway! Things went bad to worse as the Jell-O Molds of Doom attacked!
"Luckilly, they didn't end up being THAT bad! Umber broke free, they ate the Emerald Bosom, and Harbinger's use of the THONG FORCE heralded the timely arrival of Bill Cosby. He solved all our problems as he consumed the gelatin! Catherine & Pov took Loser Lad as a hostage now and split!"
A voice suddenly sparks over the intercom, "Hey, guys! This is Invisible Brainiac here! Kent and I have been in the monitor room, noticing the crisises everywhere! Arachne and Kid Gender Stereotype Reversal II are outside fighting, heading inside, while Future and Varalent are frozen in the holo-theatre in town. Something odd is going on at the show, and we recently lost visuals!"
Kent's voice came over now, "We don't know what's happening there! The only two people who we think can help are Icefyre and Danny Blaine, both vacationing on Orgasmis Major! We sent Thora of Taltar to go retrieve them!"
Suddenly Abin's green visage appeared before the group. "Hey guys! We got problems! We're all hostage with Marvin of the Brood on this ship! Fat Cramer managed to convince a guard she was in love with the leader, so that now she's being taken to whoever it is for a personal audience! If we try to escape, Marvin's brood mother gets it!"
Arachne rushes in with KGSR II. "That's not all, guys! The Kid here informed me that the Big Pie is really Miss T's Sweet Cherry Pie..."
"My pie!" Miss T wailed.
"...and not only that, but it has the power to turn any male who consumes it into Spotted Dick and Custard!"
"Sakes alive!" Dollyputo declared.
Harbinger looks about. "Is that everything? Pov and Catherine are getting away now!"
"But we've got to save Faraway too!" Arachne exclaimed.
"We'll send a team after Pov & Cat, while some others try to track into the invading ship. We also need some others to go to the holos & also go and save Faraway. Wherever he is!"
"I'll find Faraway!" Cher announces, stepping forward. "But I'll need the help of two others, namely..."
[ October 12, 2004, 12:06 PM: Message edited by: Future ]
Posted by Bevis on :
*interlude*
Nice job Future. Only I only just noticed I'm injured. I guess I should go back and find out how that happened.
*end interlude*
Posted by Future on :
(Interlude)
I think Cat whipped you, actually. You probably should be fine by now!
And a who's where in case it was too confusing so that people can accurately add to were the tag-team is at:
LW Storage Room: Miss Terious, EDE, Harbinger, Sonnie, Cher, Lucien Lad, Lardlad, Dollyputo, Bill Cosby, Arachne, KGRS II, Umber, Loser Lad (captured), Catherine the Great (fleeing), Poverty Lad (fleeing)
Elsewhere on LW: Invisible Brainiac (MMB), Kent (MMB), and MLLASH (sleeping)
Horace, Far's pet Space-Whale: Faraway Lad, Big Pie
...Danny & Icefyre are on Orgasmis Major, with Thora en route.
*whoo*
(/end Interlude)
Posted by Cobalt Kid on :
*interlude*
Future, once again, you prove that you kick ass! Nicely done!
*end interlude*
Posted by Trackstar on :
*interlude* *interlude ends*
"I'll find Faraway!" Cher announces, stepping forward. "But I'll need the help of two others, namely...
...High Priestess Viviane and MLLASH! Only Viv can use the scrying pools on Avalon to accurately pinpoint Far's current location. And only she can bend time and space to transport Lash there in time to eat the Big Pie before Far becomes a spotted dick (and custard)!"
Still reeling from learning that her sweet cherry pie has become a fruit pie deity, Miss T. asks, "Why Lash?"
To which, EDE adds, "Jeepers! Isn't Lash allergic to pie?"
Dollyputo informs everyone, "Lash isn't allergic to pie. He just prefers to soak cork. But the time to discuss hobbies, isn't now! I concur with Cher that only Lash can digest the Big Pie and survive!"
Arachne, KGRS II, and Cher head to Avalon to find Viv!
Miss T., EDE, and Bill Cosby go to wake MLLASH!
Harbinger, Sonnie, and Umber chase after Cat and Pov to rescue Lou!
And Dollyputo, Lardy, and Lucien Lad are dispatched to rescue Future, Vee, and the LMB Spectre from the Holos!
Meanwhile, IB and Kent have a plan to rescue the captured LMBers from the invading ship. A good thing too, because at that precise moment, Fat Cramer is about to...
[ October 12, 2004, 07:22 PM: Message edited by: Trackstar ]
Posted by Bevis on :
*interlude again*
quote:Originally posted by Future: (Interlude)
Sonnie, Cher, (/end Interlude)
heh heh heh. How come none of us have noticed this yet?
*end interlude*
Posted by dedman on :
quote:Originally posted by Trackstar: Meanwhile, IB and Kent have a plan to rescue the captured LMBers from the invading ship. A good thing too, because at that precise moment, Fat Cramer is about to... [/QB]
franchise his cafe to the dominion in exchange for their formidable firepower. Sadly noone knows of Fat Cramer's plan to help (and make a credits), so our heros are still in a bind.....
Posted by Cobalt Kid on :
Meanwhile, Future and Vee were suddenly transported to the strange world of Fun-Ke, via the LMB Spectre!
"What the heck are we supposed to do here?" asked Vee aloud, as he and Future looked around.
"That's funny," said a voice, "we were wondering the same thing."
They turned and were shocked to see a none other than the flighty young female known as...
Posted by dedman on :
Homecoming Queen and her new friends, The Cheerleaders of the Apocolypse (sp?).
"so" Vee said, "what are we supposed to do. "i THINK i've already asked that" replied Homecoming Queen in her bitchist voice. Future raises an eyebrow and glances from Vee to the cheerleaders, then to Homecoming Queen and back to Vee again. "hmm, i think its pretty obvious what we are supposed to do.....the question is why. And what possible purpose could it serve?"
Posted by Bevis on :
*bump*
Just because any story featuring Dolly Computo and Sonny and Cher *needs* an ending.
Posted by Invisible Brainiac on :
Perhaps it is time to revive this thread...
*********************************
IB and Kent quickly dress up as Brood aliens and board the ship! With them is IB's boyfriend Blaze, who wouldn't let IB out of his sight.
"So, uh, which way do we go?" Blaze asks.
"I can't see," Kent mutters. "This stupid costume keeps slipping over my head!"
"Well, the fastest way I can think of to find the bad guy is to pretend to be in love with him, like what happened with Marvin's mom...!"
Blaze and Kent both take a step back. "Oh no you don't!"
"None of us have to... because I got help from..."
![[Big Grin]](biggrin.gif)
![[Bump]](graemlins/bump.gif)
for Numf-el! I really want to see this tag-thread keep going!)
![[LOL]](graemlins/lol.gif)
) but I thought Thora had flown past a large invasion ship and it was that ship not Thora which was on its way to Orgasmis Major. I had assumed mind you that Pov and the others were on the big ship which could be wrong also! ![[Eek!]](eek.gif)
![[Wink]](wink.gif)
![[ROTFLMAO]](graemlins/rotflmao.gif)
*interlude ends*