The Trumpeter's only regret was that his arch-nemesis, Lash Lad, had resigned from the Society of Message Board Posters after marrying his long-time girlfriend, Linda Lake, who'd enjoyed a brief heroic career as Strechable Lass after accidentally consuming her scientist father's super-elastic fluid. Nonetheless, his revenge would be sweet. He'd called together a number of the greatest enemies of the SMB, and put together a plan that would allow them, together, to finally conquer the universe. Or maybe two universes, if Thora's theory was correct.
He and Thora were sitting in the planning room when in walked another member of the villainous cadre he was putting together. "Thora," the Trumpeter says, "I'd like to introduce you to..."
Posted by Cobalt Kid on :
...Golden Shower, the famous super-villianess and arch nemesis of Outdoor Miner. Her powers over the weather will come in handy when we finally destroy our enemies."
As Thora greeted her new ally in this terrible Axis of Evil, she reflected on all that the Trumpeter had accomplished that could make this plan work. They had discovered another universe, one that somehow could be accessed via some strange plan, centered on...
Posted by Eryk Davis Ester on :
...the Emerald Outfit of Ek'ron! Bits of Ek'ron's clothing had for years plagued the members of the SMB, and as they had been defeated one by one, from the Emerald Boxer Shorts to the Emerald Bow Tie of Ek'ron, they were collected in the SMB Museum. According to the Trumpeter's sources, only one article of clothing remained unaccounted for: the Emerald Nelly Cap of Ek'ron!
The information provided by Thora had led him to deduce that the Emerald Nelly Cap of Ek'ron had been sent back in time to an alternate universe several years previously alongside the daughter of Thora and SMBer Cobalt Kid. By gaining possession of the rest of the Emerald Outfit, they could home in on the Emerald Nelly Cap in the alternate universe and link the two universes together using...
[ May 23, 2004, 03:09 PM: Message edited by: Eryk Davis Ester ]
Posted by Faraway Lad on :
Faraway Lad. Somehow the Faraway Power was linked to all the transdimensional portals ever discovered. In order to entrap Faraway who could be some what difficult to find (on account of always being far away)Thora had recruited...
Posted by Cobalt Kid on :
...the Super Bartender of Space! Knowing full well that Faraway Lad's weakness was glasses of port and thick dark beers, Thora knew that the Super Bartender of Space, recentley released from prison could easily track down the SMBer Faraway Lad so they could link to Earth-1 and find the Emerald Nelly Cap of Ek'ron.
Thora sighed, thinking about how her daughter, Amber, had been sent to Earth-1 over a decade into the past. Amber, the product of a torrid love affair with the SMBer Cobalt Kid, now lived in this strange universe, and could possibly still be in the vicinity of the Emerald Nelly Cap of Ek'ron.
The Trumpeter, Golden Shower and Thora watched on as the Super Bartender of Space was given the oppurtunity to join them in their evil quest! Tracking him down and offering him membership to their axis of Evil was...
[ May 23, 2004, 02:23 PM: Message edited by: Cobalt Kid ]
Posted by Eryk Davis Ester on :
The Stalker! Arch-nemesis of SMBer Atypical Lass, the Stalker had used his super-stalking powers to locate the Super-Bartender of Space's current whereabouts. Since, per his parole agreement, SBoS was not allowed anywhere near alcoholic beverages, he had found employment since his release as a milkman.
This was of course all part of his intricate plan to spike the milk of important Allied Planets officials before the big upcoming summit meeting, but when he heard about this new scheme, he promptly abandoned his own ambitions and signed up with the Axis of Evil! But only on the condition that they also recruit...
[ May 23, 2004, 04:41 PM: Message edited by: Eryk Davis Ester ]
Posted by Cobalt Kid on :
...Lard Lord.
The former SMBer was perhaps the most dangerous villian of all on the entire planet, and had impressed SBoS so greatly that he knew they must get him to join.
The only problem was that Lard Lord was a loose cannon, and could not be controlled. His history was legendary on this Earth, and the Stalker questioned SBoS's idea of making Lard Lord a recruit.
For years, Lard Lord was a guiding light of the SMB as Lard Lad. Then one day, he just seemed to snap, killing his fellow LMBers Cobalt Kid and Loser Lad by decapitating them in front of his fellow SMBers. It was the worst day in the history of the SMB, although for SBoS and other super-villians, it was possibly the best.
The Stalker, however, knew differently. Thora, the lover of Cobalt Kid, despite their allegiances to differing sides of good and evil, never forgave Lard Lord for killing the man she loved. She swore vengeance, and would never acquiesce to this condition. Still, they needed the Super Bartender of Space to track down and weaken Faraway Lad to set their plans into motion, so adding Lard Lord to the team would have to be a necessary addition.
It would be up to the Trumpeter to make the peace. However, the Stalker knew that the Trumpeter had another ally in his Axis of Evil that might make things go a little smoother, who was none other than...
Posted by Bevis on :
Glamour Puss, also known to his 'friends' (they used the term loosly) as Lucien. Wielder of the power of the mysterious Glam-force Glamour Puss was a notorious villain who had plagued the SMB on a number of occasions, once even being inducted as a member of the SMB before being found out in the nick of time. His attack that time however had left SMBer Beagle Boy scarred for life, making him Glamour Puss's arch nemesis. The Trumpeter hoped that having Glamour Puss on board might help form a truce between Thora and Lard Lord since he had worked with both villains in the past and was famous for his ability to charm and cajole people. All being well Glmaour Puss would be able to create the sense of unity within his team that the Trumpeter so badly needed.
The Trumpeter and Glamour Puss were sat in a corner booth of the infamous dive the Hootchy Hut, hang-out of the worst scum of the universe, waiting for the rest of the Axis of Evil to turn up when...
Posted by Eryk Davis Ester on :
...in walked SMBers Salad-Tosser Lad, Invisible Brainiac, and Portfolio Girl. They were in disguise, but Glamour Puss quickly recongized them because...
Posted by Cobalt Kid on :
...because he recognized a small tatoo of Dolly Parton on the inside of Salad Tosser Lad's arm! When Glamour Puss had infiltrated the SMB years earlier, he humiliated half of it's membership by branding them with Dolly Parton tatoos on their arms, to remind them of their failure! Although many had them removed, Salad Tosser Lad, an upcoming SMBer superstar, kept his as a reminder of his failure to recognize the SMB traitor.
"Quick Trumpter," said Glamour Puss, "we have to be discreet, the SMB is here!"
"I don't know about that..." said the Trumpeter, as he watched the new arrivals enter the Hootchy Hut.
"Gasp!" shrieked Portfolio Girl, as she turned to see the Stalker, the Super Bartender of Space and Lard Lord walk in. Lard Lord smiled, instantly recognizing the three SMBers.
"It's about to hit the fan..." thought Invisible Brainiac, as he...
Posted by Greybird on :
{/Interlude ON}
My head hurts! And just as I was mastering the LMB roster
You can write me in as a villain if you like. I don't have the stamina to do it!
{/Interlude OFF}
Posted by Faraway Lad on :
Meanwhile faraway in a sector of the galaxy faraway from all other life forms, Faraway Lad sat in a comfortable armchair in front of a roaring coal fire sipping a glass of Port after a fine dinner.
“You know” he said to a figure sitting in a chair but half hidden in the shadows “When I was on my way I had a strange feeling that I was being, well, to be honest I was going to say followed but it was more intense than that, almost a, I don’t know, a stalking”
“do you think they followed you all the way here” said the mysterious figure.
“no” answered FL, “ the feeling ended long before I got here, but it has made me feel uneasy. Maybe I should notify the SMB?
“No” said the figure “ if you do that they will only ask you to……..
Posted by Cobalt Kid on :
...to rejoin the team for the hundredth time. As we decided long ago Far, you and I must never rejoin the SMB, or else the guilt of what we did will drive us crazy."
"Yes," replied Faraway Lad, "you're right. I stand by our decision, but it had to be done. Still, I'm worried about this feeling..."
----------
Meanwhile, Portfolio Girl, Salad Tosser Lad and Invisible Brainiac watched in horror as Lard Lord, the Stalker and the Super Bartender of Space walked into the Hootchy Hut.
Grinning with an evil smile, Lard Lord held his hand up to Invisible Brainiac!
"No!" yelled the Trumpeter! Knowing full-well that the SMB must not be alerted to their presence yet, he turned to Glamour Puss, who teleported Lard Lord, the Stalker, the SBoS, himself, and the Trumpeter away, taking Invisible Brainiac and Salad Tosser Lad with them!
As Portfolio Girl desperately climbed out of her hiding spot, she knew she had to alert the other SMBers...
The villianous group reappeared, rejoining Thora and Golden Shower, only to learn that...
Posted by Faraway Lad on :
Thora and Golden shower were having some, erm, well lets just call it recreation time. In fact they were having a very naked recreation time.
Ooooppppps sorry said Glamour Puss, wrong room.
And with that they were all teleported away again, well all except Invisible Brainiac who just stood there open mouthed.
The remaining villains reappeared at .....
Posted by Cobalt Kid on :
...the Trumpeter's labaratory! "We'd we leave there?!" said SBoS suddenly! "I was enjoying that!"
"I'm sure you were," said the Trumpeter, but Thora would have your head if she knew you just saw her and Golden Shower in a-"
"Enough," said Lard Lord, which shocked them all. Surely, he of all people would want to witness a lesbian orgy. "What is it you want?"
"We want this!" yelled the Trumpeter, pointing to the view-screen that adorned his lab's wall. On it, was a picture of Earth.
"Earth? Ha! Take it!" yelled Lard Lord.
"No, my friend, you misunderstand. This isn't our Earth. It's another one, and we have a plan that you might like."
"Tell me more..." said Lard Lord. ----------
As Glamour Puss tied up Salad Tosser Lad tightly, something he always enjoyed, the Stalker and the SBoS made their way in search of Faraway Lad, to use him to get to Earth-1.
Meanwhile, across space, Portfolio Girl desperately tried to contact the other SMBers, when suddenly...
Posted by Eryk Davis Ester on :
Meanwhile, across space, Portfolio Girl desperately tried to contact the other SMBers, when suddenly she was swallowed by a giant space whale!
But what was even more unexpected was who she met inside the whale! It was none other than...
Posted by Faraway Lad on :
Faraway Lad and a mysterious other who vanished through a doorway before Portfolio Girl could see him/her clearly.
Looking around at the fine wood panelling, the comfortable leather chesterfield’s, Chippendale tables and a roaring log fire, Pofo Girl felt a little dizzy.
“Here my dear” said a concerned Faraway “let me help you to a chair. You look a little confused, here have a drink” and he poured a small glass of Port from a sparkling crystal decanter.
“bbut…bbut….” Said Pofo Girl
“easy, now take you time you have had a major shock to your diachronomezon particles, it can be a little unsettling at first” say Faraway in a low voice.
“bbut I was just swallowed by a space whale and you are trying to tell me you live here?”
“live here” said Faraway, “no we don’t live hear, but Horace (that’s his name by the way) sometimes lets us stay a while when we need to be alone. We actually live in the centre of faraway. This room is part of my home which can be here and faraway at the same time. I find it restful”
“but” continued Faraway, “enough of that, tell me why you were out here in this sector of space?”
“Well” said Pofo Girl
[ June 02, 2004, 02:50 AM: Message edited by: Faraway Lad ]
Posted by Cobalt Kid on :
"Well" said Pofo Girl, as she began to relay what happened to the three SMBers at the Hootchie Hut. Afte finishing, the ravishing young beauty asked, "Where do we go from here?" followed up by a sudden "And is that who I think it is?!", as Faraway's mysterious friend entered the room... --------------- Meanwhile, at the SMBer HQ, which was a satellite orbiting space, some SMBers began gathering for the coming meeting.
Seahorse, the witty female leader of the SMB turned to Ratmage, her lover, and Monkey-Eater Lad. Suddenly, Ratmage felt a chill, and almost fell to the ground!
"What is it Stu?" said ME Lad, as Seahorse held onto her lover!
"I'm not sure...but I felt strange...as if someone was trying to contact me from afar..."
As Ratmage got back up to his feet, he couldn't shake off the strange feeling of menace that stayed with him...
Posted by Invisible Brainiac on :
Meanwhile, Thora and Golden Shower had Invisible Brainiac chained to a wall. They had finished their recreation time and now they were getting ready to torture him!
"The chocolate syrup and whipped cream are ready." Thora said with glee as she savored the thought of causing this male pain.
"And if he still doesn't talk, we will give him to the brainwashed and very aroused Salad Tosser Lad!" Golden Shower said.
"Are you sure you don't want to continue your little slumber party?" IB said. "I think that would be the worse torture."
"Do not try to fool us!" said Thora, slapping him across the face. "Any idiot could see that you would actualy enjoy that punishment!" she added, gestuirng to his, er, nether regions. "But no matter, in just a few minutes- we will begin!"
Posted by Eryk Davis Ester on :
At that very moment, Marty Lash, the SMBer formerly known as Lash Lad, and his lovely wife Linda, the SMBer formerly known as Stretchable Lass, were having a barbeque!
Given that they'd both retired from super-heroing, most of their guests were just ordinary folks from the neighborhood, but one former colleague was in attendance. Marty had a habit of inviting Eryk Davis Ester, the bumbling mascot of the SMB, to all of his parties. Eryk, while a bit of a doofus, nonetheless commanded one of the most powerful forces in the universe! By speaking the magic phrase "Jeepers!", he could summon one of the powerful Luck Lords to do his bidding.
"You sure are lucky to be married to a swell girl like Linda," Eryk says to Marty.
"Yeah... but if only she'd kept her powers..." Marty replies.
While Eryk tries to figure out what Marty means by this, the guests are suddenly startled to see...
[ June 05, 2004, 12:58 PM: Message edited by: Eryk Davis Ester ]
Posted by Faraway Lad on :
That a man can prepare and cook a perfect barbecue as Marty produced the perfect beef burger for Eryk to try. I mean come on guys a BBQ beef burger without the black burnt bits? Its definitely suspicious......
Posted by Cobalt Kid on :
"Jeepers!" said EDE out of excitement, "that sure looks like a tasty burger!"
Suddenly a luck lord appeared out of nowhere!
"EDE!", said Linda, "you accidently summoned a luck lord again!"
"Gosh, I didn't even mean to!" replied EDE, then adding, "um...well, I don't have much to ask Luck Lord, but can I be lucky enough to wonder know ahead of time if anything is going to ruin this BBQ?"
"Actually, something will ruin it!" said the Luck Lord to a gasping Marty, Linda and Eryk! "You're about to get a surprise visit from your old friends...
Posted by Abin Quank on :
"Lightning Lass, Saturn Guy and Twilightcrawler, the founders of the SMB. They will bring with them some... URK"
A strange expression crossed the Luck Lord's face as he stared at something far off in the distance. Suddenly a green energy beam enveloped him and he vanished.
"Anyone want another burger," Lash asked no-one in particular.
"Anybody seen my lil' Nelly cap?" said EDE
Posted by Eryk Davis Ester on :
"Lil' nelly cap?" Linda asks. "What are you talking about Eryk?"
"My cap... I was just wearing it a few minutes ago," Eryk replies. "By the way, I don't think we've met."
"What do mean, silly?" Lash asks. "That's my wife, Linda. You were best man at our wedding!"
"W-wedding...?" Eryk says, confused. Then he bursts out laughing. "Is this some kind of joke, Lash? You... marrying a girl?"
Just then, as predicted by the Luck Lord, the three founders of the SMB appeared on the scene and...
Posted by Abin Quank on :
Began to help themselves to Linda's world famous Potatoe and Tomatoe Salad. With them was a rather large black and white cat who generate began rubbing up against EDE's legs.
EDE stared at the cat for a second with a rather bemused look on his face then finally, after alternating between scratching his head and looking for his cap said...
Posted by Cobalt Kid on :
"...where am I?"
Meanwhile...
Earth-1
Eryk Davis Ester fell to the ground for a moment, as a green glow surrounded him. Unbeknonst to either EDE, the Earth-4 EDE and Earth-1 EDE's had switched places, after EDE of Earth-4 summoned a luck lord. Once in EDE's control, the Luck Lord senses the evil plans of Thora and the Trumpeter and realized immediatley that something had to be done. Without even being asked, since the Earth-4 EDE would never have thought of it, the Luck Lord switched the two to provide both the LMB and the SMB a lucky oppurtunity to get a head start.
The Earth-4 EDE looked up and was shocked. Cobalt Kid, Harbinger, Spellbinder and Varalent approached him. Previously, EDE of Earth-1 was on a new space mission with these four LMBers and suddenly collapsed to the floor!
"Eryk! What's wrong?" asked Cobalt
"C-Cobalt? B-but, you're dead! When did you come back?!" asked a shocked Earth-4 EDE!
"Huh? Eryk, what are you talking about, you're not making any sense!" replied Varalent
"Who are you?" asked EDE of Earth-4, although Varalent and the LMB had no idea that there was no Varalent on Earth-4! Vee's Earth-4 counterpart was actually a small time shop-owner who never gained extraordinary power!
"Maybe I should slap him around?" asked Harbinger, not willing to let this bit of dialogue go any longer.
"No, something is wrong here," said Cobalt, "his aura seems a bit off. I can sense it," as he used his new found spiritual powers to gaze into EDE's aura.**
"Shh, EDE..." whispered Spellbinder, using her power to but the frightened SMBer to sleep, as he fell into Harbinger's arms. "Well bring him to Doctor One and get to the bottom of this. Something is wrong here."
The LMBers returned to Legion World to learn what was truly happening...
Back on Earth-4...
---------
**see "LMB Onevision: the Price of Security" for details!
[ June 08, 2004, 08:33 AM: Message edited by: Cobalt Kid ]
Posted by Cobalt Kid on :
Interlude
Earth-4, Thora's labratory
Golden Shower left to rejoin the Trumpter, Glamour Puss and Lard Lord in the meeting room to discuss the final plans for their ascension to Earth-1--where they would find the Emerald Nelly Cap of Ekron and gain control of both Earths.
Earlier, Thora had stumbled across the existence of this Earth in her scientific studies. Searching for her long-lost daughter Amber, she found a series of energy signatures that revealed inter-dimensional travel between the two Earth's at two points, one fifteen years ago (when she believed she lost her daughter), and one only two years ago (when Umber travelled to Earth-1, unbeknownst to her).
Calling upon the Trumpeter, the great evil mastermind, they formulated the plan to conquer both Earths by using the SMBer Faraway Lad to transport them. While the Stalker and SBoS were doing that, Thora smiled at this new oppurtuniity.
Invisible Brainiac lay unconscious and in bondage against the wall. His capture was a sudden and amazing oppurtunity that she had not considered. With her technology, she could use his light powers to create an even more powerful weapon--something that might finally destroy the one she hated more than anything and get her revenge. She would use Invisible Brainiac to destroy Lard Lord, even if it meant destroying this Earth-1 in the process.
End interlude ------------------ Meanwhile...
Posted by Cobalt Kid on :
Meanwhile, Seahorse had not been idle after watching her lover collapse the way he had. She'd seen him in action before, and new that any premonitions he had were important, so she began assembling as many SMBers as she could, despite a recent drop in the membership.
She sighed, despite knowing that a good amount of SMBers were assembling. Outdoor Miner, Atypical Lass and Sonnie Bloke had just shown up to join herself, Ratmage and Monkey-Eater Lad. Still, she thought about a few other changes that had occured in recent months:
-Numf-El, a longtime SMBer, had been elected Presdient of the UP, and was beginning to ignite his own policies for world peace. Although things were still interesting on that front, he hardly had the time to spare.
-Grey Birdboy and Danny Blaine, while on a mission for the SMB, had encountered the Switheroo Bandit. The Bandit was able to surprise them, and got the upper hand by permanantly switching their powers. Danny Blaine, now with tracking abilities, left the SMB to persue his writing carreer. Grey Birdboy, however, was able to adapt at having his newfound abilities to make things heavy, and gladly took on the new moniker "Kid Heavyfeathers", as a tribute to his wings and newfound abilities.
Seahorse smiled as Kid Heavyfeathers arrived. She did wonder however, where Portfolio Girl was...
Posted by Eryk Davis Ester on :
She did wonder, however, where Portfolio Girl was, which was ironic, considering Portfolio Girl couldn't believe where she was! First, to watch as Invisible Brainiac and Salad-Tosser Lad were kidnapped by Lard Lord and other assorted villains, then to be suddenly swallowed by a space-whale, and then to find out that that space whale was named Horace and sometimes served as a retreat for Faraway Lad and... well, she still couldn't believe that the other person she had just encountered.
"You see," Faraway told her, "when we left the SMB, we knew this day would eventually come. The Axis of Evil are planning to use me to help them gain control of the last piece of the Emerald Outfit of Ek'kron, but... what they don't realize, is that there are greater forces at play than are anticipating. It was no accident that we arranged for Amber and the Emerald Nelly Cap to be sent to Earth-1. If what we believe is going to happen in fact occurs, it will take the heroes of both Earth's to contain the menace."
"I don't understand," Pofo Girl responds. "What could be so great that the SMB couldn't handle it?"
"We are speaking of," the other former SMBer responded, "nothing less than the return of Ek'kron himself!"
"*Gasp*!" Pofo Girl gasped.
Meanwhile, back at the Barbeque...
[ June 10, 2004, 12:34 PM: Message edited by: Eryk Davis Ester ]
Posted by Cobalt Kid on :
Meanwhile, back at the Barbeque EDE continued to check out the scenary as he finished his third helping of Potato and Tomato salad. Twilight Crawler, Lightning Lass and Saturn Guy oohed and aahed to Linda for such a delicious treat, although Marty looked at EDE funny.
"Eryk, what's wrong?" said the Earth-4 Lash.
"Um...Lash, I don't know how to tell you this..." responded EDE, "but...um...you're, ah, gay."
"Ha!," said Lash, "you crack me up Eryk! Next thing you know, you'll tell me I don't ever wear pants!"
EDE stared at Lash. "Where am I?" he asked.
The black and white cat at EDE's legs suddenly spoke up. "Maybe I can be of assistance here," it said. "Something is obviously wrong."
"Whatever you say Stupendous Mountain Lion," said Lash to the cat, "you're wit and fighting prowess have bailed us out of many a conundrum!"
Stupendous Mountain Lion (the Earth-4 Stoopid Cat for all those keeping track) breathed deeply and spoke. "It appears that this is not Eryk Davis Ester after-all."
"Me?" said EDE, "I think it might be you all who are out of place."
"No, I think not..." said SML, "Saturn Guy, read this young man's mind, so we might be able to get some grasp of what's happening here." ----------- Meanwhile, the Stalker and the SBoS finally reached their destination. "Here," said the Stalker, "is where we'll set our trap..."
[ June 10, 2004, 12:44 PM: Message edited by: Cobalt Kid ]
Posted by Abin Quank on :
"...For the Cobalt Kid of Earth 1. Once we have him capturing the SMB will be simplicity itself. Those fools will race to trade their lives for what they will believe is a reincarnation of one of their fallen heroes. BWAHAHAHAHA!!!!"
Meanwhile somewhere else although where that somewhere else is cannot be properly defined, mostly because it moves unpredictably, on a regular schedule, the Earth 4 Simply Amazing began his latest campaign to be admitted to the SMB. He's been rejected a record 9,476 times but he's persistant you see.
His latest plan involves introducing the SMP to to of their favorite holo-vision super-stars, Emma Peel and Synthia Potty-Mouth.
Unfortunately for him...
Posted by Faraway Lad on :
Emma Peel was now a 60 year old "serious actress" and A Dame Commander of the Khundian Empire to boot. Whilst Synthia Potty Mouth was just an old boot.
"By Damm" thought Simply Amazing, who because the Universe had a sudden temporal and dimensional fart, had become a fat old rich man with a white mustache and a penchant for creating super hero teams. these old women will never do, I need some one seductive, sensual and sexy to bribe the SMB.
"perhaps we can help" said a female voice as if reading his mind.
From out of the shadows stepped two of the most fantastic women Simply Amazing had ever seen.
"Allow us to introduce ourselves" said one, "I am Lightning Lass and this is my companion Linda Lake, otherwise known as Dirty Talk Damsel"
Linda Walked across to Simply Amazing and whispered in his ear.
SA turned bright red and almost collapsed as his legs gave way.
"Wow!" he said, if you can do that to the SMB, I'll be sure to get in.
The two girls exchanged looks, it had worked they now had a way to infiltrate the SMB.
Meanwhile back in the space whale known as Horace....
Posted by Cobalt Kid on :
Portfolio Girl flew through space at top speed to return to the SMB head quarters. "Ekron himself! Jumpin' Catfish! How are we going to deal with this one?"
She had sent word to the SMB that she was coming and that it was an emergency. Apparently, Ratmage had collapsed earlier, and Seahorse was already worried that something was wrong, so the SMBers were already beginning to assemble. Still, she felt it neccessary to open her portfolio and send her pet frog Mickey ahead of her (one of her many Porfolio powers) to warn them.
------------------------
Meanwhile, Faraway Lad smiled at his mysterious friend. "We've done what we can now," began Far, "I only hope that we've pushed the SMB in the right direction."
"I agree," said the mysterious friend, "but I cannot reveal myself yet. I'm going to leave you now, old friend, and take care of some of my own business. Stay well." And suddenly, the mysterious figure left Faraway Lad's secret hiding place.
Far looked at the port in his hand, and quickly wondered what number glass he was drinking. Was it his fifth glass already? He thought he was going slow, but now it felt like he was getting tipsy.
"Better try a dark ale then," came a voice, as the Super Bartender of Space came out of the shadows, handing him a glass. "It'll clear your head up a little."
"Who are you?" said Far slowly, but then decided he'd rather have a glass of a dark ale before asking questions. After all, it looked so good. "This is good..." said Far after a large gulp.
"I'm glad," said the soft voice of the Bartender, his words feeling like they were magically lifting Far to another place. "Have another?" he said, to which Far nodded gentley.
------------
Over three hours later, Faraway was fast asleep, the port and beer combined with the drugs placed in them by the Super Bartender of Space doing its trick.
"Nice work," said the Stalker. "I knew I could get us here, but I was afraid you'd fail."
"Ha! I know my work well, and I know Faraway Lad. Still, I've never known anyone to drink so much port and ale. He'll be asleep for some time now, so we can return to Thora's labratory and begin the next phase of our plans."
"Yes, I'll enjoy it," said the Stalker, as the Bartender poured himself a beer. "Sadly, you will not." Suddenly, the Stalker took out his blasted, and shot the Super Bartender of Space through the back! "You impressed me with your abilities Bartender, and I feel bad about doing this. But still, the Trumpeter considered you a liability, and we can't risk anyone knowing our plans being caught. I'll see you someday again, most likely in hell."
And with that, the Stalker blasted the Super Bartender of Space through the face, ending his life. He scooped up Faraway Lad and made his way back to Thora's labratory, joining the rest of the Trumpeter's crew.
Posted by Cobalt Kid on :
Earth-1
Dr. One came out to meet the LMBers returning from their mission. He was a little weary of bad news, since this was one of the rare times where there were very few LMBers on Legion World, leaving them very vulnerable. He knew that Abin Quank was making the rounds through the city and Minesurfer was on Monitor Duty, but he didn't think there were any other LMBers left.
He came forward to see Harbinger carrying Eryk Davis Ester, followed by Spellbinger, Cobalt Kid and Varalent.
"How is he?" asked Dr. One.
"He's acting very strange," said Harbinger. "He didn't recognize Vee and seemed to think Cobie was dead."
"I've used my power on him," added Spellbinger, "as did Cobalt, but all we can come up with is that this doesn't feel like EDE, even though it appears to be him beyond a shadow of a doubt."
"Interesting," said Dr. One. "Follow me, and we'll examine him."
Posted by Cobalt Kid on :
Earth-4
The SMB Satellite
The SMB Satellite orbited the Earth, as Seahorse gazed out the window. She looked at Portfolio Girl's frog and nodded, evidently understanding what the magical frog had told her.
She turned to the assembled SMBers: Ratmage, Monkey-Eater Lad, Kid Heavyfeathers, Outdoor Miner, Atypical Lass, Sonnie Bloke, Satan Claws Cramer, Shark Lad and Insanity and Maddness. "It's not as many SMBers as I hoped it'd be," she thought to herself, "but it's hard getting everyone to the Satellite quickly. If only we have a more convienent and larger headquarters. Ha! We'd need a whole world for that!" she laughed.
"Ok everyone," she began, "Mickey has just told me some strange news, and I'm unsure what to make of it. But it seems like we're going to have a very serious problem..."
Just then, Portfolio Girl burst through into the room! "More serious than you think Sea!" she yelled, on the verge of hysteria. "Our greatest foes have united--"
Suddenly she was cut off by...
Posted by Eryk Davis Ester on :
Suddenly she was cut off by an unexpected visitor entering the room! Who was it, you ask? Well, that will soon be revealed...
_________________
EARTH-1
Doctor One sat EDE down in a rather uncomfortable chair in the examination room. As EDE lay back, he saw the large spectromorphogricator moving over him to scan his body.
"Jeepers! I don't like the looks of that machine!" he exclaimed. Suddenly his Luck Lord appeared!
The LMBers were taken aback by the Luck Lord's entrance. Cobie flew up to attack it, but was quickly diverted by the spectromorphogricator suddenly swinging wildly towards him. His magnetic powers held the spectromorphogricator in check.
Vee prepared to enter the fray as well, but the Luck Lord had disappeared before he could respond.
"What was that?" Vee asks.
"I dunno," Doctor One responds. "But it sure screwed up my spectromorphogricator!"
Unbenownst to all the LMBers, their EDE was at that very moment...
[ June 19, 2004, 02:27 PM: Message edited by: Eryk Davis Ester ]
Posted by Cobalt Kid on :
...having his mind read by Saturn Guy. "Something is very wrong with Eryk!" he exclaimed. "His memories are all wrong, they've got long-standing facts about the SMB totally off. He believes Cobie is still alive, Far away is an active member and people I've never heard of such as Varalent, Arachne and Kid Prime are members! Worse, he actually believes LardLad is still a member..." finished Saturn Guy, now in a whisper.
"Oh, poor Eryk..." said Linda Lake
"It must have been too much for him," said Marty. "He's finally cracked up."
"What are all of you talking about?! What is this?! I haven't cracked up, but it appears all of you have! Saturn Guy? Lightning Lass? What is going on here?!"
"Everyone calm down!" yelled Stupendous Mountain Lion. "You're over-reacting, all of you. This man is definately Eryk Davis Ester, Saturn Guy's mind-scan proves it. But his memories are all wrong, and even now he smells different. And you're overlooked something important..." began Stupendous Mountain Lion
"He's wearing a lil' nelly cap!" said Marty. "He never wears those anymore."
"And he hasn't said 'Jeepers' in over ten minutes!" added Twilightcrawler.
"Yes, he's not acting like our Eryk at all," finsihed the SML. The all looked at SML for a minute. "Maybe...he is not then," finished the SMBer.
"Jeepers!" said Eryk suddenly, shocked that he might be with a different LMB.
A new Luck Lord suddenly appeared! "Yes?" asked the Luck Lord, "how may I help you?"
Eryk thought for a second and said...
Posted by Faraway Lad on :
"theres no place like home, theres no place like home"
With a flash, a bang and a wallop, EDE found himself in the Land of OZ, being chased down a yellow brick road by thousands of little flying monkeys!
Meanwhile back in Thoras Lab, Faraway Lad was still snoring away. The powerful drugs that the Bartender had placed in his drinks began to take effect. Fars stomach gave a rumble, then a gurgle. Shortly after this he lifted his leg a little and gave an almighty rasping fart.
Earth 9
The League of Extraordinary Message Board Posters headquarters was all that was left.
Professor Poverty stood up from his calculating machine.
"it is as I feared my friends, we are all that is left for Captain Seahorses submarine device was our last hope."
"No" gasped Willemina Cramer - Harker "it cant be" and she turned and buried her head into the strong masculine chest Lash La Rue her American paramour.
"well I aint f'ing staying here to f'ing die like you f'ing turds" said Mr Lard, the evil alter ego of the shy retiring Anthony Lad. And with that he ran out into the ensuing storm, shouting obscenities into the night sky, and then, like everyone else, he vanished.
Professor Poverty looked out into the storm, and wondered, as he had for so many times previously, why this storm, this damned storm that was destroying his world, smelled ever so faintly of Port and Dark ale. He would never know as the storm crashed into the headquarters and took Willemina and Lash. Then turned for him.....
Earth 1
Heads turned as the door to Doctor One's Lab burst open and in stormed a very pee'd off Harbinger who was holding a strangely bent Trumpet.
"do you know what this thing did" she thundered....
Posted by Cobalt Kid on :
"do you know what this thing did?" she thundered...although before anyone said anything EDE of Earth-4 yelled at the top of his lungs!
Meanwhile, on Earth-4:
Portfolio Girl was suddenly cut off by Future, the SMBer with the power to have precognitive dreams! "SMBERS! BEWARE! THEIR IS DANGER COMING!"
"Jeez Future, we know," said Seahorse, "relax."
"I've seen it in my dream," said Future. "We're going to need the help of a girl in...another Earth...named...Amber..."
Suddenly, Portfolio Girl told them the story of what happened, and the SMBers began piecing together what they knew: the Trumpeter's crew, their plan, Ratmage fainting and Future's prediction! "We must hold hands!" said Ratmage, "and stare into the crystal in the center. Chant the words over and over...'Amber'...'Homecoming Queen'...
As they did, a connection between Earth-4 and Earth-1 began to spark inside the crystal ball...
-------------
The Stalker helped tie up Faraway Lad with Thora to in her labratory. Invisible Brainiac watched on from a small box, seeing a knocked out Far tied and drugged with a large gun pointing at him. Thora had plans for IB later, he knew that...
"Now!" yelled the Trumpter, as Glamour Puss, Golden Shower and Lard Lord watched with glee. Thora fired her dimensional nega-pulverizer omni-porter gun at Faraway, and it blasted right through him! He began to glow red hot, and suddenly a black hole appeared in his stomach, rapidly moving outward. Soon, they could make out stars and planets, as Faraway became a living entrance to another parrallel world...Earth-1!
"Hahahaha!" yelled the Trumpeter! "We have all of the Emerald Clothing of Ekron from this world, and now need to gather the Emerald body parts of Ekron from Earth-1! Then we must find the Emerald Nelly Cap of Ekron that left Earth-4 with the baby Amber on her journey to Earth-1 over fifteen years ago! Then we can bring back...Ekron himself! Hahahaha!"
As Lard Lord, Glamour Puss and Golden Shower headed for the warehouse of super-artifacts of space (where the LMB had put the captured Emerald body parts of Ekron after capturing them in the Ongoing Tag Thread in major battle months ago), the Stalker began hunting for Amber alongside Thora, who seemed strangely interested in the young girl.
The Trumpeter smiled. It was all coming together. Both worlds will die...
Posted by Eryk Davis Ester on :
...and suddenly, not in the way the Trumpeter expected, both worlds did die! Wave after wave of anti-matter suddenly engulfed both universes and everything in them. Unbeknownst to our heroes, some sort of crisis or something was going on that they were really only minor casualties in.
But fortunately for our heroes...
Posted by Faraway Lad on :
Faraway Lad turned to Cobalt Kid and Invisible Brainiac.
"Welcome my friends" He said
IB looked around
"how, why? I should be dead with all the rest"
Faraway Lad smiled, "as I was, am and will be, a gateway between all possible dimensions and realities, I can control all aspects of reality. I decided that I could not allow someone as young as you to die. I brought you here to save you but you cannot stay here. I must find you an alternative world to live in"
And with that Faraway waved a hand and Invisible Brainiac found himself in his room on Legion world. The memory of his adventures in other realities fading quickly.
And now Cobalt my old friend, I have here someone very near and dear to you. From behind a doorway,a beautiful woman appeared.
"Hello Cobalt darling" she said and gave him a kiss.
"but...but..." stammered Cobalt "your dead"
"No I'm very much alive" said the woman, "Here feel" and she pressed Cobalt shaking hand against her large perfectly formed chest.
Tearing his eyes away from his beloved for a second Cobalt Kid asked Faraway.
"this is real isn't it, its not a fake or a robot or an android or something?" he asked.
"No Cobie" smiled Faraway "I know how much you loved Space Tart. So I have searched all of the alternative realities until I found her alive and as much in love with you as you remember. The two of you will return to Legion World to be together"
Faraway Lad gestured to a space warp forming to the left.
"you must go quickly as this opportunity will soon pass, never to be repeated"
As Cobalt and Spacey turn to go, Faraway Lad leaned towards them and said,
"Forgive me Cobalt, but I must remove all memory of this meeting, you and Space Tart will be together again but you will remain unsure how or why she returned to you."
Finally Cobalt and Space Tart passed through the warp and vanished from Faraway Lads view.
Turning to the Empty room, Faraway said
" OK Horace, Lets go and find a quiet corner of the galaxy to rest in"
Posted by Cobalt Kid on :
"I'm sorry Darden," replied Horace, the previously shrouded figure that had been with Faraway of Earth-4 all along. "But that's not quite what I had planned."
Horace smiled and nodded. Unlike any other in the universe he could co-exist with all universes at the same time! "I came to both you and your Earth-4 counter-part with hopes that the knowledge I could give you would stop the Trumpeter. But your the love you feel for you colleagues is too great, and all you've done is try to make Cobalt Kid and Invisible Brainiac happy. Now I must undue this happiness you've given Cobalt and return this Space Tart, who is really from yet another Earth, to her proper place."
"In the meantime," continued 'Horace', "I will restore Earth-1 and Earth-4, although this will leave me completely drained. You must assemble the LMBers of Earth-1 and stop the evil Earth-4 villians. Then you must join the SMB of Earth-4, and together only both teams can hope to defeat Ekron and the anti-matter storm that is coming close to destroying all the Earths of the universe."
Faraway nodded, understanding that it was now up to him. "Who are you?" he asked the man who was called Horace.
"I am...a Stranger," said the man, as he pulled a dark blue cape over his shoulders and a dark blue top hat over his head. "Good luck."
---------------
What the Stranger did next was too cosmic for even Faraway to understand, but suddenly, the anti-matter storm was halted and Earth-1 and Earth-4 were restored exactly as they were.
"To LMB headquarters now," Far said to himself, "and then to bring the fight to this Trumpeter..."
Posted by Cobalt Kid on :
Suddenly, Faraway Lad of Earth-1 woke back up in his room. The Phantom Stranger was nowhere in site, but he realized that time was brief and he needed to make the best of it.
Quickly, he burst through into the Monitor Room to see Spellbinder, Harbinger, Cobalt Kid, Varalent, Doctor One and what looked to be Eryk Davis Ester, all watching the monitors, where red skies were visible above the skyline.
“Hold friends, I have something important to tell you!”
“We know Far,” said Cobalt. “Eryk Davis Ester’s luck-lord was able to give us a small amount of information and Doctor One has pieced some more together. The universe is in grave danger.”
“More than you realize Cobalt,” said Far, suddenly sad that he was unable to give his old friend the peace of mind he had hoped by resurrecting Space Tart. “If this is a different EDE, then our own EDE must be on his Earth, Earth-4.”
“Then we were right,” said Cobalt, realizing that his theory on multiple Earths was correct.
“Yes, although only these two Earths are alive right now. We must restore the multiverse by defeating the Trumpeter. To do so, we must get to their Earth.”
“Too late,” said Vee somberly. They’re here, although I don’t know why.” The screen showed Lard Lord, Glamour Puss and Golden Shower, attacking the citizens of Legion World. It seems they’re after the Emerald body parts of Ekron. ---------- Unbeknownst to the LMBers, the Stalker had also arrived, and was currently hunting Homecoming Queen and Umber secretly for Thora. He located them shopping in the downtown district of Legion World, although they were also with…
Posted by Eryk Davis Ester on :
Unbeknownst to the LMBers, the Stalker had also arrived, and was currently hunting Homecoming Queen and Umber secretly for Thora. He located them shopping in the downtown district of Legion World, although they were also with Thora of Earth-1! Why? Well, we'll get to that eventually!
Meanwhile, Lard Lord, Glamour Puss and Golden Shower had begun attacking the citizens of Legion World!
"Eeek!" cried one of the citizens.
"But why are the LMB attacking us? They're supposed to be our protectors!" cried another.
"You're stupid! All of you stupid!" cried yet another.
The citizens of Legion World were quite perplexed, for it appeared to them Lard Lad and Lucien Lad, two key members of the LMB, were attacking them!
Three citizens were frozen in terror as Lard Lord hurtled a massive metal sheet at them! Even more puzzled were they when that sheet suddenly stopped mid-air. But quickly they realized that was the work of their legendary hero Cobalt Kid!
After setting the metal sheet down harmlessly away from the crowd, Cobalt Kid flies over to confront the attacker.
"You make look like Lardlad, buddy," Cobie says, "But I know you're not him!"
"Help me, Cobie!" Lard Lord says. "They've taken control of my mind!"
"Could it be? Maybe Lardlad of this Earth has simply been placed under mind control by villains?"
Just then Lard Lord launches a massive Lard blast at him.
"Sucker!" he cries. "I used that same trick on our Cobalt Kid! I'm going to have as much fun killing you as I had him!"
"*Gasp!*" cried one of the citizens of Legion World. "If Cobalt is down, then what hope do we have?"
Meanwhile, Golden Shower was...
Posted by Cobalt Kid on :
Meanwhile, Golden Shower sprayed the crowd with thick yellow liquid, which burned their skin as it touched!
"Gasp!" yelled another citizen
"Not again!" yelled the waitress from Shameless Hussies.
"Stop right there, you pee-spraying, hussy-slut!" yelled Harbinger, leaping into the fray and punching Golden Shower directly in the mouth!
Abin Quank, the only other LMBer active on Legion World also joined them, scooping up the piss-burnt population of Legion World and bringing them to safety!
Varalent grabbed Cobalt, as Spellbinder tried to figure out a way to stop Lard Lord before things got too out of hand...
EDE of Earth-4 and Doctor One looked on, shaking their heads. "But where did Glamour Puss get off too?" asked the good doctor.
Little did they know that Glamour Puss had broken into the rusted shed of powerful artifacts, where the LMB kept all potential world-ending items. "It figures I'd have to do this myself," he said to himself, then adding, "it's so fab to have an interior monologue!" Grabbing the Emerald Body-Parts of Ekron, he quickly prepared to return to Earth-4 while Lard Lord and Golden Shower occupied the others!
Meanwhile, Umber, Amber and Thora of Eath-1 were trying on thigh-high leather boots...
Posted by Cobalt Kid on :
...when the Stalker burst out of a the changing room! Grabbing Umber and Amber, he blasted the ceiling over Thora, knocking her back!
"You two are important to the Trumpeter's plans, and are coming with me!" he laughed, running off.
"No!" cried Umber, "my cute new boots!"
Meanwhile, the last members of the SMB of Earth-4 showed up as...
Posted by Faraway Lad on :
Members of Mr Farley's amazing clown trapeze act.
"wha ?"
but before anyone could act the rubble of the collapsed ceiling erupted upwards and a might p'd off Thora stood up, eyes glowing hot she dusted herself down and struggle to repair her blouse which had ripped in the struggle and was now showing a little too much décolletage for her liking.
“those cretins will pay for this affront to my majesty, I’ll flog them to within an inch of their lives for this” she stormed.
Meanwhile Cobalt Kid, who’s powers had discerned the flux in the magnetic fields caused by a ripped bodice had transported himself to the site and said….
![[Roll Eyes]](rolleyes.gif)