A dank, vermin-overrun basement: the evil megalomaniac studied his files carefully.
He had recordings and notes of EVERY member of the LMB. Their strenghts, weaknesses, flaws, characteristics... ALL were his. He had studied them for YEARS and soon... sooner than soon... very very VERY soon... like, YESTERDAY, soon... he would make his move against them and they would suffer the torments of the damned. And die. There would be lots and lots of dying.
For instance... only HE knew that Lardlad could be destroyed by an injection of OLEAN (c), which prevents fat absorption.
Only HE knew that chopping off Leap Year Lass' hands negated her ability to pull anything out of any sentient's rectum.
Only HE knew that Lash Lad could be pacified with lots of beer and pornography.
And so it would go until EVERY member of the LMB was doomed, deleted, decapitated, destroyed, dead, dead DEAD! the shadowy figure let out an evil chuckle of expectation.
Meanwhile, at the Ice Cream Parlol.....
Posted by Kid Prime on :
lancesrealm Member August 22, 2002 12:51 PM
...Leap Year Lass and Lardlad were watching the owner change the second 'l' in Parlol to an 'r'.
"Shouldn'ta used 2 guys who spelled their own names wrong on the invoice..." mumbled the proprietor.
Just then a loud noise caused Leap Year Lass to drop to the ground with her hands over her ears. At first she thought Lardlad had farted, but then she saw smoke billowing out of the door of the (now) Ice Cream Parlor. She ran to investigate and discovered...
Posted by Kid Prime on :
Eryk Davis Ester Member August 22, 2002 01:09 PM
She ran to investigate and discovered the owner of the ice cream parlor yelling at one of his employees.
"Eryk! You are the most incompetent employee I've ever had! I leave you alone for a second to go outside to fix the sign those idiots you hired screwed up, and you destroy my ice-cream machine! You're fired!"
"Eryk!?" Leap Year Lass thought, half-remembering her dream from last night, which got rudely interrupted by her alarm clock. "No it couldn't that guy from that crazy dream in which me and the gals were trying to destroy all the male's nads. But he looks so familiar..."
Just then Lardlad...
Posted by Kid Prime on :
MLLASH Member August 22, 2002 02:33 PM
...remembered that several of the LMB's worst foes had recently escaped imprisonment on Bu'gs'Bu'n'i-8, the prison planetoid.
"Gosh, Leapy, I hope this isn't the work of Deathlad or Decapitation Damsel or Killer Kid or Murder Lass!"
of course it isn't, Lardy! It's because of this nincompoop former employee!"
"*choke!*" cried Eryk. "Everyone calls me names and no one wants me around!"
"NOT TRUE" whispered a voice in Eryk's mind. "*I* want you around! I have *need* of your unique gifts!" it continued.
"Who ARE you?" Eryk silently asked the voice, as Lardlad and Leap Year Lass looked at him pityingly. the voice answered, "I am none other than...."
Posted by Kid Prime on :
Quislet Member August 22, 2002 03:53 PM the voice answered, "I am none other than. . . Aw that would be telling!"
Meanwhile:
"Champagne tickles my nose!" bubbled Non-Sequitor
Back at the Ice Cream Parlor. . .
Posted by Kid Prime on :
Faraway Lad Member August 22, 2002 06:23 PM
LardLad had returned to the parlor and was moving from table to table eating left over ice cream and saying to the patrons
"excuse me, but are you finished with that? Do you mind if I......"
It seemed as if Lardlad was trying to eat every ice cream in the Parlol. Which in fact he was.
"Quick Lardy" shouted Leap year Lass running back into the Parlol.
Thats funny she thought as she passed through the door way, I could have sworn that sign had just been fixed.
"Lardy stop eating that Ice cream and help us out here!" she shouted.
"I need to do this Leapy" said Lardlad, Sweat breaking out on his brow as even his gargantuan appetite strugged to contain the vast amounts of food he was consuming. With a sickly grin he forced another portion of Marsberry and banana ripple, with peach sauce and chocolate swirls into his mouth.
"I need to build up as much of the Lard Force as I can contain, I know who is behind this and it is going to take all of the LMBP operating at maximum strength to even have a chance of succes this time around. You see I recognize the disturbance in the force. This time we are facing non other than......................
Posted by Kid Prime on :
Leap Year Lass Member August 22, 2002 11:30 PM
I'm afraid I'm unavailable, boys.
A dank, vermin-overrun basement: the evil megalomaniac studied his files carefully.
He had recordings and notes of EVERY member of the LMB. Their strenghts, weaknesses, flaws, characteristics... ALL were his. He had studied them for YEARS and soon... sooner than soon... very very VERY soon... like, YESTERDAY, soon... he would make his move against them and they would suffer the torments of the damned. And die. There would be lots and lots of dying.
For instance... only HE knew that Lardlad could be destroyed by an injection of OLEAN (c), which prevents fat absorption.
Only HE knew that Princess Crujectra's illusions could be neutralized with the right combination of doggy and bunny hand shadow puppets.
Only HE knew that Lash Lad could be pacified with lots of beer and pornography.
And so it would go until EVERY member of the LMB was doomed, deleted, decapitated, destroyed, dead, dead DEAD! the shadowy figure let out an evil chuckle of expectation.
Meanwhile, at the Ice Cream Parlol.....
...Princess Crujectra and Lardlad were watching the owner change the second 'l' in Parlol to an 'r'. "Shouldn'ta used 2 guys who spelled their own names wrong on the invoice..." mumbled the proprietor.
Just then a loud noise caused Crujectra to drop to the ground with her hands over her ears. At first she thought Lardlad had farted, but then she saw smoke billowing out of the door of the (now) Ice Cream Parlor. She ran to investigate and discovered...
She ran to investigate and discovered the owner of the ice cream parlor yelling at one of his employees. "Eryk! You are the most incompetent employee I've ever had! I leave you alone for a second to go outside to fix the sign those idiots you hired screwed up, and you destroy my ice-cream machine! You're fired!"
"Eryk!?" Crue thought, half-remembering her dream from last night, which got rudely interrupted by her alarm clock. "No it couldn't that guy from that crazy dream in which the gals were trying to destroy all the male's nads. But he looks so familiar..."
Just then Lardlad...
...remembered that several of the LMB's worst foes had recently escaped imprisonment on Bu'gs'Bu'n'i-8, the prison planetoid. "Gosh, Crue, I hope this isn't the work of Deathlad or Decapitation Damsel or Killer Kid or Murder Lass!"
of course it isn't, Lardy! It's because of this nincompoop former employee!"
"*choke!*" cried Eryk. "Everyone calls me names and no one wants me around!"
"NOT TRUE" whispered a voice in Eryk's mind. "*I* want you around! I have *need* of your unique gifts!" it continued.
"Who ARE you?" Eryk silently asked the voice, as Lardlad and the Princess looked at him pityingly. the voice answered, "I am none other than...." the voice answered, "I am none other than. . . Aw that would be telling!"
Meanwhile:
"Champagne tickles my nose!" bubbled Non-Sequitor
Back at the Ice Cream Parlor. . . LardLad had returned to the parlor and was moving from table to table eating left over ice cream and saying to the patrons "excuse me, but are you finished with that? Do you mind if I......"
It seemed as if Lardlad was trying to eat every ice cream in the Parlol. Which in fact he was.
"Quick Lardy" shouted Crujectra running back into the Parlol.
Thats funny she thought as she passed through the door way, I could have sworn that sign had just been fixed.
"Lardy stop eating that Ice cream and help us out here!" she shouted.
"I need to do this Crue" said Lardlad, Sweat breaking out on his brow as even his gargantuan appetite strugged to contain the vast amounts of food he was consuming. With a sickly grin he forced another portion of Marsberry and banana ripple, with peach sauce and chocolate swirls into his mouth.
"I need to build up as much of the Lard Force as I can contain, I know who is behind this and it is going to take all of the LMBP operating at maximum strength to even have a chance of succes this time around. You see I recognize the disturbance in the force. This time we are facing non other than......................
Posted by Kid Prime on :
Eryk Davis Ester Member August 22, 2002 11:38 PM
<<<INTERJECTION!!!>>
...But then the whole thing doesn't work. Why would Princess Crujectra have a dream that focuses so much on Leap Year Lass? It has to be one of the main characters in the story, and LYL was the main female lead.
<<>>
Posted by Kid Prime on :
LARDLAD Member August 22, 2002 11:53 PM
............Salad-Tosser Lord!"
"Aw, no," Leapy said, "not him again! Isn't he behind, like, every damn plot to destroy us?"
"Well, actually," Lardy said contemplatively, "he never did show up in our last (unfinished) adventure. Unless, he actually created Pornis or something. Guess we'll never know..."
"Hmmm...whatever happened to Pornis, Turns-You-Into-A-Country Kid (!), the Emerald Empress, Lucifer Lass, the one called the one and all those other wacky characters from that adventure?" inquired Leapy.
"Once again...I DON'T KNOW!!!" Lardy yelled. "Our memories have been totally wiped out about what happened! We may NEVER know!"
"Okay, baby," Leapy purred as she caressed his face, "don't worry about it. So how do you know Salad-Tosser Lord's behind the impending DOOM ?"
the sign's the key, darling. Whether it's 'parloL' or 'parloR', you can't spell 'Salad-Tosser Lord' without an 'r' or an 'l'! Otherwise, you'd have: 'Saad-Tosse od'!"
"Baby, you're a genius!" Leapy delighted. "Drop your drawers and let me pull a hot tub outta your ass, so we can get down!"
"Sorry, babe. It'll have to wait. We need to talk to this Eryk Davis Ester guy. I sense a disturbance in the Lardforce around him, and I think he's somehow the key to not only the secret of Salad-Tosser Lord's return, but also to what happened during the last adventure that we can't remember! Leapy, incapacitate Eryk's boss, so we won't have to worry about him interrupting while we interrogate Eryk. Plus, we can steal some ice cream while he's out."
Leapy went over to the boss, pulled a boxing glove arrow out of his ass and knocked him out with it.
"Now, Eryk," Lardy said calmly and touched the other man's face, "your thoughts are mine...my thoughts are yours."
"Lardy?" Leapy asked confused. "Are you doing a mindmeld with him? I mean, isn't yor schtick a 'Star Wars' rip-off? Isn't it kind of a sacrilege to cross that with a 'Star Trek' rip-off?"
"Zip it, Leapy, I'm getting some important info submerged in Eryk's unconsciousness. Omigod!" Then, Lardy spoke in Eryk's voice and said...........
Posted by Kid Prime on :
LARDLAD Member August 22, 2002 11:56 PM
<<>>
Uh-oh! Some curves got thrown while I composed that last artful post! Ulp!
Help!
<<>>
Posted by Kid Prime on :
Interjection by Kid Prime: Holy hiccups in time, Batman!
Leap Year Lass Member August 23, 2002 12:11 AM
A dank, vermin-overrun basement: the evil megalomaniac studied his files carefully.
He had recordings and notes of EVERY member of the LMB. Their strenghts, weaknesses, flaws, characteristics... ALL were his. He had studied them for YEARS and soon... sooner than soon... very very VERY soon... like, YESTERDAY, soon... he would make his move against them and they would suffer the torments of the damned. And die. There would be lots and lots of dying.
For instance... only HE knew that Lardlad could be destroyed by an injection of OLEAN (c), which prevents fat absorption.
Only HE knew that Princess Crujectra's illusions could be neutralized with the right combination of doggy and bunny hand shadow puppets.
Only HE knew that Lash Lad could be pacified with lots of beer and pornography.
And so it would go until EVERY member of the LMB was doomed, deleted, decapitated, destroyed, dead, dead DEAD! the shadowy figure let out an evil chuckle of expectation.
Meanwhile, at the Ice Cream Parlol.....
I ...Princess Crujectra and Lardlad were watching the owner change the second 'l' in Parlol to an 'r'. "Shouldn'ta used 2 guys who spelled their own names wrong on the invoice..." mumbled the proprietor.
Just then a loud noise caused Crujectra to drop to the ground with her hands over her ears. At first she thought Lardlad had farted, but then she saw smoke billowing out of the door of the (now) Ice Cream Parlor. She ran to investigate and discovered...
She ran to investigate and discovered the owner of the ice cream parlor yelling at one of his employees. "Eryk! You are the most incompetent employee I've ever had! I leave you alone for a second to go outside to fix the sign those idiots you hired screwed up, and you destroy my ice-cream machine! You're fired!"
"Eryk!?" Crue thought, half-remembering her dream from last night, which got rudely interrupted by her alarm clock. "No it couldn't that guy from that crazy dream in which the gals were trying to destroy all the male's nads. But he looks so familiar..."
Just then Lardlad...
...remembered that several of the LMB's worst foes had recently escaped imprisonment on Bu'gs'Bu'n'i-8, the prison planetoid. "Gosh, Leapy, I hope this isn't the work of Deathlad or Decapitation Damsel or Killer Kid or Murder Lass!"
of course it isn't, Lardy! It's because of this nincompoop former employee!"
"*choke!*" cried Eryk. "Everyone calls me names and no one wants me around!"
"NOT TRUE" whispered a voice in Eryk's mind. "*I* want you around! I have *need* of your unique gifts!" it continued.
"Who ARE you?" Eryk silently asked the voice, as Lardlad and the Princess looked at him pityingly. the voice answered, "I am none other than...." the voice answered, "I am none other than. . . Aw that would be telling!"
Meanwhile:
"Champagne tickles my nose!" bubbled Non-Sequitor
Back at the Ice Cream Parlor. . . LardLad had returned to the parlor and was moving from table to table eating left over ice cream and saying to the patrons "excuse me, but are you finished with that? Do you mind if I......"
It seemed as if Lardlad was trying to eat every ice cream in the Parlol. Which in fact he was.
"Quick Lardy" shouted Crujectra running back into the Parlol.
Thats funny she thought as she passed through the door way, I could have sworn that sign had just been fixed.
"Lardy stop eating that Ice cream and help us out here!" she shouted.
"I need to do this Crue" said Lardlad, Sweat breaking out on his brow as even his gargantuan appetite strugged to contain the vast amounts of food he was consuming. With a sickly grin he forced another portion of Marsberry and banana ripple, with peach sauce and chocolate swirls into his mouth.
"I need to build up as much of the Lard Force as I can contain, I know who is behind this and it is going to take all of the LMBP operating at maximum strength to even have a chance of succes this time around. You see I recognize the disturbance in the force. This time we are facing non other than......................
............Salad-Tosser Lord!" "Aw, no," Princess Crujectra said, "not him again! Isn't he behind, like, every damn plot to destroy us?"
"Well, actually," Lardy said contemplatively, "he never did show up in our last (unfinished) adventure. Unless, he actually created Pornis or something. Guess we'll never know..."
"Hmmm...whatever happened to Pornis, Turns-You-Into-A-Country Kid (!), the Emerald Empress, Lucifer Lass, the one called the one and all those other wacky characters from that adventure?" inquired Crue.
"Once again...I DON'T KNOW!!!" Lardy yelled. "Our memories have been totally wiped out about what happened! We may NEVER know!"
"Okay, baby," Crue purred as she caressed his face, "don't worry about it. So how do you know Salad-Tosser Lord's behind the impending DOOM ?"
the sign's the key, darling. Whether it's 'parloL' or 'parloR', you can't spell 'Salad-Tosser Lord' without an 'r' or an 'l'! Otherwise, you'd have: 'Saad-Tosse od'!"
"Baby, you're a genius!" Crue delighted. "Drop your drawers and let me project a hot tub so we can get down!"
"Sorry, babe. It'll have to wait. We need to talk to this Eryk Davis Ester guy. I sense a disturbance in the Lardforce around him, and I think he's somehow the key to not only the secret of Salad-Tosser Lord's return, but also to what happened during the last adventure that we can't remember! Crue, incapacitate Eryk's boss, so we won't have to worry about him interrupting while we interrogate Eryk. Plus, we can steal some ice cream while he's out."
Crue pulled a boxing glove arrow out of her Kate Spade bag and knocked the boss out with it.
"Now, Eryk," Lardy said calmly and touched the other man's face, "your thoughts are mine...my thoughts are yours."
"Lardy?" Crue asked confused. "Are you doing a mindmeld with him? I mean, isn't your schtick a 'Star Wars' rip-off? Isn't it kind of a sacrilege to cross that with a 'Star Trek' rip-off?"
"Zip it, Crue, I'm getting some important info submerged in Eryk's unconsciousness. Omigod!" Then, Lardy spoke in Eryk's voice and said...........
Posted by Kid Prime on :
LARDLAD Member August 23, 2002 12:23 AM
<<>>
quote:
Originally by Eryk Davis Ester:
...But then the whole thing doesn't work. Why would Princess Crujectra have a dream that focuses so much on Leap Year Lass? It has to be one of the main characters in the story, and LYL was the main female lead.
Well...since we never saw how the story ended, anything could've happened! Maybe Leapy was revealed to have been Crujeckie all along! If Leapy doesn't wanna be in the story, that's her prerogative...
You have the power, Eryk!
<<>>
Posted by Kid Prime on :
Eryk Davis Ester Member August 23, 2002 12:26 AM
<<>>
But then, does Crujectra have the power to pull things our of people's butts? Or was she just dreaming that she did, because she was dreaming that she was Leap Year Lass?
<>
Posted by Kid Prime on :
LARDLAD Member August 23, 2002 12:26 AM
<<>>
LYL, if you'll kindly rewrite the story again with the ass-extractions back in, I'd appreciate it. I really like the power, and we'll give that one to Crujeckie. 'Kay?
<<>>
Posted by Kid Prime on :
LARDLAD Member August 23, 2002 12:30 AM
<<>>
Eryk, you'll notice that Leapy rewrote the story without the ass-extractions if you read carefully. the power's too much fun to eliminate, though. LYL's character never had that power before I ad-libbed it. Jeckie never had it either, but we can give it o her as Leapy's surrogate.
<<>>
Posted by Kid Prime on :
Another Kid Prime interjection: Sigh!
LARDLAD Member August 23, 2002 12:56 AM
<<>>
Okay, here's our story from the beginning with all the necessary revisions. On with the show....
<<>>
A dank, vermin-overrun basement: the evil megalomaniac studied his files carefully.
He had recordings and notes of EVERY member of the LMB. Their strenghts, weaknesses, flaws, characteristics... ALL were his. He had studied them for YEARS and soon... sooner than soon... very very VERY soon... like, YESTERDAY, soon... he would make his move against them and they would suffer the torments of the damned. And die. There would be lots and lots of dying.
For instance... only HE knew that Lardlad could be destroyed by an injection of OLEAN (c), which prevents fat absorption.
Only HE knew that chopping off Princess Crujectra's hands negated her ability to pull anything out of any sentient's rectum.
Only HE knew that Lash Lad could be pacified with lots of beer and pornography.
And so it would go until EVERY member of the LMB was doomed, deleted, decapitated, destroyed, dead, dead DEAD! the shadowy figure let out an evil chuckle of expectation.
Meanwhile, at the Ice Cream Parlol.....
I ...Princess Crujectra and Lardlad were watching the owner change the second 'l' in Parlol to an 'r'.
"Shouldn'ta used 2 guys who spelled their own names wrong on the invoice..." mumbled the proprietor.
Just then a loud noise caused Crujectra to drop to the ground with her hands over her ears. At first she thought Lardlad had farted, but then she saw smoke billowing out of the door of the (now) Ice Cream Parlor. She ran to investigate and discovered...
She ran to investigate and discovered the owner of the ice cream parlor yelling at one of his employees.
"Eryk! You are the most incompetent employee I've ever had! I leave you alone for a second to go outside to fix the sign those idiots you hired screwed up, and you destroy my ice-cream machine! You're fired!"
"Eryk!?" Crue thought, half-remembering her dream from last night, which got rudely interrupted by her alarm clock. "No it couldn't be that guy from that crazy dream in which the gals were trying to destroy all the male's nads. But he looks so familiar..."
Just then Lardlad...
...remembered that several of the LMB's worst foes had recently escaped imprisonment on Bu'gs'Bu'n'i-8, the prison planetoid. "Gosh, Leapy, I hope this isn't the work of Deathlad or Decapitation Damsel or Killer Kid or Murder Lass!"
of course it isn't, Lardy! It's because of this nincompoop former employee!"
"*choke!*" cried Eryk. "Everyone calls me names and no one wants me around!"
"NOT TRUE" whispered a voice in Eryk's mind. "*I* want you around! I have *need* of your unique gifts!" it continued.
"Who ARE you?" Eryk silently asked the voice, as Lardlad and the Princess looked at him pityingly.
the voice answered, "I am none other than. . . Aw that would be telling!"
Meanwhile:
"Champagne tickles my nose!" bubbled Non-Sequitor
Back at the Ice Cream Parlor. . . LardLad had returned to the parlor and was moving from table to table eating left over ice cream and saying to the patrons "excuse me, but are you finished with that? Do you mind if I......"
It seemed as if Lardlad was trying to eat every ice cream in the Parlol. Which in fact he was.
"Quick Lardy" shouted Crujectra running back into the Parlol.
Thats funny she thought as she passed through the door way, I could have sworn that sign had just been fixed.
"Lardy stop eating that Ice cream and help us out here!" she shouted.
"I need to do this Crue" said Lardlad, Sweat breaking out on his brow as even his gargantuan appetite strugged to contain the vast amounts of food he was consuming. With a sickly grin he forced another portion of Marsberry and banana ripple, with peach sauce and chocolate swirls into his mouth.
"I need to build up as much of the Lard Force as I can contain, I know who is behind this and it is going to take all of the LMBP operating at maximum strength to even have a chance of succes this time around. You see I recognize the disturbance in the force. This time we are facing non other than......................
............Salad-Tosser Lord!" "Aw, no," Princess Crujectra said, "not him again! Isn't he behind, like, every damn plot to destroy us?"
"Well, actually," Lardy said contemplatively, "he never did show up in our last (unfinished) adventure. Unless, he actually created Pornis or something. Guess we'll never know..."
"Hmmm...whatever happened to Pornis, Turns-You-Into-A-Country Kid (!), the Emerald Empress, Lucifer Lass, the one called the one and all those other wacky characters from that adventure?" inquired Crue.
"Once again...I DON'T KNOW!!!" Lardy yelled. "Our memories have been totally wiped out about what happened! We may NEVER know!"
"Okay, baby," Crue purred as she caressed his face, "don't worry about it. So how do you know Salad-Tosser Lord's behind the impending DOOM ?"
the sign's the key, darling. Whether it's 'parloL' or 'parloR', you can't spell 'Salad-Tosser Lord' without an 'r' or an 'l'! Otherwise, you'd have: 'Saad-Tosse od'!"
"Baby, you're a genius!" Crue delighted. "Drop your drawers and let me pull a hot tub outta your ass, so we can get down!"
"Sorry, babe. It'll have to wait. We need to talk to this Eryk Davis Ester guy. I sense a disturbance in the Lardforce around him, and I think he's somehow the key to not only the secret of Salad-Tosser Lord's return, but also to what happened during the last adventure that we can't remember! Crue, incapacitate Eryk's boss, so we won't have to worry about him interrupting while we interrogate Eryk. Plus, we can steal some ice cream while he's out."
Crue pulled a boxing glove arrow out of the boss's ass and knocked him out with it.
"Now, Eryk," Lardy said calmly and touched the other man's face, "your thoughts are mine...my thoughts are yours."
"Lardy?" Crue asked confused. "Are you doing a mindmeld with him? I mean, isn't your schtick a 'Star Wars' rip-off? Isn't it kind of a sacrilege to cross that with a 'Star Trek' rip-off?"
"Zip it, Crue, I'm getting some important info submerged in Eryk's unconsciousness. Omigod!" Then, Lardy spoke in Eryk's voice and said...........
Posted by Kid Prime on :
Eryk Davis Ester Member August 23, 2002 01:19 AM
"Zip it, Crue, I'm getting some important info submerged in Eryk's unconsciousness. Omigod!" Then, Lardy spoke in Eryk's voice and said...........
"After the destruction of the Pornisverse, nearly everything was set right. the one called the one was shown the error of her ways, when she realized her misbegotten plan aimed at all males was a crazed extension of her mission to prevent Pornis conquest of the universe. Grey Birdboy's wings were restored, as was Frankie Muniz's power, and Omega Man was changed back from France to his normal self. But something was left undone. There are dark forces still at work. You must finish what was left undone. You must defeat the lingering influence of Pornis and his dark minions."
"Okay," Crujectra says. "Now why are we supposed to trust the ramblings of this nincompoop's unconscious mind?"
"Don't you remember, this is Eryk Davis Ester! He..."
But before Lardy could explain, a familiar villain walked through the door.
"Oh no!" Crujectra exclaims. "It's..."
Posted by Kid Prime on :
optimusmagnus(me!) Member August 23, 2002 03:25 AM
<"Oh no!" Crujectra exclaims. "It's...">
Esther Rolle!!!"
"Esther Rolle?" Lardlad wondered. "What in the world is she doing here?"
"You thought you would get away from me, didn't you, chile?" Esther Rolle growled in her gravelly voice. "I can't have alternate-reality reversed-sex versions of myself running around, you know. Now come to mama, Eryk. Become one with mama."
"Nooooooooo..." Eryk Davis Ester moaned. "I don't want to become one with mama...."
Never fear, Eryk!" Lardlad strode bravely forward. "We'll protect you from this 70's sitcom diva! Crujectra, call for reinforcements!"
"Call with what," Crujectra demanded. "This dip cone?"
"Oh, pull something out of your ass. Now, Eryk, as I was saying, we won't... uh, what's she doing?" Lardy turned toward Esther Rolle, his eyes widening.
"Good times... any time you need a payment... keeping your head above water..." As Esther Rolle continued chanting the Good Times theme song, a wystic portal began to coalesce around her.
"Oh no," Lardlad moaned. "She's calling the Ghetto 5..."
Stepping out of the mystic portal to join Esther were J.J. (Kid Dy-no-MITE), Michael (Black Panther Boy), Penny (Ms. Jackson if you're nasty), and Bookman (Buffalo-Butt Boy).
"We're going to need some help with this," muttered Lardlad...
[ October 19, 2003, 01:49 PM: Message edited by: Kid Prime ]
Posted by Kid Prime on :
Faraway Lad Member August 23, 2002 03:25 PM
"We're going to need some help with this," muttered Lardlad...
Meanwhile hidden deep in the bowels of the Faraway Cave in darkest England, Faraway Lad was hunched over his computer Keyboard.
"damn it, what is everyone talking about" he muttered, "just who is Esther Rolle and why did she sing that song. i know my faraway power could help here but just as i am needed in LMBP HQ, i find my "problem" kicks in. Now with the faraway power working on myself, i am useless and i know next to nothing about this mysterious Esther Rolle"
Meanwhile back in the ice cream parlol the Ghetto 5 had appeared and were advancing on LardLad and the Princess, "hey princess" said Kid Dy-no-MITE "you and me gona party all night if you know what I mean"
No sooner were the words out of his mouth then there was a flash of light, followed almost immediatly by one of the most obnoxious smells imaginable. (but to give you an idea think about the smell some men make after a heavy night drinking lots of beer, eating curried cabage and loads of garlic, and mix that in with the smell of the first 'dump' of the day)
Strideing towards the people in the parlol out the light and smell, came a figure clad all in yellow.
"Allow me to introduce myself" he said "you may call me Repulso"
Repulso waved his armpits in the direction of the Ghetto 5 who all fled retching into the night.
Meanwhile in a dank, vermin-overrun basement: the evil megalomaniac studied his files carefully.
"no" he cried, "this Repulso character is not known to me. Nevermind, I will still destroy them all, I will release the ...............
Posted by Kid Prime on :
Eryk Davis Ester Member August 23, 2002 04:04 PM
<of continuity here>>
quote:
Originally by optimusmagnus:
"You thought you would get away from me, didn't you, chile?" Esther Rolle growled in her gravelly voice.
Note the fact that she calls EDE "Chile", indicates that at some point I was transformed into a country (and then changed back) during the "five-page gap" (which is what I am now calling the missing end of "Hot Summer Nights").
<>
Posted by Kid Prime on :
Eryk Davis Ester Member August 23, 2002 04:22 PM
"no" he cried, "this Repulso character is not known to me. Nevermind, I will still destroy them all, I will release the information I have gathered to the entire criminal underworld. Then all will no the weakness's of the LMB!" He then let out an evil laugh, as megalomaniacal villains are wont to do.
Meanwhile, Lash Lad and Omega Man were enjoying a couple of beers at the pub down the street from the ice cream parlor (whose sign had mysteriously changed back).
the funny thing is," Omega Man says, "I can't even remember how to speak French!"
"Well, I'm just glad that optimusmagnus fella was there," Lash Lad says. "What would we have done without him? I mean, if he hadn't been there..."
Just then, into the pub walks...
Posted by Kid Prime on :
Quislet Member August 23, 2002 04:45 PM
Just then, into the pub walks...a figure that demanded attention. All eyes turned toward the door. Men swooned and women panted. Lash Lad cried out "Omega Man we have to get out of here. I don't know who this stunning figure is, but I recognize the effects of a GSRF!" "What is a GSRF?" quizzed Omega Man. "GSRF Stands for a Gender Stereotype Reversal Field. If we get caught in it we will be doing things that only steroetyped females will do." "EEEK!! How dreadful!" shierked Omega Man.
Meanwhile:
Non-Sequitor is busy alphabetizing all the zip codes in the United States.
Back at the Ice Cream Parlor:
Lardlad says to no one in particular "Do you know what I really want?" A hush fell over the parlor as everyone wait to hear what Lardlad really wanted...
Posted by Kid Prime on :
Another Kid Prime interjection: It amazes me how much people didn't want to have the ass-pulling power.
Princess Crujectra Member August 23, 2002 06:29 PM
<>
You know, you could always ask before throwing people casually into story threads.
Especially if it involves pulling things out of people's asses.
Very tacky, ladies and gentlemen.
<>
Posted by Kid Prime on :
Space Tart Member August 23, 2002 06:42 PM
Suddenly, the LIVING RETCON appeared from the retconverse and wiped out all reference to Leap Year Lass and Princess Crujectra in this story, retroactively inserting SPACE TART into the role they vacated and retroactively giving the beautiful blue-haired Tart the abandoned object-pulling-out of -asses power so that the story could continue without pissing off anyone else!!!
Posted by Kid Prime on :
Eryk Davis Ester Member August 23, 2002 06:47 PM
"I'll tell you what I want, what I really, really want!" Lardlad sings.
"So tell us what you want, what you really, really want!" comes the chorus of the other patrons of the ice cream parlol (again!).
"I want to... hhhhgghhhuhh..." Lardlad says, vomiting all over the floor. "Ice cream... it seems to have made me sick... never felt like this before..."
"Don't look at me!" Eryk Davis Ester exclaims. "I didn't make this batch. But obviously someone has tampered with the ice cream machine..."
Meanwhile, the Ghetto Five had retreated to...
Posted by Kid Prime on :
StuRat Member August 23, 2002 06:47 PM
quote:
Originally by Eryk Davis Ester: <<<INTERJECTION!!!>>
...But then the whole thing doesn't work. Why would Princess Crujectra have a dream that focuses so much on Leap Year Lass?.
<<>>
[unsolicited observation]
A lot of women have dreams that focus on other women. I've been aware of Princess Crujectra having dreams about Space Tart having dreams about Homecoming Queen, for example.
[/unsolicited observation]
Posted by Kid Prime on :
Eryk Davis Ester Member August 23, 2002 06:59 PM
<<>>
Okay, so what else can Space Tart do, other than pull things out of people's butts?
<<>>
Posted by Kid Prime on :
Space Tart Member August 23, 2002 07:59 PM
quote:
Originally by Eryk Davis Ester: <<>>
Okay, so what else can Space Tart do, other than pull things out of people's butts?
<<>>
[answer]
Think Levitz-era Dream Girl bombshell, only with blue hair and no precog abilities. I like to use sex as a weapon!
Oh yeah, and my pull-things-from-asses power!
[/answer]
Posted by Kid Prime on :
MLLASH Member August 23, 2002 08:22 PM
Meanwhile, the Ghetto 5 had retreated to the lair of their evil mistress, Lisp Lass.
She was not pleased with their failure.
"You FWEAKS!" she shrieked. "I give you a simpwe mission and aww you imbiciwes can do is BOTCH it! AWAY with you!" With that, Lisp Lass pressed a button that made the Ghetto 5 vanish. She continued to rant, to no one...
"I must go back and twy again! This time, I will wessuwect the wong-dead cast of the FACTS of WIFE!" She pressed another button, and greeted each new arrival that appeared out of nowhere...
"NATAWIE... bettew known as WARDWASS!"
"JO... also known as WESBIAN WASS!"
"TOOTIE... or more popularly known as WARDWASS 2!"
"BWAIR... the eviw MEAN QUEEN!"
"MRS. GAWETT... the dominatwix cawwed SCHOOLMAWM!"
"Go, my pwetties! Go and use your powews to destwoy my foes!"
Simotaneously, at StuRat Lad's bath-house.....
Posted by Kid Prime on :
optimusmagnus Member August 23, 2002 08:56 PM
optimusmagnus (who was introduced during the 5-page gap and revealed to have cartoon-projection powers, by which he can channel any moving cartoon image he sees into real life and moderately bend it to his will, for as long as the cartoon is still being played. To engender this power, he carries a portable-hip DVD player with him at all times, and a supply of Japanimation, Disney cartoons, Looney Tunes, 80's cartoons, and cartoon porn DVD's. {Think Tarot, from the New Mutants, but with DVD's instead of tarot cards.}) was sitting in the jacuzzi, crying tears of desparation.
"It sucks," optimusmagnus moaned. "It SUCKS worse than SUCK. IT sucks worse than I could have ever thought possible. OOOOOOOHH, it sucks."
"I heard the word suck... oh, can I join you?" a voice entered the steam.
"Sure, why not... nothing matters anymore... it all sucks," optimusmagnus looked up and brightened somewhat at the sight of a speedo-clad, slim, muscular guy slipping into the water next to him.
"So, what's the problem, friend," the mysterious man queried.
"Oh, I saw the Transformers: Armada cartoon premiere on Cartoon Network this afternoon. It was WRETCHED. I was miserable... you would think these people would learn that if you build upon what was great, you can have something, but NO..... they even screwed up Starscream... Laserbeak is an Autobot... oh, i'm miserable. I want to die...."
"Aw, poor guy," consoled the unknown gentleman, slipping his arm around optimusmagnus's shoulders. "Tell you what, after we finish up here, I'll take you to this really cool ice cream parlol I know about. I was supposed to be meeting some of my friends there later on tonight. Well, actually, we're all part of the same superteam AND friends."
"That sounds good," brightened optimusmagnus. "I could really go for some... wait a minute, did you say parlol?"
Meanwhile, back at the parlol...
Posted by Kid Prime on :
LARDLAD Member August 24, 2002 01:31 AM
<<>>
quote:
Originally by Space Tart: [answer]
Think Levitz-era Dream Girl bombshell, only with blue hair and no precog abilities. I like to use sex as a weapon!
Oh yeah, and my pull-things-from-asses power!
[/answer]
Another fun fact about Space Tart---
It's been established that.......she has NO NIPPLES!!!
Maybe we can make it a major plot point somewhere!
<<>>
Posted by Kid Prime on :
LARDLAD Member August 24, 2002 01:59 AM
Meanwhile, back at the parlol (yep, it's changed again!)...
Lardlad finally stopped barfing after going about an hour non-stop. "Man!" he said exhausted. "That was some rough ****! Leap--I mean Cruj---I mean Spacey---can you get me some water?"
"Yeah...be right back," Spacey (it IS Space Tart now, right? )replied.
After awhile, Lardy was slowly recovering in the stockroom with Spacey's assistance. [Hey! She's just feeding him some water and applying a cold compress to his forehead! Get yer mind outta the gutter!]
Poor Eryk Davis Ester was stuck hosing off all that disgusting barf off the parlor's (changed again!) floor. As he was performing that thankless task, he began to notice something odd about the barf.
"Hey!" he cried. "There's something odd about that barf! It's coalescing into...a person"
Sure enough, T-1000-style, the barf formed the figure of a person. Worse, Eryk seemed to recognize the person it formed from his hazy memories of "Hot Summer Nights".
"Grife!" Eryk finally remembered the person's name. "It's.........
Posted by Kid Prime on :
MLLASH Member August 24, 2002 04:45 AM
...Lucifer Lass, the evil seductress from my dream with the bed-projection powers, only now she's made of Lardlad's barf!! What an odd sight, indeed!! the barf-creature growled threateningly at Eryk and it was then than Mondo Joe X Boy appeared on the scene in his super -action costume which consisted only of the tight little cute brown shorts that UPS drivers wear. "Fear not, lowly ice cream parlol employee! I will protect you from yon barfspawn!"
Meanwhile, at LMB HQ, Shadowplay in Candlelight Lass, Duplicate Man Boy, Looks that Kill Lad, Lost in Lust Lad and Seahorse were on duty when the cast of the Facts of Life attacked!!! First to strike was.....
Posted by Kid Prime on :
Seahorse Member August 24, 2002 05:45 AM
...Schoolmarm, who confronted Looks That Kill Lad. "You, boy, are an evil child. You deserve to be punished. Now bend over and feel my cane!"
Paul shut his eyes and opened them again, and a blaze of silver light shot from his eyes and enveloped Schoolmarm. She collapsed and lay motionless.
Seahorse shouted "Is she..."
"No, she's alive. I had my eyes set to stun," said LTKLad. "Hey, watch out for...
Posted by Kid Prime on :
Kid Prime interjection: Who else misses Shady?
Shadowplay in Candlelight Member August 24, 2002 06:26 AM
Time out ~
quote:
Originally by Space Tart: . . . retroactively inserting SPACE TART into the role they vacated and retroactively giving the beautiful blue-haired Tart the abandoned object-pulling-out of -asses power so that the story could continue without pissing off anyone else!!!
Well, thank-you, Space Tart. I was beginning to worry!
I MEAN, no way am I going to try pulling a hot tub past someone's sphincter. the very thought makes me shudder!
Shady Time in ~
Posted by Kid Prime on :
MLLASH Member August 24, 2002 09:54 PM
"Hey, watch out for that fat girl!" but it was too, too late! Lardlass 2 had pouned upon Seahorse, immobilizing him before he could use his powers!
Meanwhile, Shady confronted Mean Queen. "You PEON!" Mean Queen cackled, "I could buy and SELL your ass with Daddy's money!"
Shady reached out silently with her morale-boosting powers and said, "Such a pretty, though slightly overweight young lady as yourself shouldn't have such low self-esteem that she has to go about bragging all the time!"
Meanwhile, Lost In Lust Lad found his powers completely useless against the butchness of Lesbian Lass! "It's all OVER for me," Terence thought, "unless....."
Posted by Kid Prime on :
MLLASH Member August 25, 2002 12:44 PM the STORY THUS FAR-- a short synopsis to refresh your memory!
We open with an unkown megalomaniac plotting the demise of the LMB. This freak is keeping tabs on the LMB and knows their weaknesses.
In an Ice Cream Parlor, that sometimes is a Parlol, Space Tart and Lardlad come face to face with oafish Parlor employee Eryk Davis Ester, whom they recall from the HOT SUMMER NIGHTS adventure.
An eerie voice from the unknown speaks to Eryk and Lardlad does a mindmeld with him to reveal that Pornis (a foe from Hot Summer Nights) is still on the loose. Lardy also suspects Salad-Tosser Lord's involvement and eats a buttload of ice cream.
Eryk is then revealed to be an alternate-reality reversed-sex version of long-dead actress Esther Rolle. Ms. Rolle summons the Ghetto 5 to attack Eryk, Lardlad & Space Tart, but they are defeated by the timely arrival of the mysterious Repulso, who then seemingly vanished from the story.
Eating all the ice cream makes Lardlad barf for about an hour, and while he recovers in the stockroom, Erky notices the barf take on the form of Lucifer Lass (a villainess from the Hot Summer Nights adventure with bed-projection powers). Mondo Joe X Boy arrives on the scene wearing tight brown UPS shorts, vowing to protect Eryk.
Meanwhile, Omega Man and Lash Lad are trapped in a Gender Stereotype Reversal Field down the street in a pub, shrieking about how dreadful it is. the defeated Ghetto 5 have retreated to the lair of their mysterious mistress Lisp Lass and are sent back into limbo by her. She then calls forth the cast of the Facts of Life and sends them directly to LMB HQ to attack.
While all this is going on, new LMBer Optimusmagnus is frolicking in a hot tub with a sexy, speedo-clad stranger who belongs to a team and seems to be aware of the mystery of the Parlor which is sometimes a parlol.
Our story left off at LMB HQ with the Facts of Life girls smacking around Shadowplay in Candlelight Lass, Duplicate Man Boy, Lost in Lust Lad, Seahorse and Looks that Kill Lad....
Posted by Kid Prime on :
Quislet Member August 25, 2002 07:02 PM
/interjection/
Lisp Lass is talking like Elmer Fudd but she is not lisping. "Thith would be lithping. A perthon who lithpth hath trouble pronounthing 'esses and soft cees'"
/end interjection/
Posted by Kid Prime on :
MLLASH Member August 25, 2002 07:13 PM
[interjection]
Noted, Quis.
But Lisp Lass sounds better than Speech-Impediment Lass, and fuddspeak is more fun to write than actual lisping (to me!)
[/interjection]
Posted by Kid Prime on :
Eryk Davis Ester Member August 25, 2002 07:18 PM
<>
Actually, Fuddspeak Lass would be a pretty cool codename.
<>
Posted by Kid Prime on :
Quislet Member August 25, 2002 07:25 PM
Meanwhile, Lost In Lust Lad found his powers completely useless against the butchness of Lesbian Lass! "It's all OVER for me," Terence thought, "unless....."
"unless I can find a GSRF. It might make me femme enough to effect Wesbian Wass er.. I mean Lesbian Lass."
Omniously LardLass I approached Duplicate Man Boy with a smug yet perky and cheerful smile on her face. Duplicate Man Boy, having suddenly forgotten his own powers and abilities could only back up against the LMB HQ console. As luck would have it, Duplicate Man Boy leaned on the hyper-red-alert super panic button. As every past, present and future member of the mighty LMB received the signal, the mighty klaxton filled the HQ with a deafening sound. It was a sound that filled the Facts of Life characters with dread. It was.....
Meanwhile:
Non-Sequitor sipped on his root beer float
Back to the parlol or parlor:
Mondo Joe X Boy in his sexy tight brown UPS shorts approached the barf-formed Lucifer Lass, flexing his amazing pecs as he walked. "Begone you cheap imitation of a Kevin Smith creation!" "And how will you make me leave?" snarled Lucifer Lass as some partially digested pistachio ice cream ran down her neck and into her bossom. "With this!" cried Mondo Joe X Boy reaching into his costume and pulling out.....
(two cliff hanging endings in one)
Posted by Kid Prime on :
Quislet Member August 25, 2002 07:40 PM
quote:
Originally by MLLASH: [interjection]
Noted, Quis.
But Lisp Lass sounds better than Speech-Impediment Lass, and fuddspeak is more fun to write than actual lisping (to me!)
[/interjection]
[more interjection] have you ever seen Sister Wendy? She is a British nun who reviews art. She also has fuddspeak. Once she said the Wefowmation weft Wome wealing!"
Is Lisp Lass weally Sister Wendy? A short fat nun with thick glasses. Hmmm [/end more interjection]
Posted by Kid Prime on :
Another Kid Prime interjection: He didn't get to use it.
MLLASH Member August 25, 2002 07:44 PM
[interjection]
She sounds hilarious!!! I've never seen her but would like to!
But I already had an idea of who Lisp Lass might *really* be... dunno if I'll get to use it, but no harm done if not...
[/interjection]
Posted by Kid Prime on :
optimusmagnus Member August 25, 2002 07:52 PM
<>
I just want to hear her say, "REWEASE... the SECWET... WEAPON!!!!!"
I know, it has nothing to do with anything. On with the show!
<>
Posted by Kid Prime on :
Eryk Davis Ester Member August 25, 2002 11:23 PM
As every past, present and future member of the mighty LMB received the signal, the mighty klaxton filled the HQ with a deafening sound. It was a sound that filled the Facts of Life characters with dread. It was, strangely enough, a recording of Lisp Lass saying, "WEWEASE... the SECWET WEAPON!"
Puzzled by this incoherent command from their mistress (since they didn't know what the "secwet weapon" referred to), the Facts of Life Five just stood there stunned.
Suddenly all power went off in the HQ. And then suddenly, a humming sound, then an explosion as a hole ripped open the fabric of space and time, through which came the Ghetto Five!
Esther Rolle says, "Try and banish me to limbo before I've achieved union with my other selves, will you? Clear out these hussies, boys, then we'll deal with LMBer's ourselves."
Meanwhile:
Non-Sequitor scratched his nose as he sat on the beach in Spain, and contemplated Godel's Incompleteness Theorem.
Back to the parlol or parlor:
"With this!" cried Mondo Joe X Boy reaching into his costume and pulling out a package that he'd been on his way to deliver when he heard the trouble in the ice cream parlor or parlol or whatever.
But before he could open the package and use it's contents, a bed appeared out of nowhere, and flattened the barf manifestation of Lucifer Lass.
In the doorway stood... the true Lucifer Lass! Dressed in her new, all leather costume (well, what little of it there was was made out of leather), she seemed more vicious and more full of hatred for the LMB than ever.
"Eryk Davis Ester must die!" she screams, "...and then I will deal with that traitor, Space Tart!"
Meanwhile, Repulso was...
Posted by Kid Prime on :
Faraway Lad Member August 26, 2002 04:35 AM
Meanwhile Repulso was..............
Struggling to pull his costume back on,
"I mean come guys why oh who oh why, does the red alert alarm always go off just as I am sat on the toilet. Damn the anthramites, I wish they would remember we humans need Zips in these costumes"
Stuggling to pull the skin tight lycra up over his well muscled legs, Repulso ran well kinda hobbled, into the LMB Control room to see various LMB'ers locked in mortal combat with various attackers from the Facts of Life and of course the Ghetto Five.
"Crap" he said and did.
This unfortunately activated the full force of his Repulso power, which knocked out every one in the room (and several adjoining rooms as well)
Meanwhile back at the Parlor (which was still changing names with a disturbing regularity) Lucifer Lass was............
Posted by Kid Prime on :
Eryk Davis Ester Member August 26, 2002 11:34 PM
Meanwhile back at the Parlor (which was still changing names with a disturbing regularity) Lucifer Lass was suddenly struck on the head by a falling anvil, and incapacitated.
"That was a good idea, Captain Lightbulb," optimusmagnus says to his new, scantily clad friend. the lightbulb symbol on the front of the Captain's Speedo's seem to glow in response to that praise.
"Well, we make a pretty good team, you know. You should really consider joining up with my group," the Captain says.
"I'll have to think about it. But first let's see if everything is alright in the parlol... huh? That's weird. Why does it say "parlol"?"
"We should really make sure everything's okay inside," the Captain quickly responded.
Meanwhile, in the pub, Kid Gender Stereotype Reversal II, sister to the original Kid Gender Stereotype Reversal, who died on an early mission of the LMB when his gender stereotype reversal belt shorted out, finally spoke, saying...
Posted by Kid Prime on :
CJ_Taylor Member August 27, 2002 07:36 PM
Meanwhile, in the pub, Kid Gender Stereotype Reversal II, sister to the original Kid Gender Stereotype Reversal, who died on an early mission of the LMB when his gender stereotype reversal belt shorted out, finally spoke, saying...
"How far away is Faraway Lad?" as he cried into his beer. Since the Crisis of Finite 'Net back in the spring of '02, Kid Gender Stereotype Reversal had been hunting for theose members of the LMB who had been lost. He had learned the fate of the other lost members, some survived, others hadn't. But of Faraway Lad, there was no clue.
StuRat came over with a bowl of cold potato stew. He had lost the will to cook when ComixBear was banned for the inappropriate use of toothpaste on a bird. "Yea, tho' our comrades be gone," he bemoaned, "we shall carry on the good fight." He had to yell, because that annoying group, Boyz4U, were performing on the pub's small stage. Just as they started singing that overplayed ballad...
Posted by Kid Prime on :
MLLASH Member August 27, 2002 08:27 PM
Just as they started singing that overplayed ballad... called Your Best Friend's HOT!... the pub exploded, knocking out Kid Gender Steroetype Reversal 2 and freeing Omega Man and Lash Lad from the effects of her power.
"SHRIEEEEK" cried Lash Lad, "I thought we would NEVER be free!" "Oh... My...God..." Omega solemnly replied as his arms flailed about madly... "BOYZ4U is... **dead**!!!"
Sturat Lad asked "Ummm, guys, you're out of the gender stereotype reversal field now... so what's the deal?"
"Oh, we ALWAYS act this way, silly!" tittered Lash Lad with delight.
"LOOK OUT!" Omega Man trilled, the roof's about to cave in from the explosion!"
But before the intrepid trio could dive out of the decimated den of debauchary.....
Posted by Kid Prime on :
Eryk Davis Ester Member August 27, 2002 08:48 PM
But before the intrepid trio could dive out of the decimated den of debauchary the explosion suddenly reversed, restoring the pub to normal and Boy4U to life, though Kid Gender Stereotype Reversal II was still unconscious.
"Is everything okay in here," Explosion-Reverser Lad, aka Frankie Muniz, said as he entered the pub. "I was just on the way to meet some friends down the street at the parlol, and I..."
Before he could finish his sentence
Posted by Kid Prime on :
the LMB ENQUIRER Member August 27, 2002 08:52 PM
...he died of a massive brain hemmorage combined with a heart attack and bad case of trapped gas.
Meanwhile, at Lisp Lass' secret hideout....
Posted by Kid Prime on :
Thriftshop Debutante Member August 27, 2002 08:55 PM
Ha, ha, ha!
Posted by Kid Prime on :
MLLASH Member August 27, 2002 09:05 PM
"HA HA HA!
My secwet pwan to ewiminate bad sitcom actors and actwesses of the past awong with destwoying my foes in the Wegion of message boawd posters is pwoceeding without any pwobwem!
HA HA HA!!!"
And, back at the parlor/parlol......
Posted by Kid Prime on :
Quislet Member August 27, 2002 09:06 PM
Meanwhile, at Lisp Lass' secret hideout.... the vivacious villianous vixen watched as the Ghetto Five battled the Facts of Life cast.
"Weally!" she began to rant "I must simpwy stop watching so much howovision, especiawwy Nick at Night! I must wesume my seawch of the univewse fow wepwehensible wascals who thwive on weprobate behaviow and and and....
Posted by Kid Prime on :
Quislet Member August 27, 2002 09:13 PM
I thought that might happen.
Lisp Lass shook her head as she faced Simultaneous Post Boy. "You Bwute, you! How dawe you make me wive thwough two diffewent stowy pwots!
As Simultaneous Post Boy moved in for the kill, Continuity Lad burst through the wall and vaporized the base villian. Picking up Lisp Lass, Continuity Lad said "You and the story are safe now. You can continue from MLLASH's post
"What awe you tawking about?"
Continuity Lad just turned his face towards the panel and winked.
Posted by Kid Prime on :
Eryk Davis Ester Member August 27, 2002 10:29 PM
And, back at the parlor/parlol the various assembled characters had heard the exposion, and all ran out and up the street towards the bar (except for Eryk Davis Ester's former boss and Lucifer Lass, who were both still unconcious, and Lardlad, who was still feeling kind of queezy and slowly hobbled up the road instead of running). Once there, they found StuRat Lad, Lash Lad, and Omega Man hovering over Frankie Muniz's body.
"What happened here?" Mondo Joe X Boy asked.
"Well, there was this explosion... we don't know why... and then suddenly Frankie here appeared, used his explosion reversal power, and then suddenly he collapsed. He seems to be dead," Lash Lad explains.
"He must have overloaded his power," Captain Lightbulb says. "But that means the bomb that went off must have used massive amounts of the rare Material X-ERL as its explosive, which Frankie always had trouble reversing the effects of . But who would use such a rare explosive, unless they were specifically targeting Frankie?"
"We'll get to the bottom of this," Omega Man says. "And, of course, we'll build Frankie a big memorial so everyone will remember how he gave his life to save Boys4U!"
Meanwhile, back in the LMB Headquarters...
Posted by Kid Prime on :
LARDLAD Member August 28, 2002 12:29 AM
Meanwhile, back in the LMB Headquarters...
...everyone was still unconscious until Repulso himself awoke. Repulso took advantage of th situation by gathering all the members of the Ghetto Five and the Facts of Life gang. Repulso used the Fandom Zone projector to send the whole lot of them to Sitcom Hell where they'd never be heard from again.
That bit of business aside, Repulso got pillows and blankets and made sure that the past, present and future LMBers who'd answered the call would be all nice and snugly 'til they woke up.
But then, he noticed the eerie quiet of the HQ was not complete. From a distance Repulso distinctly heard the unmistakeable sounds of rough, naked, boisterous sex being had. He could distinguish a male voice and a female voice. Being a bit of a voyeur, Repulso decided to see who it was for himself. Opening the door where the noise was coming from, he was shocked to see who the two lovers were.
Meanwhile, at the secret, shadowy base of the mystery villain from the very first post, that same villain had a visit from his main lacky.
"What is thy bidding, my master?" asked Salad-Tosser Lord humbly to the shadowy figure. Even S-TL didn't know his master's identity.
"Initiate Phase Two," answered the mysterious foe. "Take the Parlol (it must be the Parlol, not the Parlor at the time of the taking) by force. Have Pornis with Khan E. Lingus and Felice Acio lead our elite forces in the campaign."
"Yes, my master. Will there be...anything else?"
"Yes, of course.. the usual. After you give the order of course."
"Yes SIR!" Salad-Tosser Lord began to lick his lips at the thoughts of the usual but dutifully went to the communications board first.
Back at the LMB HQ, Repulso, his shock so great, involuntarily screamed out the names of the two lovers......
Posted by Kid Prime on :
optimusmagnus Member August 28, 2002 01:20 AM
the LMB HQ, Repulso, his shock so great, involuntarily screamed out the names of the two lovers......>
"Looks that Kill Lad!!! And Penny from Good Times (Ms. Jackson if you're nasty), who somehow avoided the Fandom Zone ray! NASTY! NASTY BOY! OH YOU NASTY BOY!"
"It don't mean a thing, baby," Looks that Kill Lad started. "It was her power..."
"Hey, my name's not baby, it's Penny," Penny retorted.
"Where did I leave that fandom zone ray," Repulso, feeling rather repulsed himself, said.
Meanwhile, at the Parlor...
Posted by Kid Prime on :
Space Tart Member August 28, 2002 09:32 PM
Meanwhile, at the Parlor...
Space Tart acidentally pulled a universe-destroying bomb out of the unconscious owner's ass by mistake.
"Oh NOOO!" she screamed, "I meant to pull out some french frie..."
And then the universe was destroyed!
Posted by Kid Prime on :
optimusmagnus Member August 28, 2002 09:51 PM
<>
ahem
<>
Posted by Kid Prime on :
Space Tart Member August 28, 2002 09:55 PM
[interjection]
Consider it a challenge for your writing skills, Opti! *tee hee!*
[/interjection]
Posted by Kid Prime on :
optimusmagnus Member August 28, 2002 10:01 PM
<>
yeah, sure thing... um... Space Tart... (I'm not going to mention who is NOTORIOUS for blowing up the universe)
<>
Posted by Kid Prime on :
Eryk Davis Ester Member August 28, 2002 10:04 PM
Captain Lightbulb and Optimus Magnus sat in limbo in a strange bubble that had appeared as reality imploded around them.
"What... what happened?" optimusmagnus asked.
"Ahhh... some idiot destroyed the universe. Fortunately, I had prepared for this just contingency. After the destruction of Pornis I managed to... um... acquire the machine that used to protect the Hypertime Bar from reboots. I incorporated it into my costume in such a way that it would automatically activate in case of any universe-destroying, or reality shattering events. You may not know this, but I'm the sole survivor of the universe I originated in. Now, it looks like that's something else we've got common."
"But... there's got to be a way to restore the universe. There's just got to..." optimusmagnus says.
"Well, there is one way," came another voice. the two turned around and were surprised to see...
Posted by Kid Prime on :
CJ_Taylor Member August 28, 2002 10:20 PM
Meanwhile, at the Parlor...
Space Tart acidentally pulled a universe-destroying bomb out of the unconscious owner's ass by mistake. "Oh NOOO!" she screamed, "I meant to pull out some french frie..." And then the universe was destroyed!
Standing outside the universe, the Progenitor looks at the horror of it all and ponders what went wrong. A Being beyond gender, He/She/It wonders if the Facts of Life Five were too much for this finite space. But surely, an inept group can't have wrought such a downfall. Was the LMB team, in it's efforts to entertain, responsible for this magnificent destruction? Again, the Progenitor realized ineptitude made that possiblity ridiculous.
Looking over that final chapter, He/She/It searched for some clue as to what went wrong. If only the Boy With Ultra Poowers could help. Where was Shady and her candlelight to shed some light on this mystery? Could Greybird, devout worshipper of Dawnstar, find that hidden answer? Would Bizzare Brainiac Zero be able to think backwards to the right moment this all fell apart? the the Progenitor realized what had happened! He/She/It understood what had caused the universe to come undone, had located that galactic flaw leading to the ultimate end, had finally seen the Omega Event. Using the vast powers granted to Him/Her/It, the Progenitor began to rewind the tale, back history up to that moment...
He removed that mistyped "l" and inserted an "r", forever eliminating the possibility of the parlor and the parlol converging in universal disharmony. At least until the next typo.
Time resumed, but now with drasticlly different results....
Posted by Kid Prime on :
optimusmagnus Member August 28, 2002 10:23 PM
<"Well, there is one way," came another voice. the two turned around and were surprised to see...>
Bugs Bunny.
Captain Lightbulb looked at Optimus with a quizzical expression.
"Damn," Mr. Magnus exclaimed. "I forgot to turn off the Looney Tunes DVD when I projected the anvil in the ice cream parlor. And my mutant power must have subconscioualy activated due to the stress of the destruction of the universe!"
"That's right, Doc," Bugs chewed on his carrot. "And in order to remake the universe, ya got to do exactly what I tell ya. Got it?"
"I got it, I got it," Optimus said.
"Good," Bugs continued. "Now all you gotta do is get the reboot/universe destrutcion device out of this guy's speedo, and plug it into your hip DVD player. Choose one of your cartoon DVD's, an activate your cartoon-projection powers. When this happens, the power of the Hypertime device will create a new universe based on whichever cartoon DVD you choose, but populated with all the people from your universe. They MAY take on new characteristics based on the new universe, or they may stay the same. Oh, and doing this will completely drain ya of your cartoon-projection powers, but I wouldn't be surprised if ys develop some new fancy-shmancy powers! Got it, Doc?"
"We got it, Bugs!" they chorused.
"Well, I gotta hit that road to Albuqueruque. You boys be good, and I know it isn't my line, but THAT'S ALL, FOLKS!"
Bugs tunneled out of the reality bubble and vanished.
"Bugs is SO wise," Captain Lightbulb mused.
"Well, here," Optimus said. "Hand me that reality-saving devise from out of your speedo, while I look through my DVD collection to find the one to reboot the universe. Hmm... which one should I use..."
Posted by Kid Prime on :
CJ_Taylor Member August 28, 2002 10:26 PM
Continuity Lad steps in and erases not only CJ_Taylor's post, but CJ as well. Safeguarding the world from slow posters, Continuity Lad quietly exits, mumbling something about, "...technophobes and computers don't mix..."
Posted by Kid Prime on :
MLLASH Member August 28, 2002 11:19 PM
[interjection]
No, no, CJ! the trick is to somehow COMBINE the double post into one cohesive post! (is that even possible with our story?
Tips for Tag-Team Story thread participants:
Letting the story go untold and drop to the 2nd page is a sure sign that 'LASH will destroy the universe!
[/interjection]
Posted by Kid Prime on :
Eryk Davis Ester Member August 28, 2002 11:26 PM
<>
C.J.'s post is easily incorporated by supposing that however vastly different things went in the rewound universe, they still ended with its destruction. Now, once Optimus Magnus recreates the universe, it will be as it was before the Progenitor rewound it. There... problem solved.
Methinks once the universe gets restored, it will be time for a story summary.
<>
Posted by Kid Prime on :
optimusmagnus Member August 29, 2002 12:10 AM
<>
?
<>
Posted by Kid Prime on :
Eryk Davis Ester Member August 29, 2002 01:07 AM
<>
Everything will be fine. Just go with it.
<>
Posted by Kid Prime on :
LARDLAD Member August 29, 2002 01:51 AM
"Well, here," Optimus said. "Hand me that reality-saving devise from out of your speedo, while I look through my DVD collection to find the one to reboot the universe. Hmm... which one should I use..."
"...hmmm...guess I'll go with the classic Scooby Doo episode collection," he finally decided. So he said a little prayer, inserted he DVD and pressed 'play'.
Then, the DVD began to spin. Reality warped for a moment and then reformed. A spooky castle comes into view, and five LMBers find themselves in the roles and costumes of these familiar cheesy characters.
"Zoinks!" says.......
Posted by Kid Prime on :
Eryk Davis Ester Member August 29, 2002 11:20 AM
"Zoinks!" says Omega Man. "Like, that castle sure is creepy!"
"Res it ris!" says...
Posted by Kid Prime on :
optimusmagnus Member August 29, 2002 01:54 PM
Scooby-Lard. "Ri'm Rungry!"
"Again?" Omega Man moaned. "Oh, Scoob, we just ate at that malt shop 15 minutes ago!" the Mystery Machine hit a bump and spun off the road.
"Oh, no, I've dropped my glasses," said...
Posted by Kid Prime on :
Eryk Davis Ester Member August 30, 2002 12:26 AM
"Oh, no, I've dropped my glasses," said Kid Gender Stereotype Reversal II, who began fumbling around in the bottom of the van for her glasses.
"Well, it looks like the tire on the van's busted, so we'll just have to look for some help up in that old castle!" said...
Posted by Kid Prime on :
optimusmagnus Member August 30, 2002 01:46 AM
"Well, it looks like the tire on the van's busted, so we'll just have to look for some help up in that old castle!" said...
Turns-You-Into-A-Country Fred (who, oddly enough, STILL looks exactly like Freddie Prinze Jr, only now with blonde hair!)
"Like, no way, man!" Omega Man exclaimed. "You're not getting ME up into that spooky castle!"
"Oh, don't worry, Omega," Gender-Stereotype-Reversal Kid said. "Besides, with a castle that spooky, there's bound to be a mystery that needs solving!"
"like, that's what I'm afraid of ! Look at Scooby-Lard! There's no way you're getting him up there either!"
Scooby-Lard had dived under the blankets in the back of the Mystery Machine, and all one could see was his butt quivering under the blankets as he said,"Ruh-huh! Ruh-huh! Ri'm rot roing rup rere! Ruh-huh!"
"Oh, come on, guys," said the last member of the group, a redheaded bombshell by the name of ...
Posted by Kid Prime on :
Eryk Davis Ester Member August 30, 2002 05:34 AM
"Oh, come on, guys," said the last member of the group, a redheaded bombshell by the name of Space Tart!
"Would you do it for a Scooby-snack?" Kid Gender-Stereotype Reversal II says.
"Ruh-uh!" Scooby-Lard says.
"How about two?" she asks.
"Roo Rooby Racks! Rokay."
And so the intrepid five walk up the path towards the old castle. Once there, Turns-You-Into-a-Country Fred (who, as should be obvious, is the spirit of Clothes-Fall-Off Fred in possession of Turns-You-Into-a-Country-Kid's body, as was revealed during the Five-Page Gap), knocks on the door.
"Like, there's no one there. I guess we can leave now," Omega Man says after a few moments.
But as he turns to walk back down the path, a loud creaking sound indicates the door of the castle is being opened.
Soon, the five are greeted by a somewhat stooped-over elderly man-servant who speaks to them in an eerie voice, "Come!" the five follow him into the depths of the castle, noticing the many creepy items strewn throughout. Suddenly they find themselves in a reception hall, but the manservant who was guiding them seems to have disappeared.
A new figure enters the room, and says, "Greetings! I hope you will forgive the lack of manners of my butler Eryk. This castle used to be a major tourist attraction, but we don't get many visitors around these parts these days, since the Pornis has been scaring people off. My name is..."
Posted by Kid Prime on :
Kid Prime interjection: I always felt like the LMBP Scoobyverse got retconned out too quickly. One of these days, I have to finish that sub-story in a Onevision.
LARDLAD Member August 30, 2002 11:11 PM
the room, and says, "Greetings! I hope you will forgive the lack of manners of my butler Eryk. This castle used to be a major tourist attraction, but we don't get many visitors around these parts these days, since the Pornis has been scaring people off. My name is...">
...but the figure's sentence is never completed as time is completely frozen.
Retcon Girl playfully steps out into the midst of the frozen characters doing a little twirly dance between them all.
At last, she stops and speaks to her lover and previous wielder of the Retcon power, Floyd. "Gawd, I loathe Scooby Doo cartoons! They are SO formulaic! Even if I weren't mistress of all time, I could tell ya that the guy about to introduce himself did it!"
"Yeah, hon," Floyd said. "Too true. So what are you gonna do about it?"
She thought for a moment and then said, "I'll restore the previous continuity, I think....except maybe I'll reverse everyone's sexual orientation. You know, just for kicks! Only...everyone will switch back to their real sexual orientations permanently when someone says the phrase, 'Spank me until you get all the naughty out!' But everyone will remember everything they did during their inexplicable reversal and feel really uncomfortable about it!"
"Ooooh-KAY," Floyd said bemusedly, "you're getting really out there on me...but whatever floats your boat..."
With a spritely giggle, Retcon Girl says, "okay...everything will be as it was before the universe was destroyed with the exception of the stipulation I stated above. Make it so!" And she waved her wand and the universe was restored.
In the backroom of the parlol (for the ephemeral nature of the parlor/parlol was never fixed because of this retcon), Lardlad and Space Tart suddenly found themselves uninterested in each other. As they awkwardly put their clothes back on, they heard a commotion approaching the place from outside. As they returned from the backroom they saw though the front windows.........
Eryk Davis Ester Member August 30, 2002 11:52 PM
As they returned from the backroom they saw though the front windows the new memorial to Explosion-Reversal Lad that had just been built.
"That was fast," Lardy says, "we just had time to get back down here and take off our clothes before they constructed it. I wonder how they got it up so fast?"
Space Tart suddenly noticed something. "Lucifer Lass! Where'd she go! She was lying here unconscious when we came in, and now she's gone! Darn, I knew we should have tied her up or something!"
"Yeah, but we didn't have any rope!" Lardy says.
"Oh, I could of pulled some out of someone's ass or something. I wonder where she's gone?"
Back in LMB HQ, where Repulso had just walked in on Looks that Kill Lad and Penny...
Posted by Kid Prime on :
LARDLAD Member August 31, 2002 12:08 AM
Back in LMB HQ, where Repulso had just walked in on Looks that Kill Lad and Penny...
...Repulso said, "Paul! You're with a woman? Aren't you gay?"
Paul sat confused, "I was gay...but now I suddenly want a woman!"
"A woman!" Penny snarled. "How dare you?!"
Repulso said, "okay, I'm confused."
Paul explained, "oh...Penny! You see, Repulso, Penny's not a woman...she's a MAN, man---in drag!" He pulled off Penny's wig and the scarf that had covered 'her' Adam's apple to illustrate the point.
"Oh," Repulso now understood, "so you WERE gay and had just laid this drag queen, but now you're NOT gay and want a woman. Fair enough." Then he continued probing further, "me, I'm not sure what I was before, so I don't know who I should want now."
Then Penny suddenly realized, "I suddenly realise that I want a woman now, too...who's dressed like a man!"
As they all started scratching their heads, back at the parlol, Lardlad and Space Tart suddenly saw the newly-constructed statue destroyed before them as the hoards of Pornis attacked!
Lardlad's jaw dropped and he said to Spacey........
Posted by Kid Prime on :
Quislet Member August 31, 2002 06:47 PM
Lardlad's jaw dropped and he said to Spacey, "Rut-Roh er.... I mean Ut-oh!"
Meanwhile:
Non-Sequitor just completed his gig as DJ at the Retro Rave party.
Back at the parlor or parlol:
Space Tart screamed as the hoards of Pornis began to concentrate their attack on her. Kid Gender-Stereotype Reversal II came running on the scene, dragging with her Mondo Joe X Boy, Captain Lightbulb and Optimus Magnus. the five LMBers stood back to back ready to face the onslaught of the hoards from Pornis.
Somewhere hidden from the sight of upstanding citizens everywhere, Lisp Lass and Salad-Tosser Lord watched the attack on a monitor. "If the Hoawds of Pownis succeed in threiw attack, aww of ouw hawd wowk wiww be wuined!" "Yes" replied Salad Tosser Lord "unless we save the LMBers, our own evil schemes will be thwarted. Here is what we must do Lisp Lass......
Posted by Kid Prime on :
Eryk Davis Ester Member August 31, 2002 08:01 PM
As Salad-Tosser Lord explained his plan to Lisp Lass, Non-Sequitor suddenly became interested in what was going on with all those weird people he'd met a few weeks ago. By chance he was sitting next to Editorial Eddie, who was an expert at keeping track of such things, and so Eddie told him:
WHAT'S GOIN' ON?
Well, basically, we've got at least two major villains running around, Lisp Lass, who oddly enough, doesn't lisp but talks like Elmer Fudd, and some guy in a dank, rat-infested basement who has files on the LMBers and knows their weakness and stuff. We don't know much about the guy in the basement, but we might have found out something had the Scoobyverse not ended just as he was about to reveal his identity. Anyway, there's also Salad-Tosser Lord, who seems to be working for both of them, but is probably playing both of them for a fool since the voice in Eryk Davis Ester's subconsious said that he's the real evil force in this story. Anyway, he released Pornis to attack the ice-cream parlor, which is sometimes a parlol, on the command of the guy in the basement, and is now advising Lisp Lass on how to prevent Pornis's attack. Yep, he's definately got something up his sleeve.
Anyway, Lisp Lass's main motivation seems to be to kill ancient TV sitcom stars, for some unknown reason, and she already has killed Frankie Muniz, also known as Explosion-Reversal Lad. Apparently, she got the information about his one weakness, X-ERL, from the guy in the basement, who released his files on the LMB to the underworld generally. Someboyd with access to those files is most likely behind a plot that made Lardlad sick on ice crean, as well.
Okay, so we've also got this whole subplot about Eryk Davis Ester, who appears to be little more than a nincompoop, but is apparently really important, and at least two gender-reversed alternate versions of him, Lucifer Lass and Esther Rolle, are running around trying to kill him or re-unite with him or something. I'm betting that gay mini-EDE from the Pornisverse saga is running around here somewhere, too.
...And then there's the fact that Captain Lightbulb, whose new costume consists of speedos, has apparently formed his own super -team and is trying to lure new LMBer optimusmagnus to join him. Explosion-Reversal Lad was apparently a member of his team, and others are supposed to meet them at the ice-cream parlor, so I bet they'll be showing up pretty soon. Oh, yeah, and since Captain Lightbulb still has sewn into his speedos the continuity stabilizer from the Hypertime Bar (since his removal of the equipment was retconned out), I'm betting he's immune to the strange change which has suddenly made everyone switch their sexual orientation. But since optimusmagnus, who he's been coming on to pretty strong, is not immune, he's going to end up more frustrated than ever. Poor guy!
Hmm... is that everything? Well, there's probably more things going on, like the mysterious appearances of Repulso and Kid Gender-Stereotype Reversal II, but we can pick those subplots up later. That's plenty for now!
After hearing what Editorial Eddie had told him, Non-Sequitor began playing Solitaire with a deck of 51.
Posted by Kid Prime on :
LARDLAD Member September 01, 2002 12:45 AM
the hoards of Pornis began to concentrate their attack on her. Kid Gender-Stereotype Reversal II came running on the scene, dragging with her Mondo Joe X Boy, Captain Lightbulb and Optimus Magnus. the five LMBers stood back to back ready to face the onslaught of the hoards from Pornis.>
But the hoards missed one LMBer...Lardlad! Between saying "Rut-Roh", er, I mean "uh-oh", and the hoards surrounding Spacey and the reinforcements, Lardy had used his power to teleport to LMB HQ to get a secret weapon. Finding what he needed, he 'ported back to the parlol right on top of the serpentine Pornis.
"Though I find you strangely attractive all of a sudden, I've gotta stop you!" Lardlad pulled out a large, square-shaped wrapper with a distinctive circular shape visible within. As Pornis tried to buck him off, Lardy opened the wrapper and unsheathed the single item it had contained. Lardy pulled it over Pornis's large head, all the while carefully squeezing the item's small protruding part. Methodically, Lardy pulled the item downward to cover most of Pornis's serpentine form. Then, Lardy was thrown off as the bucking became too much.
Pornis's hoards watched agape as their master writhed and struggled and seemed to start shrinking. They ignored the heroes entirely.
"Quick, Lardy!" Space Tart cried. "That thing isn't gonna hold Pornis for long...not with Felice Acio there to help him! 'Port us outta here!"
"Okay," Lardy gasped, "but I'm almost outta gas from those last two 'ports...I dunno how far I can get us!"
"Just do it, Lardy!" she screamed. "He's bursting out! the blast from his eye is too powerful!"
"Okay...here goes nothin'..."
And then they all disappeared. They reappeared about a block away at the Hootchie Hut.
"Hey!" Mondo smiled. "There are bound to be more LMBers inside!"
"Yeah, reinforcements!" cried OptimusMagnus.
As they ran frantically to see who was inside who could help, Kid Gender-Stereotype Reversal II suddenly stopped dead in hr tracks. "Wait! Where's Captain Lightbulb!"
Suddenly, horrifically, the five realized that CLB somehow hadn't made he trip.
"Oh, God!" Spacey exclaimed. "He was the target---or should I say, what was in his Speedo was the target!"
"Rut-roh...I mean 'uh-oh'!" Lardy despaired.
Meanwhile, Salad-Tosser Lord laughed as......
Posted by Kid Prime on :
Kid Prime interjection: I AM very proud of this post, even though it DID spawn the creation of the LMB... uggh... dopplegangers...
optimusmagnus Member September 01, 2002 12:56 AM
>>"Yes" replied Salad Tosser Lord "unless we save the LMBers, our own evil schemes will be thwarted. Here is what we must do Lisp Lass......>>
And then he began to whisper frantically into her ear, a devilish and delirious smile transforming her lips as he explained what she must do.
Meanwhile, at the parlol(r?), the members of the LMB present had their hands full. Pornis had blasted Mondo Joe X Boy and Kid Gender-Stereotype Reversal against the wall, stuck in his viscous white fluid. However, Space Tart and Lardlad (who was still feeling queasy) were mounting a counterattack, trying to capture Pornis with an extra-large human-sized spermicidal condom she had pulled out of Eryk Davis Ester's ass. Nearer the entrance, Captain Lightbulb and Optimusmagnus were barely holding their own against Khan E. Lingus and Felice Acio.
"Quick, Optimusmagnus, I have another brilliant idea! Use your cartoon-projection powers, NOW!" Captain Lightbulb shouted, the lightbulb on his speedo glowing furiously.
"But Cap, I don't have time to change DVD's! They'll be on us in a second!" Optimusmagnus shouted back.
"I don't have time for your excuses, man1 Just do it, or we're all dead!!!" Captain Lightbulb replied.
"Okay, okay," Optimusmagnus punched the play button and concentrated. All of a sudden, 100 little blue Smurfs converged upon Khan E. Lingus and Felice Acio.
"Smurfs? the best you can do is SMURFS???" Captain Lightbulb slapped his hand to his forehead as Optimusmagnus turned red with embarrassment.
Meanwhile, as all of this tumult was going on, a form was climbing down from the roof of the ice cream parlol to the inexplicable changing sign. "Soon, my pwetties, vewy soon, aww wiww be mine!!! You thought that by taking pawt of my soww, the pawt that enables me to say the lettews aww and eww, that you could keep my twue powews hidden away fwom me fowevew! You thawt that by tuwning me into Wisp Wass that I would then nevew be abwe to find the souwce of my twue powew!!! But now, my powew is finawwy in my GWASP!!!" Lisp Lass wrenched the rotating letter R/L at the end of the sign free.
Captain Lightbulb felt a cacophony of pain pounding into his consciousness as he looked up and saw Lisp Lass with the letter(s) in her hand. "Oh NO! OH NO NO NO NO NO! STOP HER, MY LITTLE SMURFS!"
Brainy Smurf suddenly looked up. "Only Papa Smurf can say stuff like that, and you're not Papa Smurf, and I'm going to tell Papa Smurf that your said that just as soon as we get finished with this battle, and you're going to be in so much trouble, and..."
"SIWENCE, FOOWS!!!" Lisp Lass's voice echoed from outside, where she was eating the mystical letter. "Soon, I wiww bw whowe once (chomp chomp) again! (swallow) Aww you EwwMB'ews (chomp chomp) thought that you could defeat me fowever (swallow) by ewasing my memowies (chomp chomp) and hiding my true powers in this letter, keeping my from saying (swallow) my R's and L's correctly forever! You pitiful, insignificant FOOLS!"
Optimusmagnus looked over at Captain Lightbulb, who was visibly paling. "What's she talking about? Isn't she just a corny Elmer Fudd rip-off?"
"No," moaned Captain Lightbulb. "None of you remember this, but since my perceptions are immune to all retcons and reboots, I do. There was a huge battle, and the only way to stop her from finishing her heinous plan was by turning her into Lisp Lass, removing her from her awesome powers AND her R's and L's in one fell swoop. Oh God, I thought this day would never come..."
"NOW, BOW down before your new lady and mistress, fools! Bow down before the greatest power in this universe!" the woman formerly known as Lisp Lass laughed maniacally. "BOW DOWN BEFORE the AWESOME POWER of the ONE CALLED the ONE!!!!!!!!!"
[ October 19, 2003, 05:45 PM: Message edited by: Kid Prime ]
Posted by Kid Prime on :
optimusmagnus Member September 01, 2002 01:01 AM
And then Continuity Lad, smiling at both Lardlad and OpMag's intuitive use of the same giant condom, retroactively erased Optimusmagnus's arrival at the Hootchie Hut, thus allowing him to stay at the parlo with Captain Lightbulb, keeping virtually everything in the same continuity. Smiling contentedly, he picked up his popcorn and Twizzlers, settling down to watch the rest of the show.
Posted by Kid Prime on :
LARDLAD Member September 01, 2002 01:33 AM
And then Continuity Lad realized in an epiphany, "Wait! There is ANOTHER explanation!" And so... the heroes who'd arrived at the Hootchie Hut finally went inside as they recovered frm their shock. Inside, they saw their comrades Faraway Lad, Lash Lad and Hummer Lass huddled around someone who lay collapsed on the floor. the new arrivals rushed to see what's the matter.
Spacey was the first to recognize the collapsed comrade. "Oh---Duplicate Man! What's wrong with him, Lash?"
"I dunno, Spacey," he responded. "Just before he collapsed he said something about their being a disturbance in the 'Duplicity Force' or something!"
"Unnnh!" Dupe grunted as he awoke. Then, he looked at the new arrivals in a mixture of horror and awe. "You five...you're not right!"
"Huh?" they said confused.
"Yes," Dupe continued, "I sense that you are dopplegangers created because Lardy tried to 'port without having any fatty foods to fuel the trip."
"Dopplegangers?" OptimusMagnus said puzzled.
"Yes.. the real five of you are still at the ice cream...uh...place."
"Does that mean we're evil or something?" Dopple-Spacey despaired.
"No," Duplicate Man assured her, "just copies."
"That means the real deals are still in deadly danger!" Dopple-Lardy exclaimed. "But...why wasn't Captain Lightbulb duplicated?"
Dupe thought for a moment and finally concluded, "must be that thingy he's got in his Speedo...I guess it protected him from the effect."
"Still," Faraway reminded them, "we've gotta go help our pals!"
Dopple-Lardy recalled suddenly, "quick! I remember that I, or rather, the real Lardlad has a secret passage from here to the ice cream place!"
"Let's go!" Dopple-Kid Gender-Stereotype Reversal II cried.
So the Dopples of Kid Gender-Stereotype Reversal II, Lardlad, Space Tart, Mondo Joe X and OptimusMagnus) and the LMBers thy met at the Hootchie Hut (Faraway Lad, Lash Lad and Hummer Lass) all raced to the passage.
Meanwhile, at the parlo, the one called the one.........
Posted by Kid Prime on :
LARDLAD Member September 01, 2002 01:36 AM
<<>>
So...How'd ya like THAT fix?"
<<>>
Posted by Kid Prime on :
optimusmagnus Member September 01, 2002 01:43 AM
<>
I'm impressed.
<>
Posted by Kid Prime on :
LARDLAD Member September 01, 2002 02:01 AM
<<>>
Yeah...all ya have to do to fill in other seeming inconsistencies is assume that the LMBers at the parlo thought the 'port totally failed and in desperation, Spacey pulled the condom out of someone's ass hoping repeating the same tactic would delay Pornis again! And Lardlad was REALLY feeling sick after that failed (or so they thought!) 'port!
Nifty, eh?
<<>>
Posted by Kid Prime on :
MLLASH Member September 01, 2002 04:57 AM
[interection]
Damn. I'm gonna miss writing that fuddspeak! But that was a brilliant way to tie Lisp Lass into the One Called the One and the mystery of the parlol/parlor!
[/interjection]
Posted by Kid Prime on :
Eryk Davis Ester Member September 01, 2002 09:44 AM
<<>>
Wow, you guys are good!
Just one question: What's become of Lashlad, StuRat Lad, and Omega Man? I assume they're the ones who built the statue for Frankie, but where'd they go after that?
...And I've got an idea for how to undo the sexual orientation reversal when the time comes, but you guys should have some fun with it first...
<<>>
Posted by Kid Prime on :
Eryk Davis Ester Member September 01, 2002 09:58 AM
<<>>
Okay, so I just noticed Lash Lad is one of the LMBers at the Hootchie Hut, so that explains where he got to. But that still leaves StuRat Lad and Omega Man unaccounted for!
<<>>
Posted by Kid Prime on :
Eryk Davis Ester Member September 01, 2002 10:47 AM
Meanwhile, at the parlo, the one called the one wondered what Salad-Tosser Lord was laughing at, but she figured he must just be happy because they'd prevented Pornis from destroying the parlor and thus preventing her from ever regaining her powers. After all, that was his objective in attacking, wasn't it?
Anyway, she decided, before she gets around to destroying Pornis (which, as you will recall, is her general motivation and led to her misconceived plan to destroy all nads in our last adventure), she must first exact some revenge on the one who defeated her last time. And so she sees him there in front of her: optimusmagnus, whose ability to summon old cartoons led to her being "pitied" by Mr. T, licked excessively by Dino, and to have her butterfinger taken away from her by Bart Simpson. Once transformed into Lisp Lass, her vendetta against optimusmagnus took the form of an irrational fear of TV characters generally, and hence her desire to destroy all former sitcom stars.
She swoops down in the direction of optimusmagnus, believing that nothing can stop her from exacting her revenge. Unfortunately, as he is standing next to Captain Lightbulb, Pornis sees her swooping down and thinks that she is trying to prevent him from obtaining his actual target, which lies in the Captain's Speedo. He fires his strange sticky fluid in the direction of the Captain, hoping to prevent his arch-enemy from taking it.
But the one sees the shot from Pornis and swoops down even faster, more determined than ever to catch the one she seeks revenge on. She arrives just seconds before the shot from Pornis, snatches her target up in her cloak, and teleports off to her secret lair.
Meanwhile, the hordes of Pornis, no longer having the Smurfs to impede their progress, march over the figure who has now been encased in a sticky cocoon, and carry it off to their masters spaceship, as the LMBer, hopelessly outnumbered and spent, watch helplessly.
"We've got to pursue them," Space Tart says.
"Can't..." Lardlad says. "I'm too weak... we'll need reinforcements..."
Meanwhile, in the lair of the one called the one, she drops her hated foe whom she has just captured on the floor, and prepares to give him a big taunting villain speech, when she realizes that she grabbed Captain Lightbulb by mistake!
Meanwhile, back at the parlo, the reinforcements the LMBers need arrive in the form of the duplo-LMB and the members from the Hootchie Hut, plus the members of Captain Lightbulb's team he's been trying to get optimusmagnus to join.
One of them introduces the team and it's members...
Posted by Kid Prime on :
KP Interjection: The origin of the LMB's erstwhile allies, the Light Brigade!
LARDLAD Member September 02, 2002 12:39 AM
One of them introduces the team and it's members...
"Hi, I'm the Flasher! And these are the other members of .. the Light Brigade! Captain Lightbulb, our leader, gathered us together to fight the forces of evil! When I undo my robe and expose myself to a foe, he or she is momentarily blinded! While the foe is incapacitated, I can, I dunno, pimpslap or kick them in the 'nads or something or just let one of my other teammates pummel them! To my left is........
Posted by Kid Prime on :
Eryk Davis Ester Member September 02, 2002 09:51 AM
"To my left is Porta-John. Once inside any portable toilet, he can teleport inside other portable toilet anywhere in the world! He can also summon the mystical Prima-porta-potty from anywhere, so that he always has a means available for teleportation, and which can also be used for various other mystical effects. the young lady there is known as...
Posted by Kid Prime on :
MLLASH Member September 02, 2002 09:58 AM
....Dormant Damsel. She's been in a coma for about 10 years, but she's the heart and soul of the team, ala Jean Grey in the X-Men!
When the going gets tough, we just, sorta... throw her at the enemy and hope they trip on her or something! the chick beside her with the enormous rack is.....
Posted by Kid Prime on :
StuRat Member September 02, 2002 01:25 PM
[*yawn*]
Bored!!!
[/*yawn*]
Posted by Kid Prime on :
Eryk Davis Ester Member September 02, 2002 04:44 PM
the chick beside her with the enormous rack is Antler Lass. She was injected with DNA from an antelope and..."
Before the Flasher could finish explaining Antler Lass's powers, or introduce the other two members of the group, though, something completely unexpected happened, which had the potential to change all of them forever. Suddenly...
Posted by Kid Prime on :
MLLASH Member September 02, 2002 05:03 PM
... Non Sequitor appeared, screaming "Spank me 'til you get all the naughty out"!!!
This, of course, lifted the sexual-orientation reverse that Retcon Girl had created when she did her last retcon of the story!
"WOW... suddenly I'm horny for Space Tart again!" Lardlad said.
Spacey grimaced and replied, "But I'm STILL not horny for you. Oh well, I've always been a bit bi anyway!"
And then the final 2 members of the Light Brigade were introduced.
"This is Eunice or ROBOTWOMAN as we call her. When she was 80, she had her brain transplanted into the frame of this voluptuous female robot body. She's an old-school rich southern belle".
"Hey, sugar! It's a pleasure to meet ya'll! Could one of you big strong strapping fellows go fetch me some iced tea with lemon?" Robotwoman rubbed her shiny metallic ass on Lardled's thigh as she asked.
"Eunice! You know you can't drink iced tea anymore!" Interjected Capt. Lightbulb. "And the final member of our group is......"
Posted by Kid Prime on :
Quislet Member September 02, 2002 05:26 PM
"And the final member of our group is Nobody!" stated Captain Lightbulb pointing to an empty area. the LMBers looked puzzled. Suddenly from the empty area came a voice. the most sexiest male voice in the world. "Hello LMBers and especially Joe Mondo X Boy in your tight sexy UPS shorts" the Flasher explained that Nobody had been a holostar who specialized in adult genre holo and had been caught in a strange ray beam which had turned him both invisible and intangible permanently.
Nobody interrupted "Yes you can all hear about my origin later because this is not Captain Lightbulb. I saw the One formerly Lisp Lass swoop of with the real Captain Lightbulb!"
"You'll never catch me!" Exclaimed the fake Captain Lightbulb as he began to run out the parlo (no longer the parlor or parlol) door. But Antler Lass stepped in the way and ensnared the fleeing faux hero in her enormous rack. the heroes crowded around. Space Tart noticed that the pseudo super was wearing a rubber face mask fo Captain Lightbulb. "How come we didn't notice this right off? It is so obvious." exclaimed Lardlad.
As the rubber face mask was pulled off, everyone gasped. Someone muttered under his or her breath "Zoinks!" "Why it's really.....
Posted by Kid Prime on :
Eryk Davis Ester Member September 02, 2002 05:53 PM
"Why it's really Eryk Davis Ester!"
"I wondered where he'd gotten to!" said Nobody, to nobody in particular.
"I... I was just trying to help..." Eryk says pitifully. "I thought if I'd took Captain Lightbulb's place and stuff after he was kidnapped, and helped you guys out and stuff... maybe everyone wouldn't always think I'm such a loser and stuff..." He began sobbing. "Plus there's all these crazy people who claim to be alternate version of me who are trying to kill me and stuff, and I thought maybe I'd be safer in a disguise. And anyway, Captain Lightbulb is pretty easy to impersonate... all you gotta do is come up with some dumb idea periodically and desperately pursue every hot guy and stuff... And, for some reason, I share is retcon immunity, though I don't know why..."
After hearing his pathetic story, the LMBers decided
Posted by Kid Prime on :
MLLASH Member September 02, 2002 06:07 PM
...to kill him, but the Light Brigade interceded!
"Why, he's a master of disguise"! squealed Antler Lass.
"He would be perfect for our team!" agreed the Flasher.
"And he's such a cute li'l tadpole" Robotwoman cooed as her cold metal fingers carresed Eryk's cheek.
"That settles it!" Nobody declared. "With Dormant Damsel abstaining, as usual, it is otherwise unanimous-- Eryk will be the newest member of the Light Brigade! His code-name will be....."
Posted by Kid Prime on :
Eryk Davis Ester Member September 02, 2002 11:28 PM
"His code-name will be... uh, howabout Boy of 1000 Faces?"
"Kind of wordy, dontcha think?" the Flasher asks.
"Well, it'll do for now. We'll think of something better later on!" says Nobody.
"But... like I said, anybody can pretend to be Captain Lightbulb! He's pretty darn easy to do!" Eryk complains.
"Oh, stop being modest, Boy of 1000 Faces, you're our new Master of Disguise, and we have every faith in your ability to contribute to our team! Plus, you look pretty damn fine in the Captain's outfit!" Nobody says.
"Okay, so what she we do now!" says Kid Gender-Stereotype Reversal II and Dopple Kid Gender-Stereotype Reversal II simultaneously, which leads to the LMBers noticing their dopplegangers and a whole explanation about how they were created.
"Well, it looks like we're going to have to split up," Lardlad says.
"Yeah," says Dopple-Lardlad. "Once Pornis figures out he grabbed optimusmagnus by mistake, and the One has Captain Lightbulb, he's going to be pretty pissed off."
"So, what we should probably do," Lardlad says, "is send one team to infiltrate the One's lair, in a kind of Espionage Squad kind of thing, while the other teams tries more of a frontal assault on Pornis and his hordes."
"Yeah, Boy of 1000 Faces here can easily infiltrate the one's lair by disguising himself as the One's former agent, Lucifer Lass, who is returning the rejoin her mistress! That should be a piece of cake for him, since she is an alternate universe, red kryptonite, gender-reversed clone of him to begin with!" says Dopple-Lardlad.
"Okay, so now what we have to do is pick the rest of the teams, and we could probably even call for reinforcements from the LMB headquarters. After all, the more's the merrier!" Lardlad says.
While they were planning this, however, unknown to all of them, Turns-You-Into-a-Country Fred was...
Posted by Kid Prime on :
LARDLAD Member September 03, 2002 08:37 AM
...turning Omega Man back into France!
After the transformation was complete, TYIACF said, "Omega Man should ever have been turned back for reasons that only I know. Sleep well, France...for if you ever change back, there will be HELL to pay"
Then TYIACF went back to his regular job as a full-time gigolo.
Meanwhile, back at the parlo, a few LMB reinforcements had arrived........
Posted by Kid Prime on :
Eryk Davis Ester Member September 03, 2002 10:37 AM
<<>>
Hmmm... Anyone know the French word for "Zoinks!"
<<>>
Posted by Kid Prime on :
Quislet Member September 03, 2002 10:59 AM
quote:
Originally by Eryk Davis Ester: <<>>
Hmmm... Anyone know the French word for "Zoinks!"
<<>>
<<>> Well in comic books, wouldn't it be "Le Zoinks"????? <<>>
Posted by Kid Prime on :
MLLASH Member September 03, 2002 12:41 PM
[interjection]
How's about, "ZUT ALORS!!"
PS/ LooooooooooooVE the name "Boy of 1000 Faces"!
[/interjection]
Posted by Kid Prime on :
MLLASH Member September 03, 2002 04:39 PM
Meanwhile, back at the parlo, a few LMB reinforcements had arrived........
Hummer Lass, Globe Girl and Princess No-Protection arrived.
"Hey, great! Reinforcements!" Antler Lass brayed. "What are your powers?" the three arrivals just kinda looked nervously at each other for a minute.
Finally, Globe Girl spoke up. "Well, uh... I have the power to enlarge my bosom to planet-size proportions."
"Gee, uh.... that's... great..." Antler Lass answered. "So, how about you two?"
"Well" Hummer Lass began, "Lardlad says my powers are to give the best--" "ADVICE!!" Lardly interrupted, not wanting to embarrass the LMB by revealing the TRUE reason Hummer Lass and Princess No-Protection were members.
"Now, let's uh, get on with the mission." Lardlad chuckled nervously. "What is it we're supposed to be doing, now...?"
Posted by Kid Prime on :
MLLASH Member September 03, 2002 04:52 PM
*a helpful "WTF" section* the LIGHT BRIGADE ROLL-CALL
This team of super -doers is currently aiding the LMB in battle! the FLASHER, who blinds his enemies when he opens his robe and exposes himself!
ANTLER LASS, who has an enormous, invulnerable rack on her head!
NOBODY, the invisible, intangible former porn-star!
DORMANT DAMSEL, the comatose heart & soul of the team!
ROBOTWOMAN, Southern octegenarian in a metal body!
CAPTAIN LIGHTBULB, speedo-clad getter of wild ideas! (currently MIA)
EXPLOSION-REVERSAL LAD, cloned from the dna of Frankie Muniz! (currently deceased)
BOY of 1000 FACES, who so far has only done one impersonation and is the latest member of TLB!
*end WTF section*
Posted by Kid Prime on :
Eryk Davis Ester Member September 03, 2002 05:02 PM
Add one additional member of the Light Brigade:
PORTA-JOHN: Master of the mystical Prima-Porta-Potty and telporter
Posted by Kid Prime on :
MLLASH Member September 03, 2002 05:05 PM
[interjection]
D'OH!!!!!!!!
Sorry! Is MY face red!
[/interjection]
Posted by Kid Prime on :
MLLASH Member September 03, 2002 05:08 PM
CORRECTED! *a helpful "WTF" section* the LIGHT BRIGADE ROLL-CALL
This team of super -doers is currently aiding the LMB in battle!
PORTA-JOHN, Master of the mystical Prima-Porta-Potty and telporter the FLASHER, who blinds his enemies when he opens his robe and exposes himself!
ANTLER LASS, who has an enormous, invulnerable rack on her head!
NOBODY, the invisible, intangible former porn-star!
DORMANT DAMSEL, the comatose heart & soul of the team!
ROBOTWOMAN, Southern octegenarian in a metal body!
CAPTAIN LIGHTBULB, speedo-clad getter of wild ideas! (currently MIA)
EXPLOSION-REVERSAL LAD, cloned from the dna of Frankie Muniz! (currently deceased)
BOY of 1000 FACES, who so far has only done one impersonation and is the latest member of TLB!
*end WTF section*
Posted by Kid Prime on :
Eryk Davis Ester Member September 03, 2002 05:10 PM
<<>>
Don't worry, Porta-John is easily forgotten, especially as he spends most of his time in the Prima-Porta-Potty reading the newspaper.
<<>>
Posted by Kid Prime on :
Eryk Davis Ester Member September 03, 2002 05:38 PM
"Now, let's uh, get on with the mission." Lardlad chuckled nervously. "What is it we're supposed to be doing, now...?"
"Don't you remember that plan you and your doppleganger just outlined, hon?" Robotwoman says. the one where we split into two groups, and sugar here pretends to be Lucifer Lass and infiltrate the One's lair while others launch an assault on Pornis?"
"Oh, yeah!" Lardlad exclaims. "I was distracted by Globe Girl's, uh, globes, and forgot all about that!"
"But what if the real Lucifer Lass shows up while I'm pretending to be her!? She might hurt me!" Boy of 1000 Faces says.
"Hmm... maybe we should send a group to track down Lucifer Lass and make sure that doesn't happen," Dopple-Lardlad says.
Dopple-optimusmagnus chimes in: "Hey, since what the One really wants is me, or at least the real me, why don't I pretend to be Lucifer Lass's prisoner?"
"Good idea," Lardlad says.
"But wait... I don't think I can pull this off. I can't act like Lucifer Lass. For one thing... she's a girl..."
"I can help with that," Kid Gender-Stereotype Reversal II says. "I'll make sure you act more feminine."
Lash Lad thought Boy of 1000 Faces seemed pretty stereotypically effeminate already, with all his crying and whining, but didn't say anything.
So, Lardlad outlines the plan: "Okay, so we'll send Boy of 1000 Faces, Dopple-optimusmagnus, both Kid Gender-Stereotype Reversal's, Nobody, and, um... Globe Girl (whose pretty good at staging distractions) to infiltrate the One's lair and save Captain Lightbulb. Meanwhile, Space Tart, Robotwoman, Antler Lass, Dormant Damsel, the Flasher, and Dopple-Lardlad will find Lucifer Lass and detain her. Porta-John, Dopple-Space Tart, Mondo Joe X Boy, Duplicate Man, Lash Lad, Faraway Lad, Hummer Lass, and Princess No-Protection will come with me and rescue optimusmagnus from the hordes of Pornis!"
Meanwhile, in the spaceship of Pornis...
Posted by Kid Prime on :
MLLASH Member September 03, 2002 08:40 PM
.. the Phallic One was enraged as well as engorged.
"THIS IS NOT CAPT. LIGHTBULB!!!" he bellowed!
"SEIZE HIM and PROBE EVERY ORIFICE ON HIS BODY... WITHOUT lubrication-- until he reveals the location of Captain Lightbulb!!!"
Optimusmagnus choked back a whimper of fear or anticipation is not ours to say).
Back at the parlo, the teams had split up and begun their mission. Team one.....
Posted by Kid Prime on :
Eryk Davis Ester Member September 03, 2002 09:44 PM
Team one, which was the team set to go to the lair of the One called the One, decided to take Dopple-Mondo Joe X Boy, who hadn't been assigned a task, with them. And so they set about helping a reluctant Boy of 1000 Faces disguise himself as Lucifer Lass. To accomplish this, they had to...
Posted by Kid Prime on :
optimusmagnus Member September 03, 2002 11:09 PM
ow
Posted by Kid Prime on :
optimusmagnus Member September 03, 2002 11:19 PM
try a lot of things. Realizing that they didn't have a thing for Eryk to wear, they had to go on a shopping trip to the intergalactic mall. On the way there, Gender-Reversal Kid II attempted to use her powers to give Eryk the ... special oomph this mission would require.
"You know, this just isn't working," she flatly stated. "My power only really works when the preson in question displays strong gender-related characteristics in the first place. Clearly, this isn't the case here... I just don't know what to do."
"Wait, I know!" Mondo X Boy chimed in. "We're already going to the mall to pick up Eryk a fantastic new frock to wear as Lucifer Lass, instead of trying to reverse his gender with G.R. Kid's powers, let's get to the root of the matter. Why don't we just go to the drugstore in the mall and pick up some Profem?"
"PROFEM?" Eryk squeaked...
Posted by Kid Prime on :
LARDLAD Member September 04, 2002 12:45 AM
<<>>
Admit it, Eryk---you're using a scorecard, aren'tcha? Don't lie, dammit!
<>>
Posted by Kid Prime on :
Eryk Davis Ester Member September 04, 2002 12:55 AM
<<>> of course. I went and printed the previous page, carefully listed everybody who was should be there, broke them up into groups, and still missed Dopple-Mondo Joe X Boy the first time around.
And in case anyone's wondering how Hummer Lass showed up with Globe Girl and Princess No-Protection when she was with the LMBers in the Hootchie Hut, and should have shown up with them, it's obviously because they sent her to get reinforcements from HQ while they traveled to the parlo through the secret passage from the Hootchie Hut.
<<>>
Posted by Kid Prime on :
LARDLAD Member September 04, 2002 01:08 AM
<<the Response>>>
Can you say [koff] anal rententive [koff]?
So are ya gonna write the next chapter or are ya waitin' fer me, pilgrim? I wanta avoid simeultaneous posts and sich...y'hear?
<<>>
Posted by Kid Prime on :
Eryk Davis Ester Member September 04, 2002 01:12 AM
<<>>
She's all yours, Lardy.
<<>>
Posted by Kid Prime on :
LARDLAD Member September 04, 2002 01:42 AM
<"PROFEM?" Eryk squeaked...>
...and involuntarily covered his crotch in horror. "No, dammit! I WON'T let you mess with the jewels! I'll--I'll use my, er, mastery of disguise to pull it off! I, um, have just the perfect mask!"
So Mondo X Boy picked out the perfect party dress for him, and Boy of 1000 Faces disappeared in the dressing room for three hours.
After the first two hours of waiting, Nobody startled everybody by speaking. Seems, the group forgot he was there. After the shock wore off, he repeated, "My stars! Our Light Brigade's new member must be quite the professional and perfectionist to be taking all this time. And to think I had my doubts about him!" the others just nodded and looked bored.
Finally, a half hour later, Boy of 1000 Faces was done. the group perked up with anticipation to finally see the long hours bear some fruit. But as soon as he came in full view, their jaws dropped...and not in a good way.
Globe Girl, not known for her bluntness [ba-DUMP-bump!], was the only one brave enough to say it: "you look like...Captain Lightbulb in a dress, dumbass! 'Boy of 1000 Faces'?!?! HA!"
Bo1KF drooped his head down in shame, but finally added, "I'm still not letting you get rid of my BOYS!"
"Enough!" Mondo screamed in frustration. "It'll have to do. Let's get to the LMB cruiser and head to the one's lair. We're the good guys...guess we'll prevail somehow..."
And off they went.
Meanwhile Porta-John, Dopple-Space Tart, Mondo Joe X Boy, Duplicate Man, Lash Lad, Faraway Lad, Hummer Lass, Princess No-Protection and Lardlad arrived on the outskirts of the lair of Pornis and his hoardes. It was rather easy to find the lair because Hummer Lass and Princess No-Protection seemed to have an affinity for Pornis's unique energies for some reason.
Pornis's base was just about the tallest tower imaginable. And as they gazed at its magnificent splendor, Lardlad outlined his plan to infiltrate it to the others..........
Posted by Kid Prime on :
Eryk Davis Ester Member September 04, 2002 02:16 AM
Lardlad outlined his plan to infiltrate it to the others: "Okay, so there doesn't appear to be any visible doorway. If I remember my recent review of the LMB's file on villain hideout plans correctly, there should be an opening in the very top of the tower, and we can drop down through the long tubelike structure into the main complex. Now, I can teleport us to the top, but the question is, how do we get down into the building once we're up there?"
"Well, I could pull a rope out of your ass and we could climb down!" Dopple-Space Tart says.
"Okay, for lack of a better plan, that's what we'll have to do." So once up at the top, Lardy bends over, and Spacey does her stuff.
"Something's wrong," she says. the rope's not coming out very easily."
"I know... I can feel it," Lardy says.
"There's apparently lots of knots in it or something. Maybe we should just abandon this plan, and find another way down," Dopple-Spacey suggests.
"And leave this rope hanging out of my butt!" Lardy exclaims. "No way! Just spank me until you get all the knotty out!"
Upon his speaking those words, which were close enough to the magic words set by Retcon Girl, suddenly everyone's sexual orientation was switched again!
Back at the mall, Boy of 1000 Faces noticed the strange change coming over his comrades. Nobody, who had continuously been whispering suggestive comment in his ear, suddenly stopped. And, he noticed, both Kid Gender Stereotype Reversal II and Dopple-Kid Gender Stereotype Reversal II were staring at Globe Girl's, um, globes.
"Wait a minute..." he says to the two KQGSR2's. "So you two are suddenly lesbians?"
"Why yes. I feel an incredible attraction to women all of a sudden!" Dopple-Kid Gender Stereotype Reversal II says.
"So do I!" says her counterpart.
Sensing an interesting possibility here, Boy of 1000 Faces begins reconsidering his reluctance to use the Profem.
"Hey, the effects would only be temporary, right?" he asks.
"Yep," Mondo Joe X Boy says.
"Well, maybe I could try it..."
Meanwhile, the team assigned to capture Lucifer Lass realized that they needed a way to find her. After puzzling about this for awhile, they decided the best thing to do was to...
Posted by Kid Prime on :
LARDLAD Member September 04, 2002 02:51 AM
the best thing to do was to...>
...lure her to THEM by finding the biggest bed possible and hoping that all of them getting on it would somehow attract her because of the affinity she has for beds as a result of her power being that of bed-projecting!
Yeah, it was a stretch, but it's all they could come up with!
Anyhow, they decided, after conversing amongst themselves, that Lardlad's bed was the biggest they knew about because it had to a) support his weight and b) support the weight of many, many others during one of the frequent, popular orgies he hosted.
So Dopple-Lardlad 'ported them to Real-Lardy's bedroom. For a while, they just kind of lay there waiting for Lucifer Lass to show up. But after about 45 seconds, they decided to take a sexual orientation roll call. And here's what they came up with:
Space Tart: lesbian with some heterosexual leanings (formerly heterosexual w/lesbian leanings)
Robotwoman: lesbian (formerly heterosexual)
Antler Lass: lesbian (get the picture?)
Dormant Damsel: unknown (she can't tell us since she's still dormant!) the Flasher: prude (formerly pervert)
Dopple-Lardlad: gay (formerly straight)
So basically, Space Tart, Robotwoman and Antler Lass engaged in some HOT THREE-WAY LESBIAN SEX while Dorman Damsel just lay off to the side, the Flasher hid his eyes and prayed and Dopple-Lardlad longed for a man to hold him.
Strangely enough, this scenario actually worked, and Lucifer Lass materialised.
Meanwhile, as Boy of 1000 Faces considered using the Pro-Fem after all, Nobody realized something was wrong. "Hey! Why the hell are we back at the mall? Last I recall, we were on our way to our spaceship?"
"I can explain that!" the squad whirled at the sound of the voice and saw.......
Posted by Kid Prime on :
Quislet Member September 04, 2002 10:49 AM
Meanwhile: "You know if you travel due south from Detroit Michigan, the first foreign country you reach is Canada!" exclaimed Non-Sequitor to no one in particular
End meaningless interlude
Posted by Kid Prime on :
MLLASH Member September 04, 2002 08:25 PM
"I can explain that!" the squad whirled at the sound of the voice and saw....... the TIME MOUSE-TRAPPER!
"That's CORRECT, mortal fools! *squeak* It is I, your omnipotent rodent nemesis! I have watched you from my Mousehole at the End of Time and have decided to make my appearance NOW just when you thought this plot couldn't get ANY thicker or more quicksand-like! BWA HA *squeak!* HAAAA!"
In response, someone.........
Posted by Kid Prime on :
Eryk Davis Ester Member September 04, 2002 08:45 PM
In response, someone pointed out that this doesn't really explain why they are all still at the mall.
"Ah, yes, I was getting to that *squeak*" says the Time Mouse-Trapper. "You see *squeak*, I have trapped you all in my massive Mall Maze. Even what appear to be exits simply lead you back to the center. *squeak*."
"Why are you doing this?" Dopple-Mondo Joe X Boy asks.
"I have my own purposes in testing the LMB's resources! *squeak*!"
"I'm not in the LMB," Boy of 1000 Faces states, frankly. "Can I just go?"
"NO!"
Meanwhile, back on Lardlad's bed, the three-way lesbian sex had completely failed to summon Lucifer Lass. So next they tried
Posted by Kid Prime on :
Eryk Davis Ester Member September 04, 2002 08:49 PM
<<>>
Okay, apparently I can't read, and am continuously creating paradoxes. Let me explain how they completely failed, despite the fact that Lucifer Lass just materialized a couple of posts ago.
<<>>
Posted by Kid Prime on :
Eryk Davis Ester Member September 04, 2002 08:51 PM
Meanwhile, back on Lardlad's bed, the assembled team suddenly realized that the Lucifer Lass that had materalized was made of barf! After quickly dispatching the psuedo-Lucifer Lass, they realized that the three-way lesbian sex had completely failed to summon the real Lucifer Lass. So next they tried...
Posted by Kid Prime on :
LARDLAD Member September 05, 2002 12:16 AM
...getting really kinky! Since the mutual enjoyment and going with their (new, reversed) nature didn't work, they decided they had to go against totally their leanings entirely.
Though it was a joyless task, the team was determined to tempt Lucifer Lass into showing up. So lesbian Robotwoman and prude the Flasher got down and dirty, lesbian Antler Lass and gay Dopple-Lardlad danced the horizontal mambo while sorta-bi-but-mostly-lesbian Space Tart abstained from sex entirely but manipulated Dormant Damsel on puppet strings to make it look like she was actively engaging in, uh, self-love.
And, sure enough, this caused the REAL Lucifer Lass to materialize. As soon as they noticed the new arrival, Dopple-Lardlad shouted, "now, Spacey---do it!". In response Space Tart sprung the trap.........
Posted by Kid Prime on :
MLLASH Member September 05, 2002 12:57 AM
...by yanking an ENORMOUS cage out of Lardlad's ass! "EEEEEEooooWWWW!" he screamed in agony, as he fell to the ground unconscious, atop the drooling, string-covered body of Dormant Damsel.
But his sacrifice was NOT in vain-- Lucifer Lass the real one, not one made of barf) was TRAPPED like a RAT! *squeak!*
"HA!!" shrieked Space Tart. "Gotcha!! Score one for the GOOD guys!!" And then.......
Posted by Kid Prime on :
LARDLAD Member September 05, 2002 02:35 AM
.. the Flasher, under protest, exposed himself to Lucifer Lass to keep her from pulling any fast ones. Horrified, she gleefully passed out.
"Awright!" Spacey exclaimed, pumping her fists. All we gotta do is keep her under wraps, and Boy of 1000 Faces's team won't have to worry about her interfering.
"I wonder how they're doing?" Antler Lass wondered.
And while that would seem a perfect segue to check out that team, we will instead look in on the team at Pornis's fortress. :-Ž
So Lardlad's team were all scaling down the opening atop Pornis's tall fortress via the knotty rope pulled from his ass by Dopple-Space Tart, when Lardlad noticed a viscous white substance shooting up towards them through the narrow passage at high velocity. His heart raced as he realized there was no way to climb back up fast enough. He screamed........
Posted by Kid Prime on :
Eryk Davis Ester Member September 05, 2002 06:49 AM
He screamed, but in the Tower of Pornis, no one can hear you scream. Or was it that everyone can hear you scream? I forget.
But the important thing is that just then, Mondo Joe X Boy used his power, which, as everyone knows, is to...
Posted by Kid Prime on :
MLLASH Member September 05, 2002 04:15 PM
...render his opponents unconscious by tapping into the pleasure center of their brain and making it overload!
So, he.........
Posted by Kid Prime on :
LARDLAD Member September 06, 2002 03:34 PM
....decided that power wouldn't really beneficial in this situation---might even make things worse!
Panicking, Lardlad decided to do a blind 'port. It was a risky thing to try, but under the circumstances, he had no choice. So he took a deep breath and prepared to 'port them all. But before he could, they were all safely enveloped in a familiar green energy.
"We've been saved!" Lash Lad exclaimed. But as he saw his saviour, even though the sight ofher made him think lustful thoughts, he realised they were out ofthe frying pan and into the frier. "By the Emerald Empress?!?!"
"Yes!" the Empress said. "I have saved you!"
"But why?" Duplicate Man asked.
She smiled and said, "I have rescued you because.....
Posted by Kid Prime on :
Eryk Davis Ester Member September 06, 2002 11:20 PM
She smiled and said, "I have rescued you because of MOndo Joe X Boy's ability to tap into the pleasure center of the brain! I desire the super -pleasure he can cause!"
"You really want it?" Mondo Joe X Boy asks.
"Yes!"
"Are you sure you really want it?"
"Yes! Now get on with it!"
And so Mondo Joe X Boy did his stuff, and the Emerald Empress felt an overwhelming orgasmic feeling come over her. Pretty soon it was so incredibly intense that her vision began blurring, and she slipped into unconsciousness.
"Okay," Lardlad says. "Now, where the hell are we?"
"My powers tell me that we are faraway from where we started," Faraway Lad says.
"It looks like we're in the Empress's chambers in the lair of the one called the one!" Space Tart exclaims.
"How do you know that!" Lardlad asks.
"Don't you remember how I was brainwashed into working for the one and her minion Lucifer Lass!"
"Oh yeah, we had some fun times here at the One's lair!" Princess No-Protection asserted forcefully.
"Okay, well as long as we're here, I suppose we should see if we can free Captain Lightbulb! Though I wouldn't be surprised if Boy of 1000 Faces and his team have already succeeded!" Lardlad says.
Hmm... shall we take the convenient segue into the Mall? Yeah, let's do it.
Unbeknownst to them, Boy of 1000 Faces was still far away at the mall, where he and the others...
Posted by Kid Prime on :
MLLASH Member September 07, 2002 05:40 AM
....gave up trying to escape the Time Mouse-Trapper's Mall Maze and instead indulged themselves in a shopping spree!
They drank latte at STARBUCKS, rubbed lingerie against their faces at VICTORIA'S SECRET, tried on shoes at the FOOT LOCKER, flipped through some trade paperbacks at WALDENBOOKS and admired the affordable good taste at KIRKLANDS.
Only the Boy of 1000 Faces wasn't enjoying himself. "STOP IT, you dummies!" he shrieked shrilly. "You're falling completely under the spell of the Mouse-Trapper! I don't know why I'm immune, but since I am it's my duty to try and save us!" His arms flailed about amusingly as he continued to speak. "We have GOT to get out of here and get on with our mission! We can't afford to let the Mouse-Trapper delay us any longer!!!"
His words got a reaction from the mesmerized heroes . the reaction was
Posted by Kid Prime on :
optimusmagnus Member September 07, 2002 10:57 AM
>His words got a reaction from the mesmerized heroes . the reaction was.....>
"Hey, there's a sale at Penney's!" the mesmerized heroes wandered off toward J.C. Penney's, leaving the Boy of 1000 Faces standing there, his mouth hanging open...
Posted by Kid Prime on :
Eryk Davis Ester Member September 07, 2002 11:26 AM
"Why will nobody listen to me?" Boy of 1000 Faces thought. "That's it! Maybe Nobody will listen to me!"
So, he went about trying to figure out where Nobody had gotten to. "But," he thought, "how can you locate somebody who is both invisible and intangible? And how does that guy survive if he can't eat? And... oh... I bet he can't wear clothes either, which explains some of that stuff he was whispering to me earlier..."
Just then he heard sobbing coming from a cd store, but couldn't see who was crying. "It must be him!" he thought.
"Nobody! What's the matter!"
Nobody replied...
Posted by Kid Prime on :
LARDLAD Member September 09, 2002 12:09 AM
..."this store, and all the other cd stores, are sold out of the Boyz4U cd!"
"Er," Bo1KF said tentatively, "if you're invisible and intangible, how would you be able to play a cd...or pay for one...or..."
"Oh!" Nobody said with a laugh. "Just because I'm invisible and intangible---that doesn't mean I am so 24/7!"
"You're not?"
"Heavens, no! I have to eat and what-not to live! What do you think I am...a ghost?"
"I was just wondering about that sort of thing, actually. So...can you materialize any time you want?"
"No, no...basically, my body automatically materializes when it has to---like when I'm starving or have to poop and stuff. And when I materialize, I'm solid for a short time. How long that is varies. So when I'm solid, I do whatever I can, while I can...including listening to my favorite music!"
"Wow, that's...unusual! So...do you have any insights into what's up with the other LMBers? Do you know why they seem to be under a shopping spell?"
"Yes I do!" Nobody asserted. "They---wait! I'm materializing!"
Boy of 1000 Faces stood agape as the entity known as Nobody became visible and tangible. He couldn't believe his eyes as he saw that Nobody was.......
Posted by Kid Prime on :
Eryk Davis Ester Member September 09, 2002 01:11 AM
He couldn't believe his eyes as he saw that Nobody was an exact replica of him, only 1/8 his size.
<<>> Hey, I told you gay mini-EDE would be making an appearance sometime soon. <<>>
Boy of 1000 Faces had by this time grown used to seeing alternate versions of himself showing up randomly, so was relatively unphased.
"So, what were you going to tell me about the others" Eryk asks.
"Well..."
Posted by Kid Prime on :
LARDLAD Member September 10, 2002 12:44 AM
"Well...you see, the LMBers are caught in the spell of the subliminal messages being played through the Muzak system that urges them to shop 'til they drop!"
"But why aren't we affected?" Bo1KF asked.
"We are, but only to a small degree. Since we are essentially the same person we both share a genetic defect: our consumer gene is a little malformed."
"Oh. So what do we do?"
"Isn't it obvious? We need to disarm the Muzak system?"
"How do we do that?"
"Cut the yellow wire to the system!"
So Nobody/Mini-EDE found the Muzak system, pummeling several armed guards in the process.
Boy of 1000 Faces cut the yellow wire. Nobody then informed him to cut the red wire as well. Cutting that, he said, would disarm Time Mouse Trapper's mall maze.
So eventually, the team made their way to the LMB cruiser. As they took off, they found a message from Lardlad: "We've unexpectedly found our way to the one's lair and have seen no trace of your team here. If you get this message, proceed to the coordinates of Pornis's base instead. We'll meet you there after we rescue Captain Lightbulb. Lardlad out."
So Bo1KF gave the order, and his team headed for those coordinates. Meanwhile, the team at the one's base..........
Posted by Kid Prime on :
Eryk Davis Ester Member September 10, 2002 06:08 AM
Meanwhile, the team at the one's base had been captured by the one and thrown into prison with Captain Lightbulb!
Meanwhile, back in LMB Headquarters, Lucifer Lass escaped by...
Posted by Kid Prime on :
LARDLAD Member September 11, 2002 12:06 AM
...casting an enormous bed which appeared and crashed through the ceiling of her cell. Unfortunately, the impact left her an amnesiac. So Lucifer Lass now thought she was........
Posted by Kid Prime on :
Eryk Davis Ester Member September 11, 2002 07:58 AM
...Eryk Davis Ester, pretending to be Lucifer Lass, after taking profem! In this confused state, she whisked herself to the lair of the One called the One. the assorted heroes who were supposed to be keeping her prisoner did not notice any of this, because they were distracted by...
Posted by Kid Prime on :
Quislet Member September 14, 2002 04:07 PM the assorted heroes who were supposed to be keeping her prisoner did not notice any of this, because they were distracted by the appearance of the one called the One.
"I see that my alterations have taken effect!" cackled the one called the One.
(handy dandy current sexual orientation flashback: Space Tart: lesbian with some heterosexual leanings (formerly heterosexual w/lesbian leanings); Robotwoman: lesbian (formerly heterosexual); Antler Lass: lesbian (get the picture?); Dormant Damsel: unknown (she can't tell us since she's still dormant!); the Flasher: prude (formerly pervert); Dopple-Lardlad: gay (formerly straight) end flashback)
Confidently the haughty villianess strode towards the confused heroes on Lardlad's enormous bed. Caressing a blushing the Flasher, the One said "I particularly like how you came out my dear."
"Not so fast honey chile!" Robotwoman launched herself at the one called the One. CRASH!!!!! Robotwoman smashed the one called the One into the wall, tearing Lardlad's poster of Elle McPherson. "I'd be pissed if I wasn't gay." Dopple-Lardlad confided to Space Tart. "Don't worry." exclaimed Antler Lass "Robotwoman has robotic strength and should easily subdue this base villian. But that was not to be. Robotwoman and the one called the One wrestled and grappled and rolled around on the floor of Lardlad's bedroom. Hair was pulled and costume became torn. Antler Lass and Space Tart looked on. "This cat fight is getting me hot" confessed Space Tart. "Me too!" murmured Antler Lass. Antler Lass & Space Tart were hypnotized by the struggle which seemed to be becoming less of a struggle and more of a consentual thing.
Dopple-Lardlad also watched Robotwoman and the one called the One as they struggled, waiting for the opportunity to use his powers to aid his comrades. Suddenly he was pulled from behind. "You've got to get me out of here." pleaded the Flasher. "My nerves can't take much more of this!" "Hold on the Flasher! Our friends need us!" "NO! you have to port me out of here. Do it! Do it now or.. or.. I'll expose myself to you!" Noticing the sudden bulge in Dopple-Lardlad's tights, the Flasher quickly changed his tune. "Get me out of here now and I'll let you see my power in action!" Dopple-Lardlad could not resist the offer and so grabbed three Three Musketeers bars from Lardlad's nightstand. Skarfing them down, Dopple-Lardlad grabbed hold of the Flasher and teleported to a cozy little bed and breakfast he had heard about.
Thus only Dormant Damsel was left to confront the menacing figure now in the door. What could the Lass of Latency do against...
Posted by Kid Prime on :
MLLASH Member September 14, 2002 07:13 PM
...COMA LAD!
Previously thought to be an urban legend, COMA LAD is all-too-real! Many are the tales of his victories against the forces of eeeeevil! Like the time a mugger tripped over his comatose body and bashed his brains out on the sidewalk! Coma Lad had saved the day! Y'see, Coma Lad is teleported by mysterious, eerie forces to wherever his comatose might is needed!
He crashed through the door and then fell into a heap on the floor beside Dormant Damsel.
Though both heroes were in comas, and unable to smile, it seemed as if a tinge of delight lit up their immoblie faces.
Meanwhile, the distinct scent of sex was coming from.....
Posted by Kid Prime on :
MLLASH Member September 16, 2002 05:09 AM
.. the dank, vermin-overrun basement of the mysterious villain whose identity we don't know.
As it turns out, his secret power is to create massive explosions through sexual arousal.
Pluto, Neptune and Uranus were first to go. the rest of the planets quickly followed, and the entire universe was destroyed, bringing to a close this latest misadventure of the LMBP and their new allies, the Light Brigade.
(I love a happy ending!)
Posted by Kid Prime on :
Eryk Davis Ester Member September 16, 2002 08:47 PM
...And yet, Captain Lightbulb's thingie in his speedos saved him and the rest of the LMBers in the dungeon of the One from destruction in this universe destroying event. Strangely, Boy of 1000 Faces was also teleported to the dungeon at this time, as a result of his own immunity to retcons/universe-destroying events.
"What happened?" Boy of 1000 Faces asks.
"My friends, your universe has just been destroyed by my arch-enemy, Zoren Bates, Master of the Universal Destruction Force!" Captain Lightbulb says. "A few months ago, I fled my own universe to this one, as Master Bates used his power to destroy it! Now, I am afraid he has done the same to yours, and you have been saved only by the intervention of my speedos!"
"Our universe is destroyed! That sucks!" says Lash Lad.
"How does this Master Bates fellow's power work?" Boy of 1000 Faces asks.
"Well, he has to feed off his own sexual energy, but it's better not to get into specifics, lest Censor Lad wipe out this little pocket of reality we've managed to maintain!"
"Wait a minute... Why am I here?" Bo1KF asks.
"I'm not sure. For some reason you also possess immunity to retconning and universe destroying events. I have my suspicions that it relates to your true origins..."
"My true origins?" Eryk asks.
"Yes, you see... you are really the cloned offspring of the original Eryk Davis Ester, the manservant of Lord Bates. You see, my arch-enemy seeks the secret of immortality, and in part of his mad quest to discover such secrets, he has experimented on his manservant by creating numerous versions of him. Lucifer Lass, Esther Rolle, Potty-Mouth Master, Nobody, and numerous other are variations on the same basic gene-type."
"Why is that bastard seeking the secret of immortality! What does he want to do, live forever?" asks Lardlad.
"No, he seeks to end his life," Captain Lightbulb says. "He destroys universes over and over in his vain attempts at suicide, but is never successful! He then moves on to the next universe, and, after giving himself a certain amount of time to recuperate, destroys it all over again!"
"That sucks!" Lash Lad says.
But unknown to all of them, Captain Lightbulb's universe had not been destroyed, but saved by the sacrifice of Universe-Restorer Lass. By complete coincidence, her universe-restoring energy slipped through the barrier between alternate dimensions at just that moment, and restored the universe to normal. One side effect of this was to normalize everyone's sexual orientation. Another side-effect of this whole sequence was that Boy of 1000 Faces was now trapped with the others in the dungeon of the One.
Meanwhile, the team formerly led by Boy of 1000 Faces...
Posted by Kid Prime on :
MLLASH Member September 17, 2002 02:43 PM
You gotta learn when to let GO, Eryk!
Posted by Kid Prime on :
optimusmagnus Member September 17, 2002 02:52 PM
hahahahahahahahaha.........
Posted by Kid Prime on :
Eryk Davis Ester Member September 17, 2002 06:32 PM
...But... But... I've got tons of new ideas. I'm thinking a whole new approach, a fresh direction... New Costumes, New Codenames, New Characters, a whole different type of storyline... I'm thinking like "LMB on the Run!" or something...
Oh, okay...
Posted by Kid Prime on :
MLLASH Member September 17, 2002 08:57 PM
We'll start a new one soon enough... sooner or later our creative juices will grow from trickle to flood and everyone will be excited and slapping out new chapters like mad!
My only request is that the Light Brigade be in the new story.
I've grown fond of Dormant Damsel, Nobody, Antler Lass and Robotwoman.
We didn't see too much of the others in action, though, did we???
Posted by Kid Prime on :
MLLASH Member September 17, 2002 08:59 PM
Oh yeah, the Flasher too. He RULES.
Posted by Kid Prime on :
optimusmagnus Member September 17, 2002 09:25 PM
Am I in the light brigade or the LMB?
Posted by Kid Prime on :
Eryk Davis Ester Member September 17, 2002 10:02 PM
Well, that was never resolved, was it?
Guess we'll find out next story.
Posted by Kid Prime on :
LARDLAD Member September 17, 2002 11:57 PM
Sorry I dropped off the map, guys! EDE and I were manufacturing about one chapter a day until last week. But I had a really murderous work schedule for a stretch that made it hard to get any online time at all. So I feel very responsible for this monster fizzling out.
Tellya what...we rest and recharge for about another week or so, then we pick up this same story where it left off! Except maybe we'll start a new thread to kick it off---maybe DOOM of the super heroes II"? EDE should start this one off with one of his patented 'story so far...' pieces. We'll certainly need it cuz this puppy has a lot of dangling and simeultaneous storylines going on (remember when I turned Omega Man back into France?)!!
If you agree to do this, EDE, it'll have to be a doozy of a summary! If you want to, you can use the last universal catastrophy as an excuse to clean it up a bit---I'm thinkin' the Dopple-LMBers might be casualties, for example...
So if everyone's okay with this (particularly EDE), we'll meet back here in...a week or so? Is that groovy with everyone? Don't take my word as gospel though guys---if y'all have a better idea of what to do next, I'm all ears! Just don't let the dream die!!!!
Posted by Kid Prime on :
MLLASH Member September 18, 2002 02:19 AM
It sounds AWESOME if Eryk is willing to do the work!
If he's not, someone can just post a BRAND-NEW scenario to get things rolling on a new story!
Optimus-- As far as I'm concerned, you're LMB. True, Capt. Lightbulb was TRYING to sway you with his speedo-thingie-whatever, but you never switched over. (Unless, of course, you WANT to be in the Light Brigade... in which case, your LMB buddies will misss you muchly...)
Posted by Kid Prime on :
Eryk Davis Ester Member September 18, 2002 03:38 PM
Sounds like a reasonable idea to me! I'd gotten pretty burnt out on the story anyway, but I'm starting to come up with a few new ideas. We really do need to have regular contributions from folks other than me and Lardy, though. We both have our particular stregths, but it does seem to fall into a fairly predicatable pattern when its just the two of writing for a long stretch. I'm pretty good at imposing order on chaos, but I need people creating the chaos in order to make it a challenge.
And Quislet, btw, always creates the best characters. Non-Sequitor! Nobody! They were both instant classics!
Okay, so I'll start a DOOM of the super heroes , Part II thread in a week or so, and we'll continue from there.
Posted by Kid Prime on :
LARDLAD Member September 19, 2002 12:13 AM
We all created some genuinely fun characters and concepts. I guess my major contributions throughout Hot Summer Nights & DOOM have been Captain Lightbulb, the Flasher, Pornis and its associates Khan and Felice, and the kickass power of pulling things out of people's asses! Oh yeah...and I probably sexed the story up more than anybody else! Think so?
Funny thing is, Captain Lightbulb was just meant to be a throwaway character. I just made him up when someone ended the previous post with a line like, "anyone have any ideas?" and I ran with it. Slowly, I added new elements like his being the sole survivor of his universe and how he realised he was gay alluva sudden. People really seemed to like writing about him, and I found myself enjoying him as well! At one point, I thought I might kill him off. But I can't imagine doing so now. Funny, huh?
Posted by Kid Prime on :
MLLASH Member September 19, 2002 06:09 AM
Eryk--
Come up with your own title! No need to post a 'Part 2'!
If you build it, we will come!
Posted by Kid Prime on :
LARDLAD Member October 06, 2002 01:44 AM
So, EDE, where's that sequel?
Don't let the dream DIE, man!!!!
Posted by Kid Prime on :
Well, everything else on the thread is chatting back and forth about the sequel, which was the beforementioned "The Omega Man Gambit!"...
which I unfortunately do not possess.
Still, DotSH was a fun read, maybe not as inspired as HSN, but with some hilarious moments, nonetheless.
[ October 19, 2003, 04:07 PM: Message edited by: Kid Prime ]
Posted by Cobalt Kid on :
Nice job KP! A small setback, but it all worked out good!
Posted by Chief Lardy on :
This was an awesome classic, as well! At least as good as HSN! Posted by MLLASH on :
I think this one is actually funnier. I just adore The Light Brigade.
Many folks came up with fantastic ideas here.
Posted by lancesrealm on :
I just read the whole thing. The funniest line for me was "spank me till you get the knotty out!"
I just about burst an organ on that one!
I wish we had the "Omega Man Gambit," but oh well.
There is a possibility of some of this stuff being brought up in "Beware the Octopi." Space Tart just showed up there, so nobody's butt is safe...
Posted by Emily Sivana on :
That would be interesting, especially since both Question Lad and Red Arrow are paranoid teens who keep dossier files. :nods:
Posted by Cobalt Kid on :
I actually prefer this one to HSN! Hilarious!
Posted by Eryk Davis Ester on :
Jeepers! I need to re-read this stuff! I totes forgot my career working at the ice cream parlol, before becoming Boy of 1000 Faces!
Posted by lancesrealm on :
Ya know, I remember thinking I would have a little fun with the typo. I had no idea that the whole parlol/parlor/parlo thing was gonna be made into a running joke on nearly every page.
I should have known, I guess, since the "Omega Man is France" thing became a major plot point for HSN.
![[Smile]](smile.gif)
![[Frown]](frown.gif)
![[Big Grin]](biggrin.gif)
![[Yes]](graemlins/nod.gif)