A dank, vermin-overrun basement: the evil megalomaniac studied his files carefully.
He had recordings and notes of EVERY member of the LMB. Their strenghts, weaknesses, flaws, characteristics... ALL were his. He had studied them for YEARS and soon... sooner than soon... very very VERY soon... like, YESTERDAY, soon... he would make his move against them and they would suffer the torments of the damned. And die. There would be lots and lots of dying.
For instance... only HE knew that Lardlad could be destroyed by an injection of OLEAN (c), which prevents fat absorption.
Only HE knew that chopping off Leap Year Lass' hands negated her ability to pull anything out of any sentient's rectum.
Only HE knew that Lash Lad could be pacified with lots of beer and pornography.
And so it would go until EVERY member of the LMB was doomed, deleted, decapitated, destroyed, dead, dead DEAD! the shadowy figure let out an evil chuckle of expectation.
Meanwhile, at the Ice Cream Parlol.....
-------------------- White. A blank page or canvas. His favorite. So... many... possibilities.
From: Birmingham, AL | Registered: Jul 2003
| IP: Logged |
posted
lancesrealm Member August 22, 2002 12:51 PM
...Leap Year Lass and Lardlad were watching the owner change the second 'l' in Parlol to an 'r'.
"Shouldn'ta used 2 guys who spelled their own names wrong on the invoice..." mumbled the proprietor.
Just then a loud noise caused Leap Year Lass to drop to the ground with her hands over her ears. At first she thought Lardlad had farted, but then she saw smoke billowing out of the door of the (now) Ice Cream Parlor. She ran to investigate and discovered...
-------------------- White. A blank page or canvas. His favorite. So... many... possibilities.
From: Birmingham, AL | Registered: Jul 2003
| IP: Logged |
posted
Eryk Davis Ester Member August 22, 2002 01:09 PM
She ran to investigate and discovered the owner of the ice cream parlor yelling at one of his employees.
"Eryk! You are the most incompetent employee I've ever had! I leave you alone for a second to go outside to fix the sign those idiots you hired screwed up, and you destroy my ice-cream machine! You're fired!"
"Eryk!?" Leap Year Lass thought, half-remembering her dream from last night, which got rudely interrupted by her alarm clock. "No it couldn't that guy from that crazy dream in which me and the gals were trying to destroy all the male's nads. But he looks so familiar..."
Just then Lardlad...
-------------------- White. A blank page or canvas. His favorite. So... many... possibilities.
From: Birmingham, AL | Registered: Jul 2003
| IP: Logged |
posted
Faraway Lad Member August 22, 2002 06:23 PM
LardLad had returned to the parlor and was moving from table to table eating left over ice cream and saying to the patrons
"excuse me, but are you finished with that? Do you mind if I......"
It seemed as if Lardlad was trying to eat every ice cream in the Parlol. Which in fact he was.
"Quick Lardy" shouted Leap year Lass running back into the Parlol.
Thats funny she thought as she passed through the door way, I could have sworn that sign had just been fixed.
"Lardy stop eating that Ice cream and help us out here!" she shouted.
"I need to do this Leapy" said Lardlad, Sweat breaking out on his brow as even his gargantuan appetite strugged to contain the vast amounts of food he was consuming. With a sickly grin he forced another portion of Marsberry and banana ripple, with peach sauce and chocolate swirls into his mouth.
"I need to build up as much of the Lard Force as I can contain, I know who is behind this and it is going to take all of the LMBP operating at maximum strength to even have a chance of succes this time around. You see I recognize the disturbance in the force. This time we are facing non other than......................
-------------------- White. A blank page or canvas. His favorite. So... many... possibilities.
From: Birmingham, AL | Registered: Jul 2003
| IP: Logged |
posted
Leap Year Lass Member August 22, 2002 11:30 PM
I'm afraid I'm unavailable, boys.
A dank, vermin-overrun basement: the evil megalomaniac studied his files carefully.
He had recordings and notes of EVERY member of the LMB. Their strenghts, weaknesses, flaws, characteristics... ALL were his. He had studied them for YEARS and soon... sooner than soon... very very VERY soon... like, YESTERDAY, soon... he would make his move against them and they would suffer the torments of the damned. And die. There would be lots and lots of dying.
For instance... only HE knew that Lardlad could be destroyed by an injection of OLEAN (c), which prevents fat absorption.
Only HE knew that Princess Crujectra's illusions could be neutralized with the right combination of doggy and bunny hand shadow puppets.
Only HE knew that Lash Lad could be pacified with lots of beer and pornography.
And so it would go until EVERY member of the LMB was doomed, deleted, decapitated, destroyed, dead, dead DEAD! the shadowy figure let out an evil chuckle of expectation.
Meanwhile, at the Ice Cream Parlol.....
...Princess Crujectra and Lardlad were watching the owner change the second 'l' in Parlol to an 'r'. "Shouldn'ta used 2 guys who spelled their own names wrong on the invoice..." mumbled the proprietor.
Just then a loud noise caused Crujectra to drop to the ground with her hands over her ears. At first she thought Lardlad had farted, but then she saw smoke billowing out of the door of the (now) Ice Cream Parlor. She ran to investigate and discovered...
She ran to investigate and discovered the owner of the ice cream parlor yelling at one of his employees. "Eryk! You are the most incompetent employee I've ever had! I leave you alone for a second to go outside to fix the sign those idiots you hired screwed up, and you destroy my ice-cream machine! You're fired!"
"Eryk!?" Crue thought, half-remembering her dream from last night, which got rudely interrupted by her alarm clock. "No it couldn't that guy from that crazy dream in which the gals were trying to destroy all the male's nads. But he looks so familiar..."
Just then Lardlad...
...remembered that several of the LMB's worst foes had recently escaped imprisonment on Bu'gs'Bu'n'i-8, the prison planetoid. "Gosh, Crue, I hope this isn't the work of Deathlad or Decapitation Damsel or Killer Kid or Murder Lass!"
of course it isn't, Lardy! It's because of this nincompoop former employee!"
"*choke!*" cried Eryk. "Everyone calls me names and no one wants me around!"
"NOT TRUE" whispered a voice in Eryk's mind. "*I* want you around! I have *need* of your unique gifts!" it continued.
"Who ARE you?" Eryk silently asked the voice, as Lardlad and the Princess looked at him pityingly. the voice answered, "I am none other than...." the voice answered, "I am none other than. . . Aw that would be telling!"
Meanwhile:
"Champagne tickles my nose!" bubbled Non-Sequitor
Back at the Ice Cream Parlor. . . LardLad had returned to the parlor and was moving from table to table eating left over ice cream and saying to the patrons "excuse me, but are you finished with that? Do you mind if I......"
It seemed as if Lardlad was trying to eat every ice cream in the Parlol. Which in fact he was.
"Quick Lardy" shouted Crujectra running back into the Parlol.
Thats funny she thought as she passed through the door way, I could have sworn that sign had just been fixed.
"Lardy stop eating that Ice cream and help us out here!" she shouted.
"I need to do this Crue" said Lardlad, Sweat breaking out on his brow as even his gargantuan appetite strugged to contain the vast amounts of food he was consuming. With a sickly grin he forced another portion of Marsberry and banana ripple, with peach sauce and chocolate swirls into his mouth.
"I need to build up as much of the Lard Force as I can contain, I know who is behind this and it is going to take all of the LMBP operating at maximum strength to even have a chance of succes this time around. You see I recognize the disturbance in the force. This time we are facing non other than......................
-------------------- White. A blank page or canvas. His favorite. So... many... possibilities.
From: Birmingham, AL | Registered: Jul 2003
| IP: Logged |
posted
Eryk Davis Ester Member August 22, 2002 11:38 PM
<<<INTERJECTION!!!>>
...But then the whole thing doesn't work. Why would Princess Crujectra have a dream that focuses so much on Leap Year Lass? It has to be one of the main characters in the story, and LYL was the main female lead.
<<>>
-------------------- White. A blank page or canvas. His favorite. So... many... possibilities.
From: Birmingham, AL | Registered: Jul 2003
| IP: Logged |
"Aw, no," Leapy said, "not him again! Isn't he behind, like, every damn plot to destroy us?"
"Well, actually," Lardy said contemplatively, "he never did show up in our last (unfinished) adventure. Unless, he actually created Pornis or something. Guess we'll never know..."
"Hmmm...whatever happened to Pornis, Turns-You-Into-A-Country Kid (!), the Emerald Empress, Lucifer Lass, the one called the one and all those other wacky characters from that adventure?" inquired Leapy.
"Once again...I DON'T KNOW!!!" Lardy yelled. "Our memories have been totally wiped out about what happened! We may NEVER know!"
"Okay, baby," Leapy purred as she caressed his face, "don't worry about it. So how do you know Salad-Tosser Lord's behind the impending DOOM ?"
the sign's the key, darling. Whether it's 'parloL' or 'parloR', you can't spell 'Salad-Tosser Lord' without an 'r' or an 'l'! Otherwise, you'd have: 'Saad-Tosse od'!"
"Baby, you're a genius!" Leapy delighted. "Drop your drawers and let me pull a hot tub outta your ass, so we can get down!"
"Sorry, babe. It'll have to wait. We need to talk to this Eryk Davis Ester guy. I sense a disturbance in the Lardforce around him, and I think he's somehow the key to not only the secret of Salad-Tosser Lord's return, but also to what happened during the last adventure that we can't remember! Leapy, incapacitate Eryk's boss, so we won't have to worry about him interrupting while we interrogate Eryk. Plus, we can steal some ice cream while he's out."
Leapy went over to the boss, pulled a boxing glove arrow out of his ass and knocked him out with it.
"Now, Eryk," Lardy said calmly and touched the other man's face, "your thoughts are mine...my thoughts are yours."
"Lardy?" Leapy asked confused. "Are you doing a mindmeld with him? I mean, isn't yor schtick a 'Star Wars' rip-off? Isn't it kind of a sacrilege to cross that with a 'Star Trek' rip-off?"
"Zip it, Leapy, I'm getting some important info submerged in Eryk's unconsciousness. Omigod!" Then, Lardy spoke in Eryk's voice and said...........
-------------------- White. A blank page or canvas. His favorite. So... many... possibilities.
From: Birmingham, AL | Registered: Jul 2003
| IP: Logged |
posted
Interjection by Kid Prime: Holy hiccups in time, Batman!
Leap Year Lass Member August 23, 2002 12:11 AM
A dank, vermin-overrun basement: the evil megalomaniac studied his files carefully.
He had recordings and notes of EVERY member of the LMB. Their strenghts, weaknesses, flaws, characteristics... ALL were his. He had studied them for YEARS and soon... sooner than soon... very very VERY soon... like, YESTERDAY, soon... he would make his move against them and they would suffer the torments of the damned. And die. There would be lots and lots of dying.
For instance... only HE knew that Lardlad could be destroyed by an injection of OLEAN (c), which prevents fat absorption.
Only HE knew that Princess Crujectra's illusions could be neutralized with the right combination of doggy and bunny hand shadow puppets.
Only HE knew that Lash Lad could be pacified with lots of beer and pornography.
And so it would go until EVERY member of the LMB was doomed, deleted, decapitated, destroyed, dead, dead DEAD! the shadowy figure let out an evil chuckle of expectation.
Meanwhile, at the Ice Cream Parlol.....
I ...Princess Crujectra and Lardlad were watching the owner change the second 'l' in Parlol to an 'r'. "Shouldn'ta used 2 guys who spelled their own names wrong on the invoice..." mumbled the proprietor.
Just then a loud noise caused Crujectra to drop to the ground with her hands over her ears. At first she thought Lardlad had farted, but then she saw smoke billowing out of the door of the (now) Ice Cream Parlor. She ran to investigate and discovered...
She ran to investigate and discovered the owner of the ice cream parlor yelling at one of his employees. "Eryk! You are the most incompetent employee I've ever had! I leave you alone for a second to go outside to fix the sign those idiots you hired screwed up, and you destroy my ice-cream machine! You're fired!"
"Eryk!?" Crue thought, half-remembering her dream from last night, which got rudely interrupted by her alarm clock. "No it couldn't that guy from that crazy dream in which the gals were trying to destroy all the male's nads. But he looks so familiar..."
Just then Lardlad...
...remembered that several of the LMB's worst foes had recently escaped imprisonment on Bu'gs'Bu'n'i-8, the prison planetoid. "Gosh, Leapy, I hope this isn't the work of Deathlad or Decapitation Damsel or Killer Kid or Murder Lass!"
of course it isn't, Lardy! It's because of this nincompoop former employee!"
"*choke!*" cried Eryk. "Everyone calls me names and no one wants me around!"
"NOT TRUE" whispered a voice in Eryk's mind. "*I* want you around! I have *need* of your unique gifts!" it continued.
"Who ARE you?" Eryk silently asked the voice, as Lardlad and the Princess looked at him pityingly. the voice answered, "I am none other than...." the voice answered, "I am none other than. . . Aw that would be telling!"
Meanwhile:
"Champagne tickles my nose!" bubbled Non-Sequitor
Back at the Ice Cream Parlor. . . LardLad had returned to the parlor and was moving from table to table eating left over ice cream and saying to the patrons "excuse me, but are you finished with that? Do you mind if I......"
It seemed as if Lardlad was trying to eat every ice cream in the Parlol. Which in fact he was.
"Quick Lardy" shouted Crujectra running back into the Parlol.
Thats funny she thought as she passed through the door way, I could have sworn that sign had just been fixed.
"Lardy stop eating that Ice cream and help us out here!" she shouted.
"I need to do this Crue" said Lardlad, Sweat breaking out on his brow as even his gargantuan appetite strugged to contain the vast amounts of food he was consuming. With a sickly grin he forced another portion of Marsberry and banana ripple, with peach sauce and chocolate swirls into his mouth.
"I need to build up as much of the Lard Force as I can contain, I know who is behind this and it is going to take all of the LMBP operating at maximum strength to even have a chance of succes this time around. You see I recognize the disturbance in the force. This time we are facing non other than......................
............Salad-Tosser Lord!" "Aw, no," Princess Crujectra said, "not him again! Isn't he behind, like, every damn plot to destroy us?"
"Well, actually," Lardy said contemplatively, "he never did show up in our last (unfinished) adventure. Unless, he actually created Pornis or something. Guess we'll never know..."
"Hmmm...whatever happened to Pornis, Turns-You-Into-A-Country Kid (!), the Emerald Empress, Lucifer Lass, the one called the one and all those other wacky characters from that adventure?" inquired Crue.
"Once again...I DON'T KNOW!!!" Lardy yelled. "Our memories have been totally wiped out about what happened! We may NEVER know!"
"Okay, baby," Crue purred as she caressed his face, "don't worry about it. So how do you know Salad-Tosser Lord's behind the impending DOOM ?"
the sign's the key, darling. Whether it's 'parloL' or 'parloR', you can't spell 'Salad-Tosser Lord' without an 'r' or an 'l'! Otherwise, you'd have: 'Saad-Tosse od'!"
"Baby, you're a genius!" Crue delighted. "Drop your drawers and let me project a hot tub so we can get down!"
"Sorry, babe. It'll have to wait. We need to talk to this Eryk Davis Ester guy. I sense a disturbance in the Lardforce around him, and I think he's somehow the key to not only the secret of Salad-Tosser Lord's return, but also to what happened during the last adventure that we can't remember! Crue, incapacitate Eryk's boss, so we won't have to worry about him interrupting while we interrogate Eryk. Plus, we can steal some ice cream while he's out."
Crue pulled a boxing glove arrow out of her Kate Spade bag and knocked the boss out with it.
"Now, Eryk," Lardy said calmly and touched the other man's face, "your thoughts are mine...my thoughts are yours."
"Lardy?" Crue asked confused. "Are you doing a mindmeld with him? I mean, isn't your schtick a 'Star Wars' rip-off? Isn't it kind of a sacrilege to cross that with a 'Star Trek' rip-off?"
"Zip it, Crue, I'm getting some important info submerged in Eryk's unconsciousness. Omigod!" Then, Lardy spoke in Eryk's voice and said...........
-------------------- White. A blank page or canvas. His favorite. So... many... possibilities.
From: Birmingham, AL | Registered: Jul 2003
| IP: Logged |
...But then the whole thing doesn't work. Why would Princess Crujectra have a dream that focuses so much on Leap Year Lass? It has to be one of the main characters in the story, and LYL was the main female lead.
Well...since we never saw how the story ended, anything could've happened! Maybe Leapy was revealed to have been Crujeckie all along! If Leapy doesn't wanna be in the story, that's her prerogative...
You have the power, Eryk!
<<>>
-------------------- White. A blank page or canvas. His favorite. So... many... possibilities.
From: Birmingham, AL | Registered: Jul 2003
| IP: Logged |
posted
Eryk Davis Ester Member August 23, 2002 12:26 AM
<<>>
But then, does Crujectra have the power to pull things our of people's butts? Or was she just dreaming that she did, because she was dreaming that she was Leap Year Lass?
<>
-------------------- White. A blank page or canvas. His favorite. So... many... possibilities.
From: Birmingham, AL | Registered: Jul 2003
| IP: Logged |
LYL, if you'll kindly rewrite the story again with the ass-extractions back in, I'd appreciate it. I really like the power, and we'll give that one to Crujeckie. 'Kay?
<<>>
-------------------- White. A blank page or canvas. His favorite. So... many... possibilities.
From: Birmingham, AL | Registered: Jul 2003
| IP: Logged |
Eryk, you'll notice that Leapy rewrote the story without the ass-extractions if you read carefully. the power's too much fun to eliminate, though. LYL's character never had that power before I ad-libbed it. Jeckie never had it either, but we can give it o her as Leapy's surrogate.
<<>>
-------------------- White. A blank page or canvas. His favorite. So... many... possibilities.
From: Birmingham, AL | Registered: Jul 2003
| IP: Logged |
Hyperpath: Email this page to someone!
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