posted
For half a heartbeat Kaant stared in disbelief.
And then she screamed. She screamed in a way that only mothers who have just seen their newly born childs head ripped in half could scream. Head back, to the heavens. As if her screams could cauterise the world.
It was a scream that had all of her offspring scrabbling desperately to be born. More heads popped through broken chocolate – some pointy red ruby masks, some fluffy pink bunny eared, all with the same demon-spawn eyes, and desire for flesh.
Numf grabbed at the nearest pair of bunny ears and yanked its body out of the shell.
Harbi bent and picked up some of the egg that lay broken at their feet, and put it in her pocket. Sonnie looked at her questioningly. “Sorry,” she said quietly, “ But I’m a feeling a bit pre-menstrual, and who knows when I’ll next find a shop that sells chocolate?”
Kaant had stopped screaming, and looked at the foursome, wondering which one to eat first. And then she noticed Numf.
Numf held up the baby bunny-dragon by the ears in his left hand, and his raygun in his right, pointed straight at babys head.
“I’d stop right there Kaant if I were you, unless you want baby #2 to go the same way as the first one,” said Numf.
“You basta’ I reave you til last!” screamed Kaant. “You watch me lip your fleinds rimb from rimb first!”
Resisting the temptation to steal lines from Rost In Tlanslation, Harbi tried to calm things down.
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Hundreds of little scrabbling claws made their way across the floor and surrounded our heroes, though none attacked. There was a bond between mother and hell-spawn, and they obeyed her instinctively.
Three ray guns scanned the crowd of baby bunny-dragons, whilst Numf held #2 up as a hostage.
Kaants neck stretched out full length, and the tip of her bony nose touched Numfs.
Kaant snorted. If Numf had had hair it would have been severely ruffled.
“You get out now – the rot of you. But you should know – I kill you all. I catch you, I kill you.”
And so saying Kaant pursed her lips and blew in Numfs face. Just as Numf inhaled. Numf gagged. With the same intensity that a cat throws up a hairball. Kaants rancid dragon halitosis breath had gone deep into his lungs, and he had to try now to clean them out. He quickly handed the fluffy little bunny dragon to Sonnie who took over the offensive pose with his ray gun, and got down on all fours to help with the cleansing. He figured that if it helped his mothers fat cat to get into that position, then it would help him too. However, he had forgotten the heavy dry ice effect that covered the floor. In an attempt to fill his lungs with clean air, Numf took a great big breath, accidentally inhaling the sulphur laden smoke. He quickly stood up again, blowing pale yellow smoke-rings. Obviously disorientated by the whole proceedings.
Kaant laughed. Nastily.
Harbi turned her head sideways to Stacy and whispered in her ear. Stacy handed her ray gun to Harbi, and turned her attention to Numf. Rody had been given a prime location, stuffed nicely in Harbis lycra top, cushioned on both sides. This left Harbi with a hand for each gun. Harbi then turned to Sonnie and whispered in his ear. Stacy took Numfs hand and started to remove his Flight Ring.
But being disorientated, Numf had no idea what was going on, only that someone was stealing his big shiny ring. And Numf didn’t like the idea of anyone getting their hands on his big shiny ring. He was proud of his big shiny ring. So proud in fact that he secretly polished it under the covers in bed every night. To keep it gleaming and bright.
Numf started squirming to get his hand free, and when Stacy grabbed at it again he started slapping with both hands, in a way that you see three-year-old boys fighting.
Stacy stared in disbelief for a second or two, shaking her head. Tempting though it was, she couldn’t deck him one or else he would end up with a couple of hundred baby bunny-dragons pouncing on him.
So she kicked him in the shin.
“OOOOwwwww!” Numf exclaimed, as he tried to hop and slap at the same time. His balance lost, he started toppling, arms spinning to try and keep him on his feet.
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posted
Stacy grabbed Numf by the front of his shirt, pulling out a handful of hairs as she did so. She was keenly aware of Kaant keeping a very close eye on everything. When Numf started to complain about the defoliation of his chest Stacy pulled him towards her and kissed him firmly on the lips. After a moments surprise, Numf kissed back. He may have been surprised, but that didn’t mean that he was complaining at all.
Stacys arms went around Numfs back, and one hand moved up to the back of his head to hold him in place, lest he start hopping again. Stacy started probing with her tongue. Numf relaxed, compliant.
“Jeez, looeeze – gerra room, whydoncha?” said Kaant.
Stacy continued probing. And then relaxed. Numf probed back for a second. He wrapped his arms around Stacys back, and slipped his hands into her back pockets, turning her away from Kaant in the process.
After some further tongue dexterity they separated. Numf had come at least slightly back to his senses. It was obvious that part of him at least was fully back to its senses.
“You need to clean your teeth Numf. Your mouth tastes like you’ve been eating matches,” said Stacy.
Numf took his ray gun and accepted bunny dragon #2 back from Sonnie.
“So, Kannt, are you really going to just let us walk out of here?” Harbi asked, with a large dose of doubt in her voice.
“Closs my heart, hope to die,” said Kaant, clossing her heart with one talon. It was difficult to tell if the smirk on her face was truly evil, or just an effect caused by the fact that her face was made of scales and hard, bony armour. Either way, it wasn’t a smirk to trust.
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posted
At a flick of the head from Kaant the bunny-dragons behind our foursome moved to the side, to create a passage towards the exit. They edged along this passage, keeping a constant eye on the evil babies all around, and the big red mama behind them.
They reached the exit without any problems, Numf taking up the rear, facing backwards to show Kaant that he still had the baby hostage.
As soon as they turned the corner Numf dropped the baby and they all started running. Stacy handed Numf her ray gun as they ran.
The baby screamed for it’s mother. All hell broke out behind them.
“It’s a good thing that you know Morse Code,” said Stacy to Numf as they started ascending the stairs.
“Huh????” came the reply.
“You know – that secret message with the tongues back there….. Wait, don’t tell me, you thought you were just getting a snog, didn’t you!” said Stacy, exasperatedly. “So why did you take off your ring and slip it in my back pocket?”
“I knew you wanted it, and I reckoned that kiss was well worth the price.”
“So you don’t know what the plan is, then?” asked Harbi from in front.
“Umm, running away very quickly?”
“Well, now you mention it, since you’ve given away our hostage I guess that’s about it really,” said Sonnie.
Numf looked back, and quickly wished he hadn’t. Hundreds of small pink / red fluffy / shiny evil hellspawn were rapidly gaining ground on them. Some were running, others bounding, and yet others flying. And in the middle of them was one very pissed off Kaant. The size of her had impeded exit from the birthing cave, so she’d burst her way out, screaming for blood! She totally missed the irony that a dozen of her offspring were obliterated by the flying masonry.
Numf was unable in his terror to make any coherant words, but from the pant-wetting cry he made his companions guessed that they may just be in trouble.
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posted
As they neared the top of the stairs a figure hove into view. Pointing a black plastic arrow down at our heroes. Sonnie was unable to stop. Lego-lass saw her mistake too late, and was unable to get out of the way in time. For the second time that day bits of plastic went flying everywhere.
Sonnie stopped to help, but Harbi grabbed his arm.
“We don’t have time for this – look behind us,” she told him.
Stacy had reached the top of the stairs, closely followed by Numf, who turned and started firing the ray guns at the hoarde on his heels.
He screamed, as much in relief at being able to do something as in fear.
The first mass of furry dragon bunnies died immediately, but the hard shelled babies who took after their mother (ooh look, they’ve got their mothers eyes) faired better. However their siblings bore the brunt of the laser fire that ricocheted from their ruby hides.
“GET OUT OF HERE!” Numf screamed at his brother, best friend and new girlfriend. “I’ll keep them back!”
Instinctively all three turned and ran. Sometimes you’ve got to hold back the baddies for long enough to let the girlies escape. It’s the done thing. Either that or young Numfs brain was still buggered from sniffing sulphur fumes. Lets think nicely of him for a change and give him the benefit of the doubt.
Luckily for Numf the guns had been charged recently. The babies were getting very close now, only a small number of steps away.
Behind him his friends had reached the relative safety of the lift shaft. Sonnie had taken point and led the way in case there were any nasty surprises in store for them. There hadn’t been. They all turned and looked back at him.
“Come on, Numfy!” shouted Harbi. Numfy couldn’t hear her for the sound of exploding fluffies, discharging bolts of intense heat, and the cacophony of squeaks and screams.
He took a step backwards. They were almost at toe-biting range. Which of course meant that they were also within kicking range. Firing all the time. Twin streams of blistering light. Swipe of foot at nearest fluffy.
In much the same way that early bi-planes in the First World War had a real problem with shooting off their own propellers Numf really should have synchronised things a bit better. The tip of his right boot was sliced off, close enough so that his sock caught fire. Some impromptu Highland sword dancing later - without the kilt or swords, so I guess it was just dancing, in fact since it was Numf I guess we can rule out dancing as well – so, some rather intense jumping about later the fire at his toes was out, but there were half a dozen hellspawn clambering up his legs.
Kaant was getting SOOOOOO much closer too. Most of the babies were quick enough to get out of her way.
From: Scatland | Registered: Sep 2003
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posted
No-one had ever explained to Stacy exactly how to make Legion Flight Rings work. However, that didn’t matter to her. She threw herself headlong down the corridor to rescue Numf from the dragon bunnies that were crawling up his body, biting and scratching. If anyone was to bite and scratch their way up Numfs body she was damned sure it was going to be her!
No-one had explained to her that each individual Flight Ring only worked for the person to whom it was allocated. It read the users DNA or some such shit. Psionically linked to the users brainwaves. Some pish like that.
What it meant, however, was that it didn’t work for Stacy.
As she found when she landed face first in the walkway grating. And bounced once before falling in a crumpled heap. It would have done her absolutely no good to know that apart from the DNA issue she would have flown perfectly.
If it hadn’t been for the seriousness of the moment, Sonnie and Harbi would have done themselves severe internal injuries laughing. In fact they both subconsciously planned to do just that as soon as they had a spare moment. It ranked up there alongside Numfys chicken-attempting-to-fly impersonations when he first received his Flight Ring.
“You get her, I’ll get Numf,” said Sonnie, as he launched himself along the walkway.
Harbi raced back to pick up Stacy, as Sonnie broke supersonic speeds along a 50 yard stretch of walkway.
Kaant didn’t want to fry half of her offspring, so she left off breathing fire at Numf. Instead she decided to bite his head off. She had been planning to keep him alive and torture him over the course of a couple of months, but sod that! Sometimes you just have to go with the moment.
Carpe diem.
Or did that have something to do with catching fish today? Whatever.
Kaants neck stretched forward, her head twisting through 90 degrees. She closed her eyes to allow her to concentrate on the taste and sensation of decapitated Numf. She slammed her jaws shut. On cold air.
She opened her eyes again to see Sonnie flying away down the corridor holding Numf by the back of his collar. Dragon bunnies fell from Numfs body and bounced along the walkway.
Ahead of him she could see Harbi and Stacy disappearing through a hole in the lift door, which seemed to be exactly where Sonnie was heading.
Kaant and the dragon bunnies stopped dead in their tracks.
From: Scatland | Registered: Sep 2003
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posted
Harbinger held both of Stacys hands in one of hers. They flew upwards towards the minute pinprick of lights which was still 83 storeys above.
Stacy was still slightly concussed from the fall she’d had just a matter of seconds ago, and hung limply.
Harbi looked beneath her and made out Sonnies shape coming into the lift shaft. There was little in the way of light coming through the hole in the lift door, but Harbi assumed that he had his brother with him, otherwise he would have called after her.
Behind them, Kaant had made up her mind. They weren’t going to get away from her!
She took a deep breath, lifted her head to the ceiling and let out a bellow!!!!!
All of her brood tried to copy her, but being newly hatched it was the equivalent of listening to the shouts at an Under 15 football match, any netball match ever, or the crowd at a McFly concert. All treble and no bass. Not a drop of testosterone amongst the lot of them.
Kaant walked resolutely over to the lift and smashed the door in using her tail. Then she took a deep breath and bellowed again, this time straight up the lift shaft.
Up above the echo chamber effect of the lift shaft created turbulence, buffetting our heroes, slamming them back and fore against the sides of the shaft, slowing them down. Harbi and Stacy escaped the worst, but Sonnie and Numf were flung into the lift doorway alcove at level 79, which stopped their progress completely.
Beneath them Kaant had started flapping her wings. Very quickly she managed to lift off, gaining speed as she gained height. Getting quicker with each flap.
Sonnie had to shake his head to clear it – he’d taken quite a knock when they’d been flung into the alcove.
Numf noticed the great shadowy bulk getting closer, taking up most of the space within the shaft. He instinctively started shooting at her, but the rays that ricocheted upwards held more danger to himself than to her.
She was rapidly gaining on them, and this time she could use her fire without worrying about her babies.
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posted
Kaant flew up to be level with Sonnie and Numf. She figured that it would be better to watch the whole agonising burning to death sequence if at all possible, rather than just plummeting blackened bodies.
She hovered.
Numfy had given up with the ray guns. They were of no use at all in their present predicament.
Sonnie was still kind of groggy.
Kaant inhaled deeply.
“Before you fry us, Kaant, I’d just like to say one thing,” said Numf, matter-of-factly.
Kaant let out her breath. “Warrizzit?”
“You’re sooooo fu-cking u-gly!” Numf said, articulating each syllable.
Kaant laughed briefly. Sharply. “Now you die.” And breathed in deeply again …………….
Suddenly a small white flash from above hit Kaant straight between the eyes. Her head dropped sharply, almost breaking her neck. Her wings stopped flapping, and she plummeted 20 storeys before crashing into the remains of the lift. Oh, and another 27 of her young that had been peering up the shaft to try and find out what was going on.
The small white flash had come to a dead halt. It stood in the air opposite Numf and Sonnie, beaming a great big-toothed grin.
“I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again,” said Numf earnestly. “You’re my hero, Rody.”
Rody gave a mid-air bow, with a flourish of his cape. He stood up straight again. From behind his back he brought forth a Legion Flight Ring, which he passed to Numf.
Harbi had been aware that there had been problems back down the lift shaft, but her main priority had been to get Stacy to safety. Thankfully Rody had been conscious and, although enjoying the ride, more than willing to go to the rescue.
Numf slipped it on his finger.
“Rody, can you take Sonnie?” asked Numf urgently. “He’s had a bang on the head and I don’t know if he can fly at the moment.” Rody looked at Numf quizzically, as if to ask why he couldn’t do it himself. Then shrugged and nodded his head, squeaking in a positive manner. Almost as if the writer had forgotten about the universal transplants that meant that Numf could understand Rodys rat language, and vice versa. Oops.
“Good, ‘cos that means that I can watch your tails.”
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posted
Rody flew upwards, pulling a dazed Sonnie behind him.
Up above Harbi and Stacy had already reached the open doors at the top of the shaft. To their delight Marvin was there waiting for them, hovering just above the ground.
He extended the gangplank for them, however neither of the girls wanted to climb on board until they were sure that the boys were safe.
Seconds passed like hours.
Down below, Rody and Sonnie were making quick progress up the shaft.
Numf was travelling more slowly. Travelling upwards, but looking down.
By the time that Numf had got to the 45th floor Kaant had recovered, and was angrier than a hive full of very angry bees.
She kept her rage to herself, knowing that she would very shortly be able to vent it. On Numf.
“Hey, guys, I’d get a move on if I were you!” shouted Numf up the lift shaft as he heard the deep, rhythmic flapping of Kaants wings starting below him.
Even that rhythmic flapping had a sense of purpose. The lack of any other noise from Kaant scared Numf more than her previous bellowing had.
Numf quickened his pace, passing the 30th floor, trying to time things properly.
20th.
Kaant was gaining. Only 10 floors beneath him now.
9.
8.
That’d be just about perfect.
Numf had set the ray guns to the maximum KILLDESTROYMAIM setting. He let go two volleys from both guns and then accelerated upwards .
“Nyah! Missed me!” came the sneering voice from beneath him, still gaining as Numf accelerated.
“I meant too!” puffed Numf as the exertion took hold. He battled to escape Kaants clutches.
Kaant had barely time to look confused before the volcanic blast, freed by Numfs laser, caught up with her.
The laser had punctured the mantle right above the already swollen high pressure mass of molten magma. It was just what it had been waiting for.
The four initial jets which forced themselves out of the minute holes in the earths crust were travelling at 7 miles a second, and the massive volcanic explosion was not to be too far behind it.
The jets hit Kaant right on the arse.
Deep frying her tail within the hard dragon shell. This sent her careering out of control, ricocheting from side to side up the lift shaft.
Up above, Numf was escaping through the lift doors. He waved his friends aboard as he flew the last few metres to the spaceship. By the time he reached the ship Marvin had started to retract the gangplank and close the doorway. Numf fell inside just as the initial blast of boiling air caused by the shockwaves from the volcano hit the ship.
Thankfully for all concerned, Marvin was an expert at flying his spaceship under all circumstances. He could fly it underwater. He could fly it in outerspace.
He had, in fact, piloted it against attack ships on fire off the shoulder of Orion. He had even watched C-beams glitter in the dark near the Tannhauser gate. Not something that many people could claim to have done.
So, a bit of turbulence caused by an exploding volcano was nothing that he couldn’t handle.
The others, however, felt as if they were in a huge, very hot tumble drier. They were thrown against walls and ceilings and floors, for quite a few seconds - four or five, in fact – before Marvin could fly them free of the hot blast.
They picked themselves off of the floor and went through to the main viewing area, which enabled them to watch the exploding mountain behind them.
They all stood in jaw-dropped awe.
Marvin remained at the helm, but managed to watch it all on CCTV. He knew of a few TV stations that would pay handsomely for these pictures.
The chiropractic, or possibly even pyroclastic, flumes of black smoke filled the air. Spewing ash and glass over what would eventually be thousands of square miles. Rivers of red lava could be seen running slowly, but inexorably, towards El Asticpants from the large crater where the lift shaft had stood until recently.
Slowly but surely the town was engulfed, with the Hilton finally collapsing completely into the lava flow.
And then the smoke completely obscured their view.
posted
oooooh, somehow me thinks that aint the end yet Ken. More, more, more!
B
-------------------- "Tempus Fugitive" the final part of the Adventures of Dream Boy series, set in the Three-Boot Universe. Read it only in the Bits o' Legionnaire Business Forum.
From: here, more often than not | Registered: Sep 2003
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quote:Originally posted by Fat Cramer: [QB] Remind me never to drink coffee when I read Dragons, 'cause I wind up choking or sputtering.... morse code kissing? **snort**
Hooray for Rody! My hero!
Sorry about the coffee FC - hopefully this'll make up for it.
and you've probably noticed, but he's my hero too.
posted
They finally moved away from the window and went to the comfortable living quarters. Stacy went to make them all drinks, while Numf parked his fat lazy arse on the comfy sofa. He squirmed uncomfortably, reaching into his back pocket. “Sitting on a bit of Lego’s not a good idea, is it?” he asked, looking at the piece of green plastic in his hand.
“We never did manage to save Lego-Lass, did we?” asked Sonnie rhetorically. “He looked sad for a few seconds. “Oh well.”
He walked over to where his brother sat. “May I?” he asked, hand out.
“Yeah, okay. But why?” Numf asked.
“I guess I feel kinda guilty. She wasn’t our enemy, but she was still destroyed due to us,” he said.
“Whaddya mean ‘us’? It was you who broke her into thousands of bits. Twice!” said Numf, nevertheless handing over the last surviving piece. Sonnie sighed, and took off for a slow walk around the ship.
“I guess he’s feeling all out of sorts after that knock on the head,” said Numf over his shoulder to Rody, who was sitting on the back of the sofa. “I’m sure he’ll be fine. Thanks for getting him out of there, my friend.”
“Squeak,” said Rody.
Harbi, meantime had gone for a quiet chat with Marvin. “So, did you get everything that I asked you to?” she enquired, quietly, not wishing to be overheard.
Marvin nodded. “And I checked the title deeds and wills as you asked as well,” said Marvin.
“And?” asked Harbi.
“As you suspected it was pretty tangled. Each and every will that I could find in all three lawyers offices are inter-related. Turns out they really were a tight knit community,” Marvin said.
“In what way?” asked Harbi.
“Every will passes all monies and real estates on to someone else who lived within the community. In such a way that it all became a loop,” explained Marvin not very clearly.
“Huh?” asked Harbi.
“Well, no single person would receive the monies from two deaths. And if you follow the trail all the way through then it ends up right at the start again,” explained Marvin.
“Right, so how much is she worth?” asked Harbi.
“One hundred and seventy six billion in adjusted dollars, give or take a few cents. And that’s based on the last noted property values of about five years ago,” said Marvin.
Harbi whistled softly.
“wow “All through LIC?” Harbi asked, fully expecting the nod in reply that she received.
“So, who was due to get the money from her if she should die?” asked Harbi, just to make sure that there wasn’t going to be some kind of problem in the future.
“Someone called Shatner,” replied Marvin.
“Oh good. We saw him killed,” said Harbi, and quickly went on to explain to Marvin.
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posted
Stacy put the tray of drinks down on the table next to Numfy and handed him his drink.
“One tall skinny milk, just like you wanted,” she said, dropping down on to the seat next to him. “I see that your friend Marvin keeps lizards on his ship,” said Stacy conversationally.
“Not that I’m aware of,” said Numfy, looking quizzically at the woman that he’d fallen head over heels in love with. “What makes you say that?” he asked.
“Well, I found this in the galley,” Stacy said, reaching into her pocket and taking out a small black and yellow object about the size of a little finger, wrapped in a piece of kitchen roll.
“What’s that?” Numf asked.
“Well, I’m no expert, but it looks like the tail of a Salamandra salamandra,” answered Stacy.
“Umm, let me guess. A salamander?”
“Well, yes. A Fire salamander to be more precise. Traditional folklore held that salamanders could survive in fire; the term "salamander" actually comes from an Arab term for "lives in fire." The Fire Salamander in particular owes its name to these myths,” replied Stacy.
“Poor bugger, getting it’s tail ripped off,” said Numf.
“Oh, don’t worry about it. It’s a protective instinct. They grow them back eventually,” explained Stacy, who was obviously a lot more of an expert than she had previously let on.
Numf took a large mouthful of his cold milk.
Stacy was quite surprised to see Numf projectile vomit the milk across the room.
But not half as surprised as she was to see the red spearlike tail rip him in half.
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