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Author Topic: LEGION STORIES re-told in all-smiley form MLLASH bite into the all-caps posted                       Time for the next installment of ALL-SMILEY THEATRE: Jimmy Olsen # 76, ELASTIC LAD JIMMY AND HIS LEGION ROMANCES. Now, back then, Jimmy was dating Lucy Lane, Lois' sister, and Lucy was hardly your typical Silver-Age femme. While most silver-age women were presented as scheming, well-meaning and man-hungry, Lucy was more aloof and... well, cunty. The scene opens in Jimmy's bachelor pad... I hope Lucy shows up for dinner soon! Wait 'til she sees this latest style dressing robe I'm wearing! I've gone broke buying all these expensive eats, but it'll be worth it if it makes her like me more. Ah! Someone's knocking on the door! May I say you look ravishing tonight, Lucy my dear? Ha, Ha! What a silly-looking robe! Some idiot with no taste must've given it to you for Christmas! I hope you're enjoying your pheasant! It's only... so-so. I'll never forget the delicious hummingbird the Sultan of Ramnipur had served to me when I visited his palace. It was... scrumptious! Let's watch this TIME-MONITOR the Legion of the distant future gave me! See, I'm tuning in to their clubhouse! A transparent globular craft materialized suddenly! Isn't that ALWAYS the way? Suddenly materializing globular crafts sure are annoying! -------------------- Visit the FULL FRONTAL FANDANGO & laugh along with Lash at http://lashlaugh.wordpress.com/ Registered: Jul 2003  |  IP: Logged |  MLLASH bite into the all-caps posted                       Legionnaires! Jimmy, come with us to the 30th century! It's very important! Bye, Lucy! I guess you'll be stuck here in my apartment because of this snowstorm, but you can amuse yourself by watching the Monitor! Gosh! May I come along, too? Sorry... only Jimmy can come because HE is an honory member of the Legion! So the Legion boys drop Jimmy off at HQ and quickly amscray to handle a "special emergency". I'm willing to bet it involved Silverale and space-strippers. But I digress. There were, however, 3 Legionnaires waiting to greet Jimmy... -------------------- Visit the FULL FRONTAL FANDANGO & laugh along with Lash at http://lashlaugh.wordpress.com/ Registered: Jul 2003  |  IP: Logged |  MLLASH bite into the all-caps posted                       Glad to see you again, Jimmy! We learn that Jimmy, as an honoarary Legionnaire, must take part in Legion activities at least twice a year or lose his membership. So the gals gussy him up in his tacky Elastic Lad outfit, and he pairs up with Luornu to deliver a Venusian Idol to the Astro-Museum, a task that frequently happened in Legion stories. Why is that grotesque figurine worth so much? It's made of one of the rarest metals in the universe. So of course, some dimbulb thief tries to take it FROM THE TWO LEGIONNAIRES (he wasn't very intelligent apparently). Jimmy captures the dude by stretching his hands into a giant maze. The criminal runs around trying to escape until "he's collapsed, exhausted and dazed!" Just like me on the dancefloor! Oh, Jimmy! You're so cute and clever! May I kiss you? Go right ahead, kiss anything you want! -------------------- Visit the FULL FRONTAL FANDANGO & laugh along with Lash at http://lashlaugh.wordpress.com/ Registered: Jul 2003  |  IP: Logged |  MLLASH bite into the all-caps posted                       Next, Jimmy teams up with Ayla for a monorail ride and these two flame-haired friends quickly enter the trouble zone! Lately, there's been a rash of monorail sabatoge cases, and... oh oh! I see TROUBLE ahead! A big section of the rail is missing! Quick, substitute YOURSELF for the rail, Elastic Lad, and leave the rest to me! Then came the line Jimmy uttered that made my boyfriend 12 years ago make fun of the book: Okey-doke, Light Lass! Seriously, he made fun of this line for DAYS. Well, he had no taste... he did date ME for 5 years, you know. Anyhoo, the day is saved by the carrot-topped twosome, and before you know it... You were marvelous, Jimmy! I adore you!! Then she proceeded to try to tie Jimmy's elastic tongue into a pretzel with her own tongue. WOW! First, Triplicate Girl kissed me and now I'm being smooched by Light Lass! These Legion girls are total sluts!! -------------------- Visit the FULL FRONTAL FANDANGO & laugh along with Lash at http://lashlaugh.wordpress.com/ Registered: Jul 2003  |  IP: Logged |  MLLASH bite into the all-caps posted                       Next, Jimmy teams up with Saturn Girl, so you just KNOW there's gonna be fireworks. That spaceship is bringing space-creatures from various worlds to the Earth Zoo. The creatures are running amok! People may get injured! I've ordered them all to halt-- except for that winged beast with the large phallic nose! My thought-control can't get through-- Do something, Jimmy! I'll make my elastic nose expand a few feet and become phallic like the beasts! But what will THAT accomplish? Great Galaxies! You're rubbing noses with the creature, causing it to calm down and become friendly! You're just like a couple of super-Eskimos of space! I can do this with ALL my body parts, you know! -------------------- Visit the FULL FRONTAL FANDANGO & laugh along with Lash at http://lashlaugh.wordpress.com/ Registered: Jul 2003  |  IP: Logged |  MLLASH bite into the all-caps posted                       And, that's all it took to get Imra's attention... OOOoooOOOo, you DOLL, you!! But then the other 2 Legionnaires gals show up, and all heck breaks loose! From the half-splash page that opens the tale, what we always knew about Imra is confirmed: Saturn Girl! Let go of Elastic Lad, you HUSSY! He belongs to ME! I love Jimmy, he's MINE!! Stop fighting over me, girls! Darn it all! Why must I be so irresistibly appealing to beautiful girls? I'm sure your elongated innuendo had nothing to do with it, Olsen. -------------------- Visit the FULL FRONTAL FANDANGO & laugh along with Lash at http://lashlaugh.wordpress.com/ Registered: Jul 2003  |  IP: Logged |  MLLASH bite into the all-caps posted                       So the girls engage in a super-catfight of space for a couple of panels, until Jimmy breaks it up. Eventually, he hops back in the Time-Globe (as it is called in this story) and a tipsy-looking Ultra Boy and Sun Boy take him home. As he departs, the Legion ladies begin laughing hysterically! Ha, Ha! Jimmy Olsen thinks we really fell for him! What a dumbass! Ha, Ha! We pretended to flip over Jimmy because we knew Lucy Lane was treating him like dirt, and she'd see it on the Monitor! After the big build-up we gave him, Lucy will appreciate him more! I hope he carried some spare elastic serum with him just in case he gets lucky! -------------------- Visit the FULL FRONTAL FANDANGO & laugh along with Lash at http://lashlaugh.wordpress.com/ Registered: Jul 2003  |  IP: Logged |  MLLASH bite into the all-caps posted                       DID Jimmy get lucky at long last? Let's find out... Wake up, Lucy! Don't tell me you weren't watching the Monitor! >Yawn!< No, I feel asleep after having sex with the Maintenance Man. The Legion girls were CRAZY about me! They fought over me like wildcats! A likely tale. Stop fibbing about your imaginary romances and order me a taxi. I refuse to remain snowbound with a raving nut! Yep it's easy to see what Freckles saw in Lucy Lane, eh? And, in the 30th century, the Legion gals watch Lucy diss Jimmy... We went to all that trouble for nothing! I can't wait 'til he comes here again soon! Who knows? Maybe NEXT time, we'll fall for him for real! Well, Imra DID have a thing for redheaded guys... THE END -------------------- Visit the FULL FRONTAL FANDANGO & laugh along with Lash at http://lashlaugh.wordpress.com/ Registered: Jul 2003  |  IP: Logged |  Kent Shakespeare Spectacled Legion posted                       BWA-Ha-HA!!! I recently got that issue, so that adds to my appreciation. Well done, senor! From: Vancouver, BC, Canada | Registered: Dec 2003  |  IP: Logged |  Nightcrawler Founder posted                           Hint as to my next request - From: San Diego, CA | Registered: Jul 2003  |  IP: Logged |  MLLASH bite into the all-caps posted                       The Super-Rejects! Lovely work, Gary, and I love the story. Maybe I can do it this week! -------------------- Visit the FULL FRONTAL FANDANGO & laugh along with Lash at http://lashlaugh.wordpress.com/ Registered: Jul 2003  |  IP: Logged |  Eryk Davis Ester Created from the Cosmic Legends of the Universe! posted                       This week would be great! From: Liberty City | Registered: Jul 2003  |  IP: Logged |  MLLASH bite into the all-caps posted                       Friday's good for me. Watch this space!! -------------------- Visit the FULL FRONTAL FANDANGO & laugh along with Lash at http://lashlaugh.wordpress.com/ Registered: Jul 2003  |  IP: Logged |  Future The Present is Past posted                       Excellent! I can't wait! By the way Lash, when you have the free time you should try your hand at an LMB tale with all the graemlins we have of posters already. I know it would indie rock. Registered: Jul 2003  |  IP: Logged |  Eryk Davis Ester Created from the Cosmic Legends of the Universe! posted                       Hot Summmer Nights! From: Liberty City | Registered: Jul 2003  |  IP: Logged |

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