....gave up trying to escape the Time Mouse-Trapper's Mall Maze and instead indulged themselves in a shopping spree!
They drank latte at STARBUCKS, rubbed lingerie against their faces at VICTORIA'S SECRET, tried on shoes at the FOOT LOCKER, flipped through some trade paperbacks at WALDENBOOKS and admired the affordable good taste at KIRKLANDS.
Only the Boy of 1000 Faces wasn't enjoying himself. "STOP IT, you dummies!" he shrieked shrilly. "You're falling completely under the spell of the Mouse-Trapper! I don't know why I'm immune, but since I am it's my duty to try and save us!" His arms flailed about amusingly as he continued to speak. "We have GOT to get out of here and get on with our mission! We can't afford to let the Mouse-Trapper delay us any longer!!!"
His words got a reaction from the mesmerized heroes . the reaction was
-------------------- White. A blank page or canvas. His favorite. So... many... possibilities.
From: Birmingham, AL | Registered: Jul 2003
| IP: Logged |
posted
optimusmagnus Member September 07, 2002 10:57 AM
>His words got a reaction from the mesmerized heroes . the reaction was.....>
"Hey, there's a sale at Penney's!" the mesmerized heroes wandered off toward J.C. Penney's, leaving the Boy of 1000 Faces standing there, his mouth hanging open...
-------------------- White. A blank page or canvas. His favorite. So... many... possibilities.
From: Birmingham, AL | Registered: Jul 2003
| IP: Logged |
posted
Eryk Davis Ester Member September 07, 2002 11:26 AM
"Why will nobody listen to me?" Boy of 1000 Faces thought. "That's it! Maybe Nobody will listen to me!"
So, he went about trying to figure out where Nobody had gotten to. "But," he thought, "how can you locate somebody who is both invisible and intangible? And how does that guy survive if he can't eat? And... oh... I bet he can't wear clothes either, which explains some of that stuff he was whispering to me earlier..."
Just then he heard sobbing coming from a cd store, but couldn't see who was crying. "It must be him!" he thought.
"Nobody! What's the matter!"
Nobody replied...
-------------------- White. A blank page or canvas. His favorite. So... many... possibilities.
From: Birmingham, AL | Registered: Jul 2003
| IP: Logged |
..."this store, and all the other cd stores, are sold out of the Boyz4U cd!"
"Er," Bo1KF said tentatively, "if you're invisible and intangible, how would you be able to play a cd...or pay for one...or..."
"Oh!" Nobody said with a laugh. "Just because I'm invisible and intangible---that doesn't mean I am so 24/7!"
"You're not?"
"Heavens, no! I have to eat and what-not to live! What do you think I am...a ghost?"
"I was just wondering about that sort of thing, actually. So...can you materialize any time you want?"
"No, no...basically, my body automatically materializes when it has to---like when I'm starving or have to poop and stuff. And when I materialize, I'm solid for a short time. How long that is varies. So when I'm solid, I do whatever I can, while I can...including listening to my favorite music!"
"Wow, that's...unusual! So...do you have any insights into what's up with the other LMBers? Do you know why they seem to be under a shopping spell?"
"Yes I do!" Nobody asserted. "They---wait! I'm materializing!"
Boy of 1000 Faces stood agape as the entity known as Nobody became visible and tangible. He couldn't believe his eyes as he saw that Nobody was.......
-------------------- White. A blank page or canvas. His favorite. So... many... possibilities.
From: Birmingham, AL | Registered: Jul 2003
| IP: Logged |
"Well...you see, the LMBers are caught in the spell of the subliminal messages being played through the Muzak system that urges them to shop 'til they drop!"
"But why aren't we affected?" Bo1KF asked.
"We are, but only to a small degree. Since we are essentially the same person we both share a genetic defect: our consumer gene is a little malformed."
"Oh. So what do we do?"
"Isn't it obvious? We need to disarm the Muzak system?"
"How do we do that?"
"Cut the yellow wire to the system!"
So Nobody/Mini-EDE found the Muzak system, pummeling several armed guards in the process.
Boy of 1000 Faces cut the yellow wire. Nobody then informed him to cut the red wire as well. Cutting that, he said, would disarm Time Mouse Trapper's mall maze.
So eventually, the team made their way to the LMB cruiser. As they took off, they found a message from Lardlad: "We've unexpectedly found our way to the one's lair and have seen no trace of your team here. If you get this message, proceed to the coordinates of Pornis's base instead. We'll meet you there after we rescue Captain Lightbulb. Lardlad out."
So Bo1KF gave the order, and his team headed for those coordinates. Meanwhile, the team at the one's base..........
-------------------- White. A blank page or canvas. His favorite. So... many... possibilities.
From: Birmingham, AL | Registered: Jul 2003
| IP: Logged |
...casting an enormous bed which appeared and crashed through the ceiling of her cell. Unfortunately, the impact left her an amnesiac. So Lucifer Lass now thought she was........
-------------------- White. A blank page or canvas. His favorite. So... many... possibilities.
From: Birmingham, AL | Registered: Jul 2003
| IP: Logged |
posted
Eryk Davis Ester Member September 11, 2002 07:58 AM
...Eryk Davis Ester, pretending to be Lucifer Lass, after taking profem! In this confused state, she whisked herself to the lair of the One called the One. the assorted heroes who were supposed to be keeping her prisoner did not notice any of this, because they were distracted by...
-------------------- White. A blank page or canvas. His favorite. So... many... possibilities.
From: Birmingham, AL | Registered: Jul 2003
| IP: Logged |
posted
Quislet Member September 14, 2002 04:07 PM the assorted heroes who were supposed to be keeping her prisoner did not notice any of this, because they were distracted by the appearance of the one called the One.
"I see that my alterations have taken effect!" cackled the one called the One.
(handy dandy current sexual orientation flashback: Space Tart: lesbian with some heterosexual leanings (formerly heterosexual w/lesbian leanings); Robotwoman: lesbian (formerly heterosexual); Antler Lass: lesbian (get the picture?); Dormant Damsel: unknown (she can't tell us since she's still dormant!); the Flasher: prude (formerly pervert); Dopple-Lardlad: gay (formerly straight) end flashback)
Confidently the haughty villianess strode towards the confused heroes on Lardlad's enormous bed. Caressing a blushing the Flasher, the One said "I particularly like how you came out my dear."
"Not so fast honey chile!" Robotwoman launched herself at the one called the One. CRASH!!!!! Robotwoman smashed the one called the One into the wall, tearing Lardlad's poster of Elle McPherson. "I'd be pissed if I wasn't gay." Dopple-Lardlad confided to Space Tart. "Don't worry." exclaimed Antler Lass "Robotwoman has robotic strength and should easily subdue this base villian. But that was not to be. Robotwoman and the one called the One wrestled and grappled and rolled around on the floor of Lardlad's bedroom. Hair was pulled and costume became torn. Antler Lass and Space Tart looked on. "This cat fight is getting me hot" confessed Space Tart. "Me too!" murmured Antler Lass. Antler Lass & Space Tart were hypnotized by the struggle which seemed to be becoming less of a struggle and more of a consentual thing.
Dopple-Lardlad also watched Robotwoman and the one called the One as they struggled, waiting for the opportunity to use his powers to aid his comrades. Suddenly he was pulled from behind. "You've got to get me out of here." pleaded the Flasher. "My nerves can't take much more of this!" "Hold on the Flasher! Our friends need us!" "NO! you have to port me out of here. Do it! Do it now or.. or.. I'll expose myself to you!" Noticing the sudden bulge in Dopple-Lardlad's tights, the Flasher quickly changed his tune. "Get me out of here now and I'll let you see my power in action!" Dopple-Lardlad could not resist the offer and so grabbed three Three Musketeers bars from Lardlad's nightstand. Skarfing them down, Dopple-Lardlad grabbed hold of the Flasher and teleported to a cozy little bed and breakfast he had heard about.
Thus only Dormant Damsel was left to confront the menacing figure now in the door. What could the Lass of Latency do against...
-------------------- White. A blank page or canvas. His favorite. So... many... possibilities.
From: Birmingham, AL | Registered: Jul 2003
| IP: Logged |
Previously thought to be an urban legend, COMA LAD is all-too-real! Many are the tales of his victories against the forces of eeeeevil! Like the time a mugger tripped over his comatose body and bashed his brains out on the sidewalk! Coma Lad had saved the day! Y'see, Coma Lad is teleported by mysterious, eerie forces to wherever his comatose might is needed!
He crashed through the door and then fell into a heap on the floor beside Dormant Damsel.
Though both heroes were in comas, and unable to smile, it seemed as if a tinge of delight lit up their immoblie faces.
Meanwhile, the distinct scent of sex was coming from.....
-------------------- White. A blank page or canvas. His favorite. So... many... possibilities.
From: Birmingham, AL | Registered: Jul 2003
| IP: Logged |
.. the dank, vermin-overrun basement of the mysterious villain whose identity we don't know.
As it turns out, his secret power is to create massive explosions through sexual arousal.
Pluto, Neptune and Uranus were first to go. the rest of the planets quickly followed, and the entire universe was destroyed, bringing to a close this latest misadventure of the LMBP and their new allies, the Light Brigade.
(I love a happy ending!)
-------------------- White. A blank page or canvas. His favorite. So... many... possibilities.
From: Birmingham, AL | Registered: Jul 2003
| IP: Logged |
posted
Eryk Davis Ester Member September 16, 2002 08:47 PM
...And yet, Captain Lightbulb's thingie in his speedos saved him and the rest of the LMBers in the dungeon of the One from destruction in this universe destroying event. Strangely, Boy of 1000 Faces was also teleported to the dungeon at this time, as a result of his own immunity to retcons/universe-destroying events.
"What happened?" Boy of 1000 Faces asks.
"My friends, your universe has just been destroyed by my arch-enemy, Zoren Bates, Master of the Universal Destruction Force!" Captain Lightbulb says. "A few months ago, I fled my own universe to this one, as Master Bates used his power to destroy it! Now, I am afraid he has done the same to yours, and you have been saved only by the intervention of my speedos!"
"Our universe is destroyed! That sucks!" says Lash Lad.
"How does this Master Bates fellow's power work?" Boy of 1000 Faces asks.
"Well, he has to feed off his own sexual energy, but it's better not to get into specifics, lest Censor Lad wipe out this little pocket of reality we've managed to maintain!"
"Wait a minute... Why am I here?" Bo1KF asks.
"I'm not sure. For some reason you also possess immunity to retconning and universe destroying events. I have my suspicions that it relates to your true origins..."
"My true origins?" Eryk asks.
"Yes, you see... you are really the cloned offspring of the original Eryk Davis Ester, the manservant of Lord Bates. You see, my arch-enemy seeks the secret of immortality, and in part of his mad quest to discover such secrets, he has experimented on his manservant by creating numerous versions of him. Lucifer Lass, Esther Rolle, Potty-Mouth Master, Nobody, and numerous other are variations on the same basic gene-type."
"Why is that bastard seeking the secret of immortality! What does he want to do, live forever?" asks Lardlad.
"No, he seeks to end his life," Captain Lightbulb says. "He destroys universes over and over in his vain attempts at suicide, but is never successful! He then moves on to the next universe, and, after giving himself a certain amount of time to recuperate, destroys it all over again!"
"That sucks!" Lash Lad says.
But unknown to all of them, Captain Lightbulb's universe had not been destroyed, but saved by the sacrifice of Universe-Restorer Lass. By complete coincidence, her universe-restoring energy slipped through the barrier between alternate dimensions at just that moment, and restored the universe to normal. One side effect of this was to normalize everyone's sexual orientation. Another side-effect of this whole sequence was that Boy of 1000 Faces was now trapped with the others in the dungeon of the One.
Meanwhile, the team formerly led by Boy of 1000 Faces...
-------------------- White. A blank page or canvas. His favorite. So... many... possibilities.
From: Birmingham, AL | Registered: Jul 2003
| IP: Logged |
Hyperpath: Email this page to someone!
Printer-friendly view of this topic | Subscribe To Topic
