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136. Explain to your wife that, no, you do not need any deoderant when she does groceries this week because, being the planetary champion of Xanthu, you have no armpits.
137. Explain to your wife that, no you are not going grey, you've actually just stared into the visage of the evil lord Darkseid, and boy were you scared shitless.
138. Spend time trying to convince your wife that buying a local silo, moving it onto your property, painting it yellow, and welding giant red rocket fins onto it, would actually be a good idea.
139. Convince your wife that your Legion flight ring would actually allow you to fly if only she would let you buy three more, you know, because of your giant Dryadian mass and all.
140. Yell out to your wife that you're in "The Time Cube" and that you will come out when you've completed your mission, or when you finish the Sunday paper, whichever comes first.
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141. Try not to grin like a goofball and wonder what the heck "frunt" is everytime somebody makes a toast.
142. Try not to get pissed off at the people on eBay who keep outbidding you for Adventure Comics 191 and 195, because they probably have no idea what a "twice-told-tale" is and so, couldn't possibly know that you deserve these books far more than they do.
143. Try to resist the urge to ask at every 7-11 if maybe, just maybe, they might have a case of old slurpee cups tucked away somewhere in the back storage room.
144. Try not to get mad at your co-workers when they pose the male Legion action figures on your desk into pairings of which a just a rightous God would most surely disapprove.
145. Try and get over your ridiculous obsession with the number "247."
147. Go joyriding and get eaten by a space dragon.
148. Try and get yourself retconned into being the much cooler space dragon even though, deep down, you know that all you'll ever really be is a whale with teeny tiny little space wings.
149. Actually sit in one place for 20 minutes, absolutly wracking your brain, before finally shrugging and saying, out loud even, "gee you'd think that with 45 years of stories, in multiple continuities, I would really be able to come up with more references to space dragons."
150. Go into the other room and wake up your wife. Ask her is she remembers any other references to space dragons. Then dodge. QUICKLY!!
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151. Every time you hit a rock while rototilling the garden, say a silent prayer that they are not just hibernating.
152. Write a grand, sweeping epic, fan fiction trilogy based on the secret history of False Pretenses Lad. Post it to usenet.
153. Go to the comic book store and start an arguement with younger fans based on the precept that "in our day we didn't need no sticking metagene."
154. Wrap your entire body in saran wrap just becasue you want to get a sense for what wearing a transuit must feel like.
155. Go to any comic convention and ask for copies of "that damn tabloid." Snort derisivlely at any dealer who does not immediatly display signs of recognizing what you are asking for.
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156. Pour over your copies of The Omen & Prophet saga, trying to work out the exact panel at which Keith Giffen's brain got kidnapped by aliens.
157. Take your entire Legion collection and count the number of times one Legionniare kissed another on panel so that you can start a message board thread declaring who the biggest Legion slut is.
158. Count the number of panels each Legionnaire appears in, in each comic, so that you can create a giant wall graph proving who the most popular character was year-by-year.
159. Count the number of times "the most told origin in comics" has actually been told.
160. Make a list of every planet to have been named in the Legion's long history. Get a star chart and try to work out where the hell all these places must be.
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161. Join a club, participate in 2 adventures and then vanish for years. Turn back up for another adventure and then be promptly banished to another dimension for nearly a decade, all while wearing elf-boots.
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162. Try and pull off the angry black man routine while wearing elf-boots. Wonder why no one seems to take you seriously.
From: Sumner, ME | Registered: Jul 2003
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163. Wait an appropriate period of time after your club has been rebooted in order for elf-boots to come back in fashion. Re-apply.
From: Sumner, ME | Registered: Jul 2003
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164. Take you entire inventory of elf-boots to Apokolypse. Unload them quickly by convincing the para-demons there that "no, no, it's a good look for you..."
From: Sumner, ME | Registered: Jul 2003
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166. Force your girlfriend to wear fake wings, then set yourself on fire.
167. Jump into a large vat of fertilizer, then try to coax your plants into growing.
168. Grab your annoying little cousin, shove him into a rocket and never mention his name again.
169. Write an article for your school paper denouncing all the other clubs as teenage death squads. React with surprise if anyone actually takes you seriously.
170. Cut your arms off, but change nothing else about your appearance. See if anyone still recognizes you.
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171. Go around looking for people with green eyes. Beg them not to turn you into an animal.
172. Insult your father's best employee, then wander into the factory's energy source.
173. For the guys: Tell everyone you're hung like a horse and get the most stunning girl in the neighborhood. Don't listen to anyone who tells you she's been sleeping around; heck, everyone knows they're just jealous, after all.
174. Enlist in the navy and go on five missions, one after the other. Take control of the ship and force everybody else into the life boats, while steering the ship towards the nearest whirlpool.
175. Invite everybody you've met at least once to your wedding, and watch as only four guests rush to help the bride while she is being carried off by a giant bird. Then wait patiently in the corner while everybody else decides what to do without even bothering to ask your opinion.
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181. Urge congress to pass a law declaring that everyone over a certain weight must be arrested at once. Target tourists and foreigners.
182. Go around sprinkling dust on people and tell them that the next day, they will change genders.
183. Practice sneezing really really hard to see if you can bounce off the floor.
184. Apply for the Secret Service, saying that your abiity to eat rope is useful since you will be able to free yourself from anything.
185. Change your name to a girl's name ending in "a" and join a club as a senior adviser. Never show up for a single meeting, then sneak in years later and ransack the member files.
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